The best Boxing Day walks across the UK

Blessed with more than 140,000 miles of footpaths, bridleways and byways, wherever you are in the UK, you’re never very far from a breathtaking walk through our green and pleasant land.

A ramble is a fine thing in itself, providing untold health benefits for both body and mind. But many would argue that a really good walk requires a good pub at the end of it. What could be better than a table by a fireplace, a pub classic meal and a cold pint after a lengthy stroll through the countryside?

With that in mind, here are 12 routes for a walk across the UK countryside, from Sussex to Scotland, and, of course, where to stop for a quick pick-me-up before heading home.

Duration: 3-4 hours

There are few sights as quintessentially “English” as the Seven Sisters – the undulating succession of chalk cliffs facing out into the Channel. Start at Birling Gap then take the coast path west, passing across the clifftops before turning inland to follow the winding River Cuckmere. Turn right again at Westdean and follow the public footpaths towards Friston and East Dean. Be sure to stop at the latter for a drink at the Tiger Inn, a 15th-century tavern serving real ales and hearty grub, before walking the last mile back to the starting point.

The Tiger Inn also offers rooms, double and twin, with an en-suite and breakfast included.

Read more: This new walking trail is the best way to see the Lake District without a car

Duration: 4 hours

Starting from Ribblehead train station, follow the trackside footpath northwest – almost immediately, you’ll see the elegant arches of the Ribblehead Viaduct on your left. Keep going until the path eventually crosses the railway line. A short way beyond the crossing, you’ll come to Force Gill waterfall. The route then wends its way around Whernside before turning sharply uphill for the summit – one of the highest in the Dales. It’s a steep climb but worth it for the sweeping views. Descend back towards the starting point, with a short detour to the Station Inn for a restorative pint.

Read more: Best walks in the Lake District – beautiful lakeside hiking routes and where to stay

Duration: 3 hours

There’s no need to leave London to find fine views and fresh(ish) air. The Thames Path is a rich and rewarding journey through the heart of the capital. The section along the southern bank from Battersea Park to Kew Gardens is undoubtedly one of the prettier stretches, passing through inner-city woodlands and wetlands, past parks and boat clubs, cricket pitches and tennis courts while the river slips by. Upon reaching Kew, it’s just a short hop down to The Botanist, a smart gastropub with a metropolitan menu and a strong selection of wines, beers and cocktails.

Read more: After 20 years, I thought I knew London – then I walked the Capital Ring

Duration: 3 hours

This brisk and breezy walk on the north Norfolk coast can be challenging underfoot, since much of it is shingle. But those who persevere may well be rewarded with an up-close view of the UK’s largest seal colony. From the National Trust car park at Cley, follow the beach west for two miles, then turn left when you come to the grassy dunes.

Follow this path until you reach the Old Lifeboat House, then turn right along the boardwalk. From here at other times of the year, you may be able to spot the seals – they come here to breed between late October and mid-January. Be sure to keep a safe distance and keep dogs tightly leashed. Retrace your footsteps to the car park, then make the short trip into Cley, where you’ll find good gastropub fare and a convivial atmosphere at The George & Dragon.

Stays at The George & Dragon include en-suite boutique hotel rooms, with breakfast included. The pub’s coach house also offers two self-contained flats.

Book now

Read more: The best coastal walks to inspire you this autumn and winter

Duration: 3 hours

This four-mile National Trust circuit follows a craggy route along the sides of the largest gorge in England. Head up Cufic Lane, opposite the visitor information centre, then turn right onto the footpath. The route is well-signposted with waymarkers, so it should be easy to follow. Continue along the northern clifftop – there are views of the Somerset Levels and Glastonbury Tor on a clear day – until you reach the road at Black Rock Nature Reserve. Cross over, and follow the arrows along the gorge’s southern flank back towards Cheddar. From the visitor centre, it’s a 10-minute walk into the town centre, where you’ll find the Riverside Inn, a gastropub beside the Cheddar Yeo river.

Read more: The UK and Ireland’s best pilgrimage routes to walk this year

Duration: 3-4 hours

The Gower Peninsula is sorely underrated outside of South Wales. It was the UK’s first AONB, and any stretch of its 39-mile coastline is worthy of exploration. One of the best bits is the path from Port Eynon to Oxwich as it’s beautiful and relatively easygoing. Walk through the nature reserve into Oxwich village, then head back to where you started via the inland route, passing the impressive castle (really just a grand house with military pretensions, and also sadly closed this time of year). Once in Port Eynon again, grab a table at the Ship Inn, an old smugglers’ haunt with strong local ales on tap.

Read more: North Wales is the perfect gateway to developing a hiking habit

Duration: 4 hours

This rambling loop through the Cotswolds starts in the honeypot village of Bourton-on-the-Water. From there, follow the River Windrush through gently rolling hills towards Naunton (pause to admire the wonderful 17th-century dovecote) before turning east towards the River Eye. Turn right at the river and follow it down through Upper Slaughter and onward to Lower Slaughter. From there, it’s another half-hour walk back to Bourton, where you’ll find The Kingsbridge, a warm and welcoming venue offering cask ales and strong cider alongside a menu of pub classics.

Read more: Seven of the best walks in the Cotswolds and where to stay

Duration: 2-3 hours

From the gates of Bamburgh’s imposing Norman fortress, head down to the coast path and turn left, going past the lighthouse and the Newtown Gun Emplacement, with the Farne Islands visible out to sea. Skirt the edge of Budle Bay until you reach the pretty little hamlet of Waren Mill. You can then return the way you came, or cut inland, passing the Grace Darling Museum as you head back into Bamburgh. Stop in at the Lord Crewe before heading for home – it’s been providing bed and board to weary travellers for more than 850 years.

Read more: From eco houses to cosy inns, these are the best places to stay on top UK walking routes

Duration: 2 hours

Making the lung-busting ascent up Arthur’s Seat is not for the faint-hearted – it’s a steep 251m climb to the summit. Still, for many in Edinburgh it offers a favourite outdoor jaunt in the heart of the city. The best place to start is the entrance near Holyrood Palace. Go past St Margaret’s Well and bear left at the fork. Follow the path to the hill’s peak, admire the views, then descend via the zig-zagging steps. If you can, it’s worth making a detour down towards Duddingston, where you’ll find The Sheep Heid Inn at the foot of the slope. It’s an inviting country-style pub with a convivial atmosphere and, most unusually, its very own skittle alley.

Read more: The best winter hiking holidays in Europe for snowshoeing, winter sun and mountain climbs

Duration: 1-2 hours

This trail partly follows the southern shoreline of Strangford Lough, the largest sea inlet in the British Isles and a good place for birdwatching. Start at the Shore Car Park and follow the path, keeping the water to your right. Almost immediately, you’ll pass Old Castle Ward, which fans of HBO’s Game of Thrones may recognise as Winterfell Castle. The path curves inland shortly after passing another historic monument, Audley’s Castle. Follow it past the ornamental canal, then either cut across the parkland back to the car park or continue following the boundary path to extend the walk. For a glass of something medicinal, and perhaps a bite to eat, head into nearby Strangford and grab a table in The Cuan.

The Cuan has individually designed rooms with single and king-sized beds. Extra single beds can be brought into double rooms to accommodate families.

Read more: The best walks in Cornwall, from coastal routes to countryside ambles

Duration: 1-2 hours

This two-and-a-half-mile National Trust trail treads through a Welsh wildlife haven from Mora Nefyn car park. Head down onto the sand to follow the beach past unfinished sea defences and sand martin nests until you reach the hamlet of Porthdinllaen. Here, walkers can reward themselves with a local brew mid-coastal stroll at the Tŷ Coch Inn – accessible only via foot for non-residents. Carry on around the seagrass-studded headland past the lifeboat station onto the golf course for views across the bay before you loop back to the car park.

Read more: Where to wine, dine and hike along Britain’s original national trail

Duration: 1-2 days

Clocking in at 15.5 miles long, this trail to the most remote pub on mainland Britain is one for the serious steppers and ultimate pub enthusiasts. The route from Kinloch Hourn to The Old Forge, Inverie, is a one-way hike on the edge of the Knoydart Peninsula that committed pint sinkers can complete over one or two days. Climb the gravel path past Loch Hourn to Barrisdale Bay with views of Ladhar Bheinn mountain and pitch up for a deserved picnic before ascending to Mam Barrisdale. Finally, follow the Highland cows down to Loch an Dubh Lochain and keep plodding until you reach the village of Inverie and the legendary Old Forge for a frosty ale.

Read more: The best walking holidays in Scotland for long-distance trails

Bonnie Blue triggers diplomatic incident with stunt outside Indonesian embassy

Indonesia has reacted with fury after British adult content creator Bonnie Blue posted a video widely seen as insulting the Southeast Asian nation’s flag, sparking diplomatic complaints and a social media backlash.

Blue, 26, who was recently deported from the Indonesian resort island of Bali and barred from entering the country for a decade, posted a video filmed outside the Indonesian embassy in London that spread quickly on social media.

It shows her holding the Indonesian flag while standing alongside several masked men.

“Yes, I got arrested in Bali, and so for my last time, I came to the embassy so they could watch in person,” Blue says in the video.

As the men around her cheer, Blue attaches the flag to the back of her outfit and walks away, allowing it to trail along the ground. She continues her commentary by saying: “People said I’ve disrespected Bali culture. Instead, I am going to use this to wipe the floor.”

Blue also referred to a small fine she received during her deportation process in Indonesia earlier this month, saying she had come to the embassy to “pay my £8.50 fine”.

The incident triggered a sharp reaction from Jakarta. According to The Jakarta Post, Indonesia’s government formally raised the matter with the British foreign ministry and police.

“The red and white flag is a symbol of sovereignty, honour, and national identity that must be respected by everyone, wherever they are,” the Indonesian foreign ministry said in a statement.

Many Indonesians took to social media to criticise what they described as a deliberate provocation.

Some urged fellow users to report Blue’s social media accounts while others said any grievance she held should have been addressed through official channels rather than by targeting the country’s flag.

One commenter wrote that Blue should confront authorities directly instead of insulting a symbol that represents “a symbol of our struggle and pride”.

Blue, along with at least 17 Australian and British men, was detained in Bali earlier this month on suspicion of filming pornographic content in violation of the majority Muslim nation’s morality laws. Indonesia enforces strict laws against pornography, with penalties reaching up to 12 years in prison and fines of hundreds of thousands of pounds.

Investigators later dropped these charges, concluding the content was intended for private use rather than public release.

But a court ordered Blue to leave the country for violating visa rules and imposed a small fine for traffic violations.

After returning to Britain about two weeks ago, Blue downplayed the seriousness of the case. “I’m rich and have good lawyers,” she said, according to Us Weekly. “Did you really think I’d face jail time?”

Trump rants about Epstein in Christmas Day post

President Donald Trump has shared a bizarre Christmas Day social media post about Jeffrey Epstein, saying that he dropped ties with the late sex offender “long before it became fashionable,” and that the controversy surrounding the release of the so-called Epstein files is a “Radical Left Witch Hunt.”

The Trump administration has been facing ongoing scrutiny, mainly from Democrats but also some Republicans, for its handling of government files related to Epstein as the public pushes for more transparency about the disgraced financiers’ life and crimes. Epstein died by suicide in his jell cell in 2019 as he stood accused of sexually abusing and sex trafficking underage girls.

“Merry Christmas to all, including the many Sleazebags who loved Jeffrey Epstein…only to ‘drop him like a dog’ when things got too HOT, falsely claimed they had nothing to do with him, didn’t know him, said he was a disgusting person, and then blame, of course, President Donald J. Trump, who was actually the only one who did drop Epstein, and long before it became fashionable to do so,” Trump wrote on Truth Social Thursday evening.

The president was friendly with Epstein decades ago, calling him a “terrific guy” in a 2002 New York magazine profile. In the midst of the Epstein controversy, The Wall Street Journal reported on a lewd birthday card Trump supposedly gave Epstein in 2003, but the president has denied that he authored such a letter and is suing the outlet and its owners.

But Trump has said their relationship ended before Epstein pleaded guilty in 2008 to soliciting a minor for prostitution. The White House has said Trump did “nothing wrong” and that the president kicked Epstein out of his Mar-a-Lago club in Palm Beach for being a “creep.”

Trump suggested in Wednesday’s Truth Social post that the people who thought Epstein was “the greatest guy on earth” were Democrats.

“When their names get brought out in the ongoing Radical Left Witch Hunt…and it is revealed that they are Democrats all, there will be a lot of explaining to do…Enjoy what may be your last Merry Christmas!” Trump wrote.

When the Justice Department started to release its trove of Epstein documents last Friday — after Congress pushed through legislation to force the Trump administration to reveal all the information it had on the convicted sex offender — photos of former Democratic President Bill Clinton emerged.

In one photo, Clinton and Epstein were smiling as they stood next to each other wearing silky shirts. In another, Clinton was swimming in a pool with Epstein’s longtime associate and convicted sex trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell.

Trump and Clinton have not been formally accused of any wrongdoing related to Epstein.

Clinton’s spokesperson, Angel Ureña, said shortly after Epstein was arrested on federal sex trafficking charges in 2019, “President Clinton knows nothing about the terrible crimes Jeffrey Epstein pleaded guilty to in Florida some years ago, or those with which he has been recently charged in New York.”

Different from his tone in Wednesday’s Truth Social post, when asked about the photos of Clinton in the Epstein files on Monday, Trump seemed to sympathize with him, telling reporters, “I think it’s terrible.”

“I like Bill Clinton…I hate to see photos come out of him, but this is what the Democrats, mostly Democrats and a couple of bad Republicans, are asking for,” Trump said. “There are photos of me too. Everybody was friendly with this guy.”

Trump showed concern for how the Epstein files could ruin people’s reputations.

“You probably have pictures being exposed of other people that innocently met Jeffrey Epstein years ago.”

The president warned again on Wednesday of the consequences the Epstein files, which have not all been released yet, could have on people’s reputations.

“So many of their friends, mostly innocent, will be badly hurt and reputationally tarnished. But sadly, that’s the way it is in the World of Corrupt Democrat Politics!!!” Trump wrote on Truth Social.

Reacting to Trump’s Epstein rant, Representative Yassamin Ansari of Arizona, a Democrat on the House Oversight Committee, wrote on X, “The walls are closing in on Donald Trump and his corrupt, criminal regime, and he’s absolutely losing his mind. Merry Christmas!!”

The Justice Department wrote on X Wednesday that it may take “a few more weeks” to release over a million more documents potentially related to Epstein that the U.S. Attorney for the Southern District of New York and the FBI had uncovered.

Woman, 20s, dies in horror crash on M2 motorway

A woman in her 20s has died in a motorway collision on Christmas Eve.

She had been driving a black Volkswagen T-Roc when it collided with the central reservation and overturned, Kent Police said.

The incident took place shortly before 12.50pm on the the London-bound M2 carriageway, near the Medway services at Junction 4.

The woman, from the Faversham area, Kent, was pronounced dead at the scene and there were no other passengers inside the car or vehicles involved, the force said.

Serious Collision Investigation Unit officers attended and the carriageway was closed between Junctions 5 and 4, on the day that Christmas traffic is expected to peak.

It “is likely to remain closed for some time”, National Highways said at 4.40pm, before the road fully opened later in the evening.

South East Coast Ambulance Service and Kent Fire and Rescue Service also responded, according to the agency.

The RAC said it was expecting festive getaway trips by car to reach their peak on Christmas Eve at 4.2 million, with regular commuter traffic “likely to be far lighter”.

The AA estimated that there would be more than 22 million cars on the roads on Christmas Eve.

The force is appealing for witnesses and motorists with dashcam footage to come forward.

Anyone who saw the incident itself, or the car before it occurred, is asked to call 01622 798538 quoting reference BS/AW/092/25.

Two men still missing in sea off Devon in ‘truly tragic incident’

Two men, aged in their 40s and 60s, remain missing at sea after getting into difficulty off a beach in Devon on Christmas Day.

Emergency services were called to Budleigh Salterton at 10.25am after concerns for people in the water, with a number safely taken to shore.

However, despite extensive searches, the two men remained missing, before the coastguard and RNLI searches concluded in the area in the evening.

Their families have been informed of developments, a spokesperson for Devon and Cornwall Police said.

A Met Office yellow weather warning for wind was in place across parts of the South West and Wales on Christmas Day.

No warnings have been issued for Boxing Day but police urged people not to go swimming in the sea.

Detective Superintendent Hayley Costar, of Devon and Cornwall Police, said: “Today, emergency services have been responding to a truly tragic incident in Budleigh Salterton.

“Our thoughts remain firmly with the families and friends of the two men who are currently missing and to all who may have witnessed and be impacted by the incident. The local community will have seen a significant amount of emergency services in the area throughout the day as extensive enquiries have been ongoing.

“As dark falls, a number of these searches have been stood down, with some police enquiries on land continuing this evening.”

HM Coastguard said it had responded to reports of “people in difficulty” in the water in the Budleigh Salterton area.

Coastguard rescue teams from Exmouth and Beer attended, along with RNLI lifeboats from Exmouth, Teignmouth and Torbay.

They were assisted by coastguard search and rescue helicopters and fixed-wing aircraft, along with police and ambulance personnel.

“Searches have continued throughout the day to find two men believed to still be in the water. After extensive shoreline and offshore searches, the coastguard part of the search was stood down at 5pm,” a spokeswoman said.

A spokesperson for the RNLI said: ““Our thoughts are with all those impacted by the incident and the family and friends of the two people who are missing.”

A number of Christmas and Boxing Day swims in Devon and Cornwall were cancelled this year because of a yellow weather warning for wind.

The Met Office warned of “strong and gusty east to northeasterly winds” from 4am until 11.59pm on Christmas Day in parts of south-west England and Wales. It said peak gusts would reach 45-55mph but these could reach 55-65mph along some exposed coasts and to the west of prominent hills.

It’s about experience: Further Education teachers share what it takes

In the modern world, many of us are working longer than ever. Research based on ONS Labour Market data found that there are almost one million more workers aged 65 and above since the millennium and the state pension is set to rise to 67 by 2028 and 68 by the late 2030s. Subsequently, having multiple careers is becoming increasingly popular. And after decades working in a specific industry, sharing the work-based knowledge you have gained via teaching in further education is one of the most rewarding career shifts you can make.

Further Education teaching (defined as any education for people aged 16 and over who aren’t studying for a degree) allows you to switch up your working days and harness the skills and experience you have developed, all while helping shape the next generation of workers in your field.

To find out more about the role, from what it takes to the best parts of the job, we spoke to Further Education teachers who have switched from doing their day job to teaching it…

John Ryan, 51, from Weston Super Mare, worked for more than a decade on site in the construction industry, mainly in bricklaying and supervising roles, before an opportunity to become a Further Education assessor changed his path in his thirties. Travelling nationally to assess the work of new bricklayers in order to sign off their NVQs (National Vocational Qualification), the college John was associated with then started offering him some teaching work.

With no prior teaching qualifications, John completed these alongside his assessing and teaching roles with the fees picked up by the teaching college. “I liked the idea of passing on my knowledge and giving young people the skills and confidence to progress in a trade,” he says. “Teaching in Further Education felt like a natural next step because it would allow me to combine my practical background with coaching and mentoring.” There were practical draws too. “On site in the construction industry you are self-employed so you do not get holidays or sick pay. The stability of income and regular paid holidays was a big draw of Further Education teaching,” he adds.

Since his first assessing role 18 years ago, John has worked between assessing, teaching and jobs back on the construction site and now, he currently teaches bricklaying and groundwork full-time at South Gloucestershire and Stroud College.

John’s extensive site and supervisory experience has proved to be hugely valuable when it comes to teaching his students there. “I can explain not just the ‘how’ but also the ‘why’ behind industry standards,” he explains. “Learners often respond well to hearing about real jobs, site challenges, and the professional behaviours that employers expect. It makes the lessons more relatable and credible,” he shares.

“For example, I can share stories of accidents when teaching site safety, or explain how a mistake of a few millimetres on a construction site can cost you time to rectify, which in turn will cost you money,” he says. “These hands-on, real world experiences make the theory relatable and show learners the real value of getting it right.”

Coral Aspinall, 52, who became a full-time Further Education teacher 12 years ago, agrees. “My experience allows me to put my teaching into context,” she says. Coral started out her engineering career at 16 as an apprentice in a local engineering company. Following a BSc in Engineering and Business Management, she worked for many years in the engineering industry before enrolling on a part-time PGDE (Professional Graduate Diploma in Education) course for teaching. She’s now the Engineering Programme Leader at the Stockport campus of the Trafford and Stockport College Group. Here, they offer qualifications such as Level 2 Performing Engineering Operations as well as engineering-focused Level 3 T Levels and Level 3 Btec Awards. They also offer Level 3 apprenticeships across engineering including Technical Support, Engineering Fitter and Maintenance Management.

“Because I’ve been an engineering apprentice myself, I understand what the student needs to be successful in terms of skills, knowledge and behaviour,” she explains. “I also have contacts in the wider engineering community and understand what an employer is looking for in an apprentice, and can also share insights in terms of how the sector is shifting and evolving to help support their progress.”

Working for an extensive period of time in a field before passing on that knowledge gives teachers maturity and empathy which can be hugely helpful for students, especially those facing complex life situations.

Beyond the practical techniques, a big part of John’s role is helping learners build confidence, teamwork, communication, and problem-solving skills that employers look for. “Many of my learners have different challenges, so they value teachers who are approachable, who believe in them, and who prepare them for real opportunities in work or further study,” he says. For John, his previous work experience has allowed him to do this. “On site, I worked with people facing all sorts of pressures, from work to life issues, which taught me to be patient and supportive,” he explains.

Coral has had a similar experience. “I see my role as more than imparting knowledge; it is about preparing the young person for the next stage of their journey. The students trust me to have their best interests at heart; they come to me for advice on their next steps and how they can achieve their aspirations, and I’ll support them with both practical advice and words of encouragement.”

For Coral, teaching later in life allows her to draw from a mature perspective, and teach her students positive workplace behaviours alongside skills and knowledge. “Students thrive when they have clear unambiguous boundaries, so I’m firm around expectations in terms of timekeeping, attendance and attitude. This is particularly important to succeeding in the workplace as employers value these behaviours as much as, or even more than having specific expertise or know-how (which can generally be developed).”

If you’re looking for a fresh career option, and keen to share your skills with the next generation, Further Education teaching could be a really enriching new phase. Further Education covers a huge range of career sectors including construction, law, engineering, digital, hospitality, tourism, beauty and more. This includes BTECs (Business and Technology Education Council qualifications), T Levels, NVQs (National Vocational Qualifications) or City & Guilds Qualifications.

Teaching in a mixture of colleges (often General Further Education Colleges or Sixth Form Colleges) and Adult and Community Learning Centres as well as workplace and apprenticeship settings, further education teachers share their years of real world industry skills with a diverse mix of people from those straight out of school aged sixteen to those making career switches later in life.

You don’t always need an academic degree or prior teaching qualifications to start teaching in further education. You can undertake teacher training on the job, often funded by your employer, so you can start earning straight away.. Furthermore, it doesn’t mean you have to stop working in your chosen field. Further education offers hybrid opportunities – so you could teach part time alongside your other commitments. This means you could have the best of both worlds, where you are still working in your chosen industry and teaching alongside it at a time that suits your schedule. Find out if it’s the right move for you here.

If, like John and Coral, you see the appeal in sharing the knowledge and skills you’ve developed with the next generation, exploring the option of becoming a Further Education teacher can be a great next step. As John shares, the reward is always worth it: “It never gets old passing on my knowledge to people starting on their journey, knowing I have made a difference and getting a smile and thanks in return!”

Looking for a new role that’s rewarding, flexible and draws on your current career? Why not consider sharing your experience where it matters most – helping inspire the next generation of workers in the field you love? Visit Further Education to find out more

Mrs Brown’s Boys Christmas Special plummets to unimaginable new depths

For professional and other reasons (and I stress not exactly willingly), I’ve had to watch a fair amount of Mrs Brown’s Boys over its inexplicably long presence on our screens. Often, I have felt very much like the character played by Malcolm McDowell in A Clockwork Orange. If you recall the scene, the criminal, Alex, undergoes experimental compulsory aversion therapy to cure his violence. He is strapped to a chair, his eyelids forced open with metal clamps, so that he has to observe footage of the most appalling depravity, and is left screaming in agony, mentally scarred for life.

Anyway, back to the show. As I say, it’s always painful viewing, but the 2025 Christmas special plummets some way beneath the usual low standard to reach fresh, unimaginable depths of unfunniness. There’s one excruciating sequence in particular that has burned itself into my consciousness. This is when Mammy (Brendan O’Carroll, the progenitor of the comedy) is in the pub with her cronies Winnie McGoogan (Eilish O’Carroll) and Birdie Flanagan (June Rogers), and the conversation turns from Winnie buying an oddly fragranced Gwyneth Paltrow candle to… yes indeed, their own vintage vaginas.

So we’re already in questionable territory, if you’ll pardon the expression, and then, I’m sorry to report, they just go deeper. The euphemisms used by the old ladies are ridiculously contrived. “Ladygarden” is the one favoured by Winnie, as advised by her mother when she was a young girl. Scarcely more credible is Birdie’s “meow meow”, not least because its common usage is to do with a street drug rather than pudenda. Even so, the very mention draws a huge “aaaahhhh” of sentimentality from the audience, as if the old girl had just announced that her lonely vulva was to star in next year’s John Lewis Christmas ad campaign. By the end of this bit we find that the sole purpose of this bleak absurdity is to tee up a punchline from Mammy herself. Ready? OK. It goes like this: “I used to call it ‘St Bridget’s Purse’. Then I had Dermot and I changed it to ‘St Patrick’s haversack’.” Even if this is a bloke in a dress, or especially if it’s a bloke in a dress, this is just weird.

The runner-up for lamest attempt at humour in this laugh-free extravaganza is the running joke about grandad (Dermot O’Neill) getting a VR headset for Christmas, which, all too predictably, climaxes with him on the kitchen table air-humping a raw turkey, and then falling over (unconvincingly), like you do when performing virtual sexual intercourse in front of your family. It is further proof that, as well as puns, sight gags, double entendres and irony, O’Carroll and his gang can’t manage to make even a bit of simple slapstick vaguely comical.

If you’re of a certain age, Mrs Brown’s Boys makes one nostalgic for the craft that went into the gently smut-laden Benny Hill Show, albeit sometimes misguidedly. Or even has you pining for the honest, if depressingly flat-footed, efforts of the Little and Large Tellyshow. It feels a much less well-assembled affair than its antecedents in the 1970s.

So it’s badder than bad, worse than ever in fact, weaker than the childish riddles that fall out of a cracker. I happily concede that it still pulls a decent enough audience in to qualify for the Christmas Day (and New Year’s Day) BBC One schedule, even if it’s broadcast at around the time most people are safely unconscious. I don’t blame folk for watching it – each to their own and all that. I do, however, wonder why the BBC is still buying it with our money, and why O’Carroll and his collaborators’ scripts are still so lazy, this time with scarcely an attempt at a storyline, and the actors so poor. Bunch of meow meows, the lot of them.

Brook innings shows England’s muddled minds amid Ashes carnage

There’s a political theory that people don’t vote in terms of self-interest, but in terms of their values. They are happy to hurt themselves, so long as they stay true to themselves.

England were eight for three when Harry Brook walked to the middle. Facing his first ball, he charged down the wicket at Mitchell Starc, swung, missed, and smiled.

“Most of the time when I’ve been overly aggressive is when we’ve lost early wickets,” Brook said ahead of the third Test in Adelaide. “I’ve tried to counter-punch and put them back under pressure.”

True to himself to the end.

Brook ended up with 41 from 34 balls. It was the highest score on a day where 20 wickets fell and England found themselves – again – on the wrong side of a day’s play.

It was a moment that divided political opinion across the stadium. Commentators falling off their chairs, bereft at the recklessness, all while ignoring that three of his teammates had just perished and a fourth soon would also. At 16 for four, three of England’s players had nicked off defending. Joe Root recorded the longest duck of his career at 15 balls. Which is the greater crime?

“The pitch is doing too much if I’m brutally honest,” said former England bowler Stuart Broad on SEN radio. “Test match bowlers don’t need this amount of movement to look threatening.”

Of the many disappointments of this Ashes series, high on the list is that we never saw the end of the story. For years, England have spoon-fed the public nonsense about running towards the danger, doubling-down and going even harder. It has been utterly intoxicating.

And yet in Australia, they blinked. Defeat in Brisbane led to Ben Stokes imploring his players to “fight”. He referred to his changing room as “no place for weak men.” The result has been a different England.

On a flat pitch in Adelaide, after picking a stacked batting line-up and with temperatures over 40 degrees, they blocked it.

“Surprising,” was Aussie skipper Pat Cummins’ thoughts on England’s showing with the bat in that instance. “It was 40-odd degrees, it was a very flat wicket and they shut up shop for half the day which I was pretty happy with.”

And then here, with Australia all out for 152 on a wicket that was seaming all over the place, only Brook ran towards that danger they’d been talking about for so long.

Bazball has been a cricketing social experiment. Born from a coach, Brendon McCullum, who was inspired by a no consequences approach to cricket following the death of Australian batter Phil Hughes. And from a captain, Ben Stokes, who having suffered from his own mental health issues, took over a team in the depths of a one Test win in 17, a Covid-impacted rut, and felt the need for change. It is former England captain Mike Brearley, who later trained as a psychotherapist, who first made the connection between Bazball and it being a response to male mental health.

McCullum, for what it’s worth, has always pushed back against the name, saying it was given to him by someone else. But so was ‘Brendon’. It’s still his identity.

Of the four top-scorers on a remarkable day’s play, three had the highest strike-rates where risk tallied with reward. When Brook was ultimately dismissed for 41, he had made 62% of England’s overall total of 66 and almost a third of Australia’s. He had struck two sixes, one over extra cover and another when he bludgeoned a back of a length ball over midwicket. It was phenomenal batting only possible with a huge amount of skill, made with a strategy that also had a fair amount of evidence behind it. Brook’s scores for England when entering the crease with England three down for less than 30 runs? 186, 26, 123 and 158.

In Melbourne, England had Will Jacks, with five T20 centuries to his name, at number eight. This was a tailor-made opportunity for them to stick to the process that got them here by playing aggressive cricket that suited an aggressive line-up. They are still not out of the game, trailing only by 46 runs at the close, but they are still behind.

Across the tour, their run-rate has been the lowest out of any of the 16 they have played under Stokes and McCullum. A considerable chunk of that is because of the quality bowlers Australia have on hand, but it is nevertheless indicative of where true, utmost, delusional self-belief has been tempered by a desire to do the ‘right’ thing.

Naturally, it is easier to say this than to be in it. Stick to their guns throughout, fall in a heap like they did in Perth and these same pages may read of a team that is stubborn to the point of stupid. But this England team blocks out the noise. They don’t care for others’ opinions because to do so would be to bend from the values they believed in, even if it hurt themselves.

But as it happened, in Melbourne, they bent of their own free will.