As a real estate broker of 10 years, working with clients whose budgets range from $300,000 to $3 million, I can confidently say that there is no perfect house.

Many buyers begin their home search with a long list of “must-haves” and “nice-to-haves.” This is a great starting point, but you can quickly get stuck in the weeds. The real clarity comes once you begin touring homes in person, because that’s when you start to truly understand what you need versus what you want. 

But no matter the budget, location, or market conditions, every home comes with trade-offs. The key is knowing how to evaluate what matters most to you. That’s where the “80-10-10 Rule” comes in.

I did not make up the 80-10-10 rule — I wish I knew who did so we could credit that person. But over time, it’s become a widely adapted industry metric. 

Using it as a guideline, the right house for you will have:

80% of what you love: This is the foundation of your dream home — the elements you can’t live without. Think location, lot size, or architectural style. These are the features you’ll be hard-pressed to change.

10% of what you can improve: These are things you can upgrade over time to bring the home closer to your vision, such as paint color, countertops, flooring, or cosmetic fixtures. Improvements can be done as you settle in.

10% of what you can live with: There might be a neighbor’s fence you’re not keen on, a water tower in the distance — and although these aren’t ideal, they may not be deal-breakers. If it’s minor and livable, don’t let it overshadow the 90% that works.

Most of my clients end up touring somewhere between five to 10 homes before making an offer. If you fall in love with a property early on, I often recommend touring a few more just to reaffirm your decision. Sometimes that first one really is the one, but it’s helpful to have context and you can quickly line up a few other showings.

But to help buyers stay focused and make informed decisions, I created what I call the “L.O.V.E. Framework.” It’s designed to cut through the noise and keep you grounded when touring properties. Because when emotions run high, having a system to fall back on makes all the difference.

Here’s what L.O.V.E. stands for:

• Location: Where is the property situated? Is it close to work, schools, transit, or lifestyle essentials that matter most to you? Location is one of the few things you can’t change, so it should be a top priority.
• Offerings: What is the home actually offering in terms of specs: bedroom/bathroom count, square footage, garage, yard, systems, and infrastructure? Does it meet your current and future needs?
• Value add: Is there potential to improve or build equity over time? Examples include: unfinished basements, cosmetic updates, expansion potential, or zoning upside.
• Exit strategy: What’s the resale potential? Even if you plan to stay long-term, it’s wise to consider how the home will perform in the future market if you ever decide to sell or rent it out.

This acronym helps my clients cut through distractions and focus on the fundamentals that matter most for both lifestyle and long-term value.

Whether you’re just starting your search or feeling stuck midway, remember: There’s no perfect house. but with the right frameworks and systems, there is a right house for you.

Dana Bull is a real estate agent, investor, and partner at Strobeck Antonell Bull & Co. at Compass, an award-winning team proudly serving the Greater Boston area. She is an Accredited Buyer’s Representative (ABR) and Certified Real Estate Negotiation Expert (RENE). She is a mom of four, and a passionate collector of old and antique homes, drawn to properties with character, quirks and stories to tell.

Are you ready to buy a house? Take Smarter by CNBC Make It’s new online course How to Buy Your First Home. Expert instructors will help you weigh the cost of renting vs. buying, financially prepare, and confidently navigate every step of the process—from mortgage basics to closing the deal. Sign up today and use coupon code EARLYBIRD for an introductory discount of 30% off $97 (+taxes and fees) through July 15, 2025.

Jeffrey Bland, 79, is considered the “father of functional medicine.” He’s devoted most of his lifetime to studying the origins of diseases to focus on prevention in healthcare.

The main question Bland’s research looks to answer is this one: “Could we move to a form of healthcare where we’re spending more time worrying about and focusing on how to keep a person from being sick than just treating the sick downstream?”

In 1991, he launched the Institute for Functional Medicine with his wife, Susan, to build off of the research he did under two-time Nobel Laureate Linus Pauling at the Linus Pauling Institute of Science and Medicine in the 1980s. He later launched the Personalized Lifestyle Medicine Institute, of which he is the founder and president. 

Bland turned 79 earlier this year and still practices a lot of what he’s learned is helpful for living a long, healthy life. Here’s what he does every day to stay in good health.

Bland begins with his mindset. “I think you need to start off each day believing that you’re worthy of good health,” he says.

“For me, the first thing is to wake up every morning and just say how grateful you are to be there, to have another day and to do the best job you can and be healthy through your activities,” he says. “That sets the context for everything that follows.”

Every day, Bland does something that’s good for his body. “I try to get at least an hour of some kind of physical activity,” he says. “It could be run-walking, it could be some kind of aerobics. My wife [and I] have a reformer at home for Pilates.”

Bland also suggests keeping a health journal. Track your eating habits, goals you’ve set to improve your overall health and how you’re spending the hour a day you’re designating for physical activity. Through monitoring your daily behaviors, you can determine which foods, exercises, sleep habits and more tend to make you feel your best.

When it comes to his diet, Bland says he focuses on adding more color to his meals. Colorful fruits and vegetables, like strawberries and kale, have phytonutrients that give the foods their distinct colors and tastes, according to Harvard Health Publishing.

Eating plant foods that have phytonutrients can decrease your chances of developing chronic diseases like cardiovascular disease and cancer, the Harvard blog reports. Flavonoids have also been associated with a lower risk of cognitive decline.

Bland schedules at least an hour each day for “meditating relaxation” before bed.

“For me, it’s recreational reading. My job forces me to do a lot of technical reading,” he says. When he reads for fun, Bland particularly enjoys books about nature and adventure.

“I don’t go to sleep thinking about that last email or that last article or that last thing I was writing,” he says.

Bland’s work in functional medicine gives him a sense of purpose that extends beyond just himself, he says. He’s learned that whether its work, spirituality or philanthropy, having a purpose that positively impacts many, and connects him with others, is necessary for him to feel fulfilled in life.

It’s important to have “something that takes you out of the focus on yourself to the fact that you are part of this much broader system that is going to be here after you,” he says.

Contributing to his legacy daily fuels him: “Whatever you contribute is always going to be there.”

Are you ready to buy a house? Take Smarter by CNBC Make It’s new online course How to Buy Your First Home. Expert instructors will help you weigh the cost of renting vs. buying, financially prepare, and confidently navigate every step of the process—from mortgage basics to closing the deal. Sign up today and use coupon code EARLYBIRD for an introductory discount of 30% off $97 (+taxes and fees) through July 15, 2025.

Plus, sign up for CNBC Make It’s newsletter to get tips and tricks for success at work, with money and in life, and request to join our exclusive community on LinkedIn to connect with experts and peers.

Most people in the early stages of a new romance look for evidence that confirms their compatibility. Not my husband and me.

Despite having chemistry, we started with the hypothesis that we weren’t a good match. We would discover a deal-breaker down the road — something big like how much money we wanted to give our aging parents or something small like what temperature room we like to sleep in — that would lead to our demise.

At the time, we were both tenured professors in the same academic department at the same university. If things went bust, it would be very uncomfortable to go to work each day. Academic jobs are hard to come by, which meant we might be stuck in that awkward situation for life. 

So we created a list of questions, guided by basic principles of relationship science, that are critical for couples to openly communicate about if they want to know whether they’re really compatible. Unlike the questions you find on dating apps, they don’t apply to everyone. We tailored our list to us. If you’re making a list with your current or prospective partner, I’d suggest you do the same.

But to help you build your questionnaire, here are the main themes you should focus on, with a few examples to get you started: 

Conflict over money is a big driver of divorce. Couples fight over big money issues but also small ones, like whether they should spend money on a house cleaner. These issues can lead to a pattern of conflict that is tough to get out of. 

Ask questions like:

• Do you like to spend money as you make it, or squirrel it away for later?
• How much should we each pay for stuff? Split dinners? Share costs of vacations?

The stress we feel at work has an outsized effect on our interpersonal relationships, even influencing sexual function, like the ability to reach orgasm.  

Ask questions like:

• How do you manage workplace stress?
• How important is your job to your identity? 
• How do you feel about making sacrifices for my career?

Money and career are must-discuss topics, and, depending on your circumstances, so are other big categories like kids, parents, and religion. 

Ask questions like:

• Do you want any kids (or any more kids)? 
• What are your thoughts about co-sleeping with kids? 
• How often do you want to visit your parents? 
• How important is it to you that they like me? What if they don’t?
• If I’m religious (or anti-religious), would that bug you?

When we have chemistry with someone and feel aligned with them on big things like values and goals, we assume the daily things will fall into place. But they can be real relationship deal-breakers.  

Sleep is a must on this list; it’s one the strongest predictors of health outcomes and relationship satisfaction. But I also suggest touching on food, pets, humor, and time alone. 

Ask questions like:

• What’s your ideal bedtime? 
• Do you have sleep apnea? Do you see a CPAP machine (a breathing machine used to treat sleep apnea) in your future?
• Do you like to cook, eat take out, or both?
• Do you like pets? Cats and dogs, or fish and lizards?
• Are you allergic to pets?
• Can we poke fun of each other or does that bug you?

When I think about the importance of physical intimacy, I’m reminded of a scene from “Annie Hall.” Annie and her partner Alvy are both in therapy, shown on a split screen. Their respective therapists ask them, “Do you have sex often?” Alvy laments, “Hardly ever, maybe three times a week,” whereas Annie responds in an exasperated, annoyed tone, “Constantly, I’d say three times a week.” 

Despite its outsized effect on relationship longevity and physical health, we don’t have good social scripts for talking about sex. 

Ask questions like:

• How much sex do you like?
• How open are you about your preferences? 
• What are you into? What are you not into? 

What we’re “allowed” to talk about in relationships is based on norms, and when it comes to relationships, these norms are often morally tinged. There’s a category of taboo questions where even thinking them — let alone asking them out loud — violates social norms. 

In some cases, you’re too embarrassed to ask the question. In others, you worry that caring about the answer will reflect poorly on your character. Ours included questions about family history of mental health problems. 

Here are some others I’ve encountered in my work: 

• Have you ever struggled with a weight problem?
• How do you feel about consensual non-monogamy? 
• Have you ever hit a partner? 
• When you die, are you giving everything to your kids? Or is your will negotiable and could include me? 
• Among widows and widowers: Do you want to be buried next to your (dead) spouse?

We often slide into relationships, rather than making thoughtful, deliberate decisions. Going through this exercise won’t make you feel comfortable, but that’s not the goal. 

What good will avoiding that temporary discomfort do when you find yourself lying awake next to the love of your life, his cat that you’re allergic to at the foot of the bed, feeling all hot and sweaty because he likes it balmy at night and you love the air conditioner?   

Tessa West is a social psychologist and professor at New York University. She has spent years leveraging science to help people solve interpersonal conflicts in the workplace. She’s the author of ”Jerks at Work: Toxic Coworkers and What to Do About Them″ and ”Job Therapy: Finding Work That Works for You.” She is an instructor in CNBC’s online course How to Change Careers and Be Happier at Work.

Are you ready to buy a house? Take Smarter by CNBC Make It’s new online course How to Buy Your First Home. Expert instructors will help you weigh the cost of renting vs. buying, financially prepare, and confidently navigate every step of the process—from mortgage basics to closing the deal. Sign up today and use coupon code EARLYBIRD for an introductory discount of 30% off $97 (+taxes and fees) through July 15, 2025.

Steve Carell wants young people to foster a “simple” soft skill — something “we need more of in the world,” he said in a commencement speech at Northwestern University on June 15: being kind and respectful to others.

Kindness can go a long way in life, the actor and comedian said. It can open doors to new opportunities, allow you to foster deeper connections with your colleagues and help you weather the fear and  uncertainty that can come with starting a new chapter in life, he said.

“It’s difficult for me to process just how much you’ve all experienced in your young lives,” Carell, 62, told the school’s graduating class. “I feel your anxiety and your fears about the world around you and it’s heartbreaking to me. Remember the little things, like being kind and that you’re not alone.”

“Take care of one another,” he added. “Remember to laugh when you have the opportunity and to cry when necessary.”

Carell has a longstanding public reputation as one of the nicer actors in Hollywood. “His niceness manifests itself mostly in the fact that he never complains. You could screw up a handful of takes outside in 104-degree smog-choked Panorama City heat, and Steve Carell’s final words before collapsing of heat stroke would be a friendly and hopeful, ‘Hey, you think you have that shot yet?’” former co-star Mindy Kaling wrote in her 2011 book, “Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

The relationships Carell cultivated with his fellow actors led to job offers and increased responsibility behind the scenes: Will Ferrell and Judd Apatow reportedly both enjoyed working with Carell so much on the movie “Anchorman” that Ferrell offered him a role in “Talladega Nights,” and Apatow cast him and made him a co-writer in “The 40-Year-Old Virgin.”

Outside of Hollywood, some other bosses do specifically look for kindness in their workers. Suzy Welch, a three-time New York Times bestselling author and New York University management professor, says she values employees who can give feedback by combining candor with empathy and kindness.

Acts of kindness like volunteering, donating money and helping strangers more often can lead to healthier, more fulfilling lives, some happiness experts say. “These things are very strongly correlated with improving one’s own life satisfaction, one’s own well-being,” Jan-Emmanuel De Neve, director of the Wellbeing Research Centre at the University of Oxford, told CNBC Make It on May 29.

Kindness is a “dynamic and a virtuous cycle in the sense that, if you’re being virtuous and helping others and being kind to others, that obviously helps the receiving party, but it also helps you,” De Neve said.

On the other hand, being jealous or envious of others is a direct “enemy of kindness,” and can lead to competition, insecurity, reduced empathy for others, Carell warned.

“Envy comes from ignorance and lack of belief in your own gifts,” he said. “Turn your jealousy into admiration and use it to fuel your ambition in a positive way.”

Are you ready to buy a house? Take Smarter by CNBC Make It’s new online course How to Buy Your First Home. Expert instructors will help you weigh the cost of renting vs. buying, financially prepare, and confidently navigate every step of the process—from mortgage basics to closing the deal. Sign up today and use coupon code EARLYBIRD for an introductory discount of 30% off $97 (+taxes and fees) through July 15, 2025.

Plus, sign up for CNBC Make It’s newsletter to get tips and tricks for success at work, with money and in life, and request to join our exclusive community on LinkedIn to connect with experts and peers.

Parents know all too well what it’s like to deal with a kid who refuses to listen: It’s frustrating.

But after years of studying over 200 parent-child relationships, I’ve noticed something fascinating: Parents who rarely deal with defiance don’t make threats, bribes or harsh consequences. They use language that makes children actually want to cooperate.

Traditional parenting phrases (“Stop that,” or “If you don’t do this, then…”) often trigger a child’s fight-or-flight response, activating the part of the brain focused on survival rather than learning. But when we shift to language that honors a child’s autonomy while still holding boundaries, cooperation becomes natural.

Based on my research, and from practicing healthy habits with my own child, here are five toxic phrases that instantly make kids not want to listen — and what to say instead.

What to say instead: “I know you don’t like this decision. I’ll explain, and then we’re moving forward.”

Why it works: “Because I said so” shuts down communication and teaches blind obedience. But explaining your reasoning, even just briefly, helps your child feel respected.

You’re not debating or negotiating — you’re modeling respectful leadership. This phrasing acknowledges their feelings and reinforces that you’re in charge in a calm, grounded way.

What to say instead: “When you’re ready to do [X specific behavior], we can do [X desired activity].”

Why it works: Threats create defiance because they force children into defense mode. This phrase shifts the power dynamic: It keeps your boundary firm while giving your child agency over when they’re ready to meet it. You’re not removing the limit — you’re removing the struggle.

What to say instead: “I see you’re really upset. Tell me what’s happening.”

Why it works: Dismissing a child’s emotions teaches them that their feelings are wrong or too much to handle. Emotional invalidation leads to disconnection, and disconnected kids don’t cooperate.

When a child feels heard, they calm down faster — and trust you more.

What to say instead: “I’ve asked about this a few times. Help me understand what’s making this hard for you.”

Why it works: This frustrated question assumes the child is being intentionally difficult. But often, what looks like defiance is actually confusion, disconnection or a lagging skill. The reframe invites problem-solving instead of blame — and that gets to the root of the issue.

What to say instead: “Something’s getting in the way of your best self right now. Let’s talk about it.”

Why it works: “You know better” shames the child and questions their integrity.

But the alternative phrase reflects a mindset shift — from punishment to partnership. It assumes the best in your child and encourages self-reflection instead of defensiveness. It sends the message: “I believe in you, and I’m here to help.”

It’s not about controlling your child’s behavior — it’s about creating the conditions where cooperation feels natural.

Children thrive when they feel respected, emotionally safe and involved in the process. These phrase shifts are not just linguistic tweaks — they represent a deeper shift in how we view parenting itself. Instead of treating defiance as something to squash, we begin to see it as a signal: a call for connection, clarity or emotional support.

When we respond with empathy and leadership, rather than control and criticism, we reduce power struggles and raise children who trust us, regulate themselves more easily, and grow into emotionally resilient adults.

Reem Raouda is a leading voice in conscious parenting and the creator of FOUNDATIONS — the transformative healing journal for parents ready to break cycles, do the inner work, and become the emotionally safe parent their child needs. She is widely recognized for her groundbreaking work in children’s emotional safety and strengthening the parent-child bond. Follow her on Instagram.

Are you ready to buy a house? Take Smarter by CNBC Make It’s new online course How to Buy Your First Home. Expert instructors will help you weigh the cost of renting vs. buying, financially prepare, and confidently navigate every step of the process—from mortgage basics to closing the deal. Sign up today and use coupon code EARLYBIRD for an introductory discount of 30% off $97 (+taxes and fees) through July 15, 2025.

Plus, sign up for CNBC Make It’s newsletter to get tips and tricks for success at work, with money and in life, and request to join our exclusive community on LinkedIn to connect with experts and peers.