We’ve all dealt with emotionally immature people: They get defensive at the slightest criticism, they constantly deflect blame, and then they try to guilt you into feeling sorry for them.

Emotional immaturity is a growing problem, and whether it’s in your personal or professional life, communicating with them can be a real struggle.

As experts on the psychology of communication, we know that if you’re not careful, you can also easily run the risk of seeming emotionally immature to others. Why? A lot of us automatically use certain emotionally immature phrases without even thinking about it.

Here’s a list of the most common ones to avoid:

People who are emotionally immature often won’t take responsibility for their own actions when something goes wrong. So what do they do? They extricate themselves from situations by immediately stating that they are not to blame. 

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An emotionally immature person will do everything in their power to not take responsibility for their actions, and a common tactic is to make it seem like you, or literally anyone else, is in the wrong — not them.

You can almost imagine a little kid saying this one. This phrase is a way for them to avoid any true accountability or genuine communication with the person they are engaging with.

This is a combo of gaslighting — trying to make others believe a false reality — and shifting the blame again. The message they’re sending: You’re the problem, not me. Another toxic phrase in this vein is “you’re being too sensitive.”

People use that simple “whatever,” often with a shrug, to say, “I’m done discussing this.” It’s an emotionally immature method to shut down the paths of communication and figuratively walk away from any further discussion.

Here we go again with the gaslighting. People who are emotionally immature rewrite reality, both for themselves and, possibly more importantly, for others. When someone says something like this, they’re typically trying to evade responsibility and make you think something else happened.

In this case, emotionally immature people walk away from any complicated issue by throwing it onto someone else and dismissing any and all responsibility. It’s the perfect example of transference.

Another example of invalidating other people, and one that is used in both personal and professional relationships. By saying phrases like this, an emotionally immature person is dismissing the other person’s concerns and opinions, and belittling their reaction.

Yes, it’s usually best to focus on the future. But emotionally immature people will often accuse people who bring up their mistakes of harping on the past. They don’t want to learn from their mistakes and they don’t want an honest discussion about whatever is happening. They want to move on without addressing the issue.

Here’s an example of how emotionally immature people passive-aggressively avoid taking responsibility for what they say. It might sound like they’re trying to smooth things over, but it’s actually more of a way of critiquing someone, then distancing themselves from their statement. 

Emotionally immature people often use broad generalizations. Instead of engaging in constructive honest conversation or using specific examples, they will issue an accusatory blanket statement and use that to avoid any further discussion. 

If there’s one phrase that really sounds like a kid said it, it’s this one. How many of us used “but all the kids are doing it” argument trying — usually in vain — to get our parents to allow us to do something? But emotionally immature adults use it, too.

They’ll pull out the time-honored “everyone’s doing it” argument as a justification for something they want to do or already have done. Of course, they’re blameless if they’ve done something wrong, they were just going along with the crowd, after all.

Kathy and Ross Petras are the brother-and-sister co-authors of “Awkword Moments: A Lively Guide to the 100 Terms Smart People Should Know,” “You’re Saying It Wrong” and “That Doesn’t Mean What You Think It Means.” They co-host the award-winning NPR podcast “You’re Saying It Wrong,” and have been featured in The New York Times, The Washington Post and Harvard Business Review. Follow them on Bluesky.

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Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but how we handle it can make all the difference.

As a psychotherapist who has worked with over 100 couples, I’ve seen how small changes in communication can fundamentally transform the way they work through disagreements together.

But in the happiest and most successful relationships, couples use an effective tool that I like to call the “5-Second Pause Rule.”

Have you ever noticed how quickly a minor disagreement with your partner can spiral out of control?

I’ve seen so many fights start with an offhand comment or a forgotten chore. Before both people know it, they’re arguing about issues much bigger than what they started with. Suddenly, old arguments are being rehashed, or new ones are appearing out of thin air.

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This is where the 5-Second Pause comes in. The idea is simple: When you feel a conversation starting to heat up, pause for five seconds before responding. In that short time, your brain gets a chance to cool down, shift out of a reactive mode, and engage with your partner in a more thoughtful and loving way. 

And this tactic isn’t based on a hunch — it’s backed by research. In one study of over 6,000 trials, researchers found that taking a brief pause during moments of rising tension significantly reduced the likelihood of conflicts escalating.

When you’re both calm and receptive, sit down with your partner and explain how taking five seconds to pause during heated moments can help the both of you stay connected and avoid saying things you’ll later regret.

It’s important that you both agree to use this tool — it works best when it’s a shared effort.

1. Create a plan together

This is the fun part: Decide how you’ll implement the rule. Should conflict arise in the future, what will your signal be to put it into action? Will you hold up a hand or say a specific code word? The end goal should be to set out the best way for you both to pause without feeling dismissed.

Make sure you’re very clear about when it’s appropriate to use this rule, and when it’s important to keep the conversation flowing. The rule should be used as a preventative measure; it doesn’t grant you immunity from important yet difficult conversations.

2. Practice it in the moment

Consistency is key. The next time you and your other half wind up in a tense conversation, take a step back, breathe, and count to five.

Use this time to ground yourself and to consider what you want to say next. Those few seconds are all it takes to help you respond from a place of understanding, rather than defensiveness. You might be surprised by the impact it has — not just on the argument, but on your relationship as a whole.

Jourdan Travers, LCSW, is a psychotherapist and clinical director at Awake Therapy, a telehealth company that provides online psychotherapy, counseling and coaching. She also helps curate the popular mental health and wellness website, Therapytips.org. Jourdan received her MSW from The University of Maryland and her B.A. in psychology from California State University Northridge.

Want to up your AI skills and be more productive? Take CNBC’s new online course How to Use AI to Be More Successful at Work. Expert instructors will teach you how to get started, practical uses, tips for effective prompt-writing, and mistakes to avoid. Sign up now and use coupon code EARLYBIRD for an introductory discount of 30% off $67 (+ taxes and fees) through February 11, 2025.

When we think of successful kids, many of us picture straight-A students, sports trophies, and college acceptance letters.

But after years of studying over 200 parent-child relationships, I’ve found that true success is more about raising kids who are confident, emotionally secure, and deeply connected to themselves and the world around them.

The parents who really understood this embraced sometimes unconventional strategies that prioritized curiosity, a love for learning, and emotional intelligence over societal expectations.

Here are nine things they did differently early on:

Instead of worrying so much about how their kids reacted to challenging situations, these parents understood that their behavior would influence their child’s level of resilience. They modeled mental and emotional strength by being mindful of how they managed their stress in front of their kids.

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Instead, they encouraged reflection with “you should be so proud of yourself” or “you worked very hard on this — how does it feel?”

While well-meaning, “good job” can create reliance on external approval. These parents focused on fostering intrinsic motivation, helping their child take pride in their own achievements.

Through quality time, active listening, and shared experiences, they made their kids feel valued, safe, and understood. This also fostered the child’s confidence to take risks and thrive.

They avoided punishment, knowing it builds resentment and disconnection, not skills. Instead, they let natural consequences teach lessons.

For instance, if a child forgot to do their homework, they faced explaining it to their teacher — a chance to learn responsibility and problem-solving. This approach built accountability and resilience.

Instead of offering rewards for good grades, they focused on cultivating a love for learning. Whether their child excelled or struggled, they kept the focus on growth and made it clear that grades didn’t define their worth.

They encouraged their kids to ask “why” and “how,” rather than simply accepting the “right” answer. This fostered curiosity and gave their child the confidence to challenge the status quo — key traits of future leaders.

Whether solving a math problem or explaining a favorite game, these moments gave kids a sense of importance. By stepping back and letting their child take the lead, these parents showed respect for their child’s abilities and nurtured their self-esteem.

Reading wasn’t a chore — it was woven into daily life. Whether picture books before bedtime or novels on lazy afternoons, reading became a natural and enjoyable part of their world, fostering creativity and a lifelong love for learning.

They treated emotions as valuable, not something to fix or avoid. When their child was upset after losing a game, for example, they might have said, “I can see how much this matters to you. It’s hard to lose something you care about.” This simple validation helped their child process emotions and build resilience.

Reem Raouda is a parenting coach, mother, and creator of BOUND, a parent-child connection journal designed to nurture emotional intelligence and self-worth. She is also the founder of Connected Discipline Method. Through her coaching and courses — including Power Struggles No More — she has helped hundreds of families foster connection and harmony. Follow her on Instagram.

Want to up your AI skills and be more productive? Take CNBC’s new online course How to Use AI to Be More Successful at Work. Expert instructors will teach you how to get started, practical uses, tips for effective prompt-writing, and mistakes to avoid. Sign up now and use coupon code EARLYBIRD for an introductory discount of 30% off $67 (+ taxes and fees) through February 11, 2025.

In January, Opendoor, a digital platform for residential real estate, released a new report ranking the most popular ZIP codes in America.

To identify the top ZIP codes, the company analyzed data from the local Multiple Listing Services (MLS) where Opendoor Brokerage operates. They then ranked them all based on total number of homes that went into contract within 90 days of being listed for sale in 2024.

“The most popular areas are known for being fast-growing cities with a lot of new development,” Nick Boniakowski, Opendoor’s Head of Agent Partnerships, tells CNBC Make It.

“There’s an overall theme here of being close to big cities without being in the city center,” he says. “Buyers [want] to be close enough to the action while still getting that smaller city or suburban charm.”

Texas has the most cities on Opendoor’s top 10 list — with six in the top 10. Boniakowski says this is a sign that job growth was also a major factor for buyers looking into these particular ZIP codes.

ZIP code 77493 or Katy, Texas, ranked as the No. 1 most popular ZIP code for homebuyers. Katy is a western suburb of Houston.

Boniakowski says Texas has seen a lot of job growth, so it makes a lot of sense that this suburb outside of a major city like Houston took the top spot. Katy is relatively affordable compared to other cities close to major metros.

“Katy has had a lot of new development and job growth. Having the diverse housing stock at some relatively affordable price points in addition to job growth is really a contributing factor to it being at the top of the list,” Boniakowski says.

The median listing home price is $379,900, while the median rent is $2,100, according to Realtor.com.

Houston is home to the third largest number of Fortune 500 companies, after New York and Chicago, and Katy’s proximity to the hub gives residents access to a wide range of employers.

The area is also home to many major corporations, including ExxonMobil and the Hewlett Packard Enterprise Company.

1. Katy, Texas
2. Cypress, Texas
3. San Antonio, Texas
4. New Braunfels, Texas
5. Summerville, South Carolina
6. Forney, Texas
7. Yukon, Oklahoma
8. Clarksville, Tenn.
9. Parrish, Fla.
10. Kyle, Texas

Cypress, Texas — ZIP code 77433 — is the number two most popular for homebuyers. Just like Katy, Cypress is not too far from Houston.

Boniakowski says Cypress offers residents housing inventory, job growth, and proximity to a major city.

The average home value in Cypress is $404,577, up 0.8% over the past year, according to Zillow.

The Harris Country community is known as one of the most developed, booming suburbs in Texas, according to Keller Williams Realty. It offers award-winning neighborhoods, a top-notch school district, and growing career opportunities.

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As a child growing up in Franklin, Indiana, Stacie Grissom was always curious about who lived in the “coolest house in town” — a former schoolhouse, turned barn, and then quirky residence.

“Never in my wildest dreams would I think that someday it could be our house,” Grissom tells CNBC Make It.

In early 2020, Grissom worked on the marketing team for BarkBox and her husband, Sean Wilson, was an orthopedic surgeon in hospitals across New York City. After a decade in the city, which included living through the covid-19 pandemic while pregnant, the couple realized they were ready to move back to Franklin.

“We had a reevaluation that it’s the people who matter the most, so we wanted to move back to our hometown to be by our families,” Grissom says. “We got our chosen family in New York, and it’s the best city in the world, but we had to go where our family was.”

To help find the family a new home in Indiana, Grissom contacted a local realtor friend and told him to start looking for “weird old houses” that might need some work.

“We decided to look for an old and unique home because we both love historic stuff,” she says. “Finding old things and fixing them up and making them better. Whether that’s a piece of furniture that we found on the street in New York or an old school like this.”

The realtor’s dad knew the schoolhouse was up for sale and told him to send it to Grissom, who got an email from her friend with the subject line “Don’t Judge Me.” She called Wilson immediately to tell him about the listing.

“I remembered the school. I couldn’t believe that it was for sale,” she says.

The couple were still in New York, so Grissom’s parents went to check out the property that same weekend. Her dad has years of experience in commercial real estate, so Grissom says she knew he would give an honest and expert opinion on the state of the schoolhouse.

The 9,000-square-foot building was a school for local children in the early 1900s. After it closed in the 1930s, it was used as a barn. Eventually, it was converted into a residence and split into two apartments.

After a tour of the schoolhouse, Grissom’s parents gave their stamp of approval and in August 2021, the couple made an offer on the house having not seen it for themselves. Their offer of $175,000 was accepted within 24 hours.

“We wouldn’t have bought it if my parents hadn’t agreed because we knew with this kind of project we were going to need the entire village,” she says. “My dad looked around and he was like ‘It’s crazy, but I think you can figure it out.’”

Grissom was the third employee hired on at Barkbox and had some funds from when the company went public in 2021. They used it to pay for the schoolhouse in full.

The couple saw the school for the first time a week after they closed. They started renovations almost immediately. By the fall of 2021, the building was down to its bare bones, but the work they thought would take two years ended up taking three.

“We knew going into this that this was going to be a lifelong project,” Grissom says. “The project will never end and the problems will constantly pop up. That is daunting and also like it was part of the appeal, weirdly.”

The renovation included installing a roof, fresh floors and building a kitchen, which alone cost the couple about $26,000. ”[We were basically rebuilding] a new house within the shell of this 100-year-old building,” Grissom says.

While some areas of the house needed a complete overhaul, they were able to salvage the floors in one of the original classrooms, refinish some of the old doors and keep a water fountain that they are still trying to restore.

Grissom declined to comment on exactly how much they’ve spent total on all of the renovations so far, but said they offset some of the cost with social media partnerships.

“In terms of the renovation being fully complete, I don’t know if it will ever be,” she says. “There’s nothing that makes me happier than waking up on a Saturday and being like ‘I have a project to do.’”

The family officially moved into the four-bedroom, two-and-a-half-bathroom schoolhouse in September 2024. They pay $340 a month for utilities, including electricity, water, and Wi-Fi. About $4,200 a year goes to property taxes and refilling their propane tank.

The old classrooms were all converted into the primary bedroom, kid’s bedrooms, living room, and kitchen. Grissom has added turkey décor throughout the living room to honor the schoolhouse’s history as a barn and made mosaics for the entrances, one with the school’s name and the other with its date of creation.

The family has been in the home for a little while now and are thinking about what to do with their unfinished basement. It currently serves as a workshop, storage for the contractors’ materials, and a play area for the kids.

Grissom says that, ideally, the basement will be a space where they could host their big family.

“I never thought this incredible building would be our home,” she says. “I still wake up some days and I’m like ‘I can’t believe we get to live here.’”

Want to up your AI skills and be more productive? Take CNBC’s new online course How to Use AI to Be More Successful at Work. Expert instructors will teach you how to get started, practical uses, tips for effective prompt-writing, and mistakes to avoid. Sign up now and use coupon code EARLYBIRD for an introductory discount of 30% off $67 (+ taxes and fees) through February 11, 2025.

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