Any good psychotherapist will tell you that there are pretty much no rules for how a person should behave in a relationship. Successful partnerships can take many forms, and a person’s cultural background, childhood, and past relationships all play into their actions and attachment style.

There is one piece of guidance that is non-negotiable for any couple, though: you need to overcommunicate.

This doesn’t mean say everything that comes to mind. But therapists have found that couples who clearly express their appreciation and empathy for one another have longer lasting unions.

Amy Morin, a psychotherapist and author of “13 Things Mentally Strong Couples Don’t Do,” told CNBC Make It she has identified specific phrases that those in healthy partnerships tend to use.

“If you and your partner regularly use these phrases, it’s a sign that you’re already a mentally strong couple,” she says. “And if you don’t yet, you can start implementing them and find that you’ll grow stronger both individually and as a unit.”

Here are six phrases successful couples use, according to relationships therapists.

Withholding potentially hurtful information from your partner isn’t healthy. Even if you believe it will make them uncomfortable, it’s best to address any concerns you have. Just be sure to do it in a tactful way.

Pre-empting news like “I felt uncomfortable when you told your mother about our private business,” with a phrases noting that this information will be upsetting can demonstrate empathy.

“Acknowledging your mistakes and being honest about your needs can help you grow stronger together,” Morin says.

To find out what makes love last, clinical psychologists and researchers John and Julie Gottman interviewed more than 3,000 couples and followed some for as long as 20 years. There is no formula for solving conflict, but some conversations are more fruitful than others.

“Your mission is to allow yourself to be vulnerable — to turn attack and defend into self-disclosure and openness,” they wrote for CNBC Make It.

Saying “Can I have a hug?” or “I need your support right now” can signal to your partner that you are being flooded with emotions and need to take a moment.

Just because you might not feel the same way as your partner doesn’t mean you can’t validate their emotions. Saying, “It’s understandable you feel that way,” can be reassuring and show you have empathy, Morin says.

There will be times when you want to meet your partner halfway or at least validate what they are saying. The Gottmans call these “getting to yes” phrases.

By saying “Let’s compromise here,” or “I think your point of view makes sense,” you’re showing that you’re listening to your partner, not just trying to establish your point.

Owning up to what role you played in a conflict is essential for mutual growth, Morin says.

“When you take responsibility for your share, you increase the chances that your partner will accept responsibility for theirs, too,” she says. “Then you can both put your energy into developing a solution, rather than getting stuck pointing fingers and arguing about who caused the problem.”

Successful couples solve problems together. Even if the challenge is outside the relationship, collaborating to find a solution can help strengthen your bond.

“While some problems are ultimately in your partner’s hands, like an issue they’re having with their boss, offering to work together shows that you’re invested in helping them make the best decision for themselves,” Morin says.

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Think of the difference between being in a job where you have the respect of your coworkers, and one where you don’t. The latter can undermine everything you’re working for and quickly sour an otherwise good experience.

If this is where you’re at — or you worry it could end up there — know that before you change jobs, you can change your approach. You can earn the respect of your peers, managers, and reports.

Start by asking yourself these critical questions:

• What can I give to earn respect?

• What can I resist to earn respect?

• What can I exude to earn respect?

I call this the Give-Resist-Exude framework for respect, and I’ve been teaching it for decades. Earning respect will also take a little mental strength and fortitude, something I’ve been studying for more than 30 years and wrote about in my recent book, “The Mentally Strong Leader.”

If you want to be more respected, you must do these three basic things: 

If you make a habit of giving more than you get, you’ll earn respect. Here are some of the most universally appreciated ways of doing so:

• Be generous with your time and knowledge. Help people solve problems, overcome obstacles, and navigate difficult circumstances. For example, let’s say your coworker is nervous about an upcoming big presentation. You happen to be good at public speaking, so you help them practice.  
• Give others that extra 10% effort, always. Think of that smiling coffee barista or hardworking waiter you see giving that extra effort — you can’t help but respect that. Do the same in your own interactions. 
• Offer praise and credit liberally. Research shows that expressing gratitude has a tremendous, positive ripple effect on others — one that can heighten their appreciation of and respect for you. 
• Share your point of view — and back it up with data. 
• Take the time to give feedback. Remember that specific feedback is more credible and meaningful than vague cheerleading. 
• Show others respect. Doing so dramatically increases the likelihood you’ll receive respect in turn. 

Respect comes from what you don’t engage in, too. Here are surefire ways to resist that will fuel respect:

• Resist taking credit. I’m not talking about being a martyr. But when the opportunity comes to share who did what behind that achievement, make it about them, not you. People will still know you played a role in the success, and will respect you more for putting others in the spotlight.
• Avoid gossiping about coworkers. Instead, engage in “positive gossip.” For example, the next time you have the opportunity to brag about something great a coworker did, do it. Not only is it good for the culture, but it will also eventually get back to that person that you were talking about them in a positive light. You get a “double-dip” of respect this way.
• Don’t get pulled into negativity. As I point out in “The Mentally Strong Leader,” staying positive is a choice in today’s frequently pessimistic and divided world. Remember that optimism fuels forward progress and often stands out. It may even be admired because the default is so often the opposite.  

You can earn respect if you habitually demonstrate:

• Professionalism and mastery: Always show up having done your homework. Make sure you know who your audience is, what they need to know and experience, and how you plan to offer that to them. 
• Transparency: Few things are more transparent than a lack of transparency. Human beings are attuned to this. When you’re not honest, trust evaporates and respect exits stage left. Instead, be open about why you make decisions, share feedback, and operate without hidden agendas. 
• Authenticity: People want to know they’re getting the real you. So show up with honesty, integrity, and vulnerability. Behave in a genuine and approachable manner. Act consistently with your values.
• Accountability with compassion: When someone makes a mistake, it’s easy to scold or take a harsh stance. Instead, hold others, and yourself, accountable, but do so with compassion and empathy.
• Confidence and collaboration: Believe in yourself, and that the whole is made greater by the sum of its parts. Consistently demonstrating balance between the two is like a respect-magnet. 

When you focus on what you can give, resist, and exude, respect will flow your way.

Scott Mautz is a popular speaker, trainer, and LinkedIn Learning instructor. He’s a former senior executive of Procter & Gamble, where he ran several of the company’s largest multi-billion-dollar businesses. He is the author of ”The Mentally Strong Leader: Build the Habits to Productively Regulate Your Emotions, Thoughts, and Behaviors.” Follow him on LinkedIn.

Want to be a successful, confident communicator? Take CNBC’s online course Become an Effective Communicator: Master Public Speaking. We’ll teach you how to speak clearly and confidently, calm your nerves, what to say and not say, and body language techniques to make a great first impression. Get started today. 

While building up your retirement savings is important, how much money you’ll actually need depends on where you are. That’s because the annual cost of living can vary by over $71,000 between U.S. states, according to a recent GOBankingRates analysis.

Hawaii has the highest average retirement expenses, with an estimated $129,296 a year needed to retire comfortably. That’s more than twice that of West Virginia, where retirees need $58,190 on average.

To calculate the annual retirement costs for Americans aged 65 and older in each state, the study used Bureau of Labor Statistics estimates for food, shelter, transportation, health care, and utility expenses. A 20% cash buffer was added to this total to ensure retirees could live “comfortably,” according to the study.

The large disparity in the cost of living is largely due to high housing costs. In states where housing is in short supply — like Hawaii, California, Massachusetts — the annual cost of retirement exceeds six figures.

The median annual cost of retiring comfortably is $66,870, based on the data. That said, there are 20 states where you can still retire on or under $65,000. They tend to be more rural states in the South, where the cost of living is cheaper lower.

Below is a list of states where annual retirement expenses are $65,000 or less, in alphabetical order.  

• Total expenditures:  $50,980
• 20% comfort buffer: $10,196
• Cost of a comfortable retirement annually: $61,176

• Total expenditures: $51,211
• 20% comfort buffer: $10,242
• Cost of a comfortable retirement annually: $61,454

• Total expenditures: $52,832
• 20% comfort buffer: $10,566
• Cost of a comfortable retirement annually: $63,398

• Total expenditures: $53,989
• 20% comfort buffer: $10,798
• Cost of a comfortable retirement annually: $64,787

• Total expenditures: $52,253
• 20% comfort buffer: $10,451
• Cost of a comfortable retirement annually: $62,704

• Total expenditures: $52,137
• 20% comfort buffer: $10,427
• Cost of a comfortable retirement annually: $62,565

• Total expenditures: $50,517
• 20% comfort buffer: $10,103
• Cost of a comfortable retirement annually: $60,620

• Total expenditures: $53,584
• 20% comfort buffer: $10,717
• Cost of a comfortable retirement annually: $64,301

• Total expenditures: $53,295
• 20% comfort buffer: $10,659
• Cost of a comfortable retirement annually: $63,954

• Total expenditures: $53,121
• 20% comfort buffer: $10,624
• Cost of a comfortable retirement annually: $63,745

• Total expenditures: $51,096
• 20% comfort buffer: $10,219
• Cost of a comfortable retirement annually: $61,315

• Total expenditures: $51,211
• 20% comfort buffer: $10,242
• Cost of a comfortable retirement annually: $61,454

• Total expenditures: $54,047
• 20% comfort buffer: $10,809
• Cost of a comfortable retirement annually: $64,856

• Total expenditures: $54,163
• 20% comfort buffer: $10,833
• Cost of a comfortable retirement annually: $64,995

• Total expenditures: $53,700
• 20% comfort buffer: $10,740
• Cost of a comfortable retirement annually: $64,440

• Total expenditures: $49,996
• 20% comfort buffer: $9,999
• Cost of a comfortable retirement annually: $59,995

• Total expenditures: $54,047
• 20% comfort buffer: $10,809
• Cost of a comfortable retirement annually: $64,856

• Total expenditures: $52,253
• 20% comfort buffer: $10,451
• Cost of a comfortable retirement annually: $62,704

• Total expenditures: $53,468
• 20% comfort buffer: $10,694
• Cost of a comfortable retirement annually: $64,162

• Total expenditures: $48,492
• 20% comfort buffer: $9,698
• Cost of a comfortable retirement annually: $58,190

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Anton Wormann, 32, has always had a passion for DIY projects and creating beautiful spaces. So, after he discovered that his neighbor’s property had been abandoned, he decided to purchase it and bring it back to life.

Upon inspection, Wormann discovered that the property had been vacant for about 10 years after its elderly owners passed away.

This property was one of the 9 million “akiyas” — empty houses — across Japan, according to official government data as of 2023.

While many countries face a housing shortage, Japan is seeing something starkly different — an oversupply problem.

From its bustling cities to its beautiful and lush countryside, these abandoned properties are scattered across Japan, and here’s the kicker — they are going for as low as $10,000 a pop.

Japan’s unprecedented demographic crisis has led to millions of empty houses. The country’s population continues to fall as its fertility rate sinks to a record low of 1.2 births per woman as of 2023.

Meanwhile, Japan’s elderly population is growing rapidly with people aged 65 and over estimated to account for about 30% of the country’s total population, according to 2024 data.

Death rates have surpassed birth rates in Japan, contributing to abandoned properties. Some people, like Wormann, have identified this trend as an opportunity to buy real estate for cheap, and try to save some beautiful Japanese architecture from being lost.

Wormann, who grew up in Sweden and has lived in major cities such as Paris, London, Milan and New York for almost a decade, fell in love with Japan when he visited it in 2015 for a work trip.

Following that visit, Wormann made it a point to go back to the Asian country every year. “Every time I was about to leave, I just never felt that I was ready to leave,” he said. He was in awe of the beautiful scenery, delicious food, and the culture in general.

“I really wanted to stay here and spend more time here. I really can’t put words to it, but it just vibrated with me.” So, in October 2018, he took the leap of faith and moved to Japan.

Once he became more acquainted with the Japanese culture and language, Wormann discovered a big opportunity in purchasing “akiyas,” renovating them, and turning them into beautiful short-term rental properties.

“I kind of read some articles about it … and it fascinated me, but I never really understood how big of a problem, and also for me, how big of an opportunity it was until I actually moved here, learned Japanese and got integrated into society,” he said.

Wormann as a kid would explore ideas with his father on renovating old houses they came across, and was always interested in such projects. Before discovering his neighbor’s house, he already had experience renovating multiple properties in Sweden and Japan.

“Making something beautiful takes time … and it becomes something that no one else can replicate,” he said. “Like to create something really, really good that you’re very proud of — it just makes me very happy.”

After discovering the empty property next door, Wormann was able to get in contact with the owner’s children with the help of a neighbor.

Wormann bought the 86-year-old property for about 8 million yen (about $54,000), excluding closing costs and fees, according to documents reviewed by CNBC Make It.

The property still had belongings of its previous residents, a common occurrence among abandoned properties in Japan. The house was infested with termites and needed major structural upgrades.

“I was definitely intimidated … and I’ve only seen it from outside, so I could have only imagined what it looked like from the inside,” he said. “I expected it to be clean, empty [and] pretty tiny, but that wasn’t the case.”

“There were a lot of uncertainties, but I loved the location, I loved the sunlight, I loved the size, and there’s nothing you can’t really fix if you have these things in place,” he said.

It took Wormann 15 months to renovate the property.

“Renovating in Tokyo, the pieces of land are so narrow, so like you have to demolish one piece and then throw away as you go, because if not, the renovation won’t move forward,” he said.

“So demolish, rent a car, take it to the dump, get back,” and it was this rinse and repeat that needed to keep happening throughout the entire months-long process.

The design choices for the home “came over time,” he said. “You feel where and how you want things to be done. You feel the sunlight. You feel the space … What can you save from the original details?”

“All these small choices [came] from spending 1000s of hours in that house,” he said.

Wormann spent a total of about 1,500 hours working on the house over the span of about a year. “It occupied my mind. I lived for that house for a year,” he said, and in total, he says he spent another 8 million yen (about $54,000) on the renovation.

In total, it cost about $110,000 to purchase and renovate the property. It has now become a popular among tourists visiting Tokyo and goes for about $500 a night on Airbnb. Each month, it brings in about $11,000 in rental revenue, according to documents reviewed by CNBC Make It.

What started for Wormann as a passion project is now turning into a viable business. The 32-year-old now owns eight properties in Japan, seven of which were once abandoned houses. He has completed renovations on three of the properties and is currently working on renovating four more.

With lots of love and effort, these abandoned homes which may be seen as “old” and dilapidated by some, can be revived and turned into something beautiful once again, Wormann said.

“There are dying villages [in Japan] … I think, from a cultural perspective, there are a lot of beautiful houses that are going to waste.”

“There are a lot of things that used to thrive, maybe 30, 35, 40 years ago, that are now being abandoned and being forgotten and it’s, it’s fascinating, but it’s also kind of sad,” he said. “But you can save them, you can salvage them,” he said.

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There is steady interest — from everyday people to researchers alike — in what it takes to live a long, healthy life. From cookbooks to research papers to the hundreds of articles you can access with a quick Google search, the amount of information to digest and advice to take in can get overwhelming.

But there are simple approaches you can take and easy changes to implement if you’re hoping to live to 100.

For nearly two years, I’ve been reporting on longevity and the lifestyle choices that seem to help people live longer. Here are five habits that stand out.

1. Eat a healthy diet

“Diet is by far the most important factor” for longevity, Valter Longo who’s studied longevity for about 20 years, told CNBC Make It earlier this year.

Countless experts who study the world’s longest-lived communities couldn’t stress enough how much the foods you eat can affect your lifespan. An eating pattern similar to the Mediterranean diet is what longevity experts recommend the most.

According to Longo and Dan Buettner, the longevity expert who interviews centenarians and visits blue zones, a longevity diet should be mostly plant-based and include:

• Legumes, especially beans
• Nuts
• Whole grains like oats
• No red meat
• A healthy amount of vegetables, particularly leafy greens

“I recommended 12 hours of fasting daily. Let’s say you eat between 8 a.m. and 8 p.m. [or] 7 a.m. [and] 7 p.m.” Longo said. Buettner also eats within a 10- or 12-hour window, according to his interview with Make It in March.

2. Move your body often

Some longevity experts recommend daily exercise, and others recommend daily movement through low-intensity physical activity.

Strength training twice a week and aerobic exercise three times a week, even for 10 minutes of day, is one of the daily practices that increase a person’s chances of living to 90, according to the New England Centenarian Study.

In blue zones, the physical activity is a lot less vigorous, but centenarians still move daily, Buettner said in his Netflix documentary, “Live to 100: Secrets of the Blue Zones.” Typically, residents of blue zones walk from place to place, build things by hand and tend to their own gardens, he said, which allows them to engage in low-intensity physical activity every day.

3. Believe in something

By the end of 2023, Buettner had interviewed 263 centenarians in his lifetime. All but five of those centenarians belonged to a faith-based community, he wrote in a Make It article.

“People who go to church, temple or a mosque live somewhere between four and fourteen years longer than people who have no religion,” Buettner said on an episode of “Ten Percent Happier with Dan Harris.”

It turns out that people who have a faith or life philosophy are also happier than those who don’t have one, according to Arthur C. Brooks, a leading happiness expert who teaches a free, online course about the joyful feeling at Harvard. When you follow a religion or spiritual practice, it helps you find meaning in life, he explained in his course.

4. Maintain positive relationships

Having positive relationships in your life is the No. 1 thing that can help you live a longer, happier life, according to an 86-year Harvard study that’s still ongoing. But pouring into those connections and strengthening them is just as important, which researchers call “social fitness.”

“Whether it’s a thoughtful question or a moment of devoted attention, it’s never too late to deepen the connections that matter to you,” wrote Marc Schulz and Dr. Robert Waldinger, directors of the Harvard study, in 2023.

Catering to social connections is also a value of centenarians in blue zones. “People in the Blue Zones make their partners a priority, nurture their relationships and invest in them,” Buettner said in his documentary. “Having the right friends, that is the biggest secret to help these people in Blue Zones do the right things and avoid the wrong things.”

5. Prioritize your purpose and lifelong learning

In Okinawa, Japan, one of the blue zones with many centenarians, ikigai, which loosely translates to “the happiness of always being busy” is a huge value. So much so that a book called “Ikigai: The Japanese Secret to a Long and Happy Life” is one of the most popular books about longevity and an international bestseller.

Ikigai is all about finding your purpose and committing to it daily. And that’s exactly what Buettner recommends doing for longevity: “People with a sense of purpose live about eight years longer than rudderless people.”

There are seven practices researchers of the 86-year-long Harvard Study of Adult Development discovered that led to “being happy and well in older age rather than ending up sad and sick,” Brooks’ happiness course explained. One of those practices is fostering a growth mindset by investing in lifelong learning and education.

“Aging happy and well, instead of sad and sick, is at least under some personal control,” Dr. George E. Vaillant, former director and one of the pioneers of the study, told the Harvard Gazette in 2001.

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