Many American families are increasingly struggling to keep up with the cost of living in most of the 50 U.S. states. 

The U.S. median household income rose between 2022 and 2023 to just over $80,000 a year, according to the most recent Census Bureau data. But a family of four needs at least $186,618 a year to live comfortably in Mississippi in 2025, the country’s most affordable state, found a SmartAsset study that published on June 4.

“Living comfortably” means having enough income to dedicate 50% to necessary costs, 30% to discretionary wants and 20% to debt payments and saving, also known as following the 50/30/20 budget, according to the study.

In Massachusetts, the most expensive state in the U.S., a family of four needs more than $300,000 per year to meet that threshold. Costs of living grew by over 4% in that state from 2024, slightly more than the national average of 3.87%, SmartAsset’s analysis found. 

Boston has the highest cost of raising a child in the country, a separate SmartAsset study recently found, and much of that total cost comes from child care. Raising a child in Boston costs an estimated $39,221 per year, including $23,800 just for child care, according to SmartAsset.

Having children typically gives families other added costs, too: food, supplies and, in some instances, increased housing costs.

The cost of living for families in other states may not be quite as high as in Massachusetts, but three states — Vermont, New Jersey and Montana — are on track to rapidly catch up, with double-digit growth rates from 2024, found SmartAsset’s report.

On the flip side, overall costs of living actually shrank from 2024 in six states, the report said: Hawaii, New York, Georgia, Delaware, Michigan and Iowa.

SmartAsset used the Massachusetts Institute of Technology’s living wage calculator to estimate the annual cost of essentials in each state. MIT calculates family living costs for two working adults and two children and includes essentials like housing and food for all those family members as well as child care.

Here’s the income it takes for families of four to live comfortably in all 50 states in 2025, according to the study:

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $194,522
• Change from 2024: 0.47%

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $259,002
• Change from 2024: 6.76%

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $237,952
• Change from 2024: 3.17%

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $193,773
• Change from 2024: 7.18%

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $287,456
• Change from 2024: 3.88%

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $273,728
• Change from 2024: 3.30%

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $290,368
• Change from 2024: 3.75%

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $223,142
• Change from 2024: -2.54%

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $217,651
• Change from 2024: 4.10%

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $210,829
• Change from 2024: -0.94%

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $294,362
• Change from 2024: -0.08%

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $223,142
• Change from 2024: 5.63%

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $234,291
• Change from 2024: 1.00%

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $220,230
• Change from 2024: 6.91%

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $202,675
• Change from 2024: -4.13%

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $200,678
• Change from 2024: 1.99%

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $192,941
• Change from 2024: 1.49%

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $199,597
• Change from 2024: 5.27%

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $239,699
• Change from 2024: 4.42%

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $259,168
• Change from 2024: 8.23%

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $313,747
• Change from 2024: 4.17%

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $207,584
• Change from 2024: -3.22%

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $251,264
• Change from 2024: 2.65%

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $186,618
• Change from 2024: 4.96%

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $218,317
• Change from 2024: 7.94%

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $234,957
• Change from 2024: 11.14%

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $215,738
• Change from 2024: 1.25%

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $238,534
• Change from 2024: 0.53%

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $259,501
• Change from 2024: 6.31%

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $282,714
• Change from 2024: 12.55%

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $220,813
• Change from 2024: 8.28%

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $276,973
• Change from 2024: -0.72%

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $210,746
• Change from 2024: 0.68%

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $207,334
• Change from 2024: 2.55%

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $220,563
• Change from 2024: 5.37%

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $208,749
• Change from 2024: 7.54%

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $261,914
• Change from 2024: 1.78%

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $248,435
• Change from 2024: 7.80%

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $256,672
• Change from 2024: 2.97%

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $208,333
• Change from 2024: 3.77%

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $197,933
• Change from 2024: 2.76%

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $200,678
• Change from 2024: 2.51%

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $204,922
• Change from 2024: 1.78%

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $231,046
• Change from 2024: 5.75%

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $286,790
• Change from 2024: 15.48%

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $241,696
• Change from 2024: 2.76%

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $277,888
• Change from 2024: 7.95%

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $195,354
• Change from 2024: 3.16%

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $225,555
• Change from 2024: 0.22%

• Income needed for a four-person family, 2025: $209,914
• Change from 2024: 3.19%

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My commute might look pretty unusual to most people: I usually catch a 7 a.m. flight from Los Angeles to San Francisco every Wednesday and fly home every Friday night — traveling about five hours door-to-door each way.

I never planned on becoming a supercommuter. But an unexpected conversation turned into a job offer, and I found myself splitting my life between two cities.

I live in Los Angeles, but I lead sales and marketing as Head of GTM (go-to-market) at the AI startup daydream. In addition to two flights, my weekly commute also consists of too many Ubers and more 4:30 a.m. alarms than I care to count.

A year into my supercommute, though, I can say that what started out as exhausting — and honestly a little unhinged — turned into one of the best career decisions I’ve made.

Here’s why I chose this path, and what I’ve learned from it.

The biggest driver behind my decision was access. San Francisco’s AI scene has a concentration of builders, thinkers, and off-the-record conversations that Los Angeles just could not match.

It’s easy to underestimate the power of proximity these days, but being in the room changes everything. You meet someone at a panel, grab coffee after, and suddenly, you’re part of the conversation.

That’s how I landed this role. I connected with someone in San Francisco over a shared interest in search engine optimization (SEO), which is the process of adapting your website to reach more users through search. A few chats later, they said, “Is it crazy if we brought you on?” I had no sales background, but I said yes and figured it out as I went.

These kinds of doors don’t usually open over Zoom. The last three roles I’ve landed all came from face-to-face interactions. 

Being in the room helped me get my bearings and succeed as I pivoted to a new industry and a new job function. It meant I could solve problems shoulder-to-shoulder with colleagues, bounce ideas around in real-time, build trust with clients, and boost team morale. That’s hard to replicate from a screen. 

San Francisco offered a chance to step into a bigger role. At daydream, I lead all our go-to-market efforts. It’s high-stakes, fast-paced work that pushes me to learn constantly.

But Los Angeles is home. My family is here. So are my closest friends, some since the 2nd grade. It’s where I reset and feel like myself again, whether that’s through dance classes, quiet walks, or simply being around people who know me beyond my job title. 

It’s also where I run my personal finance coaching business, Doing Well, in the evenings and on weekends. I started it after building a money management system to overcome my own financial anxiety, and now we help others do the same.

Juggling a business and a full-time job is exhausting, and being in Los Angeles — near my support system and many of my earliest clients — helps me stay grounded and motivated to keep my side hustle going. 

I didn’t want to give up what either city had to offer, so I chose both, even though it meant living out of a suitcase.

Despite the wins you might see now, the first few months were hard. I left a stable job. I’ve cried in Ubers and eaten solo dinners at the office. And I bounced between short-term rentals, often in sketchy neighborhoods, to save money.

Typically, daydream encourages people to relocate. Since I made the choice to supercommute, the travel costs are on me. So I pay for every flight and hotel out of pocket, averaging around $450 per week. 

At first, I didn’t feel grounded in either city. I work remotely from Los Angeles on Mondays and Tuesdays, then in San Francisco Wednesday through Friday. In the early months, I hadn’t built community in San Francisco yet. And even though I had deep roots in Los Angeles, the constant travel made it hard to be fully present.

I started doing affirmations and reminding myself every morning why I was doing this: to level up my career and take on bigger responsibilities that push me to grow. Discomfort wasn’t a sign to quit. It was part of the process. Eventually, it became proof that I was building my skills, expanding my network, gaining confidence, and opening new doors for myself.

A year into this commute, things are finally clicking. I still pack bags, hop flights, and juggle multiple projects, but now it feels like momentum, not chaos. I’ve built deeper relationships, shined in my new role, and stayed connected to the life I love in Los Angeles.

Some opportunities are earned that way — by showing up again and again, even if it means flying five hours to do it.

Janet Lee is the Head of GTM at daydream, an AI startup that helps companies grow by building and managing their end-to-end organic growth engine, from SEO to generative engine optimization (GEO). She also founded Doing Well, a personal finance company that offers monthly coaching and bookkeeping to help people manage their money, build better habits, and make informed financial decisions. She regularly shares personal finance and career insights on her socials @startdoingwell. Find her on Linkedin.

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In 2023, about 11% of Americans officially lived in poverty, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. Even more struggle financially, though — and the share may be higher than you think.

Many of the headline economic stats you see are based on “survival indexes,” says Gene Ludwig, founder of the Ludwig Institute for Shared Economic Prosperity, and don’t reflect Americans’ full financial picture.

“What people are thinking about — a real shared prosperity — is not, ‘I can survive,’ but, ‘What does it take to live a middle-class life?’” he says. ”‘What does it take to be on the first rung, at least, of the American dream?’”

To that end, LISEP developed a “Minimal Quality of Life Index,” which takes into account not only essentials, such as food and shelter, but also the costs living a fulfilling life with a chance at upward mobility. Food costs in the model, for example, include occasional trips to casual restaurants as well as the cost of hosting an annual holiday meal. The index factors in basic leisure costs, such as cable and streaming subscriptions, and trips to the six movies and two MLB games per year in the cheap seats.

According to LISEP’s analysis, most Americans don’t meet that standard. In 2023, the bottom 60% of households by income fell well short of the threshold for a minimal quality of life.

That’s largely because wages have failed to keep up with rising costs, the researchers say. Medical premiums rose 301% from 2001 to 2023, they note, while travel expenses were up 170%. Rent grew by 131%. The cost of raising children, which includes saving for higher education, by LISEP’s estimates, grew by 107%.

With wages failing to keep pace, LISEP finds that consumers’ real spending power decreased by 4%, on average, over that period.

Americans who fall short of the minimal quality of life costs may sink into debt or have to forego important financial planning steps, such as saving for college or investing for retirement, to afford modest discretionary expenses such as a gym membership or an occasional vacation.

For families looking to get on the path to upward mobility, “it is hard to give advice without being patronizing,” says Kevin Brady, a certified financial planner with Wealthspire Advisors. If your budget is stretched thin and you have mouths to feed, there’s only so much financial maneuvering that can help.

That said, there are a couple key things you can do to lower your living costs and help you put more money toward your goals.

1. Focus on the ‘big three’ expenses

You may feel guilty about spending on some of the things that bring you or your family joy, but those small luxuries likely don’t break your budget.

“I get tired of the ‘Stop your Starbucks latte habit’ [advice], because in reality it’s not people’s fault,” says  Laura Lynch, a CFP and founder of The Tiny House Adviser. “The structures around us have created an expectation of a lifestyle that is increasingly becoming unreachable for folks.”

You’re better off focusing on the major tentpoles of your budget, experts say: Housing, transportation and food costs.

Marcos Segrera, a CFP and principal at Evensky & Katz/Foldes Wealth Management, calls these the “Big Three,” and attacking them may involve some creativity. “This might mean refinancing a mortgage, choosing a more fuel-efficient or used car, or embracing meal planning to cut down on food waste and expensive takeout,” he says.

You may want to consider outside-the box solutions to lowering your housing costs, says Lynch. “Co-housing, tiny homes, [accessory dwelling units], multi-generational ownership are all ways to share expenses, resources and create wealth,” she says.

2. Look to boost your income

It’s easier to fund your financial goals — paying down debt, building an emergency fund, investing for the future — if there is more money to go around. So “one other piece of advice I have here is to not just focus on expenses, but think more about growing your income however possible,” says Brady. “Again, it is easy to say but harder to do this.”

Boosting your income may mean asking for a raise or finding a different job altogether. Workers who switched companies in May earned an average pay bump of 7%, according to data from ADP.

It may make sense to look for inexpensive ways to increase your workplace skills or to familiarize yourself with emerging technologies, such as AI, Brady says. You may even think about picking up a side hustle.

You may find it less difficult, in the end, to bring in more money than to cut back on what you provide for the people you love. “Look at both sides, not just spending,” says Brady. “Because with a young family, that might be hard to change.”

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In blue zones, communities known for having the highest life expectancies in the world, longevity researcher Dan Buettner says breakfast is a top priority. Based on his time and research in places like Okinawa, Japan and Sardinia, Italy, Buettner suggests that first meal of the day may be crucial to living a long, healthy life.

“We have a saying, ‘Breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a pauper,’” Buettner, who coined the term “blue zones,” told CNBC Make It last year.

“In blue zones, they are eating the biggest meal of the day for breakfast and then eating smaller meals as the day progresses, oftentimes eating an early dinner and then not eating until breakfast the next day.“

But the breakfasts eaten by residents in blue zones aren’t at all like what Americans typically eat to start the day, he notes.

“People should avoid most of what is marketed to us in America as breakfast foods such as pop tarts, sugar laden cereals, yogurts and granola,” Buettner says.

“Instead, people should take a page out of the blue zones and eat a hearty, healthy breakfast.”

Buettner suggests going for these foods in the morning to mirror the way the world’s longest-lived people eat:

• Beans
• Vegetables
• Rice
• Fruits
• Miso
• Oats

“I often start my day with a minestrone stew full of vegetables and beans,” Buettner says.

“I challenge everyone reading this to try eating minestrone stew or rice and beans as their breakfast for a week and see how they feel.”

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As a child, I was often curious about my father’s absence. My mother navigated those awkward questions with grace, never speaking negatively of him, even on Father’s Day. She’d soften the truth without burdening me with the complexities of his situation: “He loves you, even if you can’t see him.”

Her words resonated deeply, illuminating feelings I didn’t fully comprehend until I became a father myself. Now, as a therapist and the author of “Present: The Crisis of American Fatherhood and the Power of Showing Up,” I’ve dedicated over a decade to supporting fathers who want to reconnect with their kids.

Many of these dads are often misunderstood. They face barriers like divorce, incarceration, substance use, unemployment and mental health challenges. A common narrative paints them as uncaring simply because they aren’t physically present.

So let’s pause and challenge this assumption. One phrase I hate hearing on Father’s Day is, “You should step it up.” (A similar one is, “Why aren’t you more present?”) Instead, we should acknowledge these fathers. A simple gesture can go a long way: “You are important, and we celebrate you today. Support is here if you ask for it.”

Here are a few things I’ve learned over the last decade in working with dads.

It’s tempting to join the chorus of voices that equate physical absence with emotional unavailability or lack of interest. Yet, if we take a moment to reflect on that first time we held our children, we realize that no father dreams of being apart from their child, especially on special days like Father’s Day.

For many dads, the day is a painful reminder of their absence, and acknowledging them can provide a much-needed lifeline. As a therapist, it would be remiss of me not to say that it is okay to go to therapy as a man.

Just like athletes rely on coaches and teammates, parents need their own support systems.

Do you have someone to call when you’re feeling under the weather? If not, consider finding a trusted doctor. Do you have a friend you can lean on when you’re feeling down? If not, think about reaching out someone you’ve always felt comfortable talking to.

Every parent, especially fathers facing challenges, benefits from a supportive community. Parenting isn’t something we can do effectively in isolation.

For many, this involves grappling with past choices, regrets and the journey toward reconciliation.

Instead of labeling themselves as “bad fathers,” many dads might shift their narrative to: “I am an imperfect father who tries my best.” This re-translation of self-perception is crucial for healing. They might acknowledge, “I’ve made mistakes, but I’m working on making things right.”

When you confront your past, you can set the stage for growth and connection.

Recent studies, including a working paper from economists at the University of California, Merced, the U.S. Census Bureau and the University of Maryland, reveal the profound effects parental separation has on children, particularly due to divorce.

Factors such as lost financial resources, changes in neighborhood quality and reduced parental involvement account for a significant portion of the negative outcomes children face. Despite the challenges, one truth remains: Separated or struggling parents, whether mothers or fathers, always want the best for their children.

Two narratives can coexist — one of struggle and one of care. Dads may be distant for various reasons, but that doesn’t mean they don’t love and want to support their children. Recognizing the duality in these stories enables us to approach Father’s Day with empathy and understanding.

Let’s rewrite the narrative surrounding fathers, especially those who are struggling or absent. Let’s offer recognition and support. A simple acknowledgment can remind these fathers that their roles matter and that they are not alone in their journey.

By understanding that all fathers, regardless of their struggles, want to do their best for their children, we can help create an environment where all dads feel valued and supported.

Such acknowledgment transforms Father’s Day into a celebration not just of fathers, but of the unbreakable bond of love and dedication they strive to uphold even in their weakest moments.

Charles C. Daniels Jr., PhD, is the co-founder and CEO of Fathers’ UpLift, a nonprofit that provides mental health counseling to help fathers overcome barriers that prevent them from being in their children’s lives. He is a visiting scholar at Yale University and the author of ”Present: The Crisis of American Fatherhood and the Power of Showing Up.” Charles graduated from Bethune-Cookman University and holds a PhD in clinical social work from the Simmons University School of Social Work.

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