The minute you step into an interview or new role, everyone around you will start asking themselves three questions: 

1. Can you do the job well? 
2. Are you excited to be here?
3. Do you get along with us? 

Your job is to convince your interviewer, manager, and coworkers that the answer to all three questions is a resounding “Yes!” 

As a Harvard career advisor who’s worked with thousands of early career professionals, I know that when you demonstrate all three Cs — competence, commitment, compatibility — you’ll unlock opportunities and accelerate your career. Fail to master them and you’ll find yourself getting looked over for projects, promotions, and full-time job offers. 

In my experience, highly successful people:

Competence means you can do your job fully, accurately, and promptly without needing to be micromanaged — and without making others look bad. This means not undershooting to the point of looking clueless and not overshooting to the point of looking overbearing. Try: 

• Taking ownership: Don’t stop at “What do I do next? Help!” Share your thought process, your proposal, or your point of view.
• Minimizing errors: Don’t just submit your first draft. Double-check your work for typos, miscalculations, and formatting inconsistencies first.
• Managing expectations: Don’t say “yes” and then forget what you promised. Do what you said you’d do. And if you can’t, deliver bad news early.

True competence can be difficult to measure. Managers often rely on proxies like how much progress it looks like you are making on a project, how confidently you speak in meetings, and how well you promote yourself. Your actual competence matters, but your perceived competence can be just as important, especially if your daily output is hard to quantify.

Ask yourself: Compared to others around me, especially those near or at my level, am I being complete, thorough, and responsive?

Commitment means you are fully present and eager to help your team achieve its goals, but not so eager that you put others on the defensive. This means not undershooting to the point of looking apathetic and not overshooting to the point of looking threatening. Try:

• Being present: Ahead of meetings, brainstorm questions you might be asked and show up with a point of view (or at least a notebook to take notes).
• Replying promptly: Don’t wait until you’re done with your work to let others know. Reply at least as quickly as others around you (or let people know if you need more time).
• Showing curiosity: Don’t say “nope!” when someone asks if you have any questions. Share what you already know — and then ask a question that can’t be easily answered with an online search. 

Perception and reality don’t always align. Little actions like showing up late, looking away on video chat, not volunteering for tasks, not speaking up enough, or not replying to emails as quickly as your coworkers do can be enough to cast doubt on how committed you are. 

Ask yourself: Compared to others around me, especially those near or at my level, am I being proactive and present?

Compatibility means you make others comfortable and eager to be around you — without coming across as inauthentic or trying too hard. This means not undershooting to the point of looking passive and not overshooting to the point of looking like a poser. Try:

• Building relationships: Don’t just do your work. Introduce yourself and show an interest in people.
• Showing deference: Don’t just say anything to anyone at any time. Uncover the unspoken hierarchy of your new team and approach those higher up with an extra dose of seriousness.
• Uncovering norms: Don’t assume the working style of your last job will work for this one. Show an interest in adapting to how the team operates.

What’s challenging about compatibility is that it depends on whom you’re with and what norms and unconscious biases they have. People like people who are similar to themselves, so they tend to hire, hang around, and promote those who look like, talk like, and have the same backgrounds and interests as they do.

Ask yourself: Am I adopting the behaviors I see that feel authentic to me?

For some, competence is expected; for others, incompetence is expected. For some, commitment is assumed; for others, it’s questioned. For some, compatibility is effortless; for others, it’s tiresome.

If you’re joining a team where people are different from you — in terms of race, ethnicity, socioeconomic background, gender, sex, sexual orientation, dis/ability, religion, age, degree of introversion or extroversion, or other characteristics — then your identity can influence how others judge your three Cs.

Women, for example, often walk a tightrope of needing to be both likable and competent. Black people tend to be more closely monitored at work than white people are. And people with easy-to-pronounce names tend to be evaluated more positively than people with difficult-to-pronounce names. 

Is this fair? No. Do we need a better system? Yes. Might we have a better system by the time you start your job? If only.

Until that better world arrives, knowing the three C’s can help you diagnose what’s happening around you and arm you with the tools to become the professional you have the potential to be.

Gorick Ng is the Wall Street Journal bestselling author of ”The Unspoken Rules: Secrets to Starting Your Career Off Right″ and the How to Say It® flashcards for professional communication. He’s a first-gen professional turned Harvard career advisor turned keynote speaker across the Fortune 500.

Join Make It’s book club discussion! Request to join our LinkedIn group, drop your questions for the author in the comments of this post, and come chat with us and Gorick Ng on Wednesday, January 28, at 10 a.m. ET.

Excerpt adapted from ”The Unspoken Rules: Secrets to Starting Your Career Off Right.” by Gorick Ng (and ”The 3 C’s: The Unspoken Rules of Career Success″). Copyright © 2021. Reprinted with permission. All rights reserved.

Being easy to talk to may seem like a fixed personality trait. But it’s actually something that anyone can easily learn to do: saying things that help people feel included.

Beyond simple politeness, being easy to talk to happens to be a powerful social and career advantage. It strengthens relationships and makes collaboration easier, especially if you hope to manage teams, lead projects, or work closely with clients.

As a speech coach, I frequently tell clients that what you don’t say often has more impact than what you do say. Here are seven phrases that easy-to-talk-to people never use.

Few phrases shut down a conversation faster. It shows a lack of respect and empathy. It also escalates tension, damages trust, offends people and leaves them less likely to share concerns in the future — including valuable workplace information you’re going to want to know.

A similar phrase to avoid: “Don’t you think you’re overreacting?”

Mentioning this to a family member might be an act of loving concern. But in professional or casual settings it often lands as invasive and demeaning.

You never know what someone may be dealing with outside of work; maybe they have a very good reason to be tired. Moreover, unsolicited comments about appearance rarely invite a productive response. If the remark doesn’t add value, it’s better left unsaid.

Most people share information for a reason. It might not always be perfectly clear, but if you want to get the best out of people and encourage them to flourish, you must practice patience and neutrality.

A more approachable response shows curiosity and openness, such as: “What are you most worried about? Tell me what you’re focusing on so I can understand.” Was that so hard?

This phrase is typically dismissive, condescending, and a little bit haughty, even when intended as humor. It signals judgment rather than interest, putting a damper on a conversation. Think of it this way: What information or meaning would be lost if people didn’t say this? None at all.

A related phrase to avoid: “Good luck with that.”

This one’s right out of Therapy 101: Absolutes have a magical way of turning small disagreements into personal attacks.

These phrases shift the focus from a specific issue to someone’s character, which almost guarantees defensiveness. It’s far more productive to discuss concrete behaviors, specific moments, or how something made you feel.

This phrase, along with variations like “I’m just being honest,” almost always precedes something unnecessary, unkind, or downright obnoxious.

If you can sense or predict that a comment may be offensive, that’s your cue to pause and reframe it constructively. Choosing a better approach in that moment is one of the clearest signals of emotional intelligence.

This statement, usually accompanied by a heaved sigh, minimizes the other person’s concern and asserts dominance in the conversation. It essentially says, “I outrank you, and don’t you forget it.”

It also suggests that their perspective isn’t worth your time, which discourages openness and honesty. Over time, people learn to avoid sharing ideas or problems with anyone who treats them this way.”

As you watch what you say and gain skill at minding your verbal manners, you’ll quickly notice that others seem more eager to collaborate and share information with you than your peers who remain grouchy, snarky or competitive in their speech habits.

John Bowe is a speech trainer, award-winning journalist, and author of “I Have Something to Say: Mastering the Art of Public Speaking in an Age of Disconnection.” He has contributed to The New Yorker, The New York Times Magazine, This American Life, and many others. Visit his website here.

Want to be a successful, confident communicator? Take CNBC’s online course Become an Effective Communicator: Master Public Speaking. We’ll teach you how to speak clearly and confidently, calm your nerves, what to say and not say, and body language techniques to make a great first impression. Get started today.

Building a healthy romantic relationship takes time and intention. Over time, meaningful experiences, personal disclosures and authentic conversations create closeness and intimacy.

To genuinely know someone, you must understand what matters to them — their likes and dislikes, passions, limits — and respecting those traits even when they differ from your own.

In fact, many strong couples come to appreciate differences, recognizing that a person’s history, quirks and tendencies are what make them unique. Here are eight phrases couples who are truly close use when talking about each other, and they should be relationship goals for all of us.

Your partner’s mistakes aren’t yours to carry, and their successes aren’t yours to claim. They are their own person living alongside you, not an extension of you.

Similar phrases:

• “She’s always been like that.”
• “I know that’s one of his favorite things to do.”

When you really understand your partner, you’re not likely to be taken aback by what they say or do. If friends are shocked by a comment or action they make, you might just smile and shrug. 

Similar phrases: 

• “Oh yeah, that’s my mate alright!”
• “That’s totally her style.”

Everyone has their own quirks, odd habits or routine preferences, from how they drink coffee to how they fold their towels. These are little things that no one else probably knows about them. But if you really know your partner, you notice those details and often find affection in them.

Similar phrases:

• “They sneeze like a train!”
• “His hiccups are kind of adorable.”

Deep knowledge builds trust. When you know your partner, you trust them to act authentically and responsibly, whether you’re together or apart.

Similar phrases:

• “She can be a little intense, but I trust her to make good choices.”
• “I know they’ll be respectful.” 

Intimacy means understanding your partner’s fundamental ideas, beliefs and principles. Even when you disagree, you can acknowledge what truly matters to them without dismissing or demeaning it.

Similar phrases:

• “I know this is really important to them.”
• “He’s very passionate about politics.”

Knowing someone deeply means understanding their fears, vulnerabilities and emotional triggers. When those struggles surface, you respond with empathy rather than judgment or defensiveness.

Similar phrases:

• “I know this is painful for them.”
• “I see her struggle and want to support her through it.”

Knowing your partner means accepting that you can’t — and shouldn’t — try to change who they are, even if it’s something you really dislike about them. True growth only happens if they choose it.

Similar phrases:

• “They’ll change only if they want to.”
• “I accept that we see this differently, even if I don’t like it.” 

Even in long-term relationships, there’s always more to learn. When couples truly know each other, discovering something new feels like an opportunity to grow, not a threat.

Similar phrases:

• “I never realized they felt that way.”
• “Even though we’ve been married for years, I’m still learning new things about him.”

Here are a few ways to start:

• Ask open-ended questions with genuine curiosity.
• Practice seeing situations from their perspective.
• Speak with respect during difficult conversations.
• Use physical touch, like hugging or holding hands, to bond.
• Show presence by putting down your phone, making eye contact and prioritizing time together.

The answer to real intimacy is simple: You have to understand and choose each other, every day.

Dr. Cortney S. Warren, PhD, is a board-certified psychologist and author of the new book “Letting Go of Your Ex.” She specializes in romantic relationships, addictive behavior, and honesty. She received her clinical training at Harvard Medical School after earning her doctorate in clinical psychology from Texas A&M University. Follow her on Instagram @DrCortneyWarren or Twitter @DrCortneyWarren.

Want to get ahead at work with AI? Sign up for CNBC’s new online course, Beyond the Basics: How to Use AI to Supercharge Your Work. Learn advanced AI skills like building custom GPTs and using AI agents to boost your productivity today.

Artificial intelligence may transform hiring across several industries — but a few skills can help most people safeguard their future careers, according to JPMorgan Chase CEO Jamie Dimon.

″[AI] will eliminate jobs. That doesn’t mean that people won’t have other jobs,” Dimon told Fox News’ “Sunday Morning Futures” on Sunday. “My advice to people would be critical thinking … learn EQ [emotional quotient, also known as emotional intelligence], learn how to be good in a meeting, how to communicate, how to write. You’ll have plenty of jobs.”

Dimon’s prediction comes during somewhat of an AI reckoning across the American workforce. Some experts say AI is a factor behind a rising unemployment rate for young people, with Anthropic CEO Dario Amodei warning in May that the technology could erase up to half of all white-collar jobs over the next five years.

Other CEOs see changes on the horizon, too. “It’s very clear that AI is going to change literally every job,” Walmart CEO Doug McMillon told The Wall Street Journal in an interview that published on Sept. 26, adding: “Maybe there’s a job in the world that AI won’t change, but I haven’t thought of it.”

For his part, Dimon has previously emphasized the value of leaders with soft skills. Effective leaders have the ability to ask good questions and learn from competitors, clients and their own mistakes, he told LinkedIn’s “This is Working” video series in July 2024.

“If you don’t have an accurate assessment of the real world out there, what’s changing, what the ideas are, you will eventually fail,” said Dimon.

Some other experts and business leaders generally agree with Dimon’s sentiment. Critical thinking, or the ability to analyze information and form takeaways, is a particular key to success in the age of AI, Amazon Web Services CEO Matt Garman told CNBC’s “Closing Bell Overtime” on Aug. 8. While AI can perform a variety of administrative and skill-based tasks, it can’t currently make nuanced judgements, research shows.

“You’re going to want to be creative. You’re going to want to be [good at] critical thinking. And you’re going to want to be flexible,” said Garman. “I think the ability to learn new things and adapt is going to be just as important as any particular skill that you learn.”

Similarly, strong communication skills and emotional intelligence are an essential part of succeeding in a modern workforce, some experts say. Being able to effectively relay your ideas and interact with colleagues comes with relatively obvious benefits. Just being perceived by your colleagues as a good communicator can help you form relationships, be more likeable and gain influence at the office.

You can improve how you interact with others by mentally preparing before conversations, asking thoughtful questions, taking accountability for your mistakes, giving others credit for good ideas and participating in small talk with your colleagues — but being a great communicator is often about listening, according to Harvard University associate professor Alison Wood Brooks.

“Successful conversationalists and successful employees go a step further” than a perfunctory head nod and making eye contact, Wood Brooks told CNBC Make It in July. “Listening to somebody’s answer then probing for more information is a superhero move, and a shockingly low number of people think to do it. You should show [you’re listening] by saying [you are] out loud.”

Want to give your kids the ultimate advantage? Sign up for CNBC’s new online course, How to Raise Financially Smart Kids. Learn how to build healthy financial habits today to set your children up for greater success in the future. Use coupon code EARLYBIRD for 30% off. Offer valid from Dec. 8 to Dec. 22, 2025. Terms apply.

Writing down your goals in great detail, including in a letter to yourself, might feel a bit awkward, but it’s a practice that’s worked for many successful people — and neuroscience supports it.

“I shall be a bestselling writer,” renowned science fiction author Octavia E. Butler once penned in a letter to herself in 1988. “So be it, see to it.”

“I will live the way I please and achieve inner harmony and happiness,” Bruce Lee, a famous actor and martial artist, wrote to himself in 1969.

Writing your goals on paper can improve your chances of achieving them, largely because of a concept scientists discovered in 1978 called “the generation effect.” Essentially, ideas you generate yourself are more likely to be stored in your long-term memory than thoughts you read in passing.

Writing yourself a letter can also do more than help commit your goals to memory, says neuroscientist and author Erin Clabough: It can instill a sense of self-belief, and the motivation that comes with it, that you wouldn’t necessarily feel otherwise.

DON’T MISS: How to build custom GPTs and use AI agents

Setting intentions for your path ahead can nudge you in the direction that you want to go, and give you the confidence to pursue it, says Clabough, a professor of psychology at the University of Virginia. Similar to the placebo effect, believing that you’ll achieve your goals can influence your ability to be successful, she explains.

But what exactly should you write to yourself? Clabough recommends building your letter around the following five questions:

• What’s working well in my life?
• What’s not working?
• What doesn’t feel in alignment with how I want my life to be?
• How am I spending my time, energy and resources?
• What are my priorities and values?

These questions can be a useful gauge for whether you’re heading in the direction you desire, says Clabough. If you aren’t, “you can identify those places in the letter and say, ‘My intention is to move to make those things match up more closely to what my value system actually is,’” she says.

This exercise works best when you keep your intentions open-ended and try to be as compassionate with yourself as possible, says Clabough. The more letters you write to yourself, the more you may notice the same themes popping up — which you can take as a sign that you’re making strides toward your goals, even in small, unexpected ways, she says.

“Do the best that you can towards that intention, every day. You’re going to make progress towards that, but sometimes it won’t be in the way that you thought you were going to do it,” says Clabough.

Clabough tends to write letters to herself “when I’m going through a hard thing,” she says: “I have in the past flipped ahead 40 pages [in my journal], and I’ve written my letter to my future self at that point, so that when I’m writing in my journal, at some point, I’m going to hit it.”

The exercise is useful for other scenarios too, she adds, like simply trying to advance your career. Writing letters to yourself at least once per year, and reading them weeks or months later for reflection, is a useful tool for everyone, she says.

“Setting intentions makes a difference,” Clabough says. “I think this is something that should be utilized by all sorts of people, no matter their walks of life.”

Want to get ahead at work with AI? Sign up for CNBC’s new online course, Beyond the Basics: How to Use AI to Supercharge Your Work. Learn advanced AI skills like building custom GPTs and using AI agents to boost your productivity today.