Every parent knows what it’s like to face tantrums, meltdowns, and emotional outbursts. They can make everyday life feel impossible.

But after years of studying over 200 parent-child relationships (and from practicing healthy habits with my own child), I’ve found that parents who are really good at handling tantrums use language that soothes, validates, and guides. They try to avoid punishments or timeouts, and they understand that a tantrum is a sign of the nervous system in distress.

Here are seven calming yet powerful phrases that emotionally attuned parents use to connect, make their kid feel safe, and ultimately help prevent meltdowns.

Instead of: “Stop crying right now!”

This phrase does what no consequence can: It grounds a kid in the moment and lets them borrow your calm. It tells their nervous system they don’t have to handle their feelings alone, and that you’re not afraid of their emotions.

When children feel supported through big emotions, they move through them faster and learn they don’t need to escalate to get your attention.

Instead of: “You’re being dramatic. It’s not that bad.”

Kids are often met with responses like, “You’re fine” or “That’s not a big deal!” But parents who say “I believe you” give their child something far more powerful: validation.

Validation strengthens the child’s inner compass and reinforces trust. Children who feel believed calm down quicker because they don’t have to fight to be understood. That sense of trust helps them regulate faster.

Instead of: “There’s no reason to be upset about this.”

Even if the situation doesn’t seem like a big deal to us, children need to know their reactions are understandable. This phrase helps them organize and process what they’re feeling, rather than shoving it down or acting it out.

When children know their feelings are normal, they stop fighting against them and can move through them more naturally.

Instead of: “You’re so frustrating!”

Parents often think they need to show anger to prove a point. But in reality, reassurance deactivates a child’s fight-or-flight response far more effectively than punishment.

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When kids don’t feel threatened by your anger, they can focus on calming down instead of defending themselves.

Instead of: “What’s wrong with you? Stop hitting or else!”

This phrase models boundaries with compassion. It sends the message that all emotions are allowed and valid, but certain actions are not.

During tantrums, your goal should be to set limits without shaming. Children who aren’t shamed for their feelings learn to express them in healthier ways, reducing the intensity and frequency of outbursts.

Instead of: “Calm down right now!”

Many tantrums are fueled by panic (e.g., panic that love or safety might be withdrawn). This simple phrase reduces anxiety and creates the conditions a child needs to regulate.

When children aren’t rushed through their emotions, they naturally return to calm faster than when they’re pressured to “get over it.”

Instead of: “You need to figure this out yourself.”

Ultimately, what every child wants to know is this: “Are you still with me, even now?” This phrase reminds them they’re not alone, and that their worth isn’t tied to perfect behavior.

Kids who feel supported through difficult moments build confidence in their ability to handle challenges, making future meltdowns less likely.

What makes these phrases so powerful is the mindset shift they represent. Instead of seeing your child’s big emotions as something to stop, you’re seeing them as something to witness. Instead of trying to control their feelings, you’re helping them feel safe enough to process them.

Of course, these phrases won’t stop every meltdown in its tracks. But they plant seeds that grow into something beautiful: a child who trusts their own feelings, knows that they’re worthy of support, and believes that love doesn’t disappear when life gets hard.

Reem Raouda is a leading voice in conscious parenting and the creator of two transformative journals — FOUNDATIONS, the step-by-step healing guide that transforms overwhelmed parents into emotionally safe ones, and BOUND, the connection journal that builds lifelong trust and strengthens the parent-child bond in just minutes a day. She is widely recognized for her expertise in children’s emotional safety and for redefining what it means to raise emotionally healthy kids. Follow her on Instagram.

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If you ask Donna Morris, there’s one behavior that’s the ultimate red flag an employee won’t get far in the workplace: when someone is a “Debbie Downer.”

Morris, 57, has been executive vice president and chief people officer at Walmart since 2020, helping shape the employee experience of 2.1 million workers since the onset of the Covid-19 pandemic. Prior to her current role, she spent 17 years at Adobe in a variety of leadership positions — and throughout her career, she’s learned a thing or two about red flags in the office.

“Nobody wants [to hire] a Debbie Downer,” Morris tells CNBC Make It, adding that this kind of person is “constantly negative. You know they’re going to show up [and] they’re going to bring the problem, never the solution. I like people who bring the problem and a suggestion for how they might resolve [it.]”

A “Debbie Downer” can also be someone who’s a naysayer, sharing negative opinions about others’ ideas and goals, or regularly being a hindrance to new projects and perspectives. This could make it difficult for them to make the connections needed to climb the corporate ladder, or for their bosses and managers to trust them with new projects.

If your co-worker has this character trait, they’re “only going to support you to a restricted limit,” Juliette Han, a Harvard-trained neuroscientist, told CNBC Make It in June 2023. “They need you to stay within a short leash, and might discourage you from meeting new people in the company or going after new projects if it doesn’t benefit them directly.”

That doesn’t mean you should practice toxic optimism, pretending everything is fine when your team is facing difficult circumstances, for example. It’s unnatural and unrealistic for someone to be happy all the time, Morris says. Similarly, a continuous negative spiral could be a signal that you’re in the wrong job or company, she adds. 

There are a couple attributes that separate the most highly successful employees to those who fall short, says Morris.

She thinks highly of workers who “deliver what you are expecting at the time that you’re expecting,” she says. “You’re better to deliver early than to deliver late, and you’re better to deliver more than less.”

“Another green flag is they’re open to opportunities, and they put their hand up to take on more,” she adds. “Or they bring a problem with the remedy or request help in a timely manner, as opposed to the house is on fire.”

You can show you have this kind of team player, self-starter attitude by offering help even when you’re not asked for it, like volunteering to mentor the new intern or pitching an idea that solves a problem your boss has been dealing with.

Demonstrating radical intellectual curiosity, like researching a new AI tool or a new software your competitors are using, then sharing your findings with your boss or manager, also goes a long way, according to Michael Ramlett, CEO of global data intelligence firm Morning Consult. 

And if you’re willing to help your colleagues along the way, acting as a mentor and sharing the things you’ve learned, that’s the icing on the cake, Morris says.

“People who you see are actually helping others [are a] total green flag.”

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Maddie Baker, 27, will be the first to admit she was an impulsive spender when she started teaching kindergarteners six years ago.

She bought coffee at least once a day, frequently shopped for new clothes and spent lavishly on vacations she says she “probably had no business going on.”

“Any day that I had a hard day at teaching, I would immediately go from my job to a store,” the now first-grade teacher tells CNBC Make It. “The way I was coping with hard days was by spending money.”

Baker isn’t alone. Almost half of American consumers say they make purchases to boost their mood, according to LendingTree survey data released in July. Emotional spending isn’t always bad, either. It can provide temporary comfort or a needed mood boost. However, it can also lead to financial strain.

Baker says her impulsive spending got so out of hand, she found herself in “horrible cycles” of living paycheck to paycheck to avoid going into credit card debt. Nationally, almost three-quarters of emotional shoppers admit they’ve spent more than they intended, and 44% say it’s negatively impacted their financial well-being, LendingTree found.

It took Baker three years to get her spending under control, she says. Today, she’s very intentional with how she spends her money and has even developed new hobbies from habits she’s built to save money.

“I remember just waking up every single day, and the stress of finances was just really getting me down,” says Baker, who was making around $50,000 a year at the time. “It became so stressful.”

Nearly Baker’s entire paycheck would go directly toward paying off her credit card. Because she was paid once a month, that often left her with little to live on — forcing her to rely on the card for new expenses and trapping her in a constant cycle of borrowing from herself.

She tried everything to earn extra cash. She tutored kids during her summer breaks, tried selling her clothes and donating her plasma, but none of it seemed to sustain her lifestyle, she says.

Baker got her spending under control three years into teaching through a tax refund that allowed her to pay off her credit card bill without using her paycheck. Now, she keeps enough in her checking account to pay her credit card bill every month without having to rely on an incoming paycheck.

“It took a total restart and being tired of the cycle I was in, in order to do something about it,” she says.

Young adults are particularly susceptible to overspending when they’re online or bombarded with bad news, Ylva Baeckström, a senior lecturer in finance at King’s Business School, said in 2024. Overwhelming feelings can lead to unhealthy spending habits as a way to cope or find relief, Baeckström said.

To avoid overspending, “one of the biggest things you can do is take a beat,” Keith Barron, a personal finance expert and former head of marketing at Jenius Bank, said in 2024.

Rather than heading straight to checkout when shopping online, try adding the item to a wish list and waiting a day or two. This brief delay can help you decide whether you genuinely want or need the item, Barron said.

Today, Baker is working toward building an emergency fund and saving for a house, and says she’s way more intentional about what she decides to spend money on.

On top of learning how to spend less impulsively, she says she’s found alternatives to save money and a side hustle creating videos on TikTok to bring in more income. Her silver lining: Many of the activities that started as a way to save have become hobbies as well.

She enjoys painting her own nails, making lattes at home and meal prepping to avoid eating out. On TikTok, she earns up to $2,000 a month from sharing videos about her life as a teacher.

“All of these things happened because I had the mindset of, ‘I need to save more money, and I need to spend less money,’” she says.

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For every high schooler, the college admissions process is incredibly daunting. Thankfully, for me, the years of hard work all paid off.

I recently graduated from PCTI STEM Academy in Wayne, New Jersey. This spring, I was accepted into 10 of the top 25 universities in the U.S., including Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Columbia, and the University of Pennsylvania. This fall, I’ll be attending Harvard University.

Among my acceptances, I was offered a merit-based full-ride from Washington University as a Langsdorf Scholar and a direct phone call from their Dean of Engineering, along with a Likely Scholar Designation through Columbia University’s C.P. Davis Scholar program.

See also: The Complete Guide to Paying for College

What made all the difference? It started long before high school, with the way my parents raised me. We couldn’t afford college consultants or expensive enrichment programs, so they focused on simple, consistent routines that laid the foundation for my success.

Research consistently shows that good sleep and proper nutrition lead to better academic performance. My parents took this seriously.

To make sure I got enough rest, my dad would wake up early so that he could drive me to school every morning before heading into work. Not having to catch the bus gave me an extra hour of sleep. My mom would similarly get up before sunrise, sometimes as early as 4:30 a.m., so that she could make me a nutritious breakfast — usually a couple of eggs, some protein, and garlic toast.

My parents also arranged their schedules so that I’d never come home to an empty house. As soon as I was done with school, they’d be home from work.

In Malcolm Gladwell’s “Outliers,” he talks about how success requires not just talent and hard work, but also finding opportunities to develop our own interests. That really stuck with me.

At the start of high school, I was too focused on academics. Yet, my parents encouraged me to join clubs. If I didn’t like it, I didn’t have to commit. Growing up, my immigrant parents didn’t have access to extracurricular activities. I was reminded of how lucky I am.

I became one of the most involved students in my district, and surprisingly ended up having a lot of fun. I participated in Robotics, Future Business Leaders of America (FBLA), and SkillsUSA. I even worked on real-world engineering projects, like optimizing math models for school-based initiatives.

My proudest accomplishment? Leading a NASA HUNCH team that designed a lunar rover built to survive the moon’s harsh terrain. We were invited to present our design at the Johnson Space Center in Houston, directly to NASA engineers and astronauts.

My parents taught me that you can become talented through skill development, but you need opportunities to put that talent to good use.

My parents, who immigrated to the U.S. without a formal American education, taught me that success means more than grades. It’s also about character.

They instilled in me values rooted in our Islamic faith: curiosity about the world, honesty, gratitude, and perseverance. Our faith also encourages us to observe and appreciate the beauty of the world, which is initially what got me interested in science!

Those values shaped how I approached everything, from academics to relationships with teachers and classmates. When it came time for recommendation letters, my teachers didn’t just write about my grades. They spoke about who I am as a person, and that came from how my parents raised me.

What matters most to me is giving back — to my parents, my community, and everyone who helped me along the way. I believe that’s how I’ll truly make the most out of my Harvard education.

Salman Chowdhury is a recent graduate of PCTI STEM Academy in Wayne, New Jersey. He grew up in Paterson, New Jersey, and plans to attend Harvard University in the fall.

Want to stand out, grow your network, and get more job opportunities? Sign up for Smarter by CNBC Make It’s new online course, How to Build a Standout Personal Brand: Online, In Person, and At Work. Learn from three expert instructors how to showcase your skills, build a stellar reputation, and create a digital presence that AI can’t replicate. Sign up today with coupon code EARLYBIRD for an introductory discount of 30% off the regular course price of $67 (plus tax). Offer valid July 22, 2025, through September 2, 2025.

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You’re experienced. You’re sharp. You know what you’re talking about. So why is it that people sometimes talk over you, miss your emails, or overlook your ideas? Often, it comes down to the words you use.

As a keynote speaker, LinkedIn Learning Instructor, and author of “Unforgettable Presence,” I’ve taught dozens of Fortune 500 teams how to communicate with authority and confidence. 

What I’ve found is that the most impactful perception changes come from transforming the small interactions you have every day, whether you’re writing an email, speaking up in a meeting, or even messaging in Slack. How you choose to communicate in these moments plays a huge role in how others see you.

Here are nine everyday phrases that might be quietly working against you — and what to say instead if you want people to stop ignoring you and start taking you seriously.

If you’re constantly prefacing your thoughts with “I think,” you may be signaling doubt, even when you’re confident.

Say this instead

Cut the preamble and make this powerful swap: Instead of “I think we should move forward with the new proposal,” say “I recommend we move forward with the new proposal.” 

You can always soften the tone later. A recommendation doesn’t necessarily have to be the right answer, but it shows that you have conviction, which leaders value.

This puts the burden of clarity on the listener and implies you’re not confident in how you explained something.

Say this instead

You can leave the door open for questions without preemptively suggesting that your point didn’t land. Try: 

• “Let me know if you’d like me to clarify anything” 
• “I’m happy to elaborate.” 
• “Happy to clarify further if helpful.” 

It’s still open and collaborative — helpful without sounding unsure — and keeps you in a position of authority.

You’ve devalued your message before anyone’s even read it. In most work settings, following up or making a request is part of the job, not an inconvenience.

Say this instead

Lead with purpose: 

• “I wanted to follow up on my last note to see if you had a chance to review.” 
• “I need to let my boss know by Thursday, so I wanted to check in.”

You might be trying to sound humble, but this phrase makes you sound unqualified. And if you are an expert, you’ve undermined your own credibility.

Say this instead

If you want to show openness while still making your point, try: 

• “Here’s what I’m seeing based on my experience.” 
• “One perspective to consider is…”

These phrases still make you sound confident and add a little bit of wiggle room if you’re not 100% sure.

When you’re overly tentative, it makes your request or thought seem so unimportant that it’s easy to ignore.

Say this instead

Plenty of people make requests of each other every day at work. If it helps you feel more comfortable, think of it as a necessary part of your job. Be direct (and kind): 

• “Would you be open to [X specific ask]?” 
• “Could we find time next week to discuss?” 

The clearer you are, the easier it is for others to respond.

“Just” is one of the worst offenders. “Just wanted to add my two cents quickly.” “Just following up.” And so on. It minimizes your message and makes you sound hesitant, even when your ask is perfectly reasonable. 

Say this instead

Again, be clear and direct. Try: 

• “Following up on the proposal I sent over. Would love to confirm next steps by Friday.” 
• “One other idea to consider…”

Dropping the “just” immediately strengthens your tone.

This phrasing signals a lack of commitment. When I hear it, I’m not sure if you’re simply going to try or if you’re actually going to do the task. Even if your intentions are good, it can make people question whether you’ll follow through.

Say this instead

Replace it with action-oriented language. Try: 

• “I’ll take care of that by Thursday.” 
• “I’ll update the slides before our next meeting.”

It sounds generous, but also puts you in danger of becoming the go-to person for random, low-impact tasks. You risk being overlooked for more meaningful projects or taken less seriously if you don’t clearly articulate your strengths or preferences.

Say this instead

Don’t be afraid to be intentional even as you’re being generous. Try: 

• “I’d love to support the presentation or help prep for next week’s client meeting. What would be most helpful?” 

This is a quick way to undermine credibility and show a lack of confidence. If you have a question, someone probably also has the same one.

Say this instead

Go ahead and ask without the caveat. Try: 

• “Quick question — curious how you’re thinking about [X topic]?” 
• “To clarify…”

Be careful using negative language like this. You don’t want your colleagues to hear the word “dumb” and subconsciously associate it with you!

Lorraine K. Lee is an award-winning keynote speaker and CEO of RISE Learning Solutions. She’s also the best-selling author of “Unforgettable Presence: Get Seen, Gain Influence, and Catapult Your Career,” which was named a must-read by the Next Big Idea Club. She teaches popular courses with LinkedIn Learning and Stanford Continuing Studies. Past clients include Zoom, Cisco, LinkedIn, ASICS, McKinsey & Company, and many others.

Want to be a successful, confident communicator? Take CNBC’s online course Become an Effective Communicator: Master Public Speaking. We’ll teach you how to speak clearly and confidently, calm your nerves, what to say and not say, and body language techniques to make a great first impression. Get started today.

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