Many people think that getting someone to say “yes” is about persuasion, making the perfect argument, choosing the right words, or asking nicely.

But decades of research suggest something counterintuitive: One of the most reliable ways to get to a “yes,” is to give the other person permission to say “no.”

Studies have shown that across all kinds of situations, from marketing to negotiations to everyday requests, simply adding a line like, “but you are free to accept or refuse,” makes people far more likely to comply.

It taps into one of our deepest psychological needs: autonomy. When people feel pressured, they resist. But when they feel they have a choice, they tend to engage more willingly and push back less.

I’ve spent the past decade advising Fortune 500 companies as an educator and behavioral researcher, and I’ve seen this principle outperform the hard-sell. Here are four simple phrases you can use to put this principle into practice.

When you explicitly tell someone they don’t have to agree, it immediately lowers defensiveness. Their nervous system relaxes, and the decision shifts from compliance under pressure to a choice made voluntarily.

When to use it at work:

• Asking for time from a busy senior leader
• Requesting help from a colleague
• Asking for participation

When to use it at home:

• Asking for emotional availability
• Raising a sensitive topic
• Making plans when the other person is stretched

Examples:

• “Would you be open to reviewing this for me today? You’re free to say no.”
• “You’re totally free to say no — would you be open to talking later tonight?”

This phrase reduces social pressure, which is a hidden driver of resentment and avoidance. Research shows that people push back when they feel expected or pressured to do something. Even cooperative people can resist when a request feels like an obligation.

When to use it at work:

• Asking for favors across teams
• Asking someone to do more than what’s in their job description 
• Following up on something that isn’t mandatory

When to use it at home:

• Asking for support
• Making requests that could inconvenience the other person
• Discussing emotional needs

Examples:

• “I’d really appreciate it if you could help with the report I need to prepare by tomorrow, but please don’t feel obliged.”
• “I could use your support this weekend, but please don’t feel obliged.”

This phrase is particularly effective in moments when you are on a clock, or a performance evaluation is a factor. 

When people feel they are being rushed into agreement, they make worse decisions, then regret them more afterwards. Removing that pressure improves satisfaction with the outcome.

When to use it at work:

• Setting deadlines that are flexible
• Making decisions that require some reflection
• Having sensitive career conversations

When to use it at home:

• Having relationship discussions
• Making parenting decisions
• Making big financial or life choices

Examples:

• “No pressure at all. Take your time thinking about it, and we can talk whenever you’re ready.”
• “If you’re open to it, I’d love your input this week, but no pressure.”

This phrase protects both the mental and emotional bandwidth of the recipient. Feeling obligated to respond, even to small messages, creates low-level stress. Removing that expectation reduces avoidance and increases genuine engagement.

When to use it at work:

• Sharing optional resources
• Sending reflections instead of action items
• Providing information without requiring feedback

When to use it at home:

• Checking in on someone going through a hard time 
• Sharing thoughts without requiring immediate dialogue
• Giving someone space

For example:

• “I wanted to share this just in case it’s useful. No need to reply!”
• “No need to reply. I was just thinking of you.”

These phrases all offer a sense of autonomy the exact moment it is most likely to feel threatened. In return, the people you engage with will follow through more reliably, feel more respected, and respond with more honesty.

Shadé Zahrai is an award-winning peak performance educator, behavioral researcher, and leadership strategist to Fortune 500 companies. She is the author of “Big Trust: Rewire Self-Doubt, Find Your Confidence, and Fuel Success.” She earned her doctorate from Monash University. Follow her on LinkedIn, Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok.

Want to give your kids the ultimate advantage? Sign up for CNBC’s new online course, How to Raise Financially Smart Kids. Learn how to build healthy financial habits today to set your children up for greater success in the future.

On my first day of work at the neighborhood ice cream shop, my boss lined up cups on the counter, handed me a scooper, and set a timer.

“A perfect scoop takes under 24 seconds,” he said. 

Ice cream splattered as I tried to keep up. It humbled me, but I kept showing up. The pay is $16.50 an hour plus tips, and I — a 31-year-old with years of experience in news and tech — expected to be working alongside teenagers. 

Instead, when I started working at Lady Moo Moo in Bed-Stuy, I found myself surrounded by people who, like me, had already built careers and are now navigating an unpredictable job market. Some had been laid off just as I had. Others, like my colleague who is a sex educator and public health advocate, lost funding in their fields. A few are juggling multiple part-time roles to stay afloat. 

We’re all piecing together income however we can, showing up where steady work exists. We have responsibilities and ambition. We’re trying and adapting. There is zero shame in it. 

My life used to look very different. At 23, I was the U.S. news lead for ByteDance’s first U.S. content product, TopBuzz. By 25, I oversaw content strategy at SmartNews, a Japanese news aggregation startup that once felt like the future of media.

I still remember the 10th anniversary celebration. The company flew the U.S. team and several colleagues from Japan to San Francisco and put us up in beautiful hotel suites. The CEO opened a five-figure bottle of whiskey in front of everyone. The future felt bright. A few months later, most of the U.S. team, including me, was laid off. Talk about whiplash.

In 2024, Meta offered me a job that was listed in New York, which has always felt like home. After I accepted, the role shifted to San Francisco. I was hopeful about this next step in my career when I moved west. But no one on my team worked in my building, I had five different managers, and I was laid off again after only a year.

I moved back to New York with part of my severance, assuming my experience, especially with Meta, would help me find work quickly. Instead, I stepped into the most brutal job search I’ve ever experienced. When I logged onto LinkedIn, my feed was full of people going through the same thing.

After a long interview process at Yahoo, I didn’t get the full-time role I’d applied for. But a month later, the hiring manager offered me a part-time weekend contract. I accepted immediately. It meant waking up at 5 a.m. on Saturdays and Sundays and going without benefits, but I loved the work and wanted to stay in the industry.

I figured a job at the ice cream shop in my neighborhood, which is open every year from April through November, might help fill the gap. 

I never expected to get a scooping job in my 30s. I took it to make some extra money until I regained my footing. But I ended up finding so much more in it. 

At Lady Moo Moo, the line wraps around the block even on rainy days. On Halloween, a little girl dressed up as the shop’s golden gumball. The basement is filled with gifts, drawings, thank you notes and even a paper mache cow a customer made.

People come in after long workdays, school pickups, and difficult conversations, or simply because they want a moment of sweetness. I saw couples on dates, friends catching up, and neighbors stopping by because the shop is part of their daily rhythm. 

Every shift, I met people who never imagined they would be picking up part-time work: artists, teachers, nonprofit workers, tech employees, museum curators, and neighbors doing their best to make life work in a difficult economy. No one was ashamed. Everyone showed up for themselves and for each other.

During our final week of the season, the owner took the entire staff out to dinner. I’ve worked full-time jobs with far larger budgets that never expressed appreciation like that. Walking home afterward, my arms sore from 24-second scooping drills, I didn’t feel “behind” in my career. I felt grounded and grateful. I felt like I belonged somewhere again.

Do I want another full-time role? Of course. I miss health insurance. I miss buying fresh groceries. I miss sleeping past dawn. But this experience gave me something I didn’t realize I needed — and when the shop opens its second, year-round location in early 2026, I’ll keep scooping while I continue my job search as long as my schedule allows it.

In a moment when the job market felt chaotic and stability seemed elusive, I found steadiness in a community that held me up. It reminded me that life is about more than titles and résumés.

It’s about the places you go and the people you meet who show you that you’re not alone — the ones who scoop beside you and turn a side gig at a small neighborhood shop into something that feels like home.

Kaila Curry is a journalist, senior content manager, audience engagement and social media strategist and, most recently, an ice cream scooper. She has held editorial and content leadership roles at ByteDance, Meta, and SmartNews, and is currently seeking a full-time role.

Want to give your kids the ultimate advantage? Sign up for CNBC’s new online course, How to Raise Financially Smart Kids. Learn how to build healthy financial habits today to set your children up for greater success in the future.

If Tubi CEO Anjali Sud could tell her younger self one thing, it would be that “nobody’s got it figured out,” she said in a CNBC Changemakers interview that aired on May 1.

“I would always look up at people and be like, ‘They have all the answers and I don’t,’” Sud, 42, said. “Now, I just realize everybody’s trying their best based on the information they have, and nobody’s perfect and everybody has impostor syndrome.”

Sud learned to navigate that discomfort to achieve success, she said. A former Amazon and Vimeo executive, she took the helm of Fox Corp’s Tubi in 2023. The no-cost streaming app has since grown to more than 100 million monthly active users, according to the company.  

Despite her accomplishments, Sud still feels impostor syndrome — the fear that people are overestimating your abilities — daily, she said. She’s far from alone: Nearly three-quarters of U.S. CEOs say they experience impostor syndrome, according to a Korn Ferry survey of about 400 executives, published in June 2024.

Feeling like a fraud can lead to crippling, unproductive self-doubt, some experts say — but in measured doses, impostor syndrome can be an asset to your success and a sign you’re destined for greatness, according to organizational psychologist Adam Grant.

“Impostor syndrome isn’t a disease. It’s a normal response to internalizing impossibly high standards” Grant, a professor at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania, posted on X in Sept. 2022. “Doubting yourself doesn’t mean you’re going to fail. It usually means you’re facing a new challenge and you’re going to learn.”

“Feeling uncertainty is a precursor to growth,” he added.

Other entrepreneurs have even dubbed impostor syndrome as an asset to their personal and their employees’ successes. Investor Barbara Corcoran seeks out people who can balance good ideas with self-doubt, because that insecurity pushes them to work harder and fill any gaps in their knowledge,

“The more successful someone is, the more self-doubt they have, because that’s what drives them,” Corcoran, 74, said at Fiverr’s Bridge the Gap webinar in March 2023. “I’ve never met a secure person who was a stellar star.”

Feeling like a fraud, in some ways, has worked to Sud’s advantage, too, she said in the CNBC Changemakers interview.

“I don’t think you can get over impostor syndrome,” she said. “I think the key is how do you take that piece of you that’s like, ‘This is hard, it’s challenging, it’s scary,’ and build a fearlessness around it and embrace that feeling and use it to push yourself forward.”

“Bet on yourself,” she added. You have just as much as a chance as anybody else to be able to make an impact.

Want to give your kids the ultimate advantage? Sign up for CNBC’s new online course, How to Raise Financially Smart Kids. Learn how to build healthy financial habits today to set your children up for greater success in the future.

Most couples think they know each other well, but real intimacy is a lot more than just being able to name your partner’s favorite food or TV shows.

As a psychologist, I’ve found that people in the happiest, most successful relationships see in their partner what others can’t or would normally overlook.

If you can answer these five questions below about your partner, your relationship is built on a highly coveted level of understanding and connection. (And if you don’t know the answers? It’s the perfect excuse to start asking.)

We all have those moments that stick with us for life — something a high school teacher said in passing, a compliment from a stranger or a minor rejection that still stings years later.

These events might seem insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but they can radically alter the way we see ourselves, and they rarely come up in casual conversation.

DON’T MISS: How to use AI to be more productive and successful at work

If you know about one of these small core memories in your partner’s life, it means you’ve had the kind of deep conversations that reveal the invisible threads of their personhood.

When life gets hectic, everyone has their own way of mentally checking out. Some fantasize about quitting their job and moving to a remote island. Others scroll real estate listings for cities they’ll never move to, or envision alternate versions of their life.

This is so much more than just a quirky habit; it’s a window into how your partner copes with stress. If you know the answer, it means you understand their inner workings, and that’s a rare kind of closeness.

We all have social scenarios that make us feel uneasy. Maybe your partner dreads small talk at parties, or they hate ordering at a restaurant in a group setting.

Knowing what makes your partner uncomfortable means you can be a source of support in situations where they might otherwise just grin and bear it. This is a sign that you’re truly attuned to their subtle mood changes — something that the untrained eye wouldn’t notice.

Whether we like it or not, we inherit certain habits from our upbringing — some good, some bad. For example, maybe your partner has a hard time accepting compliments because they never got any growing up.

If you know what habit your partner struggles with, it means you’ve had the vulnerable conversations about the family dynamics that shaped them into who they are today. These are the kinds of details most people don’t get the chance to learn, or simply don’t care to.

Everyone has accomplishments that they’re secretly proud of, but refrain from announcing to the world.

Maybe your partner once helped a stranger in a way that changed their life, or they pushed through a health, family or finance-related struggle that no one knows about. 

If you know about any of their unsung victories, it means your partner feels safe enough to share their most humble, meaningful moments with you. That kind of trust is invaluable in a relationship.

Mark Travers, PhD, is a psychologist who specializes in relationships. He holds degrees from Cornell University and the University of Colorado Boulder. He is the lead psychologist at Awake Therapy, a telehealth company that provides online psychotherapy, counseling and coaching. He is also the curator of the popular mental health and wellness website, Therapytips.org.

Want to up your AI skills and be more productive? Take CNBC’s new online course How to Use AI to Be More Successful at Work. Expert instructors will teach you how to get started, practical uses, tips for effective prompt-writing, and mistakes to avoid.

As an executive resume writer and career coach, Jessica Hernandez aims to demystify the hiring process for the job seekers she works with. 

Her mission is to equip them with “all of the little tips and strategies and behind-the-scenes things” that they don’t usually get to access, she says.

One topic that she says comes up frequently with her clients is being labeled ‘overqualified.’

From a candidate’s perspective, overqualified typically means “that you have more experience or more requirements or credentials or certifications or degrees than what the basic requirements are for the role,” she says.

There are a few reasons a job seeker might apply to a role they’re overqualified for: they could be trying to change industries or looking for a lower-stress role, according to Hernandez.

Additionally, many unemployed workers are willing to take a “bridge” job just to pay their bills and prevent a resume gap, she says.

However, when an employer or recruiter calls a candidate overqualified, it’s often a soft rejection, Hernandez says.

It’s a way to say, “We think you’ll be bored here, or we don’t think you’re the right culture fit, or we think you’ll leave when something better comes along,” according to Hernandez.

Here are her best tips for ‘overqualified’ candidates on how to navigate the job process.

Why companies may avoid ‘overqualified’ candidates

Companies may shy away from hiring overqualified candidates because “it’s a risk for them,” she says.

They worry, “If I hire this person who is seemingly overqualified, are they going to leave?” she says.

Companies may be concerned that overqualified candidates will have steeper salary expectations, or that they won’t be happy working under a less-experienced boss.

‘Overqualified’ can also be “coded language for age bias” against older workers, Hernandez says. In her experience, the “majority” of candidates who are told they’re overqualified are over the age of 50.

To be clear, she says, “it is absolutely the company’s responsibility to identify and eliminate any age bias in the hiring process,” but “most people are unaware it’s even happening, so getting companies to proactively address this is a massive undertaking.”

Many “mature” workers over 55 are looking for roles they may be overqualified for because “upward mobility is no longer a priority for them,” Hernandez says.

“Their goals have shifted, and so maybe now they’re working for purpose or alignment or fulfillment, and not necessarily for money and career advancement,” she says.

These negative perceptions from hirers are why it’s crucial that job seekers “address the elephant in the room,” according to Hernandez.

Most of the time, hirers won’t organically bring up ‘overqualified’ concerns in an interview, she says.

“A lot of times job seekers will tell me, ‘Well, I didn’t hear I was overqualified until they were already rejecting me,’” Hernandez says.

That’s why candidates need to prioritize “addressing that fear proactively” in the job process, she says.

How ‘overqualified’ applicants can adapt

Hernandez advises job seekers who are applying to roles they believe they’re overqualified for to be “really strategic” about putting the focus on their most recent and relevant professional experience.

That could include listing your last three roles at the top of your resume and putting earlier jobs in a “previous experience” section, she says.

If the job you’re applying for doesn’t require an advanced degree, Hernandez suggests moving the education section of your resume to the bottom of the page.

For mature workers concerned about potential ageism, Hernandez recommends removing “age signals” like their college graduation date. That way, candidates aren’t “putting the focus on age,” but instead on “relevance and value,” she says.

For job interviews, Hernandez shares a script that she says has worked for her clients.

A candidate could say something like, “You might be wondering why someone with 20-plus years of experience and these qualifications would be interested in this role. Well, here’s why this role is important to me right now,” Hernandez says.

Follow up with the specific reason you’re aiming for a lower-level role: for example, “I’ve done the VP-level role. Now I want to be an individual contributor,” she says.

Finally, candidates should emphasize how their skills would benefit the company: “I can take those years of experience doing X, Y and Z and bring it to your company to do…”

Overall, “you want to make sure that you’re owning your story,” Hernandez says.

“The offers are going to go to the candidates that can show their value, can show what’s in it for them and how that ties back to what the needs of the employer are,” she says.

Want to give your kids the ultimate advantage? Sign up for CNBC’s new online course, How to Raise Financially Smart Kids. Learn how to build healthy financial habits today to set your children up for greater success in the future.