I’ve spent more than 12 years studying happiness and human nature. Along the way, I’ve collected what I call “Secrets of Adulthood” — the lessons I’ve learned, with time and experience, about how to create lives that are happier, more meaningful, and more confident.

Many of my most important discoveries can be distilled into one short line. As the old saying goes, “When the student is ready, the teacher appears,” and sometimes reading a single sentence can spark a transformative insight.

1. Accept yourself, and expect more from yourself.

To be happier, seek to have self-compassion and acknowledge the natural limits of your nature; also seek to grow, stretch, and push yourself outside of our comfort zone.

2. Working is one of the most dangerous forms of procrastination. 

In my case, work-procrastination often takes the form of needless research. It may look like work, but if it’s not actually helping me achieve my work aims, I’m goofing off.

3. What we do every day matters more than what we do once in a while.

If we go for 20-minute walk most days each month, it’s okay if we miss a few days here or there; if we go for an hour’s walk just one day each month, we won’t accomplish much.

4. A strong voice repels as well as attracts. 

As a writer, I often remind myself of this truth. If I aim to be so mild that no one can disagree with my conclusions or object to my style, my work will be featureless and boring.

5. Perfectionism is driven not by high standards but by anxiety. 

If you feel plagued by perfectionism, don’t worry about lowering your standards but rather work to address your anxieties.

6. To respect us, people must first notice us; we can’t earn trust and admiration from the sidelines. 

Many people are puzzled when their efforts aren’t recognized; the problem is that no one knows what they’re doing.

7. If we’re not failing, we’re not trying hard enough. 

By trying to avoid failure, we’re also avoiding the risks and challenges that lead to accomplishment and opportunity.

8. Before declaring that something is superficial, un­healthy, inefficient, dangerous, disgusting, or immoral, we should consider: Maybe this just doesn’t suit my taste. 

Consider instead: Writing was denounced for fear that dependence on the written word would weaken people’s memories. Railroad travel was denounced for fear that it would cause brain damage. Postcards were denounced for fear that they would encourage heedless, frivolous disclosure.

9. The sharing of tasks often leads to the shirking of tasks.

We’ve all experienced this phenomenon!

10. Nothing is more exhausting than the task that’s never started.

I’ve felt overwhelmed for a week because I delayed writing an email that, in the end, took me 20 seconds to draft.

11. It’s easier to change our surroundings and our schedules than to change ourselves.

Instead of trying to become a “morning person,” do your most taxing work late in the day. Instead of trying to become a marathoner who works slowly and steadily toward a deadline, embrace your sprinter nature and the fact that you do your best work when you’re racing to meet a deadline.

12. The bird, the bee, and the bat all fly, but they use different wings. 

Nothing is a one-size-fits-all! Use the approach and the tools that work best for you.

Gretchen Rubin is one of today’s most influential observers of happiness and human nature. She’s the author of many books, including the bestseller ”The Happiness Project.” Her books have sold more than 3.5 million copies worldwide, in more than 30 languages. She hosts the award-winning podcast Happier with Gretchen Rubin, where she explores practical solutions for living a happier life. Her new book, ”Secrets of Adulthood,” is out now.

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Whether he’s listening to an employee’s idea or considering investing in a new startup, Virgin Group co-founder Richard Branson says he looks for one particular quality in anyone he works with: the ability to inspire others.

“You need to be able to inspire people,” the 75-year-old billionaire tells CNBC Make It. “You need to inspire them to believe in an idea and commit to the vision.”

Even the best ideas still typically need a strong sales pitch. A person’s ability to sell their idea effectively — enough to inspire others to believe in the idea as much as they do — can help those merits stand out from the rest, Branson says.

Branson constantly fields pitches, particularly from entrepreneurs who want him to back their big ideas, he says. (Virgin StartUp, his not-for-profit program for funding early-stage entrepreneurs, has distributed more than $80 million in startup loans to over 40,000 founders, Branson wrote in a June 2024 blog post.)

DON’T MISS: How to build a standout personal brand—online, in person and at work

He gives one particularly high-profile example: Jamie Siminoff, founder of smart doorbell company Ring. In 2013, Siminoff took Ring to ABC’s “Shark Tank” and walked away without a deal. He got publicity, but was desperate for funding: “We were out of money at the time,” Siminoff said in December 2017.

A guest at Branson’s resort in Necker Island connected the billionaire and the struggling entrepreneur. Branson emailed Siminoff, initially only intending to order a bundle of Ring doorbell cameras as gifts for his friends, he says. Instead, Siminoff took the opportunity to pitch Branson on joining Ring’s in-progress Series B funding round.

The product alone didn’t necessarily demand Branson’s investment, he says. He was won over by Siminoff’s passionate description of how Ring could disrupt the home security industry, and became convinced that Siminoff had “the personality to promote and market” Ring, he says.

“The reason I jumped in and helped [Siminoff] get Ring up and running was him as an individual,” says Branson. “He had strong conviction and personality and determination.”

Branson ultimately co-led the investment round, which gave Ring $28 million of funding at a $60 million valuation, the company announced in August 2015. Amazon bought Ring for a reported $1 billion in February 2018.

Branson discussed the required skill for selling a big idea while promoting a new project called the “Doorbell of Dreams,” which launched in the U.S. on Tuesday. It calls on people to walk into Virgin Hotels New York in Manhattan and record a 60-second business pitch on a video doorbell. (The doorbell is not advertised as being manufactured by any particular brand.)

Together, Branson and HelpBnk founder Simon Squibb review “select pitches” from the recordings for their social media followers, he says. In the U.K., where the program first launched on June 17, thousands of prospective entrepreneurs have already submitted pitches.

Squibb’s advice: “People need to be themselves. Don’t try and be anything other than who you are.” In the best pitches he’s seen so far, the entrepreneurs are “not pretending to be something else. It’s not sustainable if you do that … Be authentic,” he says.

Want to stand out, grow your network, and get more job opportunities? Sign up for Smarter by CNBC Make It’s new online course, How to Build a Standout Personal Brand: Online, In Person, and At Work. Learn how to showcase your skills, build a stellar reputation, and create a digital presence that AI can’t replicate.

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What leads to true happiness? Is it long-lasting friendships or landing a job that you’re proud of?

Arthur Brooks, social scientist and happiness researcher, studies the happy feeling and has found many answers to this burning question along the way.

Brooks’ online Harvard course about managing happiness has more than 180,000 enrollees, and he’s published multiple books about the emotion, including his most recent, “The Happiness Files: Insights on Work and Life.”

Though there are many theories about what increases happiness, “every once in a while, people in my profession need to get practical,” Brooks writes in his new book.

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“Based on what they see in the data from experiments and surveys, what should we do that is both effective and feasible for increasing our happiness, starting today?”

Here are 10 practices that Brooks says leads to true happiness.

Brooks considered the results of a 2020 study done by a team of scholars from different parts of the world, that compiled 68 ways that people are often encouraged to improve their happiness. The researchers then consulted 18 of the most established experts on the science of happiness to rank the practices based on efficacy and feasibility.

Based on their answers, and Brooks’ expertise, here are the top 10 ways to boost happiness:

1. Keep your mind and body active
2. Be nice to others
3. Spend your money on loved ones
4. Check on your health status
5. Join a club
6. Engage in physical activity
7. Belong to a faith and practice it
8. Go out in nature
9. Build connections with colleagues outside of work
10. Give back and be generous

Brooks admits these happiness tactics aren’t completely connected. The best way to increase your chances of being happier is to develop an integrated strategy that allows these practices to feel more cohesive, he says.

To do this, Brooks recommends getting a better understanding of happiness by learning about it, building healthy happiness hygiene by turning these practices into habits and sharing what you learn with others to help them do the same.

“The most important thing to remember is this: You don’t have to leave your happiness up to chance,” he says.

Want to stand out, grow your network, and get more job opportunities? Sign up for Smarter by CNBC Make It’s new online course, How to Build a Standout Personal Brand: Online, In Person, and At Work. Learn how to showcase your skills, build a stellar reputation, and create a digital presence that AI can’t replicate.

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You may think your emails are polite and professional, but passive-aggressive phrases can unintentionally slip in — whether you’re updating your boss, sending client deliverables, or coordinating with coworkers.

Email and other forms of written communication strip away context like tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language. So if you’re not careful, even seemingly courteous phrases can make you sound angry or frustrated, undermining your trust and influence with others. 

As the author of “Managing Up” and an executive coach for over a decade, I’ve heard leaders confess that they won’t promote someone who can’t handle conflict diplomatically and directly. At higher levels, you need to express yourself with tact, bringing others along rather than putting them on the defensive.

Here are five passive aggressive phrases that put you on thin ice with colleagues.

It can be interpreted as: “Why haven’t you gotten back to me yet?” Even though you’re masking it in a friendly tone, the other person may feel called out or guilty for not responding sooner to what you’re implying should have been a simple and easy task.

Instead of dancing around what you need with vague niceties, clearly state your request and deadline. For instance: 

• “We need your feedback on the new hire. Please send me three bullets about who you prefer and why by end of day tomorrow.” 
• “Could you let me know your thoughts on slides 3-6? I’m hoping to finalize the deck and send it to the committee by Tuesday.”

This phrase is the email equivalent of saying: “I already told you this and now I’m annoyed I have to say it again.” While it’s normal to be frustrated when someone doesn’t seem to have read or acted on an earlier message, this phrase can come off as scolding the recipient or suggesting they’re incompetent. 

Swap the adversarial tone for options like: 

• “To recap the key points…” 
• “Here’s what we agreed on during our last conversation…” 

Or simply restate the information they need with no preamble: 

• “The deadline is Friday at 5 p.m.” 
• “The choices are A, B, or C. Which would you prefer?” 

This phrase is a thinly veiled way to escalate the situation by bringing in someone with more authority or influence. It immediately shifts the dynamic from collaborative to confrontational, and can make the original recipient feel ambushed. 

Sometimes you do need to loop in a manager or stakeholder to get things moving. That’s fine, but be transparent about why you’re adding them to the conversation. It should be clear you’re including them for legitimate business reasons, not as a passive-aggressive power play. 

Say something like: 

• “I’m adding Isaac since he’ll need to approve the final design.” 
• “Looping in Nadia because this impacts her team’s timeline.” 

This phrase can seem presumptuous, undermining the other person’s ability to say no. It also comes across as impersonal and transactional, like you’re more focused on getting the task checked off rather than actually appreciating their effort or time.

Acknowledge that the person has a choice. Try: 

• “Could you review this in the next 48 hours? Let me know if that’s feasible.” 
• “Please let me know if this timeline works for you.” 

But avoid overly deferential language that makes you sound like a pushover, like: “I’d appreciate your help, if you get the chance. No worries if not!” 

This phrase is typically used when you’re peeved that something hasn’t been resolved. You want to say: “I don’t know what to do about this mess. You figure it out.” But you can’t, so you resort to a formal, almost legalistic tone that feels distant and cold. 

Use a more casual question or make a statement showing you’re on standby. For example: 

• “What are your thoughts on this?” 
• “Can you clarify the process for me?” 
• “I’ll hold off until I hear from you.” 
• “Let me know your preferred approach.” 

Are these phrases always passive-aggressive? Of course not. But if you find yourself reaching for them when you’re feeling angry or impatient, it’s a red flag that you might be letting strong emotions seep into your communication. The more conscious you become of your word choices, the more confident and influential you’ll seem.

Melody Wilding, LMSW is an executive coach, human behavior professor, and author of ”Managing Up: How to Get What You Need from the People in Charge.” Download exact scripts to diplomatically say no at work here.

Join our book club discussion with Melody Wilding! Request to join our LinkedIn group, and come talk with us and Wilding on Wednesday, October 1, at 10 a.m. ET, at our next CNBC Make It Book Club discussion. 

Any questions for the author? Drop them in the comments of this LinkedIn post (you’ll need to join our private group first, which you can do here). Or email them to us in advance at askmakeit@cnbc.com, using the subject line “Question for Melody Wilding.”

In the meantime, you can also read Wilding’s articles, including on how to influence people and two toxic words that will hold you back.

Hoping to get ahead on the next books? Our October pick is “The 5 Types of Wealth: A Transformative Guide to Design Your Dream Life” by Sahil Bloom.

Have suggestions for future picks? Send them to us at askmakeit@cnbc.com, using the subject line “Make It book club suggestion.”

According to a new report, the top skills for 2030′s job market don’t require a traditional degree.

Instead, job seekers can boost their wages by mastering skills like creative thinking, AI and self-awareness.

Based on data from the World Economic Forum’s Future of Jobs Report and the Burning Glass Institute’s Credential Value Index, AI resume building platform Resume Now identified the fastest-growing job skills for the next five years, as well as the skill certifications that provide the largest wage boosts.

According to Keith Spencer, career expert at Resume Now, the report’s findings demonstrate that “preparing for the future of work does not necessarily require a four-year degree.”

“Short-term, targeted credentials can have a real impact on earnings and career mobility,” he says.

In his view, upskilling and professional development are critical tools for today’s job market.

“Workers who continually update their abilities are more likely to stay relevant, move up, and access better opportunities,” he says.

Additionally, taking specific courses related to key skills will “provide clear evidence to employers that a skill has been mastered,” Spencer says.

According to Resume Now, these are the fastest-growing skills to have on your resume — and the skill certifications that provide the largest wage boosts.

Resume Now highlighted 11 different certifications at various price ranges from platforms like Coursera and IBM. The courses have not been independently vetted by CNBC Make It.

1. AI and Big Data

Projected growth by 2030: 90%

Top certification: SQL for Data Analytics (Udemy)

Wage boost: $6,800

2. Technological Literacy

Projected growth by 2030: 69%

Top certification: Basic Skills and Developmental/Remedial Education (IBM)

Wage boost: $3,600

3. Resilience, Flexibility, and Agility

Projected growth by 2030: 68%

Top certification: The Agile Leader (eCornell)

Wage boost: $1,800

4. Creative Thinking

Projected growth by 2030: 68%

Top certification: Business Innovation (Ideo U)

Wage boost: $7,100

5. Leadership and Social Influence

Projected growth by 2030: 65%

Top certification: Women in Leadership: Inspiring Positive Change (Case Western Reserve University via Coursera)

Wage boost: $3,700

6. Analytical Thinking

Projected growth by 2030: 60%

Top certification: Critical Thinking Skills for the Professional (The University of California, Davis via Coursera)

Wage boost: $4,900

7. Curiosity and Lifelong Learning

Projected growth by 2030: 57%

Top certification: The Growth Mindset (The University of California, Davis via Coursera)

Wage boost: $2,900

8. Empathy and Active Listening

Projected growth by 2030: 54%

Top certification: Emotional Intelligence at Work (Udemy)

Wage boost: $6,000

9. Talent Management

Projected growth by 2030: 54%

Top certification: Integrated Talent Management (ATD)

Wage boost: $4,800

10. Systems Thinking

Projected growth by 2030: 52%

Top certification: Systems Thinking in Public Health (Johns Hopkins University via Coursera)

Wage boost: $2,400

11. Motivation and Self-Awareness

Projected growth by 2030: 50%

Top certification: Myers-Briggs Type Indicator Certification

Wage boost: $1,400

While technological skills are certainly in demand, employers still prize “human-centered skills” like leadership and creativity, according to Spencer.

“We all expect areas like AI and data to dominate, but it was striking to see creative thinking and emotional intelligence near the top,” he says.

The report indicates that “employers still value the uniquely human abilities that machines cannot replicate,” Spencer says.

“Employers know technology will continue to change rapidly, and as a result, they are prioritizing people who can learn, pivot and lead through uncertainty.”

Demonstrating your interest in learning new skills will make your resume stand out, Spencer says.

“It signals curiosity, drive and resilience, which are traits that can matter as much as the specific skills themselves,” he says.

Last chance to save: Want to stand out, grow your network, and get more job opportunities? Sign up for Smarter by CNBC Make It’s new online course, How to Build a Standout Personal Brand: Online, In Person, and At Work. Learn how to showcase your skills, build a stellar reputation, and create a digital presence that AI can’t replicate.

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