Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but how we handle it can make all the difference.

As a psychotherapist who has worked with over 100 couples, I’ve seen how small changes in communication can fundamentally transform the way they work through disagreements together.

But in the happiest and most successful relationships, couples use an effective tool that I like to call the “5-Second Pause Rule.”

Have you ever noticed how quickly a minor disagreement with your partner can spiral out of control?

I’ve seen so many fights start with an offhand comment or a forgotten chore. Before both people know it, they’re arguing about issues much bigger than what they started with. Suddenly, old arguments are being rehashed, or new ones are appearing out of thin air.

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This is where the 5-Second Pause comes in. The idea is simple: When you feel a conversation starting to heat up, pause for five seconds before responding. In that short time, your brain gets a chance to cool down, shift out of a reactive mode, and engage with your partner in a more thoughtful and loving way. 

And this tactic isn’t based on a hunch — it’s backed by research. In one study of over 6,000 trials, researchers found that taking a brief pause during moments of rising tension significantly reduced the likelihood of conflicts escalating.

When you’re both calm and receptive, sit down with your partner and explain how taking five seconds to pause during heated moments can help the both of you stay connected and avoid saying things you’ll later regret.

It’s important that you both agree to use this tool — it works best when it’s a shared effort.

1. Create a plan together

This is the fun part: Decide how you’ll implement the rule. Should conflict arise in the future, what will your signal be to put it into action? Will you hold up a hand or say a specific code word? The end goal should be to set out the best way for you both to pause without feeling dismissed.

Make sure you’re very clear about when it’s appropriate to use this rule, and when it’s important to keep the conversation flowing. The rule should be used as a preventative measure; it doesn’t grant you immunity from important yet difficult conversations.

2. Practice it in the moment

Consistency is key. The next time you and your other half wind up in a tense conversation, take a step back, breathe, and count to five.

Use this time to ground yourself and to consider what you want to say next. Those few seconds are all it takes to help you respond from a place of understanding, rather than defensiveness. You might be surprised by the impact it has — not just on the argument, but on your relationship as a whole.

Jourdan Travers, LCSW, is a psychotherapist and clinical director at Awake Therapy, a telehealth company that provides online psychotherapy, counseling and coaching. She also helps curate the popular mental health and wellness website, Therapytips.org. Jourdan received her MSW from The University of Maryland and her B.A. in psychology from California State University Northridge.

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Nvidia CEO Jensen Huang may be a major player in the artificial intelligence arms race — but his day-to-day chatbot interactions aren’t always complex.

Huang, whose company makes many of the high-powered computer chips that power AI large language models, uses a variety of different chatbots like Google’s Gemini and OpenAI’s ChatGPT to help him write first drafts, he said at a Wired event last month.

“I give it a basic outline, give it some PDFs of my previous talks, and I get it to write my first draft,” he said. “It’s really fantastic.”

He isn’t the only tech leader to use AI chatbots for simple daily tasks. OpenAI CEO Sam Altman uses them most commonly to summarize documents for him, he recently said on Wharton organizational psychologist Adam Grant’s “ReThinking” podcast. Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella, perhaps predictably, uses his Outlook’s AI features to organize and prioritize his inbox, he said at the Fast Company Innovation Festival 2024.

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All three CEOs have a vested interest in promoting AI and proliferating its use. But skilled prompt engineers can indeed save time when using AI as a writing aid. Generating ideas, consolidating information and automating basic tasks, all of which involve writing, are the three most common applications of chatbots across all job levels, according to a Gallup study published last year.

At AI’s current stage, most experts recommend using it more as a research and brainstorming tool, rather than relying on it for final drafts. Chatbot responses have inconsistent accuracy and occasionally contain factual errors, known as “hallucinations.”

The technology is evolving quickly, Huang said at the CES trade show in Las Vegas earlier this month. Nvidia itself may be proof: The company lost nearly $600 billion in market cap on Monday, setting a U.S. single-day record, after Chinese AI lab DeepSeek said it built a competitive large language model without top-of-the-line computer chips.

The chipmaker has recovered slightly since Monday. It currently has a market cap of $3.09 trillion, as of Friday morning, making it the world’s third-largest publicly traded company behind Apple and Microsoft.

Huang’s prediction at CES: Humans should get ready to work alongside AI “agents,” which would be trained to collect data from multiple AI models at a time — theoretically, chatbots capable of answering questions in a more complex manner.

An AI research agent, for instance, could create a podcast from scratch that incorporates lectures, journals and financial earnings on an industry of choice, according to an Nvidia presentation at CES.

Such agents could enter the workforce as early as this year, Altman wrote in a blog post earlier this month. It’s unclear exactly what responsibilities they’d be able to reliably cover, how much they’d cost to use and which industries — beyond software engineering — could integrate the technology quickly.

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When puzzling together an argument, whether it be against a romantic partner, co-worker, or family member, I find myself thinking “What are some objective facts that they absolutely can’t deny?” I figure that if I just deploy the right pieces of information, others will have no choice but to agree with me.

This, it turns out, is one of the most common myths about influencing or persuading people, says Kurt Gray, a social psychology professor at the University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill.

“A big mistake we make is that we think facts are powerful and that they sway people,” Gray, who recently authored the book “Outraged: Why We Fight About Morality and Politics and How to Find Common Ground,” tells CNBC Make It.

Even when people are aware of research findings and studies that support one claim, they choose not to believe it, according to a 2018 report published in the Journal of Management.

“You say your facts to the other person and then they say, ‘Well those aren’t right. Those aren’t true. Those are made up,’” he says. “Because we live in different media ecosystems about what facts are true, facts don’t have the same kind of currency that they might’ve had before.”

So how can we actually influence someone who disagrees with us? It starts by seeing them as not so different from us.

“We are all just trying to protect ourselves and our family and our kids and our society,” he says. “But we’re just fixated on different harms.”

To bridge divides over the course of a conversation, you need to actually try to understand the other person’s fears.

“So often we go into these conversations and it’s not a conversation,” Gray says. “It’s a chance to score points or try to make the other person look stupid. A real conversation is something where you ask questions.”

Gray recommends taking three steps to have better conversations with a person you disagree with:

1. Try to understand their motivation: Ask questions and express genuine curiosity as to how they came to their conclusion.
2. Validate that motivation: Even if you don’t agree with their point, you can affirm that you understand how they got there.
3. Emphasize your personal connection: Instead of peppering them with facts, be vulnerable and tell them why you disagree with them on a personal level.

Others are more likely to find some merit in your argument if you share a personal anecdote, as opposed to some statistics, to show why you stand where you do.

“Establishing a connection with someone, seeing them as a fellow human being, I think it goes a long way,” Gray says.

Both of you will leave feeling better and more respected if you at least make an attempt to understand each other.

“My number one tip is if you go into these conversations trying to win you’ve already lost, because no one ever admits defeat when it comes to morality,” he says.

“Instead, you can try to understand.”

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Where you retire could change your savings needs by as much as $1.49 million, according to a new analysis by GOBankingRates.

In Hawaii, you need around $2.21 million to retire at 65 and cover essential living expenses — including housing, groceries, transportation, utilities and health care — for 25 years. That’s the highest minimum required in any U.S. state. By comparison, West Virginia requires just $712,913, the lowest amount needed to cover these same basic costs.

The estimates are based on average annual living expenses for each state, using the most recent data available from the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics. After subtracting average Social Security income from the annual expenditures, GOBankingRates divided the remaining amount by 4%, following a common rule of thumb for safely drawing down retirement savings. It’s worth noting that these figures reflect the bare minimum needed to retire and don’t account for discretionary spending like travel or entertainment.

While housing is the biggest factor driving cost differences between states, significant variations in health care, utilities and transportation also play a role. While these estimates offer a helpful starting point for savings, they’re averages and may not fully account for other factors like inflation, lifestyle changes or unexpected expenses.

Here’s a look the expected total needed for retirement at age 65 in each state:

• Annual cost of living: $53,357
• Savings you need to retire: $773,000

• Annual cost of living: $74,147
• Savings you need to retire: $1,292,753

• Annual cost of living: $67,778
• Savings you need to retire: $1,133,522

• Annual cost of living: $53,477
• Savings you need to retire: $776,005

• Annual cost of living: $86,946
• Savings you need to retire: $1,612,716

• Annual cost of living: $61,709
• Savings you need to retire: $981,803

• Annual cost of living: $67,117
• Savings you need to retire: $1,116,998

• Annual cost of living: $60,207
• Savings you need to retire: $944,248

• Annual cost of living: $61,529
• Savings you need to retire: $977,296

• Annual cost of living: $54,980
• Savings you need to retire: $813,559

• Annual cost of living: $110,921
• Savings you need to retire: $2,212,084

• Annual cost of living: $61,289
• Savings you need to retire: $971,288

• Annual cost of living: $57,383
• Savings you need to retire: $873,646

• Annual cost of living: $54,859
• Savings you need to retire: $810,555

• Annual cost of living: $54,319
• Savings you need to retire: $797,035

• Annual cost of living: $52,095
• Savings you need to retire: $741,455

• Annual cost of living: $55,821
• Savings you need to retire: $834,590

• Annual cost of living: $56,181
• Savings you need to retire: $843,603

• Annual cost of living: $68,199
• Savings you need to retire: $1,144,038

• Annual cost of living: $59,426
• Savings you need to retire: $924,720

• Annual cost of living: $88,268
• Savings you need to retire: $1,645,764

• Annual cost of living: $55,460
• Savings you need to retire: $825,577

• Annual cost of living: $57,263
• Savings you need to retire: $870,642

• Annual cost of living: $52,576
• Savings you need to retire: $753,472

• Annual cost of living: $53,477
• Savings you need to retire: $776,005

• Annual cost of living: $56,482
• Savings you need to retire: $851,114

• Annual cost of living: $55,761
• Savings you need to retire: $833,087

• Annual cost of living: $60,147
• Savings you need to retire: $942,746

• Annual cost of living: $66,997
• Savings you need to retire: $1,113,994

• Annual cost of living: $68,980
• Savings you need to retire: $1,163,566

• Annual cost of living: $55,821
• Savings you need to retire: $834,590

• Annual cost of living: $74,147
• Savings you need to retire: $1,292,753

• Annual cost of living: $58,645
• Savings you need to retire: $905,192

• Annual cost of living: $55,340
• Savings you need to retire: $822,572

• Annual cost of living: $57,023
• Savings you need to retire: $864,633

• Annual cost of living: $52,816
• Savings you need to retire: $759,481

• Annual cost of living: $66,096
• Savings you need to retire: $1,091,462

• Annual cost of living: $57,023
• Savings you need to retire: $864,633

• Annual cost of living: $67,538
• Savings you need to retire: $1,127,514

• Annual cost of living: $57,203
• Savings you need to retire: $869,140

• Annual cost of living: $55,460
• Savings you need to retire: $825,577

• Annual cost of living: $54,078
• Savings you need to retire: $791,027

• Annual cost of living: $55,641
• Savings you need to retire: $830,083

• Annual cost of living: $65,795
• Savings you need to retire: $1,083,951

• Annual cost of living: $68,559
• Savings you need to retire: $1,153,051

• Annual cost of living: $60,387
• Savings you need to retire: $948,755

• Annual cost of living: $68,259
• Savings you need to retire: $1,145,540

• Annual cost of living: $50,954
• Savings you need to retire: $712,913

• Annual cost of living: $59,666
• Savings you need to retire: $930,729

• Annual cost of living: $57,323
• Savings you need to retire: $872,144

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When Jake Kassan sold his company for $100 million at the age of 27, he thought the money would make him happy. Though it did temporarily, it eventually took away his sense of purpose and threw him into cycles of anxiety and depression, he said.

In 2018, Kassan sold his Los Angeles-based accessory brand MVMT Watches — pronounced “movement” — to the Movado Group in a deal that left him walking away a multi-millionaire. The company, which he had started as a 21-year-old college dropout, granted him the financial freedom he sought.

“The North Star when I was younger, was always financial freedom,” Kassan told CNBC Make It. “So my purpose, I always felt was: I wanted to make money.”

“Then you sell [your company] and then … for the first time in years, I don’t want to talk about MVMT anymore, but I also didn’t know what to talk about, and I couldn’t find anything that felt as important as that entrepreneurial journey,” he said. “I think I lost purpose.”

Today, the 33-year-old is working on regaining his sense of purpose and redefining what happiness means to him.

As a kid, Kassan said, he was never particularly good at school. Instead, he saw more value in making money.

“Academically, I’ve just never done [well]. I’ve always been probably just a little below average,” Kassan said. “Call it ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) or whatever they want to label it as these days … I’m very good at being hyper focused, and it’s a strength and a weakness of mine, to be honest.”

“I found that if there’s something I’m interested in, I’m extremely focused and almost obsessive over that thing to the point that you kind of will it into being successful, but also sometimes you sacrifice other areas of life,” he said.

Kassan’s first “business” involved selling lollipops when he was in the seventh grade. By college, he had already gained years of business experience. Before starting MVMT, he launched an interactive glow-in-the-dark T-shirt business in 2008.

At the time, he was studying at the Santa Barbara City College, before dropping out after his first year.

“I just didn’t know why I was doing it. I was doing the routine, going in circles … after a year of [going to classes] and having a business at the same time, I dropped out to pursue that business,” he said.

Unfortunately, he said, that company, which relied mostly on a brick-and-mortar storefront, failed after competitors taking a digital-first approach entered the space. But that taught him a big lesson that would feed into the success of his next venture: focus on e-commerce instead.

By June 2013, Kassan founded MVMT Watches — which took an online approach — with his college roommate Kramer LaPlante, and over about five years, the two dropouts amassed a million followers on the brand’s Instagram, built a team of 45 employees and ultimately sold the company for $100 million.

“Fast forward to the day where it happened … you wake up and you look at the Chase app that you’ve always opened, and now you see your bank account looks like a phone number,” he said. “In some ways, a lot changes. In some ways, nothing changes.”

Although he was able to afford a nicer lifestyle and help his friends and family out financially, that high quickly wore off, he said. Kassan, who had struggled with anxiety and panic attacks before, said his mental health worsened in the years after selling his company.

“It was great at first, because I was just enjoying being in the moment. But at some point … it just felt like Groundhog Day. It’s like, there’s got to be something more,” he said.

“As time passed, I couldn’t help but start to feel this void growing inside me,” Kassan said in his recent YouTube video. “I finally climbed to the top of my mountain, but I didn’t find what I was looking for.”

Not only did he lose the sense of challenge that he craved in life, but he also lost his drive and identity, he said. On top of that, Kassan said, he struggled to find the right person to talk to about how he felt.

“I turned 30, I [had] just gone through a breakup … I had friends and stuff, but still, just finding people who understood [how] lonely it felt at times … it just felt emotionally depleting,” Kassan told CNBC Make It.

“How do you empathize with someone who is rich and depressed?” he said in the video.

One night in 2024, Kassan was on a trip in Australia with friends when he had a panic attack in his hotel room.

“I’ve had panic attacks before, but this was … completely out of left field,” he said. “It was the first one that I had in years. This flood of thoughts just [came] in. It was a really dark moment that just crippled me,” said Kassan.

However, after weeks of reflection, he realized that he needed to work on something again that challenged him, gave him purpose and a sense of genuine enjoyment.

“At one point, I think it might have been after the panic attack, where [I said]: ’Okay, I need to change my focus and really start to [work] more or less on showing up,” he said. Rather than being so concerned over the destination, he decided he would simply start working again like he did when building MVMT.

“I think the gym is the best analogy for it. If you don’t see results after week one or week two … when you’re months down the road, you start to actually see all the benefits from your work,” he said.

He also learned that what made him so fulfilled while building MVMT and his other entrepreneurial endeavors was the fact that he could be creative. That discovery led him to zero in on videography and storytelling.

Today, Kassan is working on building his YouTube channel. He is also an angel investor for companies on the side. Businesses he’s invested in include prebiotic soda company Olipop and sauce company Truff.

“I can’t buy more peace of mind,” he said. “That’s my relationship with money. I’m grateful for it. I appreciate it. I’d rather have it than not have it … but there’s nothing that it can do that is going to make me a happier person.”

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