Manchester derby encapsulates why this is United’s ‘worst season’
They traded songs about Manchester City being the best team in the world and Manchester United having won the lot. Call it wishful thinking, nostalgia or simply a distraction from a dull, dismal derby as mediocrity and mundanity ruled at Old Trafford. The 196th derby simply illustrated the slide in standards on both sides of Manchester.
An afternoon notable for the presence of iconic greats – Eric Cantona in the stands, Kevin De Bruyne in the City forward line – was a reminder of what these clubs have been. Now they are 13th and fifth. If City finish any lower and fail to reach the Champions League, the five points dropped against United this season will appear particularly costly. “I prefer to have 10 more points or 20 more but it is what it is,” shrugged Pep Guardiola. “Old Trafford is Old Trafford.”
Even one of United’s better results under Ruben Amorim means they are now mathematically certain to finish with fewer points than last season. They did at least reach 38, the mythical number that denotes safety from relegation, though that should prompt few celebrations. “We are doing the worst season in history,” said Amorim, with a certain flair. “Manchester City is struggling. We are not in the moments to give the best spectacle.”
They did not. “Everywhere we need to improve in every aspect,” added Amorim, with a bracing honesty. Yet even as United added to his respectable draws against some of the elite, it came with a 5-4-1 formation, a low block to protect their slow players, scant threat and little evidence of progress. “I’m not naive or crazy, I can see the moment we are in, I can look at the opponents and understand there is a big gap,” said Amorim, defending an unambitious approach.
For City, there was no cutting edge without Erling Haaland and little creativity, even with De Bruyne playing his final derby. Arguably, two defensively susceptible sides kept clean sheets because the other was too inept to score. The watching Scott Parker, whose Burnley side have amassed stalemates this season, witnessed another.
It was defined by what didn’t happen. There was no third successive win over Guardiola for Amorim, a feat only Jurgen Klopp and Thomas Tuchel have managed. Nor was there a record-equalling eighth win at Old Trafford for Guardiola, who remains one behind Brian Clough.
This could at least contain fond memories for De Bruyne. He ended with a hug of appreciation and a tribute from Bruno Fernandes. “If City is where he is and Manchester United haven’t won many trophies in this period, that is because of Kevin,” said the United captain. Maybe a sentimental streak in Guardiola was apparent as De Bruyne started, and at centre-forward. It was a throwback: from the Nou Camp in 2016 to the 2021 Champions League final, Guardiola has used him in lieu of a specialist striker before.
It rendered him an ersatz replacement for Haaland, minus the goals. There were hints of the old drive, a man carrying the attack to United. Even in his dotage, De Bruyne still has a central-character energy. Too few others did.
“We were not in the right position to hurt them more,” Guardiola lamented. Shifted wide as a result of the captain’s inclusion, Omar Marmoush felt wasted on the left, United allowing him too little room to use his pace, City affording him too little service. Marmoush at least drew Andre Onana’s two best stops, parrying a free kick and fielding a ferocious hit. Meanwhile, Phil Foden’s funk continued: a scorer of six goals against United in the past three years spurned his best chance, stumbling to prod a shot tamely wide. Foden’s mother was targeted in some unedifying chants. Guardiola said: “It is lack of integrity, class and they should be ashamed but it happens everywhere.”
There was too little of the right sort of aggression derbies can bring. The save of the game came from Ederson, repelling the substitute Joshua Zirkzee’s half-volley. The provider was Patrick Dorgu; it was, though, one of the few things the January signing did right. With City more open than their hosts, United had the opportunity to fashion more openings. They rarely took them, due in part to a lack of quality. Dorgu was a particular culprit, a terrible touch when found by Diogo Dalot an emblematic moment.
“We needed a killer instinct,” rued Fernandes; once again, without Marcus Rashford, United lacked one. They have one first-half goal in open play in their last 25 games, and did not add to that slender tally. They looked at their most dangerous in the first 25 seconds, when Alejandro Garnacho surged forward, Ruben Dias fouled him on the edge of the box and collected a booking. It was almost an explosive start. It was scarcely an omen of things to come.
Instead, it was shaped by various mishaps. By Dorgu’s various mishaps. By Casemiro pinging a pass into the advertising hoardings. By Matheus Nunes gifting United a throw as he failed to control De Bruyne’s lay-off. And when the blunders live longest in the memory, it is rarely a good sign.
Michelle Williams’s raunchy cancer dramedy Dying for Sex is a joy
TV series adapted from podcasts are in search of one thing: intimacy. It is what the audio format thrives on. A familiarity with the voices whispering in your ear that makes you feel like you are amongst friends or with family. Dying for Sex was just such a podcast: the story, told through its host Nikki Boyer, of her friend Molly Kochan and the existential journey she took after a terminal diagnosis. Now the podcast gets sexed up for the small screen, with Michelle Williams taking the lead role in a charming, warm Disney+ adaptation.
Molly’s cancer is back. Back, and incurable. “If you’re dying,” her best friend Nikki (Jenny Slate) asks her as she reels from the diagnosis, “why are you weirdly vibing right now?” If the cancer has turned Molly’s life on its head, her subsequent decisions have her spinning like a 90s breakdancer. She leaves her irritating husband Steve (Jay Duplass), putting her care in the hands of Nikki, who she describes as “a beautiful flake”. Then Molly embarks on a “sex quest”, a voyage through New York City’s eligible (and ineligible) men in pursuit of something she has never experienced: a partnered orgasm.
Created by Elizabeth Meriwether, the writer behind New Girl, one of the best sitcoms of the 21st century, and Kim Rosenstock, Dying for Sex could easily have been a knockabout raunchfest. The Bucket List with dildos and riding crops and cock cages. But Meriwether keeps her taste for zany oddballs largely in check here. Molly is thoughtful, curious but, ultimately, played rather straight (Williams has one of the great faces, but is not a natural comic actor). Nikki is a conduit for a more chaotic energy, but even she is played closer to the timbre of Lena Dunham’s Girls (in which Slate made a fleeting appearance) than the overblown mania of New Girl’s breakout character, memeable fuss-pot Schmidt. This is a project in a lilting minor key, where the comedy plays second fiddle to notes of melancholy.
Which isn’t to say that Dying for Sex is a weepie either. The necessity for a box of Kleenex is split quite evenly between the two parts of its title. “There’s a whole world out there,” Molly’s palliative care nurse Sonya (Esco Jouléy) tells her. “If you want it.” And so rather than focus on the gruelling regimen of chemo and radiation, Molly’s story is told largely through a picaresque series of sexual encounters, which often culminate in stolen moments – sometimes involving sexually degrading commentary; sometimes involving tenderly eating snacks – with her vaguely disgusting unnamed neighbour (Rob Delaney). There’s the man who wants to be humiliated for having a small penis (the twist: it’s big) or the 25-year-old desperate for her to “clasp” his balls. Her journey into kink is rendered vividly but palatably: even her human pet, who she pees on, is rather handsome. More Kennel Club than dive bar.
With its interest in fetish, Dying for Sex is, in a way, more explicit than many TV shows that have dealt directly with sex in the past. And yet it has a softness that might blunt its edge for some viewers. The comedy, too, is a gentle thing, more often dictated by the situations in which Molly finds herself (such as Steve’s arrival at her chemo session with his new girlfriend) than big set-piece yucks (though I did laugh out loud at a joke about Bill de Blasio). It feels like there is an emerging model for American limited series – like Painkiller or The Shrink Next Door – which straddle a line between comedy and drama without fully committing to either. The 30-minute format of Dying for Sex makes it feel like it’s in classical sitcom territory, yet it is played with a deep attention to Molly’s interiority (she simultaneously narrates the action) and focused on issues, like childhood trauma and mortality, that hit hard.
It is credit, then, to Williams’s performance, and the lightness of touch that Meriwether brings, that Dying for Sex manages to bottle the intimacy of the podcast form. In spite of its subject matter, it feels soothing, a parasocial balm to the ills of the human condition. It might not be family viewing, but it has a universality. To love, to lose, to fight, to f***: these are the experiences that round out a life. Dying for Sex is, in the end, the ultimate switch: an ode to both taking control and losing it.
Island hopping in Dubrovnik: from nature to adventure, your itinerary
There’s more to the area around Dubrovnik than just the beautiful, UNESCO-heritage city which has been drawing crowds for decades. So while you shouldn’t miss the chance to explore its medieval City Walls, take in its Baroque cathedrals and churches, or simply stroll along the Stradun, consider an island-hopping adventure, which will bring you back to nature and make you forget urban life…for a while, at least. The Croatian archipelago lies along the eastern coast of the Adriatic Sea and has 1,244 natural formations, of which 78 are islands; so, where on earth to begin?
Start with Mljet, known as the ‘Green Island’ due to its dense forest. It takes around one hour and forty minutes to reach by ferry from Dubrovnik and also boasts Mediterranean landscapes, aquamarine seas, and soft, sandy shorelines. At its western end you’ll find 13,000 acres of tranquil National Park, criss-crossed with sheltered walking and cycling tracks, a ruggedly beautiful coastline, ancient ruins and saltwater lakes. Look out for the sprawling remains of a vast, 5th century Roman palace on the waterfront of nearby Polače village. If you enjoy hiking, one of the most popular trails leads to the summit of Montokuc, the highest point in the National Park, which will reward you with a stunning panorama of the island’s lush greenery, the Veliko Jezero and Malo Jezero lakes, and the Adriatic Sea that surrounds it.
However, if you prefer to explore on two wheels, there are several trails which take you through forests, along the lakeshore, and past beautiful viewpoints. These lakes (Velike means ‘Big Lake’ while Malo is ‘Small Lake’) are perfect for swimming and snorkelling – just dive right into their calm, crystal-clear waters. Alternatively, you can explore them by kayak, taking in the scenic forest and cliff views at your own pace; look out for the small islet of St Mary’s in the middle, home to an ancient Benedictine monastery.
Bigger, and a bit busier, is Korčula, whose unspoiled landscapes are reached by a two-hour ferry journey from Dubrovnik. The island got its name after the Ancient Greeks saw its dense oak and pine forests and called it Korkyra Melaina, meaning ‘Black Corfu’.
The medieval main town offers picturesque cobbled streets, crenellated walls and a 15th century Gothic Renaissance cathedral, which houses works by Venetian artist Tintoretto. Head to the top of its bell tower for magnificent views out to sea. Away from its quiet charm, you’ll also find unspoiled beaches and coves, and acres of vineyards and olive groves which produce the island’s excellent local olive oil and wine. Don’t miss the archaeological site of Vela Spila, on the west coast, a large, domed cavern which housed prehistoric communities over 18,000 years ago.
If it’s beaches you’re after, make a beeline for Lumbarda, a small fisherman’s village with the best – and only – sandy beaches on the island. Vela Pržina has year-round warm seas, while neighbouring Bilin Žal is popular with families thanks to its shallow water, ideal for paddling.
Korčula also has an archipelago of its own, called Škoji; hop on a water taxi from the old town’s marina to explore the idyllic isles of Badija, home to a 15th century Franciscan monastery and a herd of fallow deer, busier Stupe, home to buzzy beach clubs, restaurants and bars, and small, delightful Vrnik, with a pebbled beach perfect for paddling and sunbathing.
If all that feels like too much civilisation, head for Lastovo, a tiny paradise which is Croatia’s most remote inhabited island. With a population of less than a thousand people, this is where to visit when you want absolute quiet and seclusion. Here you’ll find thick forests, craggy coastline, and peaceful walking trails, where the only sounds you’ll hear are the waves rolling in, and occasional birdsong.
Together with its surrounding archipelago, it makes up the Lastovsko Otocje (Lastovo Nature Park), one of the best-preserved marine areas in the Adriatic. Think clifftop views, woodland hikes, and swimming around sea caves and coral reefs, all within a chain of small islands.
Whichever one you choose – and why not choose them all? – you can guarantee a truly magnificent holiday.
For more Dubrovnik travel inspiration and information, head to Visit Dubrovnik