Ask anyone what they think keeps a relationship strong, and they will probably tell you it’s love. There’s some truth to that: love is what draws us together in the first place.

But after years of studying couples as a psychologist, and as a husband, I’ve realized something that research keeps confirming: The real factor that keeps couples together, long after the honeymoon phase fades, is compromise.

Psychologists define love as an emotion. And like all emotions, love fluctuates with stress, sleep, health, and the thousand of other factors that shape our daily lives.

So you can love your partner deeply and still get annoyed, frustrated, or angry with them. Love won’t shield you from conflict, nor will it solve your disagreements.

That’s why even the happiest couples argue and have rough patches, regardless of how much love they have for each other. The difference is that strong couples know love can’t fix everything — but compromise can.

Compromise happens when you balance what you want, what your partner wants, and what’s best for the relationship itself.

Every couple brings together a set of habits, values, and experiences. Expecting perfect alignment is unrealistic. Instead, healthy couples learn to negotiate their reality. They turn “my way” and “your way” into “our way.”

But compromise only works when it’s rooted in a strong sense of we.

Research shows that couples who describe their conflicts using “we” language (we decided, we talked, we figured it out) feel more connected and satisfied after disagreements. When both partners see compromise as a shared effort, not a loss, it strengthens the bond between them.

Compromise doesn’t always look romantic. Sometimes it means agreeing to watch a movie you’d never choose yourself. Other times, it means listening to your partner vent about something while resisting your desperate urge to offer solutions.

In my own marriage, I’ve learned that a relationship rarely demands massive sacrifices. Instead, you’ll be presented with the choice of whether or not you’re willing to meet your partner halfway.

Today, it might be who takes on which chores. Tomorrow, it might be about how you spend your evening together. Next month, it might be about how you navigate your family holidays. It might involve finding middle ground, taking turns, or agreeing to something else that neither of you had considered.

What matters is that you’re both heard and respected, and that no one feels that they have to “win” or “be right.” When you consistently make enough space for one another’s needs, you’ll build something that love alone rarely does: reliability.

Mark Travers, PhD, is a psychologist who specializes in relationships. He holds degrees from Cornell University and the University of Colorado Boulder. He is the lead psychologist at Awake Therapy, a telehealth company that provides online psychotherapy, counseling, and coaching. He is also the curator of the popular mental health and wellness website, Therapytips.org.

Want to level up your AI skills? Sign up for Smarter by CNBC Make It’s new online course, How To Use AI To Communicate Better At Work. Get specific prompts to optimize emails, memos and presentations for tone, context and audience.

Plus, sign up for CNBC Make It’s newsletter to get tips and tricks for success at work, with money and in life, and request to join our exclusive community on LinkedIn to connect with experts and peers.

If you want to raise successful, resilient kids, help them find activities they actually like, says psychologist Angela Duckworth.

Instead of forcing your children to try a specific sport or instrument, spend time exposing them to a variety of extracurriculars and take note of what they spend the most time thinking about, Duckworth said on an Oct. 13 episode of “The Mel Robbins Podcast.”

Guiding kids to activities they’re interested in can help them find their passions, hobbies and maybe even their future careers, said Duckworth, a psychology professor at the University of Pennsylvania who researches mental and emotional “grit.”

“I think great parenting, a lot of it is noticing what your young people is thinking about,” Duckworth said, adding: “When we begin to notice where our mind lives, when we begin to notice what attracts our attention spontaneously, that is the beginning of discovering the interests that can make us something of a genius about what we do.”

DON’T MISS: The ultimate guide to using AI to communicate better

Kids who learn to stick with their interests, even on difficult days, can develop their confidence and resilience — two traits that can help them find success later in life, said Duckworth. Your child might pick a sport or hobby and then decide they don’t like it, but it’s important for them to finish that athletic season, or keep rehearsing that musical instrument just through their next concert, she added.

Duckworth referenced her own experience as a parent. Her child Lucy “hated doing homework and practicing her viola,” but when Duckworth looked at Lucy’s iPad, she noticed that “all of the tabs were open to baking videos,” she said. Duckworth also saw Lucy reading their family’s cookbooks, she noted.

Lucy ended up “volunteering in restaurants washing dishes, [then] was allowed to assist the pastry chef,” Duckworth tells CNBC Make It. “She was doing pastry literally every weekend and every summer all the way from 8th grade to, I guess, 12th grade … Her lifelong interest in food and cooking is still evident.”

Not every interest has to become a full-fledged career. If you just follow what you like to do, you might not necessarily make much money, bestselling author and New York University marketing professor Scott Galloway told CNBC Make It in 2019.

“Don’t follow your passion,” Galloway said. His advice instead: “Find out what you’re good at and then invest 10,000 hours in it — and become great at it.”

For Duckworth, interest is just one of four building blocks on the path to building grit, which her research shows is the most common characteristic among successful people in any field. The others include hard work, purpose and hope.

“Anybody who becomes great at what they do, there is a curiosity there, right? Their mind comes to this subject and wants to stay there,” Duckworth said. “When you start talking about something that you really care about, you’re a genius [on it], because that is where your mind lives.”

Want to level up your AI skills? Sign up for Smarter by CNBC Make It’s new online course, How To Use AI To Communicate Better At Work. Get specific prompts to optimize emails, memos and presentations for tone, context and audience.

Plus, sign up for CNBC Make It’s newsletter to get tips and tricks for success at work, with money and in life, and request to join our exclusive community on LinkedIn to connect with experts and peers.

I’d imagine people usually feel anxious about making a drastic life change like picking up and moving to a new country. But I remember sitting in the airport in Los Angeles, Tony Tony Chopper water bottle in hand, feeling excited and eager to start my new life. All I could think about was finding a favorite matcha cafe to spend my mornings in after touching down in Tokyo. 

Growing up in Southern California, I had always been interested in Japanese culture and cuisine. During the pandemic, I became obsessed with anime: the characters who never gave up, the friendships, the quiet slice-of-life moments. I was infatuated with the sound of the language and the minimalist aesthetic. The shows made me want to experience it all for myself. 

In January 2025, a little less than a year after I graduated from UC Irvine, I boarded that flight to move to Japan. 

I’ve never been someone who followed the “safe path.” Even in college, where I studied business administration and management, I avoided internships that would lead to a 9-to-5 corporate career. Deep down, I knew I wanted more freedom than that.

But freedom is expensive in America. I was working four jobs after graduation — as a full time visual merchandiser at Lululemon, owner of a small sticker business, real estate sign manager, and organizational manager at a lacrosse club. I felt weighed down by the financial pressure of just existing. It felt impossible to be able to afford rent, health care, and other basics without getting a corporate job.

So when I stumbled across an ad in June 2024 about teaching English in Japan with an Eikaiwa, or conversation school, I applied on a whim. I went through an all-day interview process and got the job. I didn’t hesitate. 

Although they were supportive, everyone around me thought I was crazy for leaving behind a seemingly stable life in California. Why wouldn’t I want to be close to family and a long-term boyfriend? But Japan had been calling me for years, and this felt like my chance. 

Six months of paperwork, packing, and goodbyes later, I was on my way. 

When I arrived in Japan, something about it immediately felt right. Best of all, I could afford to live alone. For 74,460 yen (or $483 a month), I ended up in an apartment in Nakahara-ku, which is part of Kawasaki City and about 15 minutes by train to Tokyo. 

My apartment has plenty of natural light and even a tatami room (a traditional room with straw mat flooring for tea ceremonies), just like the ones I’d seen in anime. In the U.S., I’d never be able to afford something like this on my own. In Japan, it felt attainable, even comfortable, on my 277,500 yen (about $1,800) a month teaching salary.

The cost of living surprised me in other ways, too. A filling meal in Tokyo — like a traditional teishoku (meal set) with a beef rice bowl, miso soup, eggs, and a drink  — could cost just 1,000 yen (about $6), compared to the $20 I was used to paying in California. My company covered my commuting costs and groceries didn’t break the bank. For the first time, my basic needs were covered without me constantly worrying. 

Teaching was never my passion, though. It was an “in” that allowed me to move to Japan, and for that I’ll always be grateful. But after about six months, I realized I wanted something different.

Now I make social media content for a language app for $175 a week and work as a freelance digital marketing assistant for $25 an hour. The number of hours for the latter has varied so far from about 50 in August to three in September when we were in between clients to 22 in October, since I traveled to Hawaii and Okinawa that month.

Being here has freed up not just money, but mental space. I can focus on pursuing hobbies like creating content about moving abroad, going to the gym, studying Japanese, and connecting with locals, instead of always stressing about how to make ends meet.

Moving hasn’t been without challenges. Sometimes the language barrier feels frustrating and overwhelming, like when I need to go to the bank or post office, call my phone carrier, or navigate a doctor’s appointment. I often rely on AI to translate or ask a friend to help. This, in part, is what motivates me to learn the language better. 

And I miss my friends and family back in California. There are days when I feel the sting of loneliness despite being surrounded by millions of people. I’m an extrovert, but even for me it can get tiring to go out of my way to overcome the language barrier and make friends. 

These struggles have made me more independent and patient, though. And when I slide the door shut on my tatami room and step out of my apartment each morning, I feel a mix of belonging and gratitude. This is my chance to live the life I dreamed about while watching anime as a teenager. 

I don’t know how long I’ll stay in Japan. But for now, I’m cherishing every moment. I feel like I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.

Ashley Peters is a digital creator and marketing assistant based in Japan, sharing stories about life abroad, language learning, and creative growth. Follow her journey on YouTube, TikTok, and Instagram.

Want to level up your AI skills? Sign up for Smarter by CNBC Make It’s new online course, How To Use AI To Communicate Better At Work. Get specific prompts to optimize emails, memos and presentations for tone, context and audience.

Plus, sign up for CNBC Make It’s newsletter to get tips and tricks for success at work, with money and in life, and request to join our exclusive community on LinkedIn to connect with experts and peers.

Paris Hilton is successful many times over. The reality TV star turned entrepreneur is the founder and CEO of 11:11 Media, a global entertainment company she aims to become “the next Disney” that combines her passions in music, beauty, fashion and philanthropy.

But people haven’t always believed in her business savvy.

“For a long time, I felt like people had an idea of who I was that didn’t reflect the real me,” Hilton told CNBC Make It over email following an appearance at the American Express Leadership Academy. “Early in my career, I leaned into the character I created on ‘The Simple Life,’ but behind the scenes, I was laser-focused on building my brand.”

Now, the multi-hyphenate and CNBC Changemaker says she’s been able to “take back my narrative” through career achievements like launching her company in 2021 and using her platform to advocate for kids in what’s known as the “troubled teen industry.”

“I’ve learned that the best way to overcome being underestimated is to let your work speak for itself and to show up authentically,” Hilton said.

The businesswoman said authenticity is a key trait in the people she decides to work with, in addition to being passionate and creative. “And kindness is non-negotiable for me,” Hilton added. “It shows people’s true character, and I want my brand and everyone who represents it to lead with kindness.”

Authenticity also guides her philanthropy. “Every cause I champion comes from my lived experience, and I would never fight for something I didn’t believe in wholeheartedly,” she said.

In recent years, Hilton has used her spotlight to advocate for children harmed by America’s child welfare, juvenile justice, education and health-care systems. Last year, she appeared before Congress and helped to pass the bipartisan Stop Institutional Child Abuse Act.

Hilton encouraged other young entrepreneurs to meaningfully integrate philanthropy into their work. “Impact shouldn’t be an afterthought; it should be part of your mission from the very beginning,” Hilton said, adding that the second hire she made for her company was 11:11 Media’s head of impact Rebecca Grone.

“I’d also encourage young entrepreneurs to think creatively about impact and truly listen to the communities they want to serve,” Hilton said. “When you have a platform or influence, you can inspire your audience to take action alongside you, and that’s a powerful way to create lasting change.”

Want to level up your AI skills? Sign up for Smarter by CNBC Make It’s new online course, How To Use AI To Communicate Better At Work. Get specific prompts to optimize emails, memos and presentations for tone, context and audience.

Plus, sign up for CNBC Make It’s newsletter to get tips and tricks for success at work, with money and in life, and request to join our exclusive community on LinkedIn to connect with experts and peers.

We’ve all dealt with emotionally immature people: They get defensive at the slightest criticism, they constantly deflect blame, and then they try to guilt you into feeling sorry for them.

Emotional immaturity is a growing problem, and whether it’s in your personal or professional life, communicating with them can be a real struggle.

As experts on the psychology of communication, we know that if you’re not careful, you can also easily run the risk of seeming emotionally immature to others. Why? A lot of us automatically use certain emotionally immature phrases without even thinking about it.

Here’s a list of the most common ones to avoid:

People who are emotionally immature often won’t take responsibility for their own actions when something goes wrong. So what do they do? They extricate themselves from situations by immediately stating that they are not to blame. 

DON’T MISS: How to use AI to be more productive and successful at work

An emotionally immature person will do everything in their power to not take responsibility for their actions, and a common tactic is to make it seem like you, or literally anyone else, is in the wrong — not them.

You can almost imagine a little kid saying this one. This phrase is a way for them to avoid any true accountability or genuine communication with the person they are engaging with.

This is a combo of gaslighting — trying to make others believe a false reality — and shifting the blame again. The message they’re sending: You’re the problem, not me. Another toxic phrase in this vein is “you’re being too sensitive.”

People use that simple “whatever,” often with a shrug, to say, “I’m done discussing this.” It’s an emotionally immature method to shut down the paths of communication and figuratively walk away from any further discussion.

Here we go again with the gaslighting. People who are emotionally immature rewrite reality, both for themselves and, possibly more importantly, for others. When someone says something like this, they’re typically trying to evade responsibility and make you think something else happened.

In this case, emotionally immature people walk away from any complicated issue by throwing it onto someone else and dismissing any and all responsibility. It’s the perfect example of transference.

Another example of invalidating other people, and one that is used in both personal and professional relationships. By saying phrases like this, an emotionally immature person is dismissing the other person’s concerns and opinions, and belittling their reaction.

Yes, it’s usually best to focus on the future. But emotionally immature people will often accuse people who bring up their mistakes of harping on the past. They don’t want to learn from their mistakes and they don’t want an honest discussion about whatever is happening. They want to move on without addressing the issue.

Here’s an example of how emotionally immature people passive-aggressively avoid taking responsibility for what they say. It might sound like they’re trying to smooth things over, but it’s actually more of a way of critiquing someone, then distancing themselves from their statement. 

Emotionally immature people often use broad generalizations. Instead of engaging in constructive honest conversation or using specific examples, they will issue an accusatory blanket statement and use that to avoid any further discussion. 

If there’s one phrase that really sounds like a kid said it, it’s this one. How many of us used “but all the kids are doing it” argument trying — usually in vain — to get our parents to allow us to do something? But emotionally immature adults use it, too.

They’ll pull out the time-honored “everyone’s doing it” argument as a justification for something they want to do or already have done. Of course, they’re blameless if they’ve done something wrong, they were just going along with the crowd, after all.

Kathy and Ross Petras are the brother-and-sister co-authors of the New York Times bestseller You’re Saying It Wrong, along with other popular language books, and co-hosts of the award-winning NPR syndicated radio show and podcast ”You’re Saying It Wrong.” They’ve also been featured in media outlets including The New York Times, The Chicago Tribune, The Washington Post and Harvard Business Review. Follow them on Bluesky.

Want to up your AI skills and be more productive? Take CNBC’s new online course How to Use AI to Be More Successful at Work. Expert instructors will teach you how to get started, practical uses, tips for effective prompt-writing, and mistakes to avoid. Sign up now and use coupon code EARLYBIRD for an introductory discount of 30% off $67 (+ taxes and fees) through February 11, 2025.