Emotional intelligence is the secret sauce to getting ahead, both at work and in life. Even if it doesn’t come naturally, having explicit conversations about feelings can help us understand each other. In fact, most of us are taught that the very first step we should take during a conflict is to tell people how they made us feel.

But as a social psychologist who’s spent years leveraging science to help people solve interpersonal conflicts, I know that emotional intelligence isn’t just about being good at expressing and reading emotions, it’s also about knowing when to talk about them. 

And sometimes the smartest thing we can do is to stop diving right in to tell someone how they made us feel. Here’s why.

We tend to skip the step where we talk about whether the event even happened. It feels silly and obvious. Of course Tom shut you down during that meeting, which made you feel disrespected. And Kate obviously singled you out by not inviting you to that party, which made you feel ostracized. 

But assuming a shared understanding of these events might be a bigger leap than you think it is. Maybe Tom noticed the group was still at an impasse with three minutes to go. If he didn’t interject, everyone would disperse with no decision made. And Kate left a lot of people out of her invite list, not just you.

In romantic relationships, it’s common for partners to disagree on whether something did or didn’t happen, and the degree of misalignment predicts outcomes like well-being and daily stress.

What to do

You might want an apology from Tom. But the best opening move in cases like these is to talk about the specific behavior, not how you feel about it. 

Try: “Here’s what my recall of events is. But what’s yours?” Make it clear you aren’t assuming that you have an accurate recall of what happened, and neither should the other person.

Focus on specifics. Include details that the other person might not be aware of. Perhaps Tom, who “shut you down,” was told by the boss before the meeting that if he didn’t get the team to decide, he would be replaced.  

It’s natural for us to assume we know why someone did something. During conflicts, those assumptions roll off the tongue. 

The problem is, those “because” statements often aren’t very specific, include character assassinations, or are just plain wrong.

They’re tied to how we feel about the other person: If we trust them, we go with positive explanations for bad behaviors. If we don’t trust them but we still like or love them, we choose negative explanations, but constrain them to the situation so they aren’t too damning. If we don’t trust or like them, we jump to the worst conclusions. 

What to do

Talk about why it happened. Try: “I made some assumptions about why you did what you did, but I’d love to hear your side.” Or: “I know I assumed you interrupted me because you don’t respect me. Can you help clarify why you did it?” 

Admitting you made an assumption goes a long way. So does being curious and making room for another explanation. It can be all sorts of things: 

• A preceding event like in the example above.
• A misperception of would be an effective strategy, like telling a joke meant to ease the tension in the room that felt offensive to you.
• A deeply held personal value you weren’t aware of, like, “I never would allow someone to talk in the last three minutes of a meeting; that’s sacred vote time” 

Resist the temptation to “prove” to your partner that the logic behind their “why” is flawed. That means avoiding “yeah but” statements, like, “Yeah but last week we were running out of time and you didn’t interrupt Mark.” You’re trying to resolve a conflict — not win it. 

Chances are, by the time you’ve gone through those first two steps, you have context, and you no longer feel the same emotions you wanted to lead with. 

What to do

Circle back to feelings later in the conversation. Try: “Now that we understand each other a bit more, how are you feeling about this?” 

By going through this process, you’ll make your relationships stronger. That’s what happens when we open up to people about what’s really going on in our heads — and get curious about what’s going on in theirs.

Tessa West is a social psychologist and professor at New York University. She has spent years leveraging science to help people solve interpersonal conflicts in the workplace. She’s the author of ”Jerks at Work: Toxic Coworkers and What to Do About Them″ and ”Job Therapy: Finding Work That Works for You.” She is an instructor in CNBC’s online course How to Change Careers and Be Happier at Work.

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In 1991, Nadeem Bajwa immigrated to the United States from Pakistan. While attending college in Indiana, he worked a few jobs, including delivering pizza for restaurant chain Papa John’s, where he made $4.25 an hour.

Today, the 58-year-old has a fast food empire. Bajwa is now a major franchisee of Papa Johns in North America, with more than 270 locations across the country.

He is also the CEO of Bajco Group, which he co-founded with his two brothers, and holds a diverse portfolio of companies spanning construction, technology, accounting, his Papa Johns portfolio and more.

Bajwa’s path to success wasn’t an easy one. In his early twenties, he was the first in his family to move to the United States, where he encountered many challenges upon arrival.

“Coming to the U.S., actually, that was my first flight [ever.] I’d never flown before,” Bajwa said. “Just getting into the plane, it was a full flight coming here by myself, [there was] a lot of anxiety … but I was determined to make it.”

He said he experienced some culture shock and struggled with communication because he wasn’t fluent in English at the time. “Sometimes, when you are away from family, and you’re alone … it was very, very difficult,” Bajwa said.

To help fund his university expenses, Bajwa picked up some side gigs.

“My first summer, I did three jobs … washing dishes [during] breakfast time, and then delivering pizzas in the afternoon, and late night, working at Taco Bell,” Bajwa told CNBC Make It.

“I was living in Fort Wayne, Indiana, and … I just started delivering for Papa John’s when they came in town and from there, just started loving it, and tips were good, so that helped,” he said.

Bajwa quickly moved up the ranks at Papa John’s. By the time he graduated from university in 1996, he had already transitioned from being a delivery driver to area manager. After graduating, Bajwa applied to a few corporate roles because that’s what he always expected to do after his studies.

“I applied for some jobs, and on back of my mind, I was sort of hoping that I don’t get a corporate job, but I wanted to try it because that was one of the … check marks I had to check,” he said. “I just did not want to have that regret that I never applied, because all of life, I thought I would go corporate sector.”

“But when I went to find a [corporate] job, I couldn’t get [a] job that would pay me … more than what I was already making [at Papa John’s],” Bajwa said. For that reason, he decided to stay in the pizza business, and ended up running multiple pizza stores before becoming a franchisee himself.

In July 2002, with the help of family support and bank loans, Bajwa opened his first Papa John’s store in East Liverpool, Ohio.

“I bought used equipment for very low price, and at that time, I built the store for half [of] what I would have [paid], because I did a lot of [the labor] myself,” he added. “My whole thought was to open with as little money as possible, and spend the money towards marketing.”

The cost for the buildout of his first store was about $150,000, he said.

Bajwa learned a few lessons early on, thanks to some key mistakes.

Before opening his first restaurant location, Bajwa focused heavily on getting the word out about the store’s grand opening.

“I did too much marketing, and the first day [that the store opened], half of the crew walked out because it was chaos,” said Bajwa. “Too many people showed up because I advertised too much, and I focused more on advertising than training people to make pizzas … Then I learned how important it is to be ready before [opening].”

Then, within six months of this first location opening, Bajwa saw that the store’s revenue was ahead of forecasts, so he quickly went on to open a few more locations.

“After two stores, I thought, no problem. We opened three more immediately after that, and guess what, I did not have [the best people] around me, and [then we] started struggling,” he said. So, he and his team had to take a step back and give it some time before trying to expand again.

“There was a time that we grew too fast and hit the pump. [In] 2008, [during the] economic meltdown … those were tough times,” he added. Ultimately, Bajwa said, he’s grateful for these early failures because they taught him all that he knows today.

Throughout his journey, Bajwa said, he learned the importance of self-reflection. “You have to be humble, because the day you start thinking you got it all, I believe your downfall will start.”

In 2024, Bajco Group signed an agreement with Papa Johns International to develop 50 new restaurants by 2028. Bajwa said his goal is to get to 500 restaurant locations. With the growth of his Papa Johns portfolio over the years, Bajwa has also built adjacent businesses.

“We’ve developed a call center, construction arm, offshore accounting setup, and technology arm to bring [efficiencies] to our Papa Johns portfolio, which now have become separate businesses & serve multiple clients within and outside the Papa Johns brand,” he said.

“I never dreamt of this growth. [I just focused on] doing my best … and learning from my mistakes … and the rest just came,” Bajwa said. “So everything started with delivery pizza. Can you believe that?”

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If you want to stand out at work, stop worrying about acting cool in front of your colleagues, says workplace expert Henna Pryor.

Instead of trying to manage other people’s perceptions of you, focus on building “credibility and connections,” and adding value to your workplace — whether that’s taking notes in a meeting or helping a co-worker with a presentation, says Pryor, founder and CEO of Philadelphia-based leadership coaching firm Pryority Group.

“Your own personal map for career success is heavily dependent on the areas that you’re enthusiastic about, on the natural strengths that you have,” Pryor says.

Young workers especially may try to mimic their popular colleagues, or people on LinkedIn whose posts get a lot of likes — but you’ll grow your career and gain influence at work more effectively if you spend that same amount of time building your own relationships and strengths instead, says Pryor.

“If you get too hung up on somebody that you put on a pedestal and the way they got there … it will only take you so far,” she says. “Follow [your passions and strengths], not the path of a moving target of cool.”

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Posturing as cool presents another problem too, says Pryor: It doesn’t necessarily prove you’re a competent, easy-to-work-with employee. “Good people” are generally seen as calmer, more conscientious, agreeable and secure than “cool people,” marketing researchers found in a June 2025 study.

The best way to connect with your peers is to be authentic — act like yourself, without worrying what other people think of you — and ask for help when you need it, Pryor says. Asking for help or a favor from your co-workers can break the ice and open the door for a collaboration, she adds.

Seeking out your colleague’s opinion can also signal to them that you want to learn from them and build trust, communication expert Matt Abrahams told CNBC Make It in September 2024.

“Anytime you are listening, you’re doing yourself a service. You are showing the other person you’re here,” said Abrahams, a lecturer at Stanford University. Then, your question is more likely to feel like you’re “inviting the other person to collaborate, and solving the problem [together] helps you foster that relationship in the long-term.”

If asking for help on a large project seems daunting, try taking advantage of small opportunities, whether in the elevator or sending voice memos over slack, to build a rapport with your peers, Pryor says.

Perhaps ironically, caring primarily about the people around you and the quality of your work may, by result, make you look cooler without even trying, says Pryor: “The line between being cringe and being cool comes down to ownership … not caring if other people approve of your choices.”

Want to stand out, grow your network, and get more job opportunities? Sign up for Smarter by CNBC Make It’s new online course, How to Build a Standout Personal Brand: Online, In Person, and At Work. Learn from three expert instructors how to showcase your skills, build a stellar reputation, and create a digital presence that AI can’t replicate. Sign up today with coupon code EARLYBIRD for an introductory discount of 30% off the regular course price of $67 (plus tax). Offer valid July 22, 2025, through September 2, 2025.

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You’ve probably heard that millennials are the first generation to be worse off than their parents, and it’s true. If life is a game of “Guitar Hero,” previous generations played in tutorial mode, and millennials and Gen Z are playing advanced on an old broken TV.

Older rich people aren’t entering the job market now. They’re not starting from scratch in today’s economy. And that makes a huge difference. 

So if you’ve ever felt like the deck is stacked against you, allow me — a former Wall Street trader, founder of Your Rich BFF, and the author of “Rich AF” who made my first million by age 27 — to validate that: It is, majorly. Things right now are way different (and way worse) than they used to be. Typical “money wisdom” just does not apply.

These are the tips you’ve seen online, read in old books, and heard from “financial gurus” (or from your parents). They need to die — because they are keeping us broke.

That’s infinitely easier said than done. 

If a person grew up in a blue-collar family in Appalachia and moved to a mid-size city after school to work at Dunder Mifflin, what exactly is their path to, say, working at Google? 

They don’t know anybody who does computer programming. They don’t live near a company where they can intern. Even if they got the degree or boot camp certification, how are they going to get their resume in the door? 

They’re not. Google is going to hire one of the zillion people in their current referral chain. This paper salesman is going to be reluctant to up and leave their family and friends and that cute receptionist at work just to get a “better job,” even if they could stand to earn more money.

Jobs aren’t just about paychecks. They’re cultural, they’re local, and they shape our identity. 

First of all: What cheaper place? Housing prices have jumped a ton. Even if you’re renting, higher overall prices for landlords mean higher rent payments for you. And that’s assuming you’re in good enough shape to pass the credit check, have a job with a paystub, and aren’t given the runaround by shady brokers. 

But most important of all is that homeownership has long been the bedrock of middle-class wealth-building, the most expensive investment a person makes and the one they count on to fund stability into retirement. Telling us to “find a cheaper place” is steering us away from a fundamental vehicle for amassing wealth.

Plus, changing where and with whom we live comes with an emotional and physical trade-off that sometimes we’re just not willing to make — nor should we be. 

Finally, who’s to say I don’t already have roommates? Literally only about one in 10 young people lives completely solo. The rest are bunking with roomies, partners, spouses, or — yes — parents: One in three adults aged 18-34 still lives at home.

Short-term small expenses aren’t keeping us from achieving our goals the way most financial gurus want you to think they are. 

You might think about buying a house or paying off your student loans and be like, “F it, I’m never going to afford all that stuff anyway, so I’m at least going to get myself a nice brunch once in a while,” which is a pretty valid response. 

But the reason so many expenses these days feel so much more out of reach than we’ve been taught they should be is because they are, thanks to inflation. This conniving force of darkness is pretty simple at a basic level. Inflation refers to the gradual increase in prices over time. 

The problem comes when inflation gets out of hand — when average prices go up faster than average wages are going up. Economists generally consider a rate of around 2% per year to be “healthy” and indicative of an economy that’s growing steadily. More than that, though, can be bad news — and lately, that’s just what’s been happening.

Um, false. So false. Falser than you even think. 

Back in 2010, a famous study concluded that people’s happiness increased in lockstep with their income — but only up around $75,000 per year. After that, it leveled off. 

People love to throw this factoid around. It essentially meant money could buy happiness because it provided basic necessities and stability, but also that billionaires weren’t much happier than the rest of us. 

Well, I hate to break it to you, but a newer study from 2021 found that the $75,000 figure is absolute bologna (even when adjusted for inflation). Turns out happiness continues to increase well past that threshold. 

But “just relax” ignores our lived reality. The years in which we’ve come of age have seen a slew of cataclysmic events that destabilize markets: 9/11, the Iraq War, the 2008 housing crisis, Brexit, COVID-19, the January 6 insurrection, the FTX fiasco, and the 2023 collapse of major regional and national banks, just to name a few.

Anyone born from the ’90s onward lived through collective trauma — economic and otherwise. Call us coddled, or sensitive snowflakes, or whatever. But what we’ve been taught about “how the market works” do not match with our lived reality of how the market actually works. 

It’s okay to feel a little spooked and unsure, and it’s okay to want to have money.

Vivian Tu is a former Wall Street trader-turned expert, educator, podcast host, and founder of Your Rich BFF. Her book, “Rich AF: The Winning Money Mindset That Will Change Your Life,” is a definitive guide to personal finance for the new generation. Follow her on TikTok, YouTube, LinkedIn, and Instagram.

Join Make It’s book club discussion! Request to join our LinkedIn group, drop your questions for the author in the comments of this post, and come chat with us and Tu on Wednesday, September 3, at 10 a.m. ET

From ”RICH AF: The Winning Money Mindset That Will Change Your Life″ by Vivian Tu, published by Portfolio, an imprint of Penguin Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Random House, LLC. Copyright (c) 2023 by Vivian Tu.

One of the most common myths about long-term relationships is that couples eventually run out of things to say. It’s easy to believe: Life gets busy, routines take over and conversations become more about logistics than connection.

As a psychologist who studies couples, and based on my own experience being happily married, I know how tricky communication can become if you’re convinced there’s nothing left to say. But couples in healthy relationships make a habit of talking about things that matter, every single day.

Their conversations stay fresh, connected and meaningful because they never stop learning about each other. Here are five things people in the happiest relationships talk to each other about every day — that most people neglect.

Couples in thriving relationships always make a point to check in and make sure the other partner is happy.

On some days, that means asking: “Do you feel loved? Supported? Connected?” Other days, it’s about expressing appreciation, sharing a laugh over a favorite memory or talking about something they’re looking forward to doing together.

Having these daily check-ins help prevent small misunderstandings from growing into larger issues.

In the strongest relationships, both partners stay curious about what excites the other. It could be a song they can’t stop listening to, a book they’ve been devouring, a hobby they’re exploring or even a TikTok that made them laugh.

Regardless of whether their interests overlap, they stay curious about each other’s passions. This is what keeps the spark alive.

Over their years together, these little updates remind one another of perhaps the most important thing to remember in a relationship: “We’re constantly growing and evolving, and we’re doing it together.”

Happy couples are never stuck in the present or past. They often have conversations about long-term goals: owning a home, traveling more, starting a business or raising kids.

They also don’t shy away from less practical, more whimsical topics, like what they’d do with a year off, how they’d renovate their dream kitchen or where they’d go if money wasn’t a concern.

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Discussing dreams, no matter how realistic or farfetched, keeps the relationship future-oriented by instilling a joint sense of purpose and possibility. Even if a dream can’t be acted on right away, talking it over allows them to keep track of each other’s values.

Happy couples aren’t uncomfortable bringing up what’s bothering them. A healthy relationship should feel like a safe space where couples can work through their troubles together as a team.

Whether it’s a tough day at work, a lingering insecurity or even a fear about the relationship itself, they trust their partner to respond with empathy.

Over time, this daily practice of being emotionally honest builds a rock-solid sense of safety. Both partners will never feel like they have to carry their baggage alone.

Even a half-formed musing can be a fun way to connect. Happy couples never think twice about sharing their random ideas: their shower thoughts, their “what-ifs,” their “this just popped into my head” theories.

And these don’t always have to be deep or profound. In fact, they’re usually pretty silly, weird or seemingly irrelevant. Adding a little bit of playfulness and spontaneity into every conversation also makes space for laughter and even intimacy.

I always remind couples that a big part of building a successful relationship is about being intentional with the conversations you choose to have. Couples who stay connected day after day create a shared space for curiosity, growth and joy.

Mark Travers, PhD, is a psychologist who specializes in relationships. He holds degrees from Cornell University and the University of Colorado Boulder. He is the lead psychologist at Awake Therapy, a telehealth company that provides online psychotherapy, counseling, and coaching. He is also the curator of the popular mental health and wellness website, Therapytips.org.

Want to stand out, grow your network, and get more job opportunities? Sign up for Smarter by CNBC Make It’s new online course, How to Build a Standout Personal Brand: Online, In Person, and At Work. Learn from three expert instructors how to showcase your skills, build a stellar reputation, and create a digital presence that AI can’t replicate.

Plus, sign up for CNBC Make It’s newsletter to get tips and tricks for success at work, with money and in life, and request to join our exclusive community on LinkedIn to connect with experts and peers.