Imagine being 10 years old and telling your parents: “I want a $1,000 gadget, plus $40 every month to keep it. It’ll let me chat with friends and adults I’ve never met all day long. And by the way, I’ll never look up from it again.”

They would have said no.

Or picture this at age 12: “I’d like to take hundreds of pictures of myself and post them where all my classmates and anyone else online can see them and rate how I look.” That’s essentially Instagram. Again, your parents probably would have shut it down immediately.

But today? Most parents are saying yes, often without realizing what they’re agreeing to when they hand over a smartphone. It doesn’t mean they’re bad parents. Many are the same moms and dads who enforce bedtimes, require seatbelts, and expect manners. Yet the pull of technology and social media is so powerful and normalized that even careful parents get swept up in what everyone else is doing.

The stats are sobering: Kids now get their first smartphone around age 11. Nearly 40% of 10- to 12-year-olds are already on social media. The outcomes, according to mounting research, haven’t been good.

So, what’s a parent supposed to do? The answer is deceptively simple: Be in charge.

Parenting styles have long been a hot topic. You’ve probably heard of helicopter parents (hovering), snowplow parents (clearing obstacles), or gentle parents (avoiding “no”).

Academics, though, usually break parenting down into four styles. To make them easier to remember, let’s pair them with ocean animals:

• Uninvolved (fish parenting): Provide basic needs, then swim away. No rules, no affection. Kids are largely on their own.
• Permissive (sea sponge parenting): Soft and nurturing, but with no backbone. These parents rarely set boundaries. “Gentle parenting” often falls here — lots of love, little structure.
• Authoritarian (tiger shark parenting): Strict rules, harsh punishments, little warmth. Think: “Because I said so.” Kids obey, but often resent it.
• Authoritative (dolphin parenting): A balance of affection and boundaries. Firm but flexible. Rules are explained, not barked out.

Decades of research are clear: Authoritative (or dolphin) parenting produces the healthiest, most resilient kids.

Why do the others fall sort?

Fish and sea sponge parents don’t set limits. Kids raised this way often make unhealthy choices (think: Cocoa Puffs for dinner, screens until midnight) and struggle when the real world eventually says no.

Tiger shark parents enforce rules, but without warmth or explanation. Their kids may comply when watched but misbehave when unsupervised. Many grow into adults who only act responsibly under pressure — and lack self-motivation.

Dolphin parents, by contrast, combine structure with empathy. They validate feelings while holding boundaries. Psychologist Becky Kennedy calls this “sturdy leadership”: making decisions you know are good for your child, even if it makes them upset in the moment.

Applied to devices and social media, dolphin parenting means setting clear rules (e.g., no phones in bedrooms at night, no social media before a certain age, limits on daily screen time) and enforcing them consistently.

But it also means explaining why. Instead of “because I said so,” it might sound like: “My job is to make decisions that keep you healthy, even if you don’t like them right now. I get that you’re upset, but this is one of those times.”

This approach strikes the right balance. It helps kids understand boundaries aren’t punishments; they’re protections. And it preserves the parent-child relationship as one built on trust and care, not fear or avoidance.

Saying yes to endless screen time may keep the peace today, but it can undercut your child’s ability to focus, build relationships, and develop independence. Your real job isn’t to make your kids happy every moment; it’s to raise competent, confident adults who can thrive on their own.

Parenting is not a partnership of equals. Yes, we want to be close to them. But we’re their parents, not their friends. Kids don’t yet have the brain development or life experience to make the best long-term choices. That’s where sturdy leadership comes in: giving them what they need, not just what they want.

So the next time you’re tempted to give in, remember: You’re not just raising kids. You’re raising future adults. Dolphin parenting — firm, flexible, affectionate, and consistent — gives them the best chance to grow into healthy, independent people in a high-tech world.

Jean M. Twenge, PhD, is a professor of psychology at San Diego State University. She has authored more than 190 scientific publications and several books based on her research, including ”10 Rules for Raising Kids in a High-Tech World,” “Generations,” “iGen,” and “Generation Me.” Her research has been covered in Time, The Atlantic, Newsweek, The New York Times, USA TODAY, and The Washington Post.

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While many Americans leave college in debt, Ben von Werder will likely have a positive net worth when he graduates from Purdue University in fall 2026.

He’s “always been a saver,” he says, and “my portfolio has grown unbelievably” while he earns his undergraduate degree in accounting. As of Sept. 16, 2025, von Werder had about $115,000 in savings and investments, according to documents reviewed by CNBC Make It.

That’s due to a couple of factors: The 21-year-old Indiana native worked throughout his teenage years, stashing most of his earnings in an investment account, and enlisted in the National Guard in order to attend college for free.

He’s also focused on saving his money, rather than spending it all on nights out; but once he graduates and starts working full-time, he’ll spend a bit more freely on activities like travel.

“I try to take advantage as much as I can of being young and having time on my side for [investment growth],” he says.

Growing up, von Werder’s parents, both teachers, were generally frugal, he says. His dad helped him establish good saving habits, but credit card debt put a burden on relationships within the family.

“That was something I wanted to entirely avoid, so heading into high school, I was making sure that I was working,” he says. 

As a result, von Werder started refereeing soccer games when he was in his early teen years, then worked as a server in a retirement home and at a deli throughout high school. When he was 15, his parents helped him start investing through a Uniform Transfer to Minors Account, a type of brokerage account that allows adults to invest on behalf of children before they turn 18.

By the time von Werder was getting ready for college, his parents had already helped his two older siblings pay for school and didn’t have savings left for him. He saw a flyer for the Indiana National Guard advertising free college tuition and took the opportunity to get his education paid for.

In addition to having his education costs covered, von Werder earns $400 to $550 a month from the National Guard when he goes to training. During deployments, like an 11-month stint in the Middle East he did between September 2023 and August 2024, he earned around $6,000 a month.

He also makes $2,000 during the fall term coaching his high school’s soccer team.

Though his service commitment meant taking two years off from school during his deployments, getting college paid for “has set me up financially for the rest of my life,” von Werder says.

When he’s deployed or away for training, he doesn’t have to pay for housing, meals or clothes. As a result, he’s been able to stash away roughly 95% of his National Guard income to keep growing his portfolio.

When it comes to his investment strategy, von Werder mainly invests in broad market index funds, giving him exposure to a variety of companies and sectors, and setting him up for long-term growth.

“I’m really a big fan of passive investing and just not trying to overthink it,” he says.

He plans on leaving the National Guard in February when his commitment ends. While he finishes school, von Werder plans to continue investing for his future and looks forward to having cash saved for some post-graduation travel before he starts working full-time. He’s planning to sit for his certified public accountant exams in fall 2026 and hopes to land a job in Indianapolis or Chicago.

As for his long-term investing goals, “it’s not so much for me about getting rich,” he says.

“It’s more so about having financial security and allowing me to have freedom to essentially choose which jobs I want to work, where I want to live, what I want to do with my lifestyle. Being able to survive the ups and downs of the economy.”

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When Amol Kohli started working at a Philadelphia-area Friendly’s as a waiter in 2003, he was a restless sophomore in high school hoping to make some pocket change.

Kohli made about $5 an hour at the diner-style restaurant chain, doing any job his manager needed, he tells CNBC Make It. On any given day, he was a cook, a dishwasher, a table busser, an ice cream scooper, you name it.

More than two decades later, Kohli added another Friendly’s job title to his resume: Owner. On July 22, Kohli’s investment group Legacy Brands announced its acquisition of the entire Friendly’s chain — which has locations in most states on the U.S. eastern coast — plus its parent company Brix Holdings and six other restaurant brands, for an undisclosed amount.

The deal marked a culmination of sorts for Kohli, 37, who has now spent most of his life working at Friendly’s in some capacity. Even while attending Drexel University — where he double majored in finance and marketing — Kohli spent his summers working five to six days per week at Friendly’s, learning more about the ins and outs of the business as time went on, he says.

“I started supporting a couple franchisees and just started learning what happens after the money makes its way into the register,” says Kohli. “Learning about insurance, payroll, food costs and all these other things. I did that all through college.”

Kohli graduated with honors in 2011, according to his LinkedIn profile, and chose to take a Friendly’s regional manager position instead of pursuing a career in finance, he says. A few years later, he applied to take over a closing franchise location. Licensing, contracting, and equipment for the store cost around “a quarter of a million dollars,” including credit, money from Kohli’s savings and funds he got from friends and business partners, he says.

“That’s how my franchising career started. And from there, it just never stopped,” says Kohli, who eventually franchised 31 Friendly’s locations before buying the brand outright.

Kohli’s path to owning his one-time employer started with plummeting sales at Friendly’s during the Covid-19 pandemic. The company filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection in November 2020, and announced plans to be acquired by Dallas-based franchising company Brix Holdings for just under $2 million. The deal was finalized in 2021.

In May, Kohli founded his own investment group, Legacy Brands International, with a sole purpose: Acquire Brix Holdings. He funded his investment group “through a mix of both capital (equity) and debt financing,” a spokesperson says.

The creation of Legacy Brands International was the result of “a combination of a lot of stars aligning, the right people supporting, faith, and a lot of goodwill that all got cashed in at one time,” says Kohli. And his long track record with the company made him “the ideal candidate for ownership,” Brix founder John Antioco said in a statement when the deal was announced.

Kohli is now a franchisor who owns, but doesn’t operate, the other 60-plus Friendly’s restaurant locations in the U.S., a company spokesperson says. As a result of the deal, Kohli’s company also now owns Clean Juice, Orange Leaf, Red Mango, Smoothie Factory + Kitchen, Souper Salad, and Humble Donut Co. The entire portfolio includes more than 250 restaurant locations.

The ascent from entry-level Friendly’s employee to chairman of Brix’s board of directors is “unbelievable,” says Kohli. Yet he faces a challenge reviving a brand with dwindling locations, he adds — just over 100 today, down from more than 800 in the mid-1990s.

More broadly, chain eateries have reported declining sales amid inflation and a shaky economic environment that’s caused many consumers to rethink how often they want to spend money at a sit-down restaurant.

Kohli aims to modernize the brands he oversees, leaning on technology like a recently revamped Friendly’s mobile app, Kohli told Nation’s Restaurant News in August. He also hopes to attract new franchisees, using his own career trajectory can prove to be a selling point, he now says.

Specifically, he wants people to see restaurant and food service roles as opportunities to establish a long-term career and start building wealth, not just dead-end jobs or gigs you ditch after graduation, he says. His particular path is rare, but not completely unique: Former IHOP CEO Julia Stewart was a waitress at IHOP as a teenager before eventually leading the brand from 2002 to 2017.

“Some of the people that are on my executive team now were dishwashers and cooks,” Kohli says. “This is one of the few [industries] in the entire world that you can literally start from that level and work your way up to a CEO or executive.”

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Despite economic uncertainty, recent college graduates are still flocking to major cities, according to private equity company Jones Lang LaSalle’s 2025 Talent Hubs report.

The top three cities attracting new grads in 2025 are New York City, San Francisco-Bay Area, and Los Angeles.

According to John Gates, CEO of Markets at JLL Americas, a “relatively high percentage of college graduates” move to urban areas each year, and that “consistent pattern” has continued in 2025.

From the Class of 2025, 1.47 million graduates entered office-centric roles this year, according to the report. Of those graduates, 36% relocated to a different metro area, and 23% relocated to a different state.

Job opportunities are a major factor driving new grads to move after college, Gates says. Amid a faltering labor market, the employment situation for new grads has been “very up and down.”

All of the cities on the list have robust local economies and a high density of corporations, Gates says, which creates a steady stream of new jobs.

JLL’s 2025 list of talent hubs has changed little since last year, except for the addition of Dallas-Fort Worth, which edged out Houston to land in the top 10.

Each city’s rank is based on overall size and on the university caliber of graduates taking jobs in those markets.

These are the top 10 cities for new grads, including the share of 2025 grads who are moving there, the year-over-year increase in 2024 grads, and the top industries in each city.

1. New York City

Share of 2025 grads: 10.9%

Year-over-year increase in 2024 grads: 38%

Top industries: Finance, Accounting and Consulting, Technology

2. San Francisco-Bay Area

Share of 2025 grads: 5.4%

Year-over-year increase in 2024 grads: 31%

Top industries: Technology, Accounting and Consulting, Automotive

3. Los Angeles

Share of 2025 grads: 6.0%

Year-over-year increase in 2024 grads: 19%

Top industries: Aerospace and Defense, Technology, Media and Entertainment, Accounting and Consulting

4. Boston

Share of 2025 grads: 4.7%

Year-over-year increase in 2024 grads: 11%

Top industries: Finance, Accounting and Consulting, Technology

5. Chicago

Share of 2025 grads: 4.9%

Year-over-year increase in 2024 grads: 10%

Top industries: Accounting and Consulting, Banking and Finance, Technology

6. Washington, D.C.

Share of 2025 grads: 3.8%

Year-over-year increase in 2024 grads: 47%

Top industries: Accounting and Consulting, Government, Aerospace and Defense

7. Atlanta

Share of 2025 grads: 3.4%

Year-over-year increase in 2024 grads: 3%

Top industries: Technology, Accounting and Consulting, Finance

8. Philadelphia

Share of 2025 grads: 2.8%

Year-over-year increase in 2024 grads: 1%

Top industries: Finance, Accounting and Consulting, Life Science

9. Dallas-Fort Worth

Share of 2025 grads: 3.1%

Year-over-year increase in 2024 grads: 26%

Top industries: Finance, Accounting and Consulting, Technology

10. Seattle

Share of 2025 grads: 2.4%

Year-over-year increase in 2024 grads: 14%

Top industries: Technology, Aerospace and Defense

It’s no surprise to Gates that New York City tops the list: the city is “perhaps one of the most competitive business communities and economies in the world,” which makes it a “very attractive” place for young graduates to live.

West Coast hubs like Los Angeles and San Francisco are similarly popular among new grads: Northern California is widely considered the “epicenter of innovation and technology,” Gates says, and “young people with STEM degrees of any kind are going to flock there.”

According to Gates, proximity to top schools is a major factor attracting grads to these cities.

Cities like Boston, New York and Philadelphia benefit from having “super high-quality universities” in their metro areas, he says, and Los Angeles draws large numbers of graduates from California’s strong state university system.

Cost of living can be another major consideration: Atlanta, Chicago and Seattle are popular options for cost-conscious grads due to their relative affordability compared to coastal hubs, Gates says.

Dallas-Fort Worth, the newest addition to the list, has experienced a “surge in job growth” due to an uptick in corporate relocation to the area, Gates says.

Ultimately, “graduates go where the jobs are,” Gates says, and cities with thriving employment markets will consistently attract top talent.

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As a couples therapist, I’ve found that the way someone talks about their ex often offers a window into how they handle conflict, accountability, and healing. 

If your partner can look back at a past relationship with a balanced view (e.g., “We both had good and hard moments,” or, “Here’s what we each did that didn’t help.”), it’s a green flag. But if they constantly bring up their ex in purely negative ways, they might end up repeating the same unhealthy patterns with you.

Here are six phrases the healthiest couples never say when talking about their exes.

This signals a lack of accountability. Most relationships are never one-sided. Both people shape the good and the bad. A partner stuck in blame may struggle with self-reflection and stay stuck in old patterns.

Similar phrases:

1. “They always wanted things their way.”
2. “We broke up because she couldn’t stop being so demanding.”

It’s a red flag if they idealize an ex or constantly compare you to them. This suggests they’re still tied to the past (and to that partner), making it hard to build something new. Healthy reflection means seeing both the good and the bad, then moving forward.

Similar phrases:

1. “They could do no wrong.”
2. “Why can’t you be more easygoing, like my ex?”

If your partner frequently brings up their ex or still talks to them every day, it may point to unresolved feelings.

While some friendships with exes can be healthy, setting clear boundaries as you build your new relationship are essential. Without them, it’s hard to prioritize building a future with you.

Similar phrases:

1. “I’m not sure our relationship can work if you have a problem with my ex and I talking every day.”
2. “My ex and I hang out on the weekends. Do you want to join?”

If your partner calls every ex a “narcissist,” “manipulator,” or “gaslighter,” take note of it.

This kind of name-calling also signals a tendency to externalize and place blame, instead of looking inward at their own behavior. Dismissing someone they once loved also shows a lack of respect. If they do it with someone else, they’ll likely do the same with you.

Similar phrases:

1. “He was constantly manipulating me.”
2. “I didn’t do anything wrong. She was just toxic and selfish.”

All relationships offer a chance for people to grow and become more self-aware.

Asking, “What did your past relationships teach you?” is a powerful way to deepen your understanding of each other. But if they have no insight, it could be a sign that they struggle with healthy communication and compromise.

Similar phrases:

1. “Those relationships didn’t mean anything to me.”
2. “The relationship was a waste of time.”

When a partner downplays past relationships or avoids opening up, it’s a red flag — they may feel shame and try to avoid vulnerability by not sharing details with you.

Being vulnerable is essential for deepening intimacy. It’s one thing to feel discomfort in sharing. It’s another to dodge or cover up important details. A healthy partner can acknowledge difficult experiences while still moving forward.

Similar phrases:

1. “It’s over, I don’t want to talk about this.”
2. “Why dig up old wounds?”

If your partner says any of these phrases, don’t immediately run in the opposite direction. Being in a healthy relationship isn’t about avoiding red flags altogether. It’s about knowing what they mean, asking questions, and making choices that will bring you closer to building something safe and secure.

Dr. Tracy Dalgleish is a clinical psychologist, couples therapist, and relationship expert. Her work has been featured in outlets like The New York Times, Forbes, and Time, and her research has appeared in peer-reviewed academic journals. She is the author of ”I Didn’t Sign Up for This″ and the host of the parenting podcast Dear Dr. Tracy. Her second book, ”You, Your Husband and His Mother,” will be released Fall 2025. She is the owner of the mental health clinic Integrated Wellness, and lives in Ottawa with her husband and two children.

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