I’ve studied over 200 kids—parents who are ‘really good’ at handling tantrums use 7 ‘calming’ phrases

Every parent knows what it’s like to face tantrums, meltdowns, and emotional outbursts. They can make everyday life feel impossible.

But after years of studying over 200 parent-child relationships (and from practicing healthy habits with my own child), I’ve found that parents who are really good at handling tantrums use language that soothes, validates, and guides. They try to avoid punishments or timeouts, and they understand that a tantrum is a sign of the nervous system in distress.

Here are seven calming yet powerful phrases that emotionally attuned parents use to connect, make their kid feel safe, and ultimately help prevent meltdowns.

1. ‘You’re having a big feeling. I’m right here with you.’

Instead of: “Stop crying right now!”

This phrase does what no consequence can: It grounds a kid in the moment and lets them borrow your calm. It tells their nervous system they don’t have to handle their feelings alone, and that you’re not afraid of their emotions.

When children feel supported through big emotions, they move through them faster and learn they don’t need to escalate to get your attention.

2. ‘I believe you.’

Instead of: “You’re being dramatic. It’s not that bad.”

Kids are often met with responses like, “You’re fine” or “That’s not a big deal!” But parents who say “I believe you” give their child something far more powerful: validation.

Validation strengthens the child’s inner compass and reinforces trust. Children who feel believed calm down quicker because they don’t have to fight to be understood. That sense of trust helps them regulate faster.

3. ‘Your feelings make sense.’

Instead of: “There’s no reason to be upset about this.”

Even if the situation doesn’t seem like a big deal to us, children need to know their reactions are understandable. This phrase helps them organize and process what they’re feeling, rather than shoving it down or acting it out.

When children know their feelings are normal, they stop fighting against them and can move through them more naturally.

4. ‘I’m not upset with you. I’m here to help you through this.’

Instead of: “You’re so frustrating!”

Parents often think they need to show anger to prove a point. But in reality, reassurance deactivates a child’s fight-or-flight response far more effectively than punishment.

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When kids don’t feel threatened by your anger, they can focus on calming down instead of defending themselves.

5. ‘It’s okay to feel angry. I won’t let you hurt yourself or anyone else.’

Instead of: “What’s wrong with you? Stop hitting or else!”

This phrase models boundaries with compassion. It sends the message that all emotions are allowed and valid, but certain actions are not.

During tantrums, your goal should be to set limits without shaming. Children who aren’t shamed for their feelings learn to express them in healthier ways, reducing the intensity and frequency of outbursts.

6. ‘Take your time. I’m not going anywhere.’

Instead of: “Calm down right now!”

Many tantrums are fueled by panic (e.g., panic that love or safety might be withdrawn). This simple phrase reduces anxiety and creates the conditions a child needs to regulate.

When children aren’t rushed through their emotions, they naturally return to calm faster than when they’re pressured to “get over it.”

7. ‘We’ll get through this together.’

Instead of: “You need to figure this out yourself.”

Ultimately, what every child wants to know is this: “Are you still with me, even now?” This phrase reminds them they’re not alone, and that their worth isn’t tied to perfect behavior.

Kids who feel supported through difficult moments build confidence in their ability to handle challenges, making future meltdowns less likely.

The secret to handling tantrums? Moving from control to connection

What makes these phrases so powerful is the mindset shift they represent. Instead of seeing your child’s big emotions as something to stop, you’re seeing them as something to witness. Instead of trying to control their feelings, you’re helping them feel safe enough to process them.

Of course, these phrases won’t stop every meltdown in its tracks. But they plant seeds that grow into something beautiful: a child who trusts their own feelings, knows that they’re worthy of support, and believes that love doesn’t disappear when life gets hard.

Reem Raouda is a leading voice in conscious parenting and the creator of two transformative journals — FOUNDATIONS, the step-by-step healing guide that transforms overwhelmed parents into emotionally safe ones, and BOUND, the connection journal that builds lifelong trust and strengthens the parent-child bond in just minutes a day. She is widely recognized for her expertise in children’s emotional safety and for redefining what it means to raise emotionally healthy kids. Follow her on Instagram.

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Walmart exec shares the ultimate red flag she sees in employees: ‘Nobody’ will want to hire you

If you ask Donna Morris, there’s one behavior that’s the ultimate red flag an employee won’t get far in the workplace: when someone is a “Debbie Downer.”

Morris, 57, has been executive vice president and chief people officer at Walmart since 2020, helping shape the employee experience of 2.1 million workers since the onset of the Covid-19 pandemic. Prior to her current role, she spent 17 years at Adobe in a variety of leadership positions — and throughout her career, she’s learned a thing or two about red flags in the office.

“Nobody wants [to hire] a Debbie Downer,” Morris tells CNBC Make It, adding that this kind of person is “constantly negative. You know they’re going to show up [and] they’re going to bring the problem, never the solution. I like people who bring the problem and a suggestion for how they might resolve [it.]”

A “Debbie Downer” can also be someone who’s a naysayer, sharing negative opinions about others’ ideas and goals, or regularly being a hindrance to new projects and perspectives. This could make it difficult for them to make the connections needed to climb the corporate ladder, or for their bosses and managers to trust them with new projects.

If your co-worker has this character trait, they’re “only going to support you to a restricted limit,” Juliette Han, a Harvard-trained neuroscientist, told CNBC Make It in June 2023. “They need you to stay within a short leash, and might discourage you from meeting new people in the company or going after new projects if it doesn’t benefit them directly.”

That doesn’t mean you should practice toxic optimism, pretending everything is fine when your team is facing difficult circumstances, for example. It’s unnatural and unrealistic for someone to be happy all the time, Morris says. Similarly, a continuous negative spiral could be a signal that you’re in the wrong job or company, she adds.

How to actually get ahead

There are a couple attributes that separate the most highly successful employees to those who fall short, says Morris.

She thinks highly of workers who “deliver what you are expecting at the time that you’re expecting,” she says. “You’re better to deliver early than to deliver late, and you’re better to deliver more than less.”

“Another green flag is they’re open to opportunities, and they put their hand up to take on more,” she adds. “Or they bring a problem with the remedy or request help in a timely manner, as opposed to the house is on fire.”

You can show you have this kind of team player, self-starter attitude by offering help even when you’re not asked for it, like volunteering to mentor the new intern or pitching an idea that solves a problem your boss has been dealing with.

Demonstrating radical intellectual curiosity, like researching a new AI tool or a new software your competitors are using, then sharing your findings with your boss or manager, also goes a long way, according to Michael Ramlett, CEO of global data intelligence firm Morning Consult.

And if you’re willing to help your colleagues along the way, acting as a mentor and sharing the things you’ve learned, that’s the icing on the cake, Morris says.

“People who you see are actually helping others [are a] total green flag.”

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Couple sold their company for $745 million, but felt numb after: ‘We just couldn’t process it’

From the outside, it seemed like Mike and Kass Lazerow had made it.

It was 2012, and the couple from New York had sold the social media marketing platform they co-founded, Buddy Media, to Salesforce for $745 million. To celebrate, they had a lavish party for their employees where Mike walked out on stage to a 20-minute standing ovation, Kass says.

They were supposed to feel euphoric, yet they didn’t. Instead, they felt a “numbness,” Kass, now 54, tells CNBC Make It.

“We get into the Uber to go home … and [Mike] looks at me and goes, ‘OK, so which doctors’ appointments do we have tomorrow for the kids?’” Kass says.

Since 2007, the entrepreneurial couple who started Golf.com during the dot-com bubble had been working relentlessly on their new company. Kass gave birth to their third child just before her husband Mike, now 51, came up with the business idea for Buddy Media. She even nursed her newborn while building desks for an office.

After three pivots, they finally landed on a business model that worked, and once they did, the momentum was “incredible,” says Kass. By the time they sold the company, it was generating at least $50 million in annual recurring revenue, Kass says.

‘We couldn’t process it all at once’

Kass, who left her job as chief operating officer of the company after the sale to become a stay-at-home mom, says it took her a full year of small revelations — and therapy — to fully recognize what they had accomplished.

“I don’t want to compare it to real trauma, but it was like a version of PTSD, because we just couldn’t process it all at once,” Kass says. Outside of work, “you’re the same old schmuck you were before you sold the business,” says Mike.

They lost their sense of purpose as entrepreneurs, Mike says. “We wanted freedom; that we weren’t tied to one business. We didn’t want to sit behind a desk.”

Mike, who was CEO of Buddy Media, transitioned to leading marketing and strategy initiatives at Salesforce. But after four years, Mike says his health started to take a toll from his demanding travel schedule and he missed spending time with his kids.

Kass joined several charity boards, but realized that while the work was meaningful, it didn’t give her the sense of purpose and excitement she was seeking.

“The joy in creating themes and building businesses and winning customers and hiring people, all that stuff that is really exciting,” Mike says.

Losing a sense of purpose after selling a company

Kass and Mike aren’t the only entrepreneurs to feel a sense of aimlessness after selling their company. Jyoti Bansal said selling his company, AppDynamics, to Cisco for $3.7 billion was the “saddest day” because he felt he hadn’t solved the problem that drove him to build the company in the first place, he told CNBC Make It last year.

Jake Kassan lost his drive and identity after selling his watch business for $100 million in 2018, relating the feeling to the movie “Groundhog Day,” where the main character wakes up to the same day over and over again, he said in January.

To get out of their ruts, Bansal, Kassan as well as Kass and Mike all shifted to careers that got them excited again. Kassan said he’s building out his YouTube channel, and Bansal is working on a new startup called Harness, he said.

As for Kass and Mike, Kass says they’re back in the entrepreneurial game in their own way — supporting founders through personal equity investments and sharing insights in their new book, “Shoveling S—.”

“I don’t think I could do another standalone company again,” Kass says. “Those two companies and leading the people part of it — which I take very, very seriously — took just about everything out of me.”

The top 10 U.S. cities for job opportunities and earning potential, according to new report

If you’re looking for a city that offers a robust job market and promising income growth, don’t overlook mid-sized metro areas like Nashville or Omaha.

Both are in the top 10 U.S. cities for earnings and employment, according to a new report from Checkr, an HR technology company.

Based on data from the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the US Census Bureau, and the Bureau of Economic Analysis, Checkr ranked the 100 largest U.S. cities based on employment opportunity and earning potential.

Checkr calculated the employment opportunity score for each city based on unemployment rate, labor force growth, labor force size and percentage of jobs open. To calculate the earning potential score, they analyzed each city’s real per capita personal income, 10-year income growth and the percentage of households earning more than $200,000.

Sam Radbil, research and content strategist at Checkr, says that mid-sized cities were “the big winners” based on their study, challenging the “standard big city domination” of jobs and wages.

“The geography of opportunity is shifting,” he says. “If you’re earning a good wage in a mid-sized city like Madison or Des Moines or Raleigh, your money might go further — even if you’re earning less.”

Based on Checkr’s data, these are the top 10 U.S. cities for job opportunities and earning potential.

1. Raleigh, NC

Raleigh is part of North Carolina’s “Research Triangle,” a tech and science hub that encompasses North Carolina State University, Duke University and the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill.

“The Research Triangle opens up a ton of opportunities in health care and education, so it’s always going to be popular for jobs there,” Radbil says.

2. Nashville, TN

Job growth has been “huge” in both Nashville and Austin, Radbil says.

Beyond the city’s country music fame, Nashville is now known for its strong health-care, education and logistics sectors.

3. Austin, TX

Due to the influx of tech companies, Austin offers plenty of high-paying jobs, according to Radbil. However, the city’s growing cost of living can quickly eat into those salaries.

“The quality of life is great, but it’s super expensive to live and to rent and to buy a home,” he says.

4. Salt Lake City, UT

Salt Lake City has been steadily growing in both “popularity and population,” Radbil says.

The city has gained traction as a hub for tech and finance, resulting in a thriving job market.

5. Portland, ME

“When it comes to Portland, Maine, affordability is huge,” Radbil says. The city is becoming popular with remote workers, who enjoy its relatively low rent and housing costs.

6. Denver, CO

Wages and job opportunities are both steadily increasing in Denver, and despite rising housing costs, Radbil says it’s still not a “terribly expensive place” to live.

7. Omaha, NE

According to Radbil, Omaha has seen an influx of businesses moving to the city, which boosted its job market and wages. Still, the city remains “very, very affordable” in terms of living costs, he says.

8. Charlotte, NC

Charlotte’s labor force has grown by upwards of 10% in the last 5 years, Radbil says.

“There’s a lot of financial business in Charlotte, which continues to draw people to that area as well,” he says.

9. Charleston, SC

Charleston boasts a growing job market in the finance, health-care and tech industries.

It also offers promising pay: according to Radbil, the percentage of people making over $200,000 in Charleston is on the rise.

10. Indianapolis, IN

Indianapolis may not be as glamorous as a coastal city, but it offers a stable job market and reasonable cost of living, Radbil says.

“The Midwest provides a good business climate and good earning potential,” he says.

I got accepted to Harvard, Princeton and Yale—3 things my parents did ‘differently’ at an early age

For every high schooler, the college admissions process is incredibly daunting. Thankfully, for me, the years of hard work all paid off.

I recently graduated from PCTI STEM Academy in Wayne, New Jersey. This spring, I was accepted into 10 of the top 25 universities in the U.S., including Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Columbia, and the University of Pennsylvania. This fall, I’ll be attending Harvard University.

Among my acceptances, I was offered a merit-based full-ride from Washington University as a Langsdorf Scholar and a direct phone call from their Dean of Engineering, along with a Likely Scholar Designation through Columbia University’s C.P. Davis Scholar program.

See also: The Complete Guide to Paying for College

What made all the difference? It started long before high school, with the way my parents raised me. We couldn’t afford college consultants or expensive enrichment programs, so they focused on simple, consistent routines that laid the foundation for my success.

1. They emphasized sleep, food, and health

Research consistently shows that good sleep and proper nutrition lead to better academic performance. My parents took this seriously.

To make sure I got enough rest, my dad would wake up early so that he could drive me to school every morning before heading into work. Not having to catch the bus gave me an extra hour of sleep. My mom would similarly get up before sunrise, sometimes as early as 4:30 a.m., so that she could make me a nutritious breakfast — usually a couple of eggs, some protein, and garlic toast.

My parents also arranged their schedules so that I’d never come home to an empty house. As soon as I was done with school, they’d be home from work.

2. They encouraged me to explore opportunities

In Malcolm Gladwell’s “Outliers,” he talks about how success requires not just talent and hard work, but also finding opportunities to develop our own interests. That really stuck with me.

At the start of high school, I was too focused on academics. Yet, my parents encouraged me to join clubs. If I didn’t like it, I didn’t have to commit. Growing up, my immigrant parents didn’t have access to extracurricular activities. I was reminded of how lucky I am.

I became one of the most involved students in my district, and surprisingly ended up having a lot of fun. I participated in Robotics, Future Business Leaders of America (FBLA), and SkillsUSA. I even worked on real-world engineering projects, like optimizing math models for school-based initiatives.

My proudest accomplishment? Leading a NASA HUNCH team that designed a lunar rover built to survive the moon’s harsh terrain. We were invited to present our design at the Johnson Space Center in Houston, directly to NASA engineers and astronauts.

My parents taught me that you can become talented through skill development, but you need opportunities to put that talent to good use.

3. They raised me with strong morals and a sense of purpose

My parents, who immigrated to the U.S. without a formal American education, taught me that success means more than grades. It’s also about character.

They instilled in me values rooted in our Islamic faith: curiosity about the world, honesty, gratitude, and perseverance. Our faith also encourages us to observe and appreciate the beauty of the world, which is initially what got me interested in science!

Those values shaped how I approached everything, from academics to relationships with teachers and classmates. When it came time for recommendation letters, my teachers didn’t just write about my grades. They spoke about who I am as a person, and that came from how my parents raised me.

What matters most to me is giving back — to my parents, my community, and everyone who helped me along the way. I believe that’s how I’ll truly make the most out of my Harvard education.

Salman Chowdhury is a recent graduate of PCTI STEM Academy in Wayne, New Jersey. He grew up in Paterson, New Jersey, and plans to attend Harvard University in the fall.