I’ve spent seven years studying achievement culture and interviewing hundreds of high-performing kids and their families. One issue that comes up again and again for parents and teens is how much the high-stakes world of college admissions affects their relationships.

Amid a competitive, expensive and uncertain process, it’s easy to understand a parent’s temptation to micromanage every detail. But this can often lead to fights and resentment.

Having observed the strain that the college admissions arms race can have on family life, I have a non-negotiable parenting rule: with my three teens, we don’t talk about post-high school plans until the spring of their junior year.

Once spring of junior year rolls around, we confine college conversations to an hour each weekend at a time our child chooses, usually Sunday afternoon. These boundaries keep the topic contained and our relationship from being consumed by it.

That one guardrail has been transformative. It stops the anxious parent drip — the constant stream of “Did you finish that supplement? Did you ask your teacher for a recommendation?” — from seeping into every car ride and family dinner.

Instead, my husband and I collect our questions and save them for Sunday, leaving the rest of the week open for all the other things my teenagers have on their minds.

We want to protect this time and provide space for their developing selves, for interests and curiosities that aren’t constantly filtered through the lens of what a college admissions officer might be looking for.

Of course, my kids know they can always talk to us. But by containing our anxious parenting questions, we’re doing what we can to reduce the already immense pressure they might be feeling. 

Growing research finds that students in “high-achieving schools” (those with strong test scores, diverse extracurriculars, and graduates bound for top colleges) are now experiencing higher rates of anxiety, depression, and substance use compared with national norms.

The National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine classified youth in these high-achieving schools as an “at-risk group,” alongside children living in poverty, in foster care, or with incarcerated parents. 

The Robert Wood Johnson Foundation reached a similar conclusion, identifying “excessive pressure to excel” as one of the top environmental threats to adolescent wellness, right next to poverty and trauma.

It may sound counterintuitive to put kids who attend well-resourced, high pressure schools in the same category as our country’s most vulnerable youth. But the data show that both groups experience chronic, unrelenting stress that can undermine mental and physical health. 

“Mattering,” or the deep human need to feel valued and to add value, is a powerful protective factor for youth mental health.

Young people learn that they matter through the messages they receive at home. One of the most effective ways to do that is to make unconditional worth visible. 

One mother I interviewed told me about a metaphor she used to demonstrate this. She held up a $20 bill and asked her child how much it was worth. Then she wrinkled it, stepped on it, even dunked it in a glass of water. “Now how much is it worth?” she asked. The answer, of course, was the same. 

Like that $20 bill, our children’s value doesn’t diminish when they bomb a test, get cut from a team, or aren’t invited to a party. Our job is to remind them that their worth will never change, no matter what.

So much of parenting is spent getting through endless to-do lists that our kids don’t always see the delight we take in being their parents. Try greeting them once a day the way the family dog does, with total joy.

Small, consistent reminders that our love isn’t conditional can shift the entire atmosphere at home. They tell our kids that their value isn’t tied to their performance. 

In our family, this became the inspiration for the “one-hour-a-week” rule. It was one way to put mattering research into practice. It’s our reminder that home should be the one place where you never have to prove your worth.

When kids aren’t performing to earn our approval, they’re free to pursue goals that actually mean something to them.

So this year, as my daughter goes through the admissions process herself, I’m holding firm to our Sunday rule. Because the relationship I’m building with my children matters far more than any acceptance letter ever could.

Jennifer Breheny Wallace is an award-winning journalist and author of the New York Times bestseller ”Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic — and What We Can Do About It.” She lives in New York City with her husband and three teens. You can follow her on Instagram @jenniferbrehenywallace. 

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Dr. Sidrah Nisar was both excited and overwhelmed to land a $125,000 salary right out of veterinary school in 2019.

“I had more money than I could handle,” she tells CNBC Make It.

Little did she know, she would soon be more than doubling that annual income by switching from full-time positions to contract work as a relief vet. 

Nisar’s sister, who’s also a vet, introduced her to an app called Roo that connects vets to clinics in need of coverage. Nisar started picking up shifts through Roo in May 2023 and left her full-time job in September of that year.

“I love being a relief veterinarian because I get to meet new people, talk to new people, learn new things every time I go into a new hospital,” she says.

In her full-time positions, Nisar worked 40 to 50 hours a week. Now, she works 50 to 60 hours a week, but on a schedule she can dictate, and with higher hourly rates. In 2024, Nisar earned $366,000 from shifts she picked up on Roo. She earned an additional $18,000 as a brand ambassador for Roo, plus another $2,000 from vet shifts she picked up outside of Roo to bring her total income for the year up to $386,000.

Vets on Roo earn nearly twice as much per hour as the average full-time vet, and on average make $1,266 per day, the company says. Working full-time hours at that rate would easily help vets make more than the median $125,510 a year veterinarians nationwide earn, according to Bureau of Labor Statistics data.

Still, contract positions like the relief vet work Nisar does aren’t for everyone. Here are three of the main differences to consider.

While a full-time position may come with rigid time-off policies or daily schedules, it also comes with a regular paycheck. Losing that guaranteed pay is “the one setback of being a relief veterinarian,” Nisar says.

“With being a relief vet, you kind of always have to be hustling and looking for work.”

Nisar credits the Roo app with making it easier to find shifts that work for her, but acknowledges the possibility that there could be a time when she struggles to find enough shifts to meet her financial obligations. 

For now, Roo has a lot of hospitals available in Nisar’s area, “so that’s never a significant worry of mine,” she says.

When she worked full-time in animal hospitals, Nisar says she was “consistently just thinking about my job when I wasn’t at work.”

That quickly changed when she switched to relief work. Since she works at a number of different hospitals and may not return to some, Nisar is better able to separate what’s happening at work from her personal life.

“My work-life balance has definitely changed since becoming a relief veterinarian,” she says. “I definitely am able to leave work at work and I don’t bring it home with me versus being a full time vet.”

Like any workplace, drama and interpersonal conflicts can arise at animal hospitals where employees see each other every day and develop close relationships, for better or worse. As a relief vet, Nisar is largely able to stay out of any issues that can come up, or can choose not to return to hospitals where she doesn’t enjoy working with the staff. 

″[It’s] significantly less stress,” she says. “When you’re doing relief [shifts] you go in, you do your work, and then you leave.”

While Nisar is happier doing relief work than she was in full-time positions, she doesn’t recommend it for veterinarians just getting out of school because they still have a lot to learn that likely won’t come as easily if they’re bouncing from clinic to clinic.

“Doing that full time job and learning from your mentor is very, very important,” she says. “My advice to new vets is to do your full-time job first and having a mentor there and then stepping into relief [work] if that’s something that you feel that would suit you best.”

And for experienced vets, Nisar says relief work still isn’t right for everyone and you “have to have a certain personality” to be successful. 

“You are going into a brand new clinic most of the time and you’re meeting new people,” she says. “You have to be patient. You have to be flexible because you’re doing what they want you to do. You’re there to help them.”

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If your home and work are on the opposite sides of town, you might have a long commute. If they’re on the opposite sides of the country, you have quite the supercommute.

That’s the case for Memwanesha Daniels.

Daniels, who describes her career as “bicoastal nursing,” lives with her boyfriend and three kids, ages 2 to 13, in Jacksonville, Florida, but works in the San Francisco Bay Area, where she says she’s able to make three times as much as when she worked locally in Jacksonville.

When she was in nursing school, hearing of registered nurses making good money in the Bay Area and saving more by living elsewhere was “like urban legend.”

“I heard about that and I told myself, ‘I’m going to work in the Bay Area,’” she says.

Fast forward and Daniels says she’s been supercommuting to work in California since 2017, with some breaks in between where she was working locally in Florida.

But, “I always end up back in California,” she says.

The length of her time in California varies, but Daniels says she’s done everything from working a few days at a time to staying 2-week long sprints to earn as much as possible.

Daniels is usually able to fly to work the day of. She’ll often hop on a flight between 5 a.m. and 7 a.m. in Jacksonville and arrive in the Bay Area between 10 a.m. to 1 p.m. local time. She was once stuck in Texas overnight after a flight got pushed, though she says “it doesn’t happen often.”

“I love to fly, and I love to travel,” she says, noting that she falls asleep quickly when she’s on the plane. “Flying is relaxing for me.”

When she lands in the Bay Area, she’ll head to her apartment in Oakland to shower and squeeze in a nap before heading to work.

Daniels estimates she’s typically flying 4 days a month. But if she’s in “grind mode,” she might only fly twice a month, as she might stay in the Bay Area for longer stretches to make more money.

She’s on staff at one hospital, typically working 12-hour shifts and prioritizing nights and weekends for the increased pay. She makes more than $100 per hour on those shifts, and even more for overtime.

She’s made $25,000 a month before by doing these shifts and picking up some overtime, generally totaling around 16 shifts in that time. Sometimes she makes less, when she’s spending more time at home with family for holidays or birthdays.

“I can make more,” she says. “But of course you still have to have a life, still have to get home.”

As for her supercommuting costs, Daniels typically makes two round trips a month, which she estimates costs under $500 total. She pays roughly $1,300 a month for her California apartment.

Daniels’ apartment is within walking distance to work, but she can also take a local BART train and hospital shuttle to get to work.

“I can save a lot and it gives me a different type of life than what I would have trying to make things work in Florida,” she says. “Paying an extra $2,000 a month to make three times the amount I would make in Florida is very much worth it.”

When she’s away, Daniels regularly has FaceTime calls to stay in touch with her boyfriend and kids. While she sometimes feels “sad and worried” about being away from her kids for stretches at a time, they don’t seem to mind as much, she says.

“I’m the one crying like, ‘Oh, I miss my family’ and they are just fine,” she says. “They don’t care because they’re used to it.”

When she’s home in Jacksonville, she’s “fully clocked out of work” and essentially “living the stay-at-home mom life” with her family.

Daniels is considering packing up with her family and moving to the Bay Area full-time. Wherever she lives, she plans to continue nursing in California.

“It’s very lucrative,” she says. “This is a retirement plan for me.”

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When I launched Her First $100K, I promised myself I’d build the kind of company I always wanted to work for — one that didn’t glorify burnout or “hustle culture.”

No fake “unlimited” vacation policy no one feels safe using. No late-night Slack messages. No “work-life balance” lip service without policies to back it up.

Today, I run a multimillion-dollar financial education company: $5 million in annual revenue, a bestselling book, a top podcast, and a global community of 5 million women. And every quarter, my team of seven full-time employees gets a fully paid, week-long company break. No emails. No meetings. No work.

That’s 26 additional paid days off every year, on top of holidays and unlimited PTO.

Every quarter, we shut down the entire company for one week. This isn’t “take time off whenever you want.” It’s a collective break, so no one returns to a flooded inbox or projects that moved forward without them.

We alert our audience and partners ahead of time, and our systems handle the essentials while the humans rest. For my team, that week is sacred. They travel, spend time with family, or just do nothing. Guilt-free.

What surprised me most? Our community loves it. When we announce our breaks, followers cheer us on. They see us modeling the boundaries and work-life balance we teach, and it deepens their trust in us.

1. Burnout costs more than rest

Every founder says they care about their team’s well-being. But if your employees are running on fumes, you’re paying for it in lower productivity, higher turnover, and mistakes that cost money and morale.

Research from Stanford University shows productivity plummets after about 50 hours of work per week, while studies from NIH link chronic stress to reduced performance and creativity.

Our breaks are a proactive investment. Instead of fixing burnout later, we prevent it altogether. I’ve watched employees come back from these breaks re-energized, more engaged, and more creative. That return far outweighs the temporary dip in output.

2. Creativity requires space

The irony of overwork is that the more you push, the less inspired you get. In my own life, I’ve noticed that my best ideas (new product concepts, creative marketing angles, partnership pitches) come when I’m not in front of my laptop. For my team, it’s the same.

When you’re constantly reacting to notifications, your brain doesn’t have time to wander, and that’s where innovation lives.

Quarterly breaks give us that mental white space. The result? Fresher ideas, better problem-solving, and a renewed excitement to execute.

3. Trust builds loyalty, and loyalty drives results

Offering a paid week off every quarter sends a powerful message: I trust my team. I trust them to take time away without things falling apart, and I trust them to return ready to keep building this company with me.

When employees know you’ll prioritize their health, they’ll go the extra mile when it matters. They’ll stay through the busy seasons. They’ll advocate for your business as if it’s their own. And they’ll give you their best work because they know you see them as more than just a means to an end.

Yes, the business slows down for a week every few months. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

You might be thinking: That’s nice, but there’s no way I could run my business like this.

I get it. But we’re proof that you can. Her First $100K is on track to do over $8 million this year with a 64% profit margin — while shutting down four times a year.

If a full week off feels impossible, start smaller:

• Give your team a long weekend after a big launch.
• Enforce real “no meeting” days.
• Encourage employees to actually use their PTO, without guilt.

The point is to make rest part of your culture, not a perk people are afraid to take.

And if you’re an employee stuck in a burnout cycle, start setting your own boundaries: no late-night emails, no “quick check-ins” on vacation, and regular mental resets. Advocate for what you need. If your workplace can’t support that, it might be time to find one that does.

Tori Dunlap is an money expert who has helped over one million women negotiate salary, pay off debt, build savings, and invest. She is the author of ”Financial Feminist,” and her work has been featured on Good Morning America, the Today Show, the New York Times, and more. An honors graduate of the University of Portland, Dunlap now travels the world, writing, speaking, and coaching about personal finance, online businesses, and confidence for women.

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When your kid is in the middle of a tantrum, logic and lectures don’t work.

I’ve studied over 200 kids and worked with hundreds of families, and one thing is clear: Tantrums aren’t about defiance. Research shows that during emotional overwhelm, a child’s prefrontal cortex (the part of the brain responsible for reasoning and language) essentially goes offline. It’s why “use your words” falls flat when they’re screaming.

What they need in that moment is connection. These seven magic phrases work with your child’s nervous system by calming the storm, restoring safety, and teaching emotional regulation — the real skill behind resilience.

When your child is mid-meltdown, your instinct is to make it stop… fast. You want the screaming to end, the tears to dry, the chaos to pass. So you start talking: “Calm down,” “Use your words,” “Tell me what’s wrong.”

But often, the fastest way to end a tantrum is silence. When your child’s body is in full distress, every word you add is like oxygen to a fire. Their “thinking brain” has shut down. Words simply can’t land. But your nervous system can reach them instantly.

Sit close. Stay relaxed. Saying nothing essentially communicates an important phrase: “You’re safe, and I can handle this.” Once their breathing slows and the peak has passed, that’s when your spoken words can start to land.

This short phrase is a lifeline. You’re not walking away, threatening consequences, or trying to reason. You’re anchoring them back into connection.

A tantrum often triggers a primal fear: Am I still loved when I’m out of control? Your calm presence answers that question instantly. Connection regulates the stress response faster than correction ever can. Emotional safety quiets the body’s alarm system.

Instead of minimizing their emotions or rushing them through it, this phrase acknowledges the size of the feeling. It helps kids see what’s happening inside rather than being consumed by it.

Validation activates the brain’s calming pathways. When children feel seen, their bodies release tension. And that’s the first step toward emotional awareness.

Parents often swing between being too permissive or too harsh. This phrase strikes the balance. You’re separating the feeling from the behavior, and validating the emotion while holding the boundary.

Consistent limits paired with emotional acceptance build impulse control — the foundation of self-discipline.

Sometimes, a “time-in” works better than a “time-out.” This phrase teaches your child to regulate with you. Invite them to sit, breathe, or just be still until the storm passes. Proximity restores safety faster than isolation ever could.

When children are dysregulated, they need your nervous system to co-regulate theirs. Your calm is contagious.

This phrase helps acknowledge the emotion underneath your child’s behavior: disappointment, frustration, or longing. When kids feel seen, they don’t need to keep screaming to prove their feelings are real.

Validation lowers the brain’s threat response. Once a child feels understood, their nervous system begins to settle — and the tantrum ends naturally, without punishment or bribes.

Unconditional safety is what every child needs most. Tantrums often test an unspoken question: “Will you still love me when I’m not lovable?”

This phrase answers it clearly and teaches emotional security for life. It also rewires the shame response. Children learn that love isn’t withdrawn for imperfection, and that’s the beginning of self-worth.

Reem Raouda is a leading voice in conscious parenting and the creator of FOUNDATIONS, a step-by-step guide that helps parents heal and become emotionally safe. She is widely recognized for her expertise in children’s emotional safety and for redefining what it means to raise emotionally healthy kids. Connect with her on Instagram.

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