In 2020, Anita Kinoshita, 28 years old at the time, started looking into buying a house.

Kinoshita was living in California and making around $70,000 a year as a software engineer for the Department of Defense.

As a first-generation American from a farming family in Mexico, Kinoshita believed the best way to finally achieve the American dream her family had for her was to own property.

“I had my first big girl job and thought the next responsible thing to do would be to buy a house,” Kinoshita tells CNBC Make It. “I didn’t necessarily want to buy a house. In fact, I was trying to figure out how to finesse the purchase.”

Initially, Kinoshita was seeking a property with the intent to sublet some of the bedrooms and lower her share of the expenses. She had about $20,000 saved for a down payment.

“My vision for the future was to be able to have a family and spend as much time with them and not necessarily have an office job. [But] I still went forward with what made sense for this American Dream path,” she says.

“I was 28 at the time, so I still kind of cared what my community defined as successful, and homeownership was part of that. At the time, I thought it was the responsible thing to do.”

Kinoshita wanted to learn as much as she could about the home-buying journey she was embarking on. She enrolled in a nine-week course that teaches people how to manage their money, offered by Financial Peace University.

During the retirement module of the online class, Kinoshita used a retirement calculator that helped her realize that if she started contributing a bit more to her 401(k), she could retire around age 55 and buy a house at the same time.

“All of a sudden, the vision I had for the future and the freedom and lifestyle I wanted became possible in my mind for the first time,” she says.

For two years, Kinoshita looked at least a dozen places and put in a total of four offers. She got accepted for one, but then the sellers backed out. She was also approved for a single-family home, but there was a mismatch in the appraisal, so she walked away from the deal.

“I ended up backing out because the only way to be competitive during that time was to invest less and save more for the down payment, and I wasn’t willing to do that,” she says.

“Ultimately, I felt like it wasn’t the time for me at the moment, and I was not willing to invest less either. I wasn’t satisfied with my career and felt like I was living my dad’s dream and not really mine.”

Kinoshita switched her focus. Instead of saving for a down payment, she set a goal of having $500,000 invested in her retirement accounts. By April 2022, she had invested $200,000 and reached COAST FIRE — a strategy where you save and invest enough to eventually stop contributing to your retirement accounts and let the compound growth continue rising so you’re on track to have a traditional retirement. She decided to quit her job.

Kinoshita isn’t alone in choosing to wait to buy a house. The median age of a first-time home buyer has gone up in recent years, from 35 in 2023 to 38 in 2024 alone, according to a report from the National Association of Realtors.

After quitting her full-time job, Kinoshita started working part-time, creating curriculum for California State University, Monterey Bay and making financial literacy content online. Both of these positions made her more money than when she was working as a software engineer.

Kinoshita, now 34, is going to wait until she reaches early COAST FIRE, which, when you have enough invested, lets you stop contributing by the age you decide, versus the traditional retirement age of 67.

Her projected retirement age is now 45, and she expects to have $1.5 million invested by then.

“I value my time and freedom a little bit more than I value home ownership. In retrospect, I think if I had bought the house, I would have felt trapped in my career,” she says.

Kinoshita and her husband recently moved to the California neighborhood where they would one day like to own a home. They pay $4,000 a month in rent and live in a single-family home in a gated community, according to documents reviewed by CNBC Make It.

When the couple is ready to buy, she estimates they will have about $300,000 saved to put toward the home. But they still don’t know when they will start getting serious about buying.

“I’m not in a rush. I don’t want to use it as a financial tool in any way. I’m looking at it more as a luxury and less as an asset these days,” she says. “I would rather have my money working for me in the stock market than in real estate.”

Kinoshita says her definition of a dream home has also changed.

“I don’t want too many bedrooms. I think what I care more about these days is the charming architecture. I don’t want it to be overwhelming in terms of square footage. I want it to be in a really beautiful neighborhood where I feel safe. I want to look outside and see nature,” she says.

“I don’t see a reason to settle for something else, so for us it’s a as long as it takes kind of thing.”

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Over the last 10 years, I’ve hosted over 770 dinners, inviting everyone from Fortune 500 executives to strangers who just need a table to belong to. 

My work and mission has always been to help people build community and feel a stronger sense of gratitude. I love watching new relationships form, whether it’s a professional contact or a new friendship.

A pattern I’ve noticed is that the people with the highest emotional intelligence at our events don’t care about coming off like the smartest person in the room. Their biggest priority is making their conversation partner feel seen and understood.

Here are eight joyful phrases people with high emotional intelligence use to turn small talk into genuine connections. 

This is an invitation to go beyond the surface. It demonstrates that you are paying attention to not just the words the other person is saying, but the feelings behind them. When you do that, you show yourself to be both observant and trustworthy. 

People rarely know how they come across, and this is an opportunity to tell them. When you mirror a non-verbal cue back to someone, whether it’s a genuine smile or an imperceptible shift in their posture, it’s not only a great compliment, but it can also help your conversation partner clarify where their passions lie.  

People with high emotional intelligence value curiosity. This statement shows that you aren’t just looking for simple, agreed upon answers, and that you want to know more about how they think. 

In organizing these dinners, I’ve found that seeing how someone asks questions is actually a great way to get a better understanding of who they are and what drives them.

In a similar vein, don’t be afraid to say “I don’t know” or “I hadn’t considered that.” These responses signal that you’re open to being challenged. 

People with high emotional intelligence don’t always need to be right. They believe that life is more interesting when you leave yourself open to collaboration and discovery. This sense of humility makes them magnetic to be around. 

Instead of “How was your day?” which can lead to vague recaps that grind conversations to a halt, this question gives the other person a chance to recall a specific moment of joy. It’s a small shift that inspires gratitude and deeper reflection. It is also a simple way to stay present.

This one is inspired by my friend Michael O’Brien’s work. He is an organizational expert and executive coach who developed a framework called Appreciative Enquiry, which is all about flipping negativity bias.

We’re so wired to be on the lookout for problems, but when you ask people to articulate what’s actually working, you can help them see what is possible. 

This phrase is great when you’re in an office or networking context. It can help build a work culture that is driven by recognition, rather than criticism.

We live in a world that is often obsessed with instant gratification, but people with high emotional intelligence know how to slow down, and are generous with their time.

This phrase shows that you care enough to pause and lean in. This is one time when interrupting can actually be a positive thing for a new relationship. 

My friend and mentor Felipe Gomez, one of the most emotionally intelligent people I know, uses this phrase with me all the time. I’ll share some half-baked ideas, and he’ll simply say: “Tell me more.”  

It allows me to think more expansively and go in any weird or whimsical direction I want without fear of judgment.

All of these phrases can help turn ordinary exchanges into genuine moments of intimacy and trust. However, if you’re in a new social situation and you start to draw a blank, don’t worry about trying to say the “right” thing. Just find a way to show the person you’re with that they matter to you. 

Chris Schembra is the founder of the 7:47 Gratitude Experience, a consultancy that helps Fortune 500 companies and global leaders build stronger cultures of empathy, trust and belonging. A Wall Street Journal bestselling author and international keynote speaker, Chris writes about gratitude as a strategy for resilience, leadership and business growth.

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In successful relationships, both partners feel emotionally secure, connected, and comfortable being themselves around each other. But for many of us, romantic relationships can bring out our deepest insecurities.

As a Harvard-trained psychologist who works with couples, I often tell people that emotional security in a relationship starts with seeing yourself as worthy of love, and trusting that your partner is accepting, caring, and truly committed — through the highs and the lows.

Couples who truly trust each other use seven phrases every day, and they should be relationship goals for all of us.

Feeling safe in a relationship means never having to hide parts of yourself. You are comfortable being vulnerable when talking about painful or difficult topics because you trust that your partner will respond with compassion, not judgement.

Similar phrases:

• “Thank you for loving me as I am.”
• “I appreciate that I can be myself with you.”

Trust is the foundation of emotional security. You believe that your partner’s words and actions align, whether you’re together or apart. You know who they are and you believe they have your best interest in mind.

Similar phrases:

• “Thank you for being respectful of me and our relationship.”
• “We’re a team, and I trust that you want what’s best for the both of us.”

Even the most emotionally secure couples have conflict. What differentiates them is how they handle it. They don’t panic or threaten to leave during disagreements because they trust that the relationship can weather the storms.

Similar phrases:

• “One tough phase doesn’t mean it’s over for us.”
• “Let’s figure this out together.”

People who trust their partners don’t feel threatened during time apart. Alone time feels natural. They respect each other’s need for independence, knowing that it strengthens the relationship.

Similar phrases:

• “I’m glad you’re making time for yourself.”
• “Thanks for giving me the space when I need it, too.”

Missing someone doesn’t mean you’re clingy — it means you’re connected. Even when you support each other’s personal space, you still look forward to being together.

Similar phrases:

• “Being apart helps me realize how grateful I am for you.”
• “I’m excited to see you when you get home.”

Secure relationships make room for hard conversations. When something feels off, you’re not afraid to speak up because you believe your partner will be nurturing and listen with care.

Similar phrases:

• “There’s something I’d like to check in about.”
• “I’ve been feeling a little off and I want to make sure we’re okay.”

Looking forward to the future, whether it’s date night or a shared life goal, indicates mutual investment in the relationship. You see your partner in your long-term vision, and they see you in theirs.

Similar phrases:

• “Can we go over our schedules?”
• “I’m really looking forward to our trip.”

Sharing intimate information about ourselves with our partners isn’t easy. It makes us vulnerable — and if we aren’t met with empathy, it can really hurt.

But the goal is to be in a relationship where we can be fully seen, fully known, and fully accepted. It doesn’t happen overnight, though. It requires conscious effort, and it means learning to accept yourself first, seeing your partner for who they truly are, and committing to growing together over time.

Dr. Cortney S. Warren, PhD, is a board-certified psychologist and author of the new book “Letting Go of Your Ex.” She specializes in romantic relationships, addictive behavior, and honesty. She received her clinical training at Harvard Medical School after earning her doctorate in clinical psychology from Texas A&M University. Follow her on Instagram @DrCortneyWarren or Twitter @DrCortneyWarren.

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After graduating from Boston College with a doctorate degree in law in 2001, landing a job at the Department of Labor and later financial services firm Fidelity, Sonia Raman thought she would be a lawyer forever.

Then in 2008, she left her career in corporate law behind to coach women’s basketball.

“I actually really loved my day job at Fidelity, but I think [my] passion was with coaching,” Raman, 51, tells CNBC Make It. “Basketball just kept pulling me back in.”

It was a “calculated risk,” she says, but one that seems to have paid off: Raman was named the next head coach of the WNBA’s Seattle Storm on Oct. 28. She is the first Indian American to hold a head coaching position in the league.

Raman, who walked onto the Division III basketball team at Tufts University as an undergraduate, says she first developed an interest in coaching her junior year of college while sidelined due to a major injury.

Her “love of the game started to really evolve into the lens of a coach,” when she began spending her free time reviewing videos of the team’s upcoming opponents — taking notes to share with her team for a competitive edge, she says.

Since graduating from college in 1996, Raman says, she has always coached basketball in some capacity, whether it be leading a youth team in her years before law school or a summer league team during law school.

As a lawyer on Fidelity’s risk and compliance team, she spent her workdays advising non-profits on their sponsored retirement plans, and evenings as an assistant coach for the women’s team at Wellesley College.

“I was fully stimulated from morning till night doing these different roles,” she says.

For six years, she says she would rush from work to Wellesley, grabbing the bag she had packed in her car to change quickly into athletic clothes, just to make the team’s scheduled practice.

Her head coach at Wellesley kept encouraging her to pursue coaching full time, but balancing the assistant position with her job at Fidelity was a sustainable lifestyle and one she enjoyed, she says.

Then the perfect opportunity at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology presented itself: The school was looking for a women’s basketball head coach who could also lead the athletic department’s compliance team.

While the pay cut bumped her out of the tax bracket she was in at Fidelity, it “ended up being not as bad as it seemed,” and the tradeoff was well worth it, she says.

“I felt like I was betting on myself, investing in my own growth and my own passion for what I really wanted to do,” she says. “I also just felt like I was impacting people’s lives in a way that was much more fulfilling to me than anything I had done before.”

After 12 seasons at MIT, the two-time New England Women’s and Men’s Athletic Conference women’s basketball coach of the year, left to become an assistant coach in the NBA for the Memphis Grizzlies in 2020. Last season, she was an assistant coach in the WBNA for the New York Liberty.

Raman, who has always been big on planning and preparation, says leaving her law career behind was the biggest decision “not fully in the box and on a path” she has ever made. While she did have doubts, she says she also knew she was capable of making a career out of basketball, and worst case, she would always have a law degree to fall back on.

Intentionally pushing herself out of her comfort zone, an important trait she often encourages her players to embrace, forced her to shift her personal mindset on uncertainty as well, she says.

“If I’m going to preach a growth mindset, if I’m going to preach getting better every day and embracing failure, then I need to live that,” Raman says.

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Four days per week, nurse anesthetist Mike O’Dell spends his 10-hour shifts sitting in a swivel chair shoved between pieces of towering, whirring operating equipment. He can’t use the bathroom, grab lunch or sip water without asking someone to cover for him, he says.

Running his side hustle, Oklahoma City-based quilting company Legit Kits, offers the opposite experience. One day per week, O’Dell enjoys a cup of coffee on his patio and drives his kids to school before starting work, he says.

“I can eat breakfast, I can go to the gym. I set my own schedule,” says O’Dell, 50.

O’Dell launched his side hustle in 2020, after making his two sons Star Wars-themed blankets by drawing a pattern and sewing fabric to the 5-by-6.5-foot paper — like a craftier version of paint-by-numbers. The process, called “foundation paper piecing,” made quilting easier than he’d expected, so O’Dell decided to start a business around making and selling quilting kits, he says.

Knowing he didn’t want to leave his full-time job — which currently pays him $240,000 per year — O’Dell built Legit Kits to run without him most of the time. He hired two graphic designers to create art and quilting patterns, then another employee to cut fabric and ship quilts, he says.

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Legit Kits, which now has seven full-time employees and four freelance designers, brought in $1.25 million in online sales in 2024, according to documents reviewed by CNBC Make It. The company made an extra $150,000 selling kits at the now-defunct Joann Fabrics and Crafts, O’Dell estimates. (On February 23, Joann announced closures of its roughly 800 stores, citing bankruptcy liquidation.)

The business was profitable in 2023, and broke even last year after accounting for the expenses of moving into a new 4,500-square-foot-warehouse, says O’Dell.

O’Dell learned to sew two decades ago to make his own Braveheart kilt for Halloween, he says. Now, he spends one day per week testing color swatches, approving designs and marketing the company to new customers and retailers. He plans to pay himself a $50,000 salary — for serving as the company’s creative director and CEO — from Legit Kits this year, he says.

“The burnout I feel at the hospital fuels my energy to do the other thing for myself,” says O’Dell. “It turns the volume down when everybody’s mad at work.”

Legit Kits has a relatively small amount of market share in a quilting industry that’s worth nearly $5 billion, according to the Craft Industry Alliance, a trade association. To grow, O’Dell wants to expand his customer base beyond experienced quilters, he says. His current Facebook advertising campaign targets more casual crafters and Legit Kits has started selling more “mini” kits — $99 for each 15-by-20-inch creation — as easier products to complete.

Another reason for selling lower-cost items, O’Dell says: As U.S. President Donald Trump’s tariff policies threaten to raise prices on common consumer goods, Americans could be less likely to spend money on crafts.

“I don’t want to price people out of a hobby,” says O’Dell.

But tariffs could also make Legit Kits more expensive to run. The company’s fabrics come from Southeast Asian countries including Indonesia and Vietnam, and goods imported from those two countries face 32% and 46% tariff rates, respectively, under policies unveiled by Trump on April 2. Those rates are currently paused until July 9, temporarily replaced by a baseline 10% tariff rate on all foreign imports.

“The uncertainty is stressful,” says O’Dell, adding that he can’t confidently hire new employees until he knows how tariffs will affect Legit Kits’ costs. “Optimism is essential these days. Hope mine isn’t misplaced.”

His high-paying, full-time job is his company’s safety net. Since O’Dell doesn’t have to worry about Legit Kits turning enough profit to pay himself a living wage, he predicts that tariffs — or any other form of economic uncertainty — won’t ever force his side hustle’s closure.

Even pre-tariffs, he didn’t expect his side hustle income to surpass his nurse anesthetist salary for another five years, he adds.

“I’d have to get Legit Kits up to eight figures in annual sales [to consider making it my full-time job] … and I want my kids to go to college,” says O’Dell.

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