CNBC make it 2024-03-24 02:00:52


Venting won’t help, new study shows—this is the No. 1 way to manage your anger

After a frustrating day at work or fight with your significant other, calling a friend to complain might seem like a good idea. 

Venting won’t help you manage your anger, though, according to a recent paper published in Clinical Psychology Review

Researchers studied how effective arousal-increasing activities, like venting or running, and arousal-decreasing activities, like meditation or yoga, are at calming a person down. 

They analyzed 154 studies involving more than 10,000 participants and found that arousal-decreasing activities were better at helping a person manage their anger. 

Next time you want to unload your problems on a friend, take a beat and consider meditating instead. 

Where am I placing my attention?

If you’ve never meditated before, it can be hard to know if you’re practicing in a way that will prove beneficial.

Jade Weston, a senior meditation producer at Ten Percent Happier who has been meditating for 15 years, offered CNBC Make It three guiding questions you can ask yourself while practicing:

  • Where am I placing my attention? Take note of where your mind wanders and try to refocus it on your breath. 
  • How am I feeling right now? Think about what mood you’re in. Don’t try to change it, just take stock of how you’re feeling.
  • What is my intention? Remind yourself why you wanted to pursue meditation. This can motivate you to continue.

Answering these questions can help you feel more present in the moment. 

’15 to 20 minutes will give you just the changes that you need’

You don’t have to meditate for a long time in order to see positive results, Vishen Lakhiani, a meditation expert and CEO of Mindvalley told CNBC Make It

Lakhiani recommends meditating for no more than 20 minutes a day. But, sometimes, you only need one minute to reset. 

“For most people, 15 to 20 minutes will give you just the changes that you need,” he said. “You can take a one- to three-minute dip into peacefulness, and you can see remarkable results.”

A few minutes of silence could help lower your frustration levels, more so than ranting to a relative.

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Mega Millions jackpot is nearly $1 billion—these 8 states don’t tax your winnings

After weeks without a winner, the Mega Millions jackpot is now $977 million — the sixth largest in the 22-year history of the game.

But the winnings you’d take home could vary by as much as $106 million depending on where you bought your ticket, due to state taxes.

Federal taxes are the same for everyone. Winnings are taxed 24% upfront, although the total tax bill will almost certainly be 37% when you actually file, since you’ll likely be in the highest tax bracket.

In contrast, taxes on lottery winnings vary widely between U.S. states. They typically range from 3% to 6%, but go up to 10.9% in New York — the most charged by any state participating in the lottery.

However, eight states don’t levy taxes on lottery winnings at all:

  • California
  • Florida
  • New Hampshire
  • South Dakota
  • Tennessee
  • Texas
  • Washington 
  • Wyoming

If you live in any of these states, you will take home the highest payout possible. That means either $294,251,812 as a cash lump sum or a 30-year annuity totaling $616,764,360, according to usamega.com.

The lump sum payout in these states is $50.2 million more in than in New York, the most-taxed state.

Where you buy the ticket matters, too, as a winning ticket bought outside your home state could trigger taxes for the state in which the ticket was purchased. Generally speaking, your home state will require you to report out-of-state winnings, but will offer a credit or deduction for taxes already paid to a non-resident state.

That means if you live in California, but purchase a winning ticket in Oregon — which has state tax of 8% on jackpot winnings — your take-home amount would be worth about $46 million less than if you had purchased the ticket at home in California, which doesn’t charge state taxes on jackpots.

If you do happen to win the jackpot, consider hiring a tax professional. They can help you navigate the tax implications, including the best choice of payout and whether you owe out-of-state taxes.

The next Mega Millions drawing is scheduled for Friday, March 22 at 11 p.m. ET.

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I spent 5 years interviewing 233 millionaires—here are 5 things they never waste money on

I spent five years studying 233 millionaires to learn about their habits and the way they think.

They came from different backgrounds and experiences, but all had at least $160,000 in annual gross income and $3.2 million in net assets.

I was particularly interested in what they spend their money on. But almost everyone told me that what contributed more to their wealth was that they stopped wasting money on certain things:

1. Processed and packaged food

To prioritize their health, they stopped buying low-quality, processed food and instead opted for organic or wholesome foods that did not have preservatives. 

They often sought out products that could be sourced to their place of origin, and frequented farmers’ markets and grocery stories that were known for high quality produce and meat.

2. Cheaply made products 

They refused to drop money on the latest fashion trends, or inexpensive and poorly constructed furniture. Instead, many preferred to invest in timeless quality pieces for their wardrobe and home that were built to last.

Often, the cost was two to three times more than the low quality clothing and furniture. But they were comfortable making bigger purchases, because it would still be less expensive than constantly replacing cheap craftsmanship.

3. Major home or car repairs

In the same vein, many of the millionaires told me that given the option, they preferred to spend money on completely replacing things like old roofs, washing machines, dishwashers, refrigerators, furnaces, and even vehicles, rather than putting their hard-earned funds towards expensive repairs. 

While this was often more costly, they rationalized that something new would last far longer than something repaired, which gave them priceless peace of mind. 

4. Outdoor tools and equipment 

While some still enjoyed doing outdoor work, like mowing their lawn, weeding, landscaping and trimming, the vast majority — once they got wealthy — hired landscapers to take care of all outdoor upkeep. 

This meant they no longer spent money repairing or replacing old equipment. Many gave their tools away to family and friends. 

What they were buying was time. Since they no longer needed to carve out an hour of two every week or month to maintain their property, it gave them more time to rest, relax or engage in recreational activities. 

5. Lottery tickets 

Many of the millionaires eschewed gambling as they were building their wealth, and that common sense extended into their new financial lives.

They shared that after they got rich, they refused to spend money on lottery tickets, and would encourage their employees, family and friends to do the same.

Since the likelihood of winning any lottery is slim, they saw it as a waste of money. Instead, it was better to put those funds towards memorable experiences.

Tom Corley is an accountant, financial planner and author of “Rich Kids: How to Raise Our Children to Be Happy and Successful in Life”, “Effort-Less Wealth”, “Change Your Habits Change Your Life”, “Rich Habits Poor Habits” and “Rich Habits: The Daily Success Habits of Wealthy Individuals.”

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The No. 1 technique to help in tough moments with kids of any age, from child psychologists

One of our key jobs as parents is to teach instead of punish, even when our children are pushing back, melting down, or otherwise being “difficult.” We know it’s hard: We’ve been there plenty of times as moms ourselves. Still, we’re here to guide our children in a compassionate way through difficult moments at all stages of development.

Sometimes, when emotions are high — when we feel like a young child is being impulsive and destructive, for example, or when a teenager turns everything into a battle — we need guidance to steer us in the right direction, so that we can help our kids learn instead of shutting them down.

As child psychologists, we’ve developed an acronym that can assist us all through this process, regardless of our child’s age: H.E.L.P.

  • Halt
  • Empathy
  • Limits
  • Proximity

Here’s how to use it during difficult parenting moments: 

H is for Halt

Let’s say your child is hitting their sibling with a toy or has just missed curfew. Whatever their action, before you react, it’s smart to stop and ask yourself: Where is their behavior coming from?

We truly believe that no child wants to be “bad.” Why would anyone want to fail and disappoint a person who means the world to them?

Children generally want to make us happy, and they want to succeed. But there are biological limitations working against them. An underdeveloped thinking brain, an overactive emotional brain, and a lack of perspective leads to chaos and poor decision-making. An immature brain produces immature behavior.

A child is not their behavior. Though our anxiety can interfere with our ability to see it, their behavior is a form of communication a parent is meant to decode — reflecting a need that’s unmet or a skill they’ve yet to learn.

Children often convey their struggles through “misbehavior” or meltdowns, and deal with discomfort and stress through tantrums and crying. Their “bad” behavior could mean, for example, that they’re: 

  • Hungry
  • Tired
  • Overstimulated
  • Feeling unwanted, rejected, inadequate, sad, scared, lonely, angry, or ignored
  • Confused about expectations
  • Needing more freedom or time outdoors
  • Needing a limit set
  • Seeking connection
  • Getting sick
  • Stressed about school
  • Getting too much screen time
  • Not getting enough play or movement
  • Not eating a balanced diet
  • Struggling with a transition

It’s our job as the adults to see through the behavior to the heart of the issue.

Still, it can be hard not be reactive in the moment and resort to unhealthy scripts we may have learned through our own past experiences. We may have been taught to hide our tears to avoid shame, for example, or to lash out with anger when we felt scared to protect ourselves.

Ask yourself: Is my reaction about my emotional baggage? Meaning, “I can’t stand my child’s crying because my parents didn’t allow me to cry and it overwhelms me”? Or is my reaction a reasonable response to my child’s behavior, like if my child yelled “I hate you,” and my feelings are hurt? 

Self-awareness can save us from falling into old patterns we adopted from our own family of origin and allow us to act from a place of compassion and intention.

In the case of older children, we have some critical lessons to teach and our own reactivity might get in the way. So we may take an entire day or sleep on it before moving on to E, L, and P.

E is for Empathy

This is all about ensuring our children feel safe, seen, and heard before we get into limit setting, teaching, or problem-solving. Empathy means seeing their world as they see it and believing them when they show you how they feel. 

Let’s break it down:

  • Welcome their feelings. Lean in, get on their level, and make eye contact. 
  • Acknowledge and validate their feelings. With a soft tone, say, “I can see you’re feeling so …” “You must be feeling so …” or “You’re so ____ with me right now.”
  • Really listen. Summarize and/or paraphrase (e.g., “So what I’m hearing you say is your friends ignored you all day, and you felt really lonely”) and clarify if needed (“So no one talked to you at lunch and you felt really sad, am I understanding you correctly?”).
  • Don’t judge. Feelings are neither good nor bad. And while behavior may not be acceptable, our children’s feelings always are.
  • Don’t try to fix it. Allow for the crying, screaming, or verbal unloading. It’s about our children being seen and heard, not fixing the behavior or problem.
  • Say less. Talking too much overwhelms kids. This is more about our presence.
  • Regulate your own emotions. Breathe and take a moment, or several, to compose and ground yourself. Ask yourself if your reaction is about you or your child. 

L is for Limits

One Thanksgiving, I had my entire extended family over for the holidays. There were at least 20 people in my home. The night before Thanksgiving, we ordered Chinese food. My son, who is normally relaxed at meals, refused to sit down or eat his food. In agitation, he threw his fork across the table and screamed, “I’m not eating this!”

My goal in the moment was to draw boundaries, create structure, and teach more appropriate behavior. I used simple statements that employ as few words as possible as I worked to: 

  • Validate my child’s emotion
  • Convey that his behavior was not acceptable
  • Offer alternatives

It came out something like this: “I can see you’re so frustrated right now, you don’t want to eat your dinner. But you may not throw things when you’re upset. You may tell us that you’re frustrated or take a quick walk and come back.”

In the case of my son at Thanksgiving, he exploded into tears when I set a limit. But that didn’t mean the limit was wrong. I realized he needed quiet and connection from me first — in other words, empathy and proximity.

P is for Proximity

Often our children negotiate, plead, or bargain with us to get us to change the limits. When they realize our answer is still the same (e.g., “honey, I still have a ‘no’ in me”), they get upset. 

You might be tempted to walk away because you’re overwhelmed by their response or feel like you’re being permissive indulging their drama. But this emotional processing is completely healthy and normal. For our children to become successful at self-regulating, we first have to co-regulate them. 

To help calm our children, we need to stay close. Look for the moment when their anger or frustration shifts into sadness. This is the golden moment of connection we don’t want to miss. It’s the key to children learning they can be vulnerable and show their authentic self.

Whether we’re parked on the floor, sitting at the kitchen table, or cuddled up on the couch, we should never underestimate the power our physical presence holds.

Tammy Schamuhn is a Registered Psychologist and Registered Play Therapist Supervisor, and the cofounder and director of the Institute of Child Psychology. She’s worked in private practice for over a decade, primarily with children and their families, and supervises master’s-level students. She is the coauthor of ”The Parenting Handbook: Your Guide to Raising Resilient Children.”

Tania Johnson is a Registered Psychologist, Registered Play Therapist, and cofounder and director of the Institute of Child Psychology. In her private practice, Tania specializes in parent consults, and works primarily from the perspective of attachment theory. She is the coauthor of ”The Parenting Handbook: Your Guide to Raising Resilient Children.”

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This is an adapted excerpt from ”The Parenting Handbook: Your Guide to Raising Resilient Children,” Copyright (c) 2024, Tania Johnson and Tammy Schamuhn. Reproduced by permission of Barlow Book Publishing Inc. All rights reserved.

Don’t use these phrases in a job interview, they are ‘major red flags,’ says ex-Google recruiter

There are several tactics you can employ to impress a prospective employer during a job interview.

Tell your interviewer what excites you about the role, for example. This shows you’re a passionate person who is genuinely interested in the opportunity. Ask what problem you can solve for them on day one to start setting yourself up for success if you get hired. Nod and smile while the interviewer is speaking to show you’re confident and capable.

There are, of course, a few behaviors you’ll want to avoid, such as phrases that could turn your interviewer off. Some are “major red flags,” says Nolan Church, former recruiter at Google and CEO of salary data company FairComp.

Here’s what Church advises jobseekers to avoid saying.

‘I work too hard’ or ‘I’m a perfectionist’

To begin with, when an interviewer asks what you can improve on, don’t use phrases that make it sound like you think you have nothing to learn. These can be phrases like “I work too hard” or “I’m a perfectionist,” says Church. They’re framed as character flaws when, really, they’re compliments.

DON’T MISS: The ultimate guide to acing your interview and landing your dream job

When you do, the perception is that “you are full of s—,” he says. “You are inauthentic.” They could think you’re either not being honest about who you are as a person or you genuinely think you can’t get better as a worker.

Remember, “I’m not hiring you to be perfect,” he says. “I’m hiring you to grow with us.” Instead of these empty phrases, Church recommends giving an example of a mistake you made, what you learned from it and how you improved going forward.

‘Anything that transfers blame’ is a turn off

Don’t say anything negative about people you’ve worked with.

Whether it’s a former colleague, manager or company, “anything that transfers blame from you to someone else” sounds bad, says Church.

“The people you want to work with take full ownership and accountability” of what they’ve done in the past, he says, even if you messed up. Taking responsibility indicates you’re humble enough to admit you’re not perfect and that you’re willing to learn from your mistakes and get better.

“You want to work with people who have the self-awareness to know when they were wrong and to update their own mental models to fix it,” he says.

‘I don’t know’

Finally, avoid answering questions with “I don’t know.”

When he hears that, Church thinks, “okay, so, like, conversation’s over? You’re not going to solve these problems?” he says.

Especially as it pertains to young people just starting their careers, it’s possible you don’t have a lot experience or anecdotes to draw from and give concrete examples of what you’ve been able to accomplish. In those scenarios, “it’s okay to say, ‘I don’t know, but here’s how I’d figure it out,’” he says. Give some examples of how you’d tackle the problem hypothetically to show you’d be proactive in moving forward.

Ultimately, if you get the job, “we’re paying you to go solve this problem” they’re presenting, he says. Even in the interview, you’ll have to prove that you can do that.

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