Alua Arthur has spent more than 10 years working as a “death doula,” helping people plan for and transition through their last moments on Earth.

The job taught her a key lesson for feeling happier and more fulfilled: Live like you’re dying, which means prioritizing life’s small pleasures that most people take for granted, Arthur told author Simon Sinek’s “A Bit of Optimism” podcast in an episode that published last week.

Those small pleasures typically include things like health — your literal ability to move through the world each day — and your relationships with the people around you, she said. For Arthur, that meant eating more “delicious food” instead of worrying about her weight, downsizing her expensive apartment, accepting help from other people and making time to exercise, she added.

“I also think I speak a little bit more clearly about how I feel. I brush up against my vulnerability a lot more,” said Arthur, a bestselling author and the founder of Going With Grace,  a Los Angeles-based end-of-life planning and support organization.

Arthur found her way into end-of-life work after leaving a law career at the Legal Aid Foundation of Los Angeles, she said — citing her struggles with burnout and clinical depression.

“I took a leave of absence, where I went to Cuba and met a young fellow traveler on a bus,” said Arthur. That person was traveling the world after being diagnosed with uterine cancer, and speaking with her helped Arthur “see that I did not like the life that I was living,” she said.

After her trip, Arthur’s brother-in-law was also diagnosed with cancer. She supported him and her sister through the last two months of his life, and turned her grief into a drive to research death and end-of-life care, she said.

“On my deathbed, I want to arrive having lived fully in this body,” she said during a speech at the End Well 2019 symposium. “No longer just a pinprick of life but fully in this body, having used up every single little last bit of skill, gift and talent that I’ve been given, using it in service of others.”

More than half (58%) of U.S. adults are considered lonely, according to a 2021 report from insurance and health care company The Cigna Group. And at the end of their lives, people tend to wish they prioritized their health, relationships and happiness more, ex-hospice care worker Bronnie Ware wrote in her 2011 book, “The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.”

Ware heard these five regrets the most from her patients, she wrote:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

To get ahead of your end-of-life regrets, remind yourself that your time is limited and unpredictable, internal medicine doctor Shoshana Ungerleider told CNBC Make It last year. Routinely ask yourself questions like: How do I want to spend my time? What matters most to me in my life?

“As a doctor, I’d recommend eating a balanced diet, and exercising regularly, and avoiding things like smoking and high-risk activities. Reflecting on mortality should really be on that list,” said Ungerleider. “Reflecting on our own mortality throughout life, whether you’re 20, 50, 80, whatever, allows us to live better every day with more meaning and purpose in our lives.”

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Kids who communicate well, handle emotions effectively and build healthy relationships aren’t just naturally skilled at social interactions. They’ve learned these skills from their parents or trusted adults.

I’ve worked with thousands of kids and families, often helping them navigate tough moments. People skills — like empathy, communication, boundary-setting and conflict resolution — are crucial during life’s biggest challenges. They also shape how kids handle everyday stress, friendships and family dynamics. 

Here are six things that parents who raise kids with strong people skills do on a regular basis:

Rather than shielding their kids and avoiding difficult topics like illness, death or big life changes, these parents build trusting relationships by approaching tough conversations with openness, honesty and compassion.

They use simple, clear language and invite questions, teaching children that it’s okay to talk about uncomfortable topics and to seek support. 

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Parents who create a home environment where kids feel safe expressing their thoughts and emotions raise children who have an easier time communicating and advocating for themselves. 

These parents are comfortable naming and showing their own emotions in front of their kids, including joy and playfulness in difficult times. 

When their children feel frustrated, sad or overwhelmed, they don’t dismiss those emotions or say things like, “Don’t cry,” “It’s not a big deal,” or “You’re okay.” Instead, they validate their child’s experience:

• “It’s okay to cry. I’m here with you.”
• “I see you’re feeling upset.”
• “Your feelings make sense.”

This teaches kids that all feelings are okay, helps them learn and practice coping strategies to regulate their emotions, and allows them to feel safe expressing themselves. 

When conflicts or challenges arise, these parents don’t force quick apologies. Instead, they guide their children to consider the other person’s feelings, asking questions like:

• “How do you think your friend feels about what just happened?”
• “Does your sibling seem okay right now?”
• “What do you think would help them feel better?”

This helps kids develop perspective-taking skills, gives them a better understanding of what’s within their control, and shows them how both their actions and external factors impact others — ultimately making their apologies more meaningful and their relationships stronger.

Rather than immediately stepping in to fix conflicts or ease discomfort, these parents empower their kids to navigate challenges themselves. Instead of dictating solutions, they ask:

• “What do you think we could try to make this better?”
• “Would you like some ideas, or do you want to try something first?”

They help their children recognize when they need to set a boundary, teaching them to express limits clearly and respectfully:

• “I don’t like that. Please stop.”
• “I need some space right now.”
• “I’m not comfortable with that.”

By combining problem-solving with boundary-setting, parents help their kids develop the confidence to advocate for themselves and work through social challenges. They also recognize that not every situation has a clear solution or a quick fix — and in those moments, they focus on providing support. 

Instead of pushing their kids into new interactions and hoping they’ll figure it out, these parents set kids up for success by preparing them ahead of time and giving them opportunities to practice.

They help their kids feel more confident by:

• Talking about what to expect before a new event, like a medical procedure or birthday party: “We’re going to the doctor for a check-up. They’ll measure how you’re growing, listen to your heart and lungs, and look inside your ears, nose, and mouth.”
• Role-playing tricky interactions, such as advocating for their needs. “Let’s practice what you might say if someone keeps asking why you can’t eat the cupcake.”
• Teaching them how to set boundaries in social situations: “If someone is pressuring you to do something that feels unsafe or unkind, what can you say?”

Play isn’t just about having fun. The parents I’ve seen raise socially and emotionally skilled kids aren’t afraid to be silly, but they also understand that play is a child’s natural way of processing emotions, working through challenges, and building relationships. They:

• Engage in play to help kids work through tricky situations or feelings: “Whoa! Lets get those mad feelings out in a safe way. Can you pretend to be a bear or imagine blowing out birthday candles!?”
• Prioritize unstructured play time for kids to feel connected and build their own creativity, cooperation and confidence: “You have my undivided attention right now. What would you like to play? I want you to be in charge of the game.” 
• Use playful moments to prepare for new experiences and teach boundaries, empathy and communication: “Teddy needs a check up! Can you play doctor with him?”

By valuing play, these parents establish connection and trust while helping their kids develop social and emotional skills that are critical for their growth and development — and will serve them for a lifetime. 

Kelsey Mora is Certified Child Life Specialist and Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor who provides custom support, guidance, and resources to parents, families, and communities impacted by medical conditions, trauma, grief, and everyday life stress. She is a private practice owner, mom of two, the creator and author of The Method Workbooks, and the Chief Clinical Officer of the nonprofit organization Pickles Group.

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It has always been important to raise resilient kids, but today, building mental strength in children is more crucial than ever. 

As a child therapist with over 20 years of experience, I’ve seen firsthand how intentional guidance and modeling from parents early on can help pave the way for a successful future for their kids. 

Based on thousands of hours in sessions and extensive study, I’ve observed that the parents who practice these seven techniques end up raising kids who are not only great critical thinkers, but deeply empathetic and emotionally sophisticated, too. 

When parents encourage their children to identify their feelings — whether happy, disappointed, or angry — they help kids understand that all emotions are valid. Simple practices like daily check-ins during car rides or sharing about each other’s day at dinner creates an environment where kids feel safe to express themselves.

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This not only strengthens the parent-child bond, but also teaches children that their thoughts and feelings matter. Recognizing that feelings come and go like waves in the ocean, can help kids learn to navigate inevitable challenges and setbacks.

When children face challenges, many parents instinctively want to rescue them. However, offering guidance without immediately solving the problem helps children develop a mindset focused on finding solutions. 

Asking open-ended questions such as “What do you think you could do now?” or “How have you handled this before?” encourages them to think critically. 

Over time, these discussions empower kids to handle setbacks on their own, building self-esteem and a sense of competence. This is especially important for children under 12, when their sense of ability is being formed.

Children who believe their abilities can improve with effort are more resilient in the face of adversity. Rather than solely praising outcomes, commend effort, creativity and persistence. 

For example, saying “I noticed how hard you worked on that project” instead of “Good job for getting an A+” reinforces that growth comes through effort. 

This subtle shift in language helps children understand that challenges are opportunities for learning, preparing them to face difficulties with determination rather than fear.

Consistent routines and clear boundaries are essential for a child’s sense of security. A predictable schedule — such as a regular bedtime and clear rules like homework must be done before soccer practice — creates an environment where children feel safe. 

Such routines reduce anxiety by eliminating uncertainty and allow kids the psychological freedom to learn and play. Once established, these routines help children handle occasional changes more easily.

Assigning age-appropriate responsibilities, like making lunch or cleaning their room, helps children feel industrious and builds self-confidence. Regular chores contribute to a realistic understanding of how a home and family function. 

Research shows that kids who do chores regularly develop a stronger sense of responsibility, self-reliance, better time management and improved cooperative social relationships.

Discussing failure as a part of growth is essential. Share your own struggles and the lessons learned from your setbacks. 

An example of this could sound like: “I know you’re disappointed right now, and that’s understandable given how much effort you put into the baseball tryouts. But I hope you can feel proud of yourself for working outside of practice on your pitches on weekends and early mornings. What do you think you can do differently next time you try out? I believe in you, and I know you’ll keep working at things you care about.”

When children see that failure is not the end but a stepping stone for learning, they are more willing to take risks and develop resilience.

A child’s mental health is closely connected to their parent’s well-being. By taking care of your own mental health, you are better equipped to meet your child’s needs. 

Modeling self-care and healthy coping skills sets the foundation for how your child will handle stress. Normalizing conversations about mental health helps destigmatize these topics and encourages both children and parents to seek support when needed.

Dr. Sheryl Ziegler is a licensed clinical psychologist with over two decades of experience working with children and families in private practice. She is the author of “Mommy Burnout: How to Reclaim Your Life and Raise Healthier Children in the Process,” and the forthcoming book, ”The Crucial Years: The Essential Guide to Mental Health and Modern Puberty in Middle Childhood.” She is the host of Dr. Sheryl’s PodCouch and is a keynote speaker on chronic stress, parenting and burnout. Follow her on Instagram @drsherylziegler.

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Most couples think they know each other well, but real intimacy is a lot more than just being able to name your partner’s favorite food or TV shows.

As a psychologist, I’ve found that people in the happiest, most successful relationships see in their partner what others can’t or would normally overlook.

If you can answer these five questions below about your partner, your relationship is built on a highly coveted level of understanding and connection. (And if you don’t know the answers? It’s the perfect excuse to start asking.)

We all have those moments that stick with us for life — something a high school teacher said in passing, a compliment from a stranger or a minor rejection that still stings years later.

These events might seem insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but they can radically alter the way we see ourselves, and they rarely come up in casual conversation.

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If you know about one of these small core memories in your partner’s life, it means you’ve had the kind of deep conversations that reveal the invisible threads of their personhood.

When life gets hectic, everyone has their own way of mentally checking out. Some fantasize about quitting their job and moving to a remote island. Others scroll real estate listings for cities they’ll never move to, or envision alternate versions of their life.

This is so much more than just a quirky habit; it’s a window into how your partner copes with stress. If you know the answer, it means you understand their inner workings, and that’s a rare kind of closeness.

We all have social scenarios that make us feel uneasy. Maybe your partner dreads small talk at parties, or they hate ordering at a restaurant in a group setting.

Knowing what makes your partner uncomfortable means you can be a source of support in situations where they might otherwise just grin and bear it. This is a sign that you’re truly attuned to their subtle mood changes — something that the untrained eye wouldn’t notice.

Whether we like it or not, we inherit certain habits from our upbringing — some good, some bad. For example, maybe your partner has a hard time accepting compliments because they never got any growing up.

If you know what habit your partner struggles with, it means you’ve had the vulnerable conversations about the family dynamics that shaped them into who they are today. These are the kinds of details most people don’t get the chance to learn, or simply don’t care to.

Everyone has accomplishments that they’re secretly proud of, but refrain from announcing to the world.

Maybe your partner once helped a stranger in a way that changed their life, or they pushed through a health, family or finance-related struggle that no one knows about. 

If you know about any of their unsung victories, it means your partner feels safe enough to share their most humble, meaningful moments with you. That kind of trust is invaluable in a relationship.

Mark Travers, PhD, is a psychologist who specializes in relationships. He holds degrees from Cornell University and the University of Colorado Boulder. He is the lead psychologist at Awake Therapy, a telehealth company that provides online psychotherapy, counseling and coaching. He is also the curator of the popular mental health and wellness website, Therapytips.org.

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If you’ve ever found yourself re-reading text messages, replaying conversations in your head, or getting second and third opinions about what happened between you and a partner, you might have been a victim of gaslighting.

The term, which originally appeared in a 1938 play about a husband who convinces his wife she is going insane, now refers to being misled and manipulated for someone else’s gain.

When it comes to romantic relationships it can be especially damaging to your confidence, says Grace Lee, a New York City-based dating coach and founder of A Good First Date.

“Gaslighting is so awful because it really undermines the relationship we have with ourselves,” she says.

You start to question your own judgement and whether you interpreted certain actions correctly.

On top of being emotionally damaging, it’s also “extremely hard to call out,” says Vanessa Kennedy, the director of psychology at Driftwood Recovery.

“At the beginning of a relationship gaslighting behavior and manipulation is intermittent,” she says. “Someone who engages in gaslighting is, at the beginning, making subtle attempts to get you to question your competence or your memory, but they might alternate that behavior with love bombing. It makes it very confusing.”

There are some phrases, though, that should raise red flags if used early on in a courtship.

If you’re on a date and they make a rude comment, but say it was for your own benefit, this is an early sign of gaslighting.

Kennedy gives this example: You and your partner or potential partner are at a party and they make a negative comment about how much you’ve eaten.

“If they say something hurtful to you like that, later on they may reframe that event as ‘I was trying to help you. I was trying to give you that feedback so that other people wouldn’t perceive that you were eating too much because I care about you and I don’t want other people to make fun of you,’” she says.

This couches the comment in care while also making you feel insecure.

Someone who engages in gaslighting behavior will make you second-guess your emotional response.

Phrases like “That’s not the way I meant it” or “You’re being sensitive” are intended to “make you question, whether you may be overreacting to something that should be taken more lightly when, in reality, their behavior is crossing a boundary or harmful to you,” Kennedy says.

Expressing yourself to a gaslighting partner will start to feel unsafe because they consistently downplay any harm they might have caused.

If you tell them that you’re upset, they’ll likely bring up “big picture” issues and say something like, “In the grand scheme of things, this isn’t a big deal.”

“The behavior is intended to control the other person and ultimately make them more dependent on the gaslighter for reassurance or security,” Kennedy says.

If you feel belittled when communicating how a potential partner’s actions affected you, these are early signs that they might not be able to engage in a healthy partnership right now.

And while conflict is inevitable, there are more productive ways to resolve problems.

In her new book “Talk: The Science Of Conversation And The Art of Being Ourselves,” Harvard Business School professor Alison Wood Brooks, offers guidance on how to navigate uncomfortable conversations.

“It’s not a sporadic challenge that romantic couples have to deal with,” she says. “They need a tool kit that they have ready for almost every interaction so that they can confront these difficult moments whenever they pop up.”

People who are good finding a solution use these three steps to handle conflict :

1. Repeat back what you said. This signals they understand what you’re saying and gives you a chance to correct them.
2. Validate your feelings. “They do a really good job affirming the other person and validating their feelings, even if they really, vehemently disagree with them,” Brooks says.
3. Tell their side of the story. Once they have completely validated your emotions, they calmly express their own reasoning.

By focusing on how you both can resolve a skirmish, as opposed to convincing you that they did nothing wrong, they can show you that they are equipped to handle any miscommunications that crop up.

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