Often in relationships, opposites truly do attract. Differences can add novelty and spark, and they’re often what draw us to each other at the beginning.

But as a psychologist who studies couples (and as a husband), I can say with confidence: Long-term relationship health depends less on how different two people are and more on what they actually have in common. Shared ground is one of the most important ways for partners to build a rhythm together, and that rhythm can determine how long a relationship lasts.

Here are five things people in the happiest relationships share in common with their partner.

You don’t need to have the same favorite comedian or comedy movie to share a sense of humor. What matters is that you laugh together — and regularly.

Healthy couples usually find the same kinds of things funny in everyday life. They often use humor to their advantage: turning frustrating moments into something manageable, and building a shared bank of inside jokes and references.

Over time, that humor becomes a lighthearted but powerful reminder of everything they’ve endured together.

The healthiest couples tend to approach hard conversations in sync. For some, that means talking things through as soon as problems come up. For others, it means giving each other space to process before regrouping.

Either approach works. What matters is that both partners are on the same page.

No one feels caught off guard or ignored, because they’ve aligned on when and how to revisit tough issues. Shared expectations like these are the only way two people can trust each other not to disappear when things get hard.

Not every couple is made up of two perfectly matched extroverts or two homebodies. But usually, healthy couples are in sync when it comes to how much social interaction feels right.

They rarely argue over whether to go out or stay in because they have similar limits. They’re often on the same page about how much energy they want to spend at parties, dinners, or family events.

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And when they do want different things — say, one wants to see friends while the other needs to recharge — they handle it without guilt or frustration. There’s no dragging each other along, no passive-aggressive comments, no punishment for needing different things.

This sense of balance keeps their social life from becoming a recurring source of tension.

Another thread that runs through strong relationships is shared curiosity about art and culture. Happy couples don’t need to have identical playlists or favorite authors, but they do value exploring together.

They’ll go to concerts, try new restaurants, or watch films neither has seen before. Even when their tastes differ, they’re still curious about each other’s opinions.

That openness means cultural experiences are never met with a dismissive “Why would you like that?” Instead, they’re a source of connection and even healthy debate.

This one is straightforward, but often overlooked: Healthy couples stay genuinely interested in one another.

There’s no “chasing,” no games, no imbalance in who’s keeping the affection alive. The attention just flows both ways. They keep flirting, keep complimenting, and keep asking each other questions, even when they already know the answers.

This pervasive and loving sense of curiosity is what makes them feel both seen and wanted. No one has to vie for the other’s affection; they love each other freely and frequently. Opposites may attract, but shared values and curiosity are what help a relationship last.

Mark Travers, PhD, is a psychologist who specializes in relationships. He holds degrees from Cornell University and the University of Colorado Boulder. He is the lead psychologist at Awake Therapy, a telehealth company that provides online psychotherapy, counseling, and coaching. He is also the curator of the popular mental health and wellness website, Therapytips.org.

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When Rick Senko started re-selling used items on eBay, he was “flat broke” — a recently unemployed single father who was desperate to earn enough money to support his 5-year-old son.

That was 2008, and the first item he sold — a cell phone he bought for $35 on Craigslist and flipped on eBay for $75 — felt like discovering a “glitch in the Matrix,” says Senko, now 41 and based in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

Realizing he could turn a tidy profit by flipping used items online, he went all in. He studied brands and sales trends, exploiting market inefficiencies and often working up to 20 hours a day “just going to the flea market, going to the thrift store, making relationships, studying my craft, learning, listing [items] every single day,” he says.

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What started as a way to make ends meet slowly grew into a reselling empire, bringing in millions of dollars a year in sales as one of eBay’s top sellers. In 2023, Senko started a wholesale business called Technsports that sells up to 5,000 items of used clothing per day to other professional resellers. Technsports brought in more than $6.5 million in 2024 revenue, according to documents reviewed by CNBC Make It.

Technsports is profitable overall, with a profit margin of roughly 50% per item sold, Senko says.

“I have not taken a day off in almost 20 years,” says Senko. “It is not lost on me how fortunate I am. But it also took a tremendous amount of work, a tremendous amount of commitment, and a tremendous amount of sacrifice to get from where I came from to now selling millions of dollars per year and living a very, very fortunate life.”

After becoming a father at age 18, Senko worked as a CVS photography lab supervisor for five years to make ends meet for himself and his son. He attended a vocational school to earn a computer repair certificate, which landed him a better-paying job at Circuit City in Fall 2008.

Two weeks later, Circuit City filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. Senko found himself out of work and unable to find a new job during the Great Recession. Then, his cellphone broke. “I didn’t have a lot of money, so I went onto eBay to get a pre-owned [phone],” says Senko.

He saw one on eBay listed for $75, and then spotted the same model of phone on Craigslist for $35. It was a “lightbulb moment” that seemed too good to be true, he says: “I would double the money. I would get a phone for free, and then I would get my original $35 back.”

Senko bought the Craigslist phone and sold it on eBay for $70, he says. He used the profits to buy another phone on Craigslist, which he flipped on eBay to double his money again. “I’ve been doing that ever since, for almost 20 years. Rinse and repeat,” says Senko, adding: “You don’t need a lot of money to start. You don’t need a lot of knowledge to start. You just need to start.”

He initially focused on electronics — from phones to video games, broken or functional, any low-priced item that he could resell within days, he says. As he learned more about which items sold better than others — and where to find in-demand stock — his earnings grew considerably, topping $100,000 in 2010, he says.

Around that time, he began shifting his focus to pre-owned clothing, which requires far less “customer support,” he says. “A T-shirt is not going to break in the mail.” Clothing required a level of research that Senko was willing to do, he notes: While most people understand that electronics can be valuable, “not everybody knows a particular Polo Ralph Lauren shirt could be worth more [than a gaming console] … Oftentimes those [clothes] are discarded in a pile on the floor at the flea market.”

Senko started leaving home before dawn and spending most of each day picking through piles of used clothing at South Florida thrift shops, consignment shops, flea markets and garage sales, he says. Reselling gave him freedom and control over his schedule, and tapped into his competitive desire to win at all costs, he adds.

Over time, Senko built relationships with sellers at flea markets and thrift stores to ensure he got the first crack at picking through new stock. He listed and sold roughly 250 items per day, or tens of thousands of products each year, and hired up to five contract employees at a time to help him photograph items, list them online and handle shipping.

In 2023, he brought in more than $2.5 million in eBay sales, documents show — up from $500,000 in 2017. But he had a feeling that he’d hit a ceiling of how many items he could list and sell per day, he says.

So, that same year, Senko decided to switch up his business model. Rather than buying select pieces and selling them each individually online, he began buying clothes in bulk and selling them wholesale to other resellers willing to spend time carefully sifting through each batch. Clients sometimes buy up to 1,000 items per week, he says.

“They process it, they fulfill it and they sell it one at a time on eBay,” Senko explains, adding: “The most valuable asset for my business became the inventory. I’m more profitable selling more items at a smaller margin.”

The lesser time commitment also helped Senko fulfill a promise to his wife, who he met during his brief time at Circuit City, he says: that they’d work as hard as they could until his son graduated high school, and then pursue an early retirement. ”[We wanted to] be able to take a 50-year vacation,” says Senko.

He and his wife finally took time off last year to travel the country, visiting places like New York, California and Las Vegas. “We are starting to enjoy the fruits of the labor,” he says. But he’s reluctant to actually retire, he notes: “To say that I am mentally on the 50-year vacation? Not even close.”

Senko says it’s difficult for him to shut off his competitive drive, especially when he knows there is money to be made and that he has the means and expertise to do it. And if he keeps working on Technsports, he could try to ensure that his current level of financial stability lasts for the rest of his life, he says.

“I get after it every single day. Because when you unlock [that] ability to multiply money, to take $5, put it onto eBay and sell something and get $25 back, how in the world can you rest?” he says. “Did I work a lot? Absolutely … I needed to grow the business. And, ultimately, I needed to be the best.”

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This story is part of CNBC Make It’s Six-Figure Side Hustle series, where people with lucrative side hustles break down the routines and habits they’ve used to make money on top of their full-time jobs. Got a story to tell? Let us know! Email us at AskMakeIt@cnbc.com.

When Rashan Brown hosted his first spoken-word poetry event at a bar in Brooklyn, New York, in June 2021, he broke down in tears.

As he read aloud a piece about a childhood friend who was shot and killed in 2020, he was hit by a wave of grief. “I had been through 22 years of schooling, but I was never taught how to properly grieve anyone,” Brown says. “Being on stage, when I’m crying, everyone’s like, ‘Let it out bro.’ That feeling, that experience. I realized, this is the way that I can express myself.”

Brown — then an eighth-grade science teacher, who wrote poetry on the side — wanted to create an event that didn’t charge poets to perform. He contracted a small staff including a DJ and two videographers, convinced 10 local poets to perform by messaging them on Instagram, and paid $3,000 in total to host the event, he says. His friends scanned $10 to $20 tickets at the door, and sold poetry-themed hoodies, hats and posters that Brown had previously made.

Today, Brown is a product manager at ESPN, who now runs a monthly poetry showcase series — called Poetry me, please — on the side. Poets from across the country apply and are randomly selected to perform at events in New York, or at pop-up showcases in other cities worldwide. Brown also manages other poets under the Poetry me, please brand, and has performed his own poetry in the White House, at NFL games and while opening for Rupi Kaur.

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Between event revenue and performance income, Brown’s poetry side hustle brought in $148,000 in 2024, according to documents reviewed by CNBC Make It. Most of that money comes from ticket sales, Brown says. For an upcoming Nov. 29 event at Brooklyn’s Kings Theatre, which seats 3,250 people, tickets currently range from $37 to $147 each.

The events have slim profit margins: Poetry me, please, made $500 in 2024 profit, which Brown says he reinvested into the business. And the side hustle is time-intensive. During May and June, his busiest months, Brown works up to 80 hours per week writing material, scouting opportunities for his poets and researching the online poetry community before showcase events, he says.

In less busy months, he spends 10 to 20 hours per week on the side hustle, he adds.

Brown’s responsibilities at Poetry me, please have shifted over time, he says. He spends fewer hours negotiating with venues and solidifying his own reputation as poet, and more on developing the business’ newer revenue streams — like managing other poets, he says.

Here, Brown discusses how his skillset, work ethic and a little serendipity helped popularize Poetry me, please:

CNBC Make It: Do you think the success of your events-based side hustle is replicable?

Brown: I want to say yes. There is something about standard operation procedures that can be applied [to other side hustles], like finding and booking talent, and keeping their names with a description of their strengths in a database for the future.

I also feel like I’ve gotten a lot of “right place, right moment” opportunities. For example, in 2020, I wanted to announce to the world: I was a poet. I hired a cinematographer and a photographer, recorded two poems and posted them on social media.

Around that time, the rapper Lloyd Banks was looking for poets on Instagram to perform an original poem for a trailer for his new album. The video dropped on YouTube right before the first Poetry me, please event in 2021.

What kind of personality traits and skills do you possess that have helped propel Poetry me, please forward?

I’m very passionate and people believe me when I speak. If I tell you I’m going to do something, it’s going to get done, and I think that’s a big part of the support that I get. In one of our first showcases, I said we were going to perform at the Apollo [Theater, in New York] someday. We rented it out for the first time in 2023.

I’m also very analytical, and I think I’ve become more this way because I am a product manager. For example, when we rented out the Apollo for the first time, ticket sales were slow at first — but I never had a doubt that we wouldn’t sell out the theater. The data always shows that 40% of our sales happen two weeks before the event.

That data helps me also figure out how to mitigate risks. If an event doesn’t work out, I can figure out how much I’ll be in the red, and how to quickly make that money back.

You mentioned you spend up to 80 hours per week on your side hustle during busy months. Do you struggle with burnout?

I feel like any time I’ve gotten really sick, it’s because I’ve overworked. I’ve learned either you can take a rest, or your body is going to make you take a rest.

In January 2024, I tore my patella tendon in my left knee playing basketball. I had surgery. It was one of the roughest things I’ve ever been through. In the middle of February, I get an email saying, “Hey, we’re honoring Black men [leaders and entrepreneurs] in an event at the White House. Would you like to attend?”

I didn’t think it made sense to go. I couldn’t drive, I couldn’t fly because my leg needed to be straight, so it didn’t make sense to go — but I didn’t want to pass up the opportunity. My publicist and I decided to pitch for me to perform.

I sent them two videos, one of me performing [a poem called] “Capital B.” I said, “I would love to come. All I need is three minutes.” They agreed, so I rented an SUV, and my cinematographer drove me and a small team down to Washington, D.C. I laid in the back and had my leg stretched down the middle of the car.

The event went great, but afterward, I was so tired. I was mic’d up all day, and I could hear myself wheezing in the audio. I ended up going to the ER that night. The doctors found blood clots in my lungs, a rare side effect from my surgery.

I used to hate laying down when I knew I could be on the computer working. But since the surgery, I’ve given myself more grace to just watch TV or exercise more regularly. I prioritize stillness more often.

Your identity as a Black man is present in a lot of your poems. Do you have any advice for young Black men wanting to pursue a business idea?

My general advice is to lean into your passions, don’t take no for an answer and be the best you can be. A lot of times, people are nervous to let their passions fully engulf them.

I would tell young Black boys — or people with businesses — that identity is important, and you should let it shape your creativity. There are specific things that I do to lean into my identity. They come in small quirky things. We start every show with a Black woman. That’s important to me, because I was raised by a single mother.

But your identity doesn’t have to be everything. Poetry me, please is for everyone. It doesn’t matter what race you are, what type of content you perform. When you go to a show, we want it to feel very cultural.

Correction: This story has been updated to reflect that Rashan Brown’s childhood friend was shot and killed in 2020.

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After 23 years of marriage, I’ve realized the most powerful question I could have asked early on wasn’t about money, kids, or where we wanted to live.

It was this: “Can you describe the partner you always dreamed of having?”

Even as someone who helps couples manage money and household responsibilities as a team, I wish I had asked this question sooner. Instead of guessing what being a “good partner” meant, I could have focused on becoming the support my wife actually wanted and needed.

Here’s why this one question can transform a relationship.

Most of us enter relationships with a mental checklist of what makes a great partner. But those lists often come from our own upbringing or outdated cultural norms, not from the person we’re actually with.

In heterosexual relationships especially, traditional expectations still linger: men as financial providers, women as household and emotional managers. Those assumptions can quietly breed resentment and miscommunication.

Asking your partner what they truly value replaces guesswork with clarity.

Work and family dynamics look very different today. The majority of U.S. marriages are now dual-career, and women are outpacing men in college graduation rates and earning as much (or more) in nearly half of households.

Yet there’s often one partner that still tends to take on more of the domestic and mental load at home, even when they’re the primary breadwinner. Asking your partner about their ideal vision of support acknowledges that marriage roles should evolve along with modern life.

For generations, “providing” was almost exclusively tied to income. But in modern marriages, especially dual-career ones, providing goes far beyond bringing home a paycheck.

Today, being a great partner means showing up emotionally, managing part of the home workload, parenting with intention, and nurturing the relationship’s overall health. When couples talk about what kind of support they need, it gives both partners permission and responsibility to broaden their definition of what it means to provide.

Asking directly what your partner needs ensures both people feel seen and valued. It also makes the relationship more resilient when major stressors, like career changes or health challenges, arise.

Instead of assuming what matters most to your partner, asking about their ideal partner sparks deeper conversations:

• What makes you feel most seen and appreciated?
• How do you define “pulling your weight” in a relationship?
• What does a fair partnership mean to you?
• What’s one habit we could adopt together to feel more like a team at home, with money, or in everyday life?
• How can we show up differently for each other when life gets stressful?

These conversations build alignment early on, so when life throws curveballs, you’re already working from the same playbook.

For years, I thought working long hours and providing financially was the ultimate proof of love. What I’ve learned is that my wife defines a great partner differently.

She wants someone who shares the mental and domestic load, recognizes that managing everyday household tasks can be more stressful than big financial decisions, and values equal downtime.

These days, I often hear her working late into the evening. She can do that because I’ve taken on more household responsibilities, freeing her to focus on her career. Before founding Modern Husbands, I would have assumed she wouldn’t want to work longer hours. I was wrong.

Being curious and always seeking to better understand how you can be better for each other is what keeps a relationship strong.

Brian Page is the founder of Modern Husbands, a company dedicated to helping couples manage both financial and home responsibilities as a team. He holds a master’s degree in education and is certified as both an Accredited Financial Counselor® and a Fair Play Certified® domestic labor specialist.

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Saying “no” is essential in parenting. But setting limits shouldn’t start and end with that one word.

As a certified child life specialist and licensed therapist, I know that saying “no” is meant to help kids feel safe, supported, and understood. I often help kids understand: “Your parents aren’t saying ‘no’ to control you, they’re saying ‘no’ to support you.”

Boundaries deepen trust and cooperation over time. When we say “no” with calm, consistency, and care, we’re setting limits. But we’re also teaching emotion regulation, self-control, and connection. These are crucial skills our kids will carry far beyond childhood. 

Here’s how to say no in ways that build connection instead of conflict. 

Think about a curious one-year-old who’s putting sand in their mouth, pulling the dog’s tail, or standing on a chair. If we just say “no” or “stop” without explaining, we might leave them feeling confusion, shame, or doubt.

Instead we might say “not in the mouth,” “gentle hands,” or “sit down.” It’s still a boundary but it teaches and guides them in a way they can learn and understand. 

When kids aren’t adhering to limits, they might need firmer boundaries. But those can still help them figure out what to do, rather than just what not to do. For example: 

• “No helmet, no bike.” 
• “It’s not safe to ride without a helmet, so I’m going to put the bike away for now.” 
• “As soon as you put your helmet on, you can ride your bike.”

Kids crave reasoning to make sense of things. Limits work best when kids understand them. 

With my two young children, I always lead with limits related to safety and kindness. This helps me stay mindful of when and why I’m saying “no” in the first place, and whether or not certain limits are negotiable. 

Recently, my five-year-old asked for emotional support while I was driving. I said, “I can’t hold your hand when I’m driving because it’s not safe. But as soon as we get home, I can give you a hug.” It was still a “no,” but it prioritized connection and safety. 

When kids know why, they’re more likely to accept the limit even if they don’t like it. This can teach them perspective-taking. For screens, helmets, and more, it might also mean explaining that “every family has different rules, and these are ours.” 

When kids hear the word “no,” they immediately feel stripped of autonomy and control — often when they’re trying to explore their world and build their identity.

Pair limits with choices. That can sound like:

• “The park isn’t a choice right now, you can choose to play in the backyard or in the basement.”
• “Choose one more thing to do and then it’s time to leave.”

When kids struggle to decide, you can always resort to: “You can choose or I can choose for you.”

Kids will feel empowered by being able to make a choice within the boundaries you’ve clearly set. 

Toddlers test every limit, every day. And it doesn’t stop after toddlerhood. It’s a sign of healthy development, and it looks different at different ages and stages.

This is how kids learn what’s safe and where the boundaries are. When limits change easily, kids push harder. When limits are consistent, they learn to trust and expect them.

Our job as parents is to communicate consistently, calmly, and clearly even when kids melt down or fight back. It teaches them that their world is safe and predictable, even when it’s upsetting, and shows them unwavering support in the face of challenges.

Sometimes we shout “no!” instinctively in moments of stress or fear, like when a child is running toward the street.

It’s natural to react that way, but it’s essential to follow up with an explanation and perhaps even an apology. When my daughter recently tugged on a necklace that’s already broken twice, I added: “I’m worried it will break. It’s special to me and costs money to fix.” She said, “I’m sorry mama. It was an accident. I won’t do it again.”

Repairing and explaining after an emotional “no” can teach kids about accountability and empathy in a relationship and demonstrate reflection and correction.

As kids grow and develop, boundaries may look and sound different but the underlying message is the same.

A “no” to going to the park after school might sound like, “I hear you, but that’s not an option today. We already have plans.” Similarly, when it’s time to end an activity: “We’re all done now” or “It’s time to go home.” You can even validate their feelings while staying firm: “It’s okay to be upset, but it’s not going to change the plans. I’m right here with you.”

These honest conversations around limits teach kids that boundaries and connection can exist together — a lesson that will serve them through every stage of life. 

Kelsey Mora is Certified Child Life Specialist and Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor who provides custom support, guidance, and resources to parents, families, and communities impacted by medical conditions, trauma, grief, and everyday life stress. She is a private practice owner, mom of two, the creator and author of The Method Workbooks, and the Chief Clinical Officer of the nonprofit organization Pickles Group.

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