I’m a psychologist who studies couples: The No. 1 thing that keeps relationships strong—more than love

Ask anyone what they think keeps a relationship strong, and they will probably tell you it’s love. There’s some truth to that: love is what draws us together in the first place.

But after years of studying couples as a psychologist, and as a husband, I’ve realized something that research keeps confirming: The real factor that keeps couples together, long after the honeymoon phase fades, is compromise.

Love alone isn’t enough

Psychologists define love as an emotion. And like all emotions, love fluctuates with stress, sleep, health, and the thousand of other factors that shape our daily lives.

So you can love your partner deeply and still get annoyed, frustrated, or angry with them. Love won’t shield you from conflict, nor will it solve your disagreements.

That’s why even the happiest couples argue and have rough patches, regardless of how much love they have for each other. The difference is that strong couples know love can’t fix everything — but compromise can.

The psychology of compromise

Compromise happens when you balance what you want, what your partner wants, and what’s best for the relationship itself.

Every couple brings together a set of habits, values, and experiences. Expecting perfect alignment is unrealistic. Instead, healthy couples learn to negotiate their reality. They turn “my way” and “your way” into “our way.”

But compromise only works when it’s rooted in a strong sense of we.

Research shows that couples who describe their conflicts using “we” language (we decided, we talked, we figured it out) feel more connected and satisfied after disagreements. When both partners see compromise as a shared effort, not a loss, it strengthens the bond between them.

What compromise looks like in real life

Compromise doesn’t always look romantic. Sometimes it means agreeing to watch a movie you’d never choose yourself. Other times, it means listening to your partner vent about something while resisting your desperate urge to offer solutions.

In my own marriage, I’ve learned that a relationship rarely demands massive sacrifices. Instead, you’ll be presented with the choice of whether or not you’re willing to meet your partner halfway.

Today, it might be who takes on which chores. Tomorrow, it might be about how you spend your evening together. Next month, it might be about how you navigate your family holidays. It might involve finding middle ground, taking turns, or agreeing to something else that neither of you had considered.

What matters is that you’re both heard and respected, and that no one feels that they have to “win” or “be right.” When you consistently make enough space for one another’s needs, you’ll build something that love alone rarely does: reliability.

Mark Travers, PhD, is a psychologist who specializes in relationships. He holds degrees from Cornell University and the University of Colorado Boulder. He is the lead psychologist at Awake Therapy, a telehealth company that provides online psychotherapy, counseling, and coaching. He is also the curator of the popular mental health and wellness website, Therapytips.org.

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65-year-old federal contractor won’t get back pay from the shutdown, may soon face increased costs

Furloughed government workers began returning to work on Thursday, but for many, especially those who will not receive pay for the work missed, there may be no return to normal.

In 2018, it took 65-year-old security officer Audrey Murray — who works for a third-party federal contractor — two years to pay back money she borrowed from family members to cover her bills during the 35-day government shutdown, she told CNBC Make It in October.

After this year’s 43-day shutdown, Murray says she is back in debt with family. On top of that, she may soon face higher health insurance costs if Congress fails to pass a separate vote in December on Affordable Care Act tax credits set to expire at the end of the year.

Higher insurance premiums come January could potentially leave Murray, and others in similar positions, even further behind financially, says Jaime Contreras, executive vice president of the Service Employee International Union’s 32BJ Capital Area District, representing 2,400 federally contracted workers, including Murray.

“The one thing I want to be clear about is that this deal — frankly, a weak deal in my opinion — to reopen the government, is no cause for celebration,” Contreras says.

Why not all federal workers will receive back pay

While federal employees who work directly for the government will begin receiving back pay owed from the shutdown as soon as next week, Murray, a federally contracted worker, will not.

That’s because federal contractors are paid hourly for the services they provide, such as security, meal prep or office cleaning. If a government shutdown prevents those services from being performed, contractors do not receive pay, Contreras says.

It’s unclear how many low-wage federal workers are affected, but it may be in the thousands, Rep. Ayanna Pressley (D-Mass.) said in an October statement. As of 2021, there were 327,000 federally contracted employees who made under $15 an hour, according to the Department of Labor.

Going forward, “federal workers, who have gone without pay, need to figure out how to repair all the damage that has been done to their finances and their families,” Contreras says.

A representative from the Office of Management and Budget did not immediately respond to CNBC Make It’s request for comment.

It could be weeks until federal contractors receive a paycheck

Murray, a single mother to two teenage sons and full-time caregiver for her 12-year-old granddaughter, says she almost had her electricity shut off during this shutdown, and she is worried she won’t have the funds to pay her $2,200 mortgage in December.

Though she’s back at her full-time job at the Smithsonian’s National Portrait Gallery that pays $20.22 an hour, she says she was told by her supervisors that it could be another week or two before she gets her first paycheck.

She was never furloughed from her part-time job at the State Department, but the money from that job won’t be nearly enough to cover her bills, she says. So, in the meantime, she might have to ask her sister for more money.

“People get their own bills; it hurt me to have to ask them,” Murray says. “They will help me if they can because they know I will pay them back, but why should I have to go through that? I have a job. I’m a 65-year-old woman who has two jobs to take care of my children.”

23-year-old American pays $483/month in rent to live alone in Japan: I could never ‘afford something like this’ in the U.S.

I’d imagine people usually feel anxious about making a drastic life change like picking up and moving to a new country. But I remember sitting in the airport in Los Angeles, Tony Tony Chopper water bottle in hand, feeling excited and eager to start my new life. All I could think about was finding a favorite matcha cafe to spend my mornings in after touching down in Tokyo.

Growing up in Southern California, I had always been interested in Japanese culture and cuisine. During the pandemic, I became obsessed with anime: the characters who never gave up, the friendships, the quiet slice-of-life moments. I was infatuated with the sound of the language and the minimalist aesthetic. The shows made me want to experience it all for myself.

In January 2025, a little less than a year after I graduated from UC Irvine, I boarded that flight to move to Japan.

Escaping financial pressure

I’ve never been someone who followed the “safe path.” Even in college, where I studied business administration and management, I avoided internships that would lead to a 9-to-5 corporate career. Deep down, I knew I wanted more freedom than that.

But freedom is expensive in America. I was working four jobs after graduation — as a full time visual merchandiser at Lululemon, owner of a small sticker business, real estate sign manager, and organizational manager at a lacrosse club. I felt weighed down by the financial pressure of just existing. It felt impossible to be able to afford rent, health care, and other basics without getting a corporate job.

So when I stumbled across an ad in June 2024 about teaching English in Japan with an Eikaiwa, or conversation school, I applied on a whim. I went through an all-day interview process and got the job. I didn’t hesitate.

Although they were supportive, everyone around me thought I was crazy for leaving behind a seemingly stable life in California. Why wouldn’t I want to be close to family and a long-term boyfriend? But Japan had been calling me for years, and this felt like my chance.

Six months of paperwork, packing, and goodbyes later, I was on my way.

Living in Japan

When I arrived in Japan, something about it immediately felt right. Best of all, I could afford to live alone. For 74,460 yen (or $483 a month), I ended up in an apartment in Nakahara-ku, which is part of Kawasaki City and about 15 minutes by train to Tokyo.

My apartment has plenty of natural light and even a tatami room (a traditional room with straw mat flooring for tea ceremonies), just like the ones I’d seen in anime. In the U.S., I’d never be able to afford something like this on my own. In Japan, it felt attainable, even comfortable, on my 277,500 yen (about $1,800) a month teaching salary.

The cost of living surprised me in other ways, too. A filling meal in Tokyo — like a traditional teishoku (meal set) with a beef rice bowl, miso soup, eggs, and a drink — could cost just 1,000 yen (about $6), compared to the $20 I was used to paying in California. My company covered my commuting costs and groceries didn’t break the bank. For the first time, my basic needs were covered without me constantly worrying.

Teaching was never my passion, though. It was an “in” that allowed me to move to Japan, and for that I’ll always be grateful. But after about six months, I realized I wanted something different.

Now I make social media content for a language app for $175 a week and work as a freelance digital marketing assistant for $25 an hour. The number of hours for the latter has varied so far from about 50 in August to three in September when we were in between clients to 22 in October, since I traveled to Hawaii and Okinawa that month.

Being here has freed up not just money, but mental space. I can focus on pursuing hobbies like creating content about moving abroad, going to the gym, studying Japanese, and connecting with locals, instead of always stressing about how to make ends meet.

Dealing with downsides

Moving hasn’t been without challenges. Sometimes the language barrier feels frustrating and overwhelming, like when I need to go to the bank or post office, call my phone carrier, or navigate a doctor’s appointment. I often rely on AI to translate or ask a friend to help. This, in part, is what motivates me to learn the language better.

And I miss my friends and family back in California. There are days when I feel the sting of loneliness despite being surrounded by millions of people. I’m an extrovert, but even for me it can get tiring to go out of my way to overcome the language barrier and make friends.

These struggles have made me more independent and patient, though. And when I slide the door shut on my tatami room and step out of my apartment each morning, I feel a mix of belonging and gratitude. This is my chance to live the life I dreamed about while watching anime as a teenager.

I don’t know how long I’ll stay in Japan. But for now, I’m cherishing every moment. I feel like I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.

Ashley Peters is a digital creator and marketing assistant based in Japan, sharing stories about life abroad, language learning, and creative growth. Follow her journey on YouTube, TikTok, and Instagram.

She left her tennis career after an injury and started a business. Now, it brings in $25,000 a month

Sammi Ekmark, 29, co-founded personalized greeting and gift card company Ink’d Greetings in 2023 alongside her husband Andrew — a major pivot from her previous career as a star tennis player.

Ekmark picked up the sport when she was 10 years old, and by the time she was in college, she was playing on a Division I team where she was individually ranked among the top 50 tennis players in singles in the United States.

“I really focused on tennis. I was 92-0 in high school, so I never lost a match,” said Ekmark. “I played every single day for two and a half hours after school,” she said, adding that this was on top of her matches and tournaments on weekends.

Her goal was to become a professional tennis player, so she said she would often prioritize the sport over her academics and social life.

It didn’t take long for university recruiters to notice. As high school graduation approached, she received many offers from colleges around the nation. Ultimately, she decided to go with Arizona State University (ASU), which gave her a full-ride scholarship to attend the school and play for their Division I team.

Unfortunately, one night while playing a late tennis tournament in college, Ekmark planted her feet wrong and tore her ACL (anterior cruciate ligament), one of the main ligaments in the knee. This is known to be a major injury in sports.

“A lot of the times people do consider ACL [tears] a massive career ender,” she said. “When I got my injury … It made me take a year off, and it was very tough. Tennis was still my life, but it was hard to get back into it as good as before.”

Ekmark recovered from the tear and got back to playing tennis, but along the way, she also developed an interest for business after taking an entrepreneurship class at her university. Although she had dedicated much of her life to the sport, she ultimately decided to pivot and focus on building Ink’d Greetings.

Today, her business brings in over $25,000 in revenue a month, according to documents reviewed by CNBC Make It.

Sports ‘are an extreme sacrifice’

Ekmark’s story is like many others in the sports industry. Athletes — particularly those who dream of going pro one day — dedicate years of blood, sweat and tears to train, and often backed by families who help bear the time and financial commitment.

In the U.S., parents spend on average $3,000 annually on their children’s sports, with 64% reporting rising costs in recent years, according to a 2025 report by insurance company New York Life.

However, less than 2% of more than 500,000 athletes in National Collegiate Athletic Association schools are drafted into a professional sport, according to NCAA data.

So sports, if you want to [play on] a high level, are an extreme sacrifice.

Sammi Ekmark

Co-founder, Ink’d Greetings

“I unfortunately wasn’t as serious about academics as I would have liked to [have been] … I was there for tennis, and I know probably a lot of athletes are like that,” said Ekmark. “So sports, if you want to [play on] a high level, are an extreme sacrifice …. The room for error is so small.”

Those who want to play professionally often have to prioritize their sport over everything else. So, what happens to the 98% of NCAA student-athletes who don’t go pro? Well for some, life after sports can be very challenging.

“After they graduate, there’s a lot of mental health [issues] and [some face an] identity crisis,” Kate Fitzgerald, former student athlete and co-founder of SPORTx, a student athlete venture studio at Arizona State University, told CNBC Make It.

“A lot of athletes graduate with these incredible skill sets, but they have no true, quote, unquote, corporate resume experience to get them a job … they’re in a sense, behind,” said Fitzgerald.

I think the best entrepreneurs are going to be people who were former athletes.

Sammi Ekmark

Co-founder, Ink’d Greetings

While many student athletes are forced to play catch-up after university, Ekmark says that the qualities that make a great athlete are the same qualities that make a great entrepreneur.

“I think the best entrepreneurs are going to be people who were former athletes,” she said.

A new breed of entrepreneurs

In June 2024, the House v. NCAA settlement was approved which ushered in a new era for the college sports industry, specifically in compensating athletes.

Following this landmark ruling, Division I college athletes who played from 2016 to 2025, are set to be given $2.75 billion in back pay. Previously, the athletes couldn’t legally collect on their name, image and likeness (NIL) from their schools.

Colleges can now also “spend up to $20.5 million per year, escalating most years by at least 4%, to directly pay athletes. While many star athletes have been paid on the side by NIL collectives for the past four years, this officially ends the era of amateurism,” according to previous reporting by CNBC.

The NCAA historically operated under this amateurism model, which limited student-athletes in what compensation they could receive. Today, some agree that the new NIL landscape will be great for student-athletes who want to become entrepreneurs or capitalize on their own brands.

“The opportunity is bigger than ever now, because they can start that [entrepreneurship journey] while they’re an athlete,” said Ekmark.

“So the NIL [landscape] has created the opportunity for athletes to actually set themselves up for success in life after sport,” said Fitzgerald. In practice, student athletes today can be compensated for endorsements, commercials or other deals that utilize their name, image or likeness.

Colleges have also stepped in to support their athletes with their entrepreneurial endeavors, such as Arizona State University’s SPORTx program, which aims to mentor the school’s athletes, help them navigate the new NIL landscape, and launch, build, expand and grow their businesses.

“I think that we need to start giving athletes another route … and we need to start instilling it in their minds earlier than when they fail and when they can’t go pro,” said Ekmark. “I think it does need to be in college like what [some schools] are doing now. And I think that entrepreneurship is probably the best route.”

Why young investors may want to choose a Roth account instead of a traditional 401(k)

When it comes to investing for retirement, there are several types of accounts you can choose from. But if you’re young, experts say a Roth option can be especially smart to start with.

“Typically, the younger you are, the more a Roth makes sense,” says Patrick Huey, certified financial planner and owner of Victory Independent Planning in Portland, Oregon.

Unlike a 401(k) or traditional individual retirement account, which are funded with pre-tax dollars, Roth 401(k)s and Roth IRAs are funded with money that’s already been taxed. In exchange, your investments grow tax-free, and once you reach age 59½, you won’t owe taxes or penalties on qualified withdrawals.

Though you can’t predict the future exactly, Huey says, “you have to look at the way things typically progress and plan accordingly.” As you get older, you tend to move into higher-paying roles, and thus, higher tax brackets.

A Roth account generally gives younger investors the ability to avoid those higher taxes in the future by paying taxes now while they’re in a lower bracket, Huey says.

Additionally, because the stock market has historically trended upward and young investors will likely hold onto their investments for decades, Roth accounts generally allow you to keep more of your earnings, Huey says, since withdrawals from a traditional 401(k) or IRA are taxed as ordinary income.

“Financial planning is not about knowing; it’s about making educated assessments,” Huey says.

Start with a Roth 401(k), then a Roth IRA

If your company has a Roth 401(k) option, start there, say both Huey and Jaime Bosse, a certified financial planner and senior advisor at CGN Advisors in Manhattan, Kansas.

A Roth 401(k) is an employer-sponsored, after-tax retirement account with no income limitations. Bosse says they’re typically the easiest to manage because you can elect the percentage you want to contribute ahead of time and contributions are automatically taken out of your paycheck.

Furthermore, your company may match up to a certain percentage of your contributions — “free money” you should take advantage of, Bosse says.

You can contribute up to $23,500 in 2025 and $24,500 in 2026 to 401(k) plans. Those 50 and older can contribute an additional $7,500 this year and $8,000 in 2026 in catch-up contributions, while investors aged 60 to 63 can instead contribute up to $11,250 as a catch-up contribution.

If you work for yourself, your company doesn’t have a Roth 401(k) option or you have money left over, consider contributing to a Roth IRA, Bosse says.

A Roth IRA is an individual account you open on your own, though eligibility starts to phase out at higher income levels. You can contribute up to $7,000 in 2025, and $7,500 in 2026, and investors 50 and older can contribute an additional $1,000 this year and $1,100 in 2026 in catch-up contributions.

Roth IRAs allow you to withdraw contributions, but not earnings, at any time without taxes or penalties, giving you more flexibility in case of emergencies. Though Roth 401(k)s sometimes offer loan options, they generally have stricter early withdrawal rules. Withdrawals before age 59½ may incur penalties and earnings can be taxed as ordinary income.

Whether through a 401(k) or IRA, the earlier you start setting aside money for retirement, the more it has time to grow, Bosse says. It’s also smart to talk to a trusted financial professional who can help you figure out the best account for your individual situation.

And if you can, automate your contributions, so you don’t have to actively think about moving money around every month, she says.

“When you’re in your 20s, the potential is huge,” Bosse says. “Any extra dollars you have should be invested in growing for the future.”

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