Building a healthy romantic relationship takes time and intention. Over time, meaningful experiences, personal disclosures and authentic conversations create closeness and intimacy.

To genuinely know someone, you must understand what matters to them — their likes and dislikes, passions, limits — and respecting those traits even when they differ from your own.

In fact, many strong couples come to appreciate differences, recognizing that a person’s history, quirks and tendencies are what make them unique. Here are eight phrases couples who are truly close use when talking about each other, and they should be relationship goals for all of us.

Your partner’s mistakes aren’t yours to carry, and their successes aren’t yours to claim. They are their own person living alongside you, not an extension of you.

Similar phrases:

• “She’s always been like that.”
• “I know that’s one of his favorite things to do.”

When you really understand your partner, you’re not likely to be taken aback by what they say or do. If friends are shocked by a comment or action they make, you might just smile and shrug. 

Similar phrases: 

• “Oh yeah, that’s my mate alright!”
• “That’s totally her style.”

Everyone has their own quirks, odd habits or routine preferences, from how they drink coffee to how they fold their towels. These are little things that no one else probably knows about them. But if you really know your partner, you notice those details and often find affection in them.

Similar phrases:

• “They sneeze like a train!”
• “His hiccups are kind of adorable.”

Deep knowledge builds trust. When you know your partner, you trust them to act authentically and responsibly, whether you’re together or apart.

Similar phrases:

• “She can be a little intense, but I trust her to make good choices.”
• “I know they’ll be respectful.” 

Intimacy means understanding your partner’s fundamental ideas, beliefs and principles. Even when you disagree, you can acknowledge what truly matters to them without dismissing or demeaning it.

Similar phrases:

• “I know this is really important to them.”
• “He’s very passionate about politics.”

Knowing someone deeply means understanding their fears, vulnerabilities and emotional triggers. When those struggles surface, you respond with empathy rather than judgment or defensiveness.

Similar phrases:

• “I know this is painful for them.”
• “I see her struggle and want to support her through it.”

Knowing your partner means accepting that you can’t — and shouldn’t — try to change who they are, even if it’s something you really dislike about them. True growth only happens if they choose it.

Similar phrases:

• “They’ll change only if they want to.”
• “I accept that we see this differently, even if I don’t like it.” 

Even in long-term relationships, there’s always more to learn. When couples truly know each other, discovering something new feels like an opportunity to grow, not a threat.

Similar phrases:

• “I never realized they felt that way.”
• “Even though we’ve been married for years, I’m still learning new things about him.”

Here are a few ways to start:

• Ask open-ended questions with genuine curiosity.
• Practice seeing situations from their perspective.
• Speak with respect during difficult conversations.
• Use physical touch, like hugging or holding hands, to bond.
• Show presence by putting down your phone, making eye contact and prioritizing time together.

The answer to real intimacy is simple: You have to understand and choose each other, every day.

Dr. Cortney S. Warren, PhD, is a board-certified psychologist and author of the new book “Letting Go of Your Ex.” She specializes in romantic relationships, addictive behavior, and honesty. She received her clinical training at Harvard Medical School after earning her doctorate in clinical psychology from Texas A&M University. Follow her on Instagram @DrCortneyWarren or Twitter @DrCortneyWarren.

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The minute you step into an interview or new role, everyone around you will start asking themselves three questions: 

1. Can you do the job well? 
2. Are you excited to be here?
3. Do you get along with us? 

Your job is to convince your interviewer, manager, and coworkers that the answer to all three questions is a resounding “Yes!” 

As a Harvard career advisor who’s worked with thousands of early career professionals, I know that when you demonstrate all three Cs — competence, commitment, compatibility — you’ll unlock opportunities and accelerate your career. Fail to master them and you’ll find yourself getting looked over for projects, promotions, and full-time job offers. 

In my experience, highly successful people:

Competence means you can do your job fully, accurately, and promptly without needing to be micromanaged — and without making others look bad. This means not undershooting to the point of looking clueless and not overshooting to the point of looking overbearing. Try: 

• Taking ownership: Don’t stop at “What do I do next? Help!” Share your thought process, your proposal, or your point of view.
• Minimizing errors: Don’t just submit your first draft. Double-check your work for typos, miscalculations, and formatting inconsistencies first.
• Managing expectations: Don’t say “yes” and then forget what you promised. Do what you said you’d do. And if you can’t, deliver bad news early.

True competence can be difficult to measure. Managers often rely on proxies like how much progress it looks like you are making on a project, how confidently you speak in meetings, and how well you promote yourself. Your actual competence matters, but your perceived competence can be just as important, especially if your daily output is hard to quantify.

Ask yourself: Compared to others around me, especially those near or at my level, am I being complete, thorough, and responsive?

Commitment means you are fully present and eager to help your team achieve its goals, but not so eager that you put others on the defensive. This means not undershooting to the point of looking apathetic and not overshooting to the point of looking threatening. Try:

• Being present: Ahead of meetings, brainstorm questions you might be asked and show up with a point of view (or at least a notebook to take notes).
• Replying promptly: Don’t wait until you’re done with your work to let others know. Reply at least as quickly as others around you (or let people know if you need more time).
• Showing curiosity: Don’t say “nope!” when someone asks if you have any questions. Share what you already know — and then ask a question that can’t be easily answered with an online search. 

Perception and reality don’t always align. Little actions like showing up late, looking away on video chat, not volunteering for tasks, not speaking up enough, or not replying to emails as quickly as your coworkers do can be enough to cast doubt on how committed you are. 

Ask yourself: Compared to others around me, especially those near or at my level, am I being proactive and present?

Compatibility means you make others comfortable and eager to be around you — without coming across as inauthentic or trying too hard. This means not undershooting to the point of looking passive and not overshooting to the point of looking like a poser. Try:

• Building relationships: Don’t just do your work. Introduce yourself and show an interest in people.
• Showing deference: Don’t just say anything to anyone at any time. Uncover the unspoken hierarchy of your new team and approach those higher up with an extra dose of seriousness.
• Uncovering norms: Don’t assume the working style of your last job will work for this one. Show an interest in adapting to how the team operates.

What’s challenging about compatibility is that it depends on whom you’re with and what norms and unconscious biases they have. People like people who are similar to themselves, so they tend to hire, hang around, and promote those who look like, talk like, and have the same backgrounds and interests as they do.

Ask yourself: Am I adopting the behaviors I see that feel authentic to me?

For some, competence is expected; for others, incompetence is expected. For some, commitment is assumed; for others, it’s questioned. For some, compatibility is effortless; for others, it’s tiresome.

If you’re joining a team where people are different from you — in terms of race, ethnicity, socioeconomic background, gender, sex, sexual orientation, dis/ability, religion, age, degree of introversion or extroversion, or other characteristics — then your identity can influence how others judge your three Cs.

Women, for example, often walk a tightrope of needing to be both likable and competent. Black people tend to be more closely monitored at work than white people are. And people with easy-to-pronounce names tend to be evaluated more positively than people with difficult-to-pronounce names. 

Is this fair? No. Do we need a better system? Yes. Might we have a better system by the time you start your job? If only.

Until that better world arrives, knowing the three C’s can help you diagnose what’s happening around you and arm you with the tools to become the professional you have the potential to be.

Gorick Ng is the Wall Street Journal bestselling author of ”The Unspoken Rules: Secrets to Starting Your Career Off Right″ and the How to Say It® flashcards for professional communication. He’s a first-gen professional turned Harvard career advisor turned keynote speaker across the Fortune 500.

Join Make It’s book club discussion! Request to join our LinkedIn group, drop your questions for the author in the comments of this post, and come chat with us and Gorick Ng on Wednesday, January 28, at 10 a.m. ET.

Excerpt adapted from ”The Unspoken Rules: Secrets to Starting Your Career Off Right.” by Gorick Ng (and ”The 3 C’s: The Unspoken Rules of Career Success″). Copyright © 2021. Reprinted with permission. All rights reserved.

Five years before Abi Caswell opened her own bakery, she had never made a single cookie.

Today, she owns and manages two bake shops that bring in seven figures in sales, she says.

Caswell, 30, is the founder of Batter, a bakery with two storefronts in Hammond, Louisiana and in New Orleans.

Her ultimate goal has always been to own her own business, she tells CNBC Make It.

“Since I was a kid, I always knew I wanted to work for myself,” she says. “I wanted to be able to control my schedule, and I wanted to make my own money.”

Her interest in sweet treats began as a teenager: Caswell worked at a local cupcake shop from ages 16 to 20 and “loved everything about it,” though she wasn’t involved in the baking process.

After graduating from Louisiana State University of Alexandria in 2018 with a major in business administration and a minor in marketing, Caswell moved to Hammond with her husband Trey.

While working full-time as an executive assistant, Caswell started experimenting with baking her own cakes as a hobby.

After she made a cake for a friend’s husband, “one of our mutual friends was like, ‘This is so good. You’ve got to sell these. We have nothing like this here,’” Caswell recalls.

Caswell initially planned to stick to cakes and cupcakes, she says, but with the rise of popular cookie chains like Crumbl and Insomnia Cookies — neither of which had storefronts in Hammond at the time, Caswell notes — she decided to capitalize on the craze and make cookies the focus of her baking side hustle.

From home baker to business owner

In fall 2021, Caswell started experimenting with cookie recipes with the help of her husband Trey, who works as a high school basketball coach. It took Caswell six months to develop her now-signature chocolate chip cookie recipe.

“We made so many batches of cookies that were terrible,” she says. “They would just never be quite right because I had no clue what I was doing. So every time I made one, I just learned something new about it.”

She began posting her bakes online and on social media, and says she quickly attracted a strong local customer base.

In spring 2022, Caswell left her full-time executive assistant job to focus on baking.

“I was going to work from 8 to 5:30 [p.m.], and then I was coming home and baking till like 1 a.m.,” she recalls. “It was just too much.”

Around the time Caswell left her job, she landed a spot at the farmer’s market in Hammond. Every Friday, she baked 500 cookies with her husband’s help to sell at the market on Saturday, and they regularly sold out within 30 minutes, she says.

“That was when I realized, we’ve got to get in a store. Like, this is not sustainable. We have to find another way to sell,” Caswell says.

It wasn’t easy for Caswell to secure a storefront in Hammond.

Caswell developed a business plan to open a bakery with the help of her local small business development center, but she had no money saved at the time and several banks rejected her request for a loan.

Finally, a bank representative helped her secure a $40,000 loan, for which Caswell says she had to put up her house as collateral, to rent a storefront and install baking appliances.

In November 2022, Caswell officially opened her first Batter shop in downtown Hammond with a team of eight employees — a head baker and seven part-time bakery clerks. She had just turned 27 years old.

Scaling the business

Caswell was “running off adrenaline” for the first few months, she says. She spent up to 18 hours a day working at the bakery to keep up with demand.

“We couldn’t keep anything in stock,” she says. “We had an amazing time, but it was very, very stressful.”

Batter brought in mid-six figures in its first year of operation, according to Caswell, and she was able to pay off her bank loan entirely by May 2023.

After the success of the Hammond location, Caswell opened another Batter location in New Orleans in December 2024 with the goal of reaching a larger customer base.

Last year, the two locations collectively brought in seven figures in yearly sales, according to documents reviewed by CNBC Make It.

Caswell estimates that she sells over a thousand baked goods each day.

Cookies, cupcakes, cakes, petit fours and pull-apart loaves are staples on Batter’s menu year-round, she says, but they also offer seasonal treats like a king cake-inspired cookie for Mardi Gras. The bakery’s signature chocolate chip cookies cost $3.75 each.

Batter also sells cake balls, croissants and homemade pop tarts that Caswell sources from other local women-owned bakeries, and both locations serve coffee.

Right now, Caswell is close to achieving a longtime dream: developing her signature chocolate chip cookie recipe into a wholesale mix.

She says her first drop of 150 bags of cookie mix, which she sells for $14.99 each, quickly sold out online, and her goal is to get the product into grocery stores this year.

“Before I ever opened Batter, I always said to my husband, ‘We’re going to be on these shelves one day,’” she says.

Developing a mix will make her cookies “more accessible,” rather than being tied to a storefront, Caswell says.

‘Never truly off the clock’

One trait that Caswell believes is crucial to her success is adaptability.

“A lot of being a business owner is what your tolerance level is for your plans to change, for things to pop up and things to go wrong,” she says.

Running both bakeries hasn’t been easy – “every day there’s something new going on,” Caswell says.

Caswell currently doesn’t have a cake decorator for the New Orleans store, so she’s filling the position herself until she can hire a new decorator.

Caswell typically splits her time between both stores, which are an hour’s drive apart, but since her New Orleans store is understaffed, Caswell has been working at that location “pretty much full-time” every day of the week, she says.

That’s the “joy of being a small business owner,” she jokes: you’re “never truly off the clock.”

Online marketing has always been a key element of her business, Caswell says: it’s how she reached many of her early customers, and she credits her social media reach for boosting her business to this day.

Caswell currently has almost 300,000 followers on her TikTok account, where she posts about her daily routine, shares behind-the-scenes baking videos and opens up about the challenges of running her bakeries.

Beyond promoting her bakes, Caswell’s goal is to show her audience what it really takes to run a small business.

“I try to be as honest as I can be on social media,” she says. “I really think that people don’t understand the mental undertaking, but also the time commitment.”

When you own a business, “there is no real downtime,” Caswell says. “Even when I’m on vacation, if the stores are open, I’m on the clock.”

Most of the time, “the losses hurt more than the wins feel good,” she continues, but Caswell’s goal for this year is to give herself a chance “to relish what we’ve done.”

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One-on-ones are the most valuable time you have with your boss. Yet most people treat them like throwaway meetings. They fail to prepare and rush through them, rattling off a few tasks they’ve completed and calling it a day.

I’ve spent almost 15 years coaching leaders at companies like Google, Amazon, and Apple. In my book, “Managing Up: How to Get What You Need From the People in Charge,” I talk about how the people who get promoted fastest don’t treat one-on-ones as a status report. The highest performers use this time to connect their work to business impact and to uncover stretch projects they wouldn’t hear about otherwise. 

Leaders promote people who don’t need to be managed and who’ve proven they’re already operating at a more senior level. Here are five phrases to use in your one-on-ones that will change how your boss sees you and the opportunities that come your way. 

Open by walking through what you’ve accomplished since your last meeting and why it matters. This lets you highlight wins and prevents the conversation from getting derailed by whatever is top of mind for your boss. What you share here is often passed up the chain, making it easier to gain visibility with decision-makers.

Try this: Skip vague status updates and link your work to business outcomes. Instead of “We’re reaching out to new clients,” say, “We contacted eight prospects last week and have three demos scheduled, keeping us on track for our Q2 goal.” 

Even a 30-minute one-on-one can double as a focused problem-solving session. This phrase positions you as a partner to your manager, not just someone who takes orders. It shows you’re thinking critically about challenges and taking initiative to solve them, which is the kind of behavior that gets people promoted. 

Try this: Don’t bring a problem without sharing what you’ve already tried or the options you’re weighing. Instead of, “I have no idea how to handle this team conflict,” say, “There’s been some miscommunication with the marketing team. I’ve tried [X] and I’m considering [Y] next, but I’d love your take before I move forward.” 

Most people only talk about their own work in one-on-ones. Turn the tables and ask what’s happening at your boss’s level and above. This gives you insight into priorities, pressures, and changes that could affect your work before they trickle down and surprise you. When you engage in a thoughtful conversation about strategy and the things leaders care most about, you set yourself apart from peers. 

Try this: Ask what your boss has coming up or what initiatives are on the horizon, then offer to assist. You could say, “I know you have a lot on your plate. Are there projects where it’d be helpful to have me step in to lighten the load?” Or, “I’d be happy to attend that meeting in your place so you can be heads-down on other priorities.” It’s a win-win: You help manage their workload while gaining exposure to growth assignments.

Your promotion isn’t decided at your performance review. It’s decided in the months leading up to it. This phrase is a subtle but powerful way to make it known that you’re interested in — and ready for — additional responsibilities. 

Try this: If your boss mentions a new direction for the company, you might say, “Great to hear we’re expanding. How are we approaching regulatory issues? I’d love to contribute on the compliance side.” Or use it after positive feedback: “Thanks, I enjoyed working on the program. I’m looking to take on more work in that area.”

Ending one-on-ones with a noncommittal, “Sounds good, talk next week,” is how things fall through the cracks. You’ll end up frustrated that your manager doesn’t follow through. Instead, close with accountability. Summarize what each of your action items are. 

Try this: If your boss agrees to do something, get specifics. Ask, “Is Wednesday doable?” or, “Can I count on having that by Friday?”

Melody Wilding, LMSW is an executive coach, human behavior professor, and author of ”Managing Up: How to Get What You Need from the People in Charge.” Get her free training, 5 Steps to Speak Like a Senior Leader, here. 

Want to get ahead at work with AI? Sign up for CNBC’s new online course, Beyond the Basics: How to Use AI to Supercharge Your Work. Learn advanced AI skills like building custom GPTs and using AI agents to boost your productivity today. 

From rising education costs to the price of essentials and extracurriculars, raising kids can be expensive — especially if they want to be an elite athlete one day.

Arthur Liu, father of Olympian and 2025 world champion figure skater Alysa Liu, estimates he’s spent a total of $500,000 to $1 million on her training alone, he told CBS’ “60 Minutes” earlier this month.

“I spared no money, no time,” on the now 20-year-old skater’s training, Arthur Liu said.

Certainly not everyone is going to spend as much as Liu did — the average U.S. family spent $1,016 on their child’s primary sport in 2024, according to a report by The Aspen Institute — but paying for your child’s extracurriculars adds up, says Joe Piszczor, a certified financial planner and founder of Washington Family Wealth in Washington, Pennsylvania.

Given the cost of international travel, coaching, equipment and entry fees at an elite level, six to seven figures not a wildly outrageous amount to spend on a child’s activities, and footing that bill is OK, Piszczor says, as long as you are aware of your goals and financial situation first.

“I just stress that if they want to do it correctly, let’s make sure our house is in order first and we know what our actual discretionary budget is,” Piszczor says. “Just know your limits.”

It’s not wrong to spend money on your child’s activities, says Tom Balcom, a CFP and founder of 1650 Wealth Management in Lighthouse Point, Florida. In fact, “for those who spend money on dance, sports, band — they will say that every penny is worth it because of what their child learns along the way,” Balcom says.

Because Balcom is paying for lessons, practice and tournaments, he says his daughter — a high school sophomore who aspires to play Division I golf one day — is not only improving as a golfer, but learning about the importance of teamwork, discipline and time management.

Plus, the benefits will spill over into her future, even if she chooses not to play golf at the collegiate level, Balcom says. Dedication to an activity can be a positive differentiator in the college application process itself, especially in a competitive environment where many students have good grades and test scores, he says.

However, if you’re investing thousands of dollars in your child’s extracurricular activities, make sure you’re not banking on any monetary returns, such as an athletic scholarship in college or your child becoming a professional, says Piszczor.

According to the NCAA, the primary governing body for college sports in the U.S., just under 7% of students who participate in high school athletics will compete in an NCAA sport in college, and only about 2% of high school athletes are awarded athletics scholarships.

Furthermore, career-ending injuries can happen, or your child can decide to quit or focus on a different passion, Balcom says. Alysa Liu, for example, retired from figure skating at age 16 due to burnout, before ultimately returning to the sport competitively in 2024, he says.

“For families hoping elite extracurriculars lead to college money, the odds are long,” Piszczor says. “The most reliable return on investment for college funding is academics and overall financial preparedness, not assuming a passion will pay for itself.”

When spending money on your child’s activities, stick to discretionary money you can afford to lose, both Piszczor and Balcom say.

Keep enough money to cover essential monthly expenditures like food and housing, as well as a cash reserve worth three to six months of expenses to cover emergencies, Piszczor says.

While tradeoffs can be made, like eating out less or skipping a yearly vacation to cut back on expenses, never tap into your own retirement savings or go into debt to finance your child’s dreams, Balcom says.

“People want to see their kids happy, and there’s nothing wrong with that,” Piszczor says. “Just having that balance is important.”

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