For many of us, procrastination comes with a lot of emotional baggage, says neuroscientist Anne-Laure Le Cunff, PhD.

“We’ve been taught to associate procrastination with laziness and lack of willpower, and so whenever we procrastinate, we start blaming ourselves for not doing the thing that we said we were going to do,” Le Cunff says.

Those negative feelings only make it harder for us to get back on track, according to Le Cunff, the author of “Tiny Experiments: How to Live Freely in a Goal-Obsessed World.”

From her perspective, procrastination shouldn’t be a source of shame — it’s “really just a signal from your brain that something is not working quite right at the moment,” she says.

“Instead of ignoring that signal, instead of trying to push through and blaming yourself in the process, what would it look like to just listen to that signal?” she continues.

A better approach is to “get curious” about the root of your procrastination habits, Le Cunff says. Here’s her strategy for overcoming procrastination.

Le Cunff created a “triple-check” system that helps her evaluate why she might be avoiding a task — in her words, whether “the problem is coming from the head, from the heart or from the hand,” she says.

If your procrastination stems from the head, it means that “at a rational level, you’re not fully convinced you should be working on that task in the first place,” Le Cunff says.

The heart refers to your feelings: “If the problem is coming from the heart, it means that at an emotional level, you don’t feel like this is going to be fun or exciting.”

Finally, “if the problem is coming from the hand, it means that at a practical level, you don’t believe that you have the right tools, the right skills, or the right support network in order to get the task done,” Le Cunff says.

Once you’ve identified why you’re avoiding a task, “you can systematically find ways to get unstuck,” she says.

To tackle “head” problems, Le Cunff recommends taking a step back and evaluating what doesn’t feel right about the work.

For example, if you’re dragging your feet on finishing a task because you’re not sure whether it aligns with your project’s strategic goals, “you can go back to the drawing board and kind of redefine the task and see if that’s the right approach,” Le Cunff says.

For tasks you’re avoiding because they don’t feel sufficiently exciting or stimulating, Le Cunff’s best advice is to “make the environment fun,” she says.

“Maybe grab your favorite colleague and do a little co-working session, or go to your favorite coffee shop to do the task,” she says.

If you tend to procrastinate when you feel overwhelmed or unprepared, Le Cunff recommends reaching out to trusted friends or colleagues for advice.

“I always tell people, raise your hand, ask for help,” she says. That support could involve coaching, mentoring or asking your company to sponsor an online course — “whatever it is that you need to feel like you have the resources in order to get the job done.”

The triple-check system helps circumvent the ‘shame’ component of procrastination, Le Cunff says.

“It’s really going from this vague sense of dread and self-blame that you’re not doing the thing that you should be doing, to acting a little bit more like a scientist, like a detective, and seeing it as a puzzle to solve,” she says.

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Being easy to talk to may seem like a fixed personality trait. But it’s actually something that anyone can easily learn to do: saying things that help people feel included.

Beyond simple politeness, being easy to talk to happens to be a powerful social and career advantage. It strengthens relationships and makes collaboration easier, especially if you hope to manage teams, lead projects, or work closely with clients.

As a speech coach, I frequently tell clients that what you don’t say often has more impact than what you do say. Here are seven phrases that easy-to-talk-to people never use.

Few phrases shut down a conversation faster. It shows a lack of respect and empathy. It also escalates tension, damages trust, offends people and leaves them less likely to share concerns in the future — including valuable workplace information you’re going to want to know.

A similar phrase to avoid: “Don’t you think you’re overreacting?”

Mentioning this to a family member might be an act of loving concern. But in professional or casual settings it often lands as invasive and demeaning.

You never know what someone may be dealing with outside of work; maybe they have a very good reason to be tired. Moreover, unsolicited comments about appearance rarely invite a productive response. If the remark doesn’t add value, it’s better left unsaid.

Most people share information for a reason. It might not always be perfectly clear, but if you want to get the best out of people and encourage them to flourish, you must practice patience and neutrality.

A more approachable response shows curiosity and openness, such as: “What are you most worried about? Tell me what you’re focusing on so I can understand.” Was that so hard?

This phrase is typically dismissive, condescending, and a little bit haughty, even when intended as humor. It signals judgment rather than interest, putting a damper on a conversation. Think of it this way: What information or meaning would be lost if people didn’t say this? None at all.

A related phrase to avoid: “Good luck with that.”

This one’s right out of Therapy 101: Absolutes have a magical way of turning small disagreements into personal attacks.

These phrases shift the focus from a specific issue to someone’s character, which almost guarantees defensiveness. It’s far more productive to discuss concrete behaviors, specific moments, or how something made you feel.

This phrase, along with variations like “I’m just being honest,” almost always precedes something unnecessary, unkind, or downright obnoxious.

If you can sense or predict that a comment may be offensive, that’s your cue to pause and reframe it constructively. Choosing a better approach in that moment is one of the clearest signals of emotional intelligence.

This statement, usually accompanied by a heaved sigh, minimizes the other person’s concern and asserts dominance in the conversation. It essentially says, “I outrank you, and don’t you forget it.”

It also suggests that their perspective isn’t worth your time, which discourages openness and honesty. Over time, people learn to avoid sharing ideas or problems with anyone who treats them this way.”

As you watch what you say and gain skill at minding your verbal manners, you’ll quickly notice that others seem more eager to collaborate and share information with you than your peers who remain grouchy, snarky or competitive in their speech habits.

John Bowe is a speech trainer, award-winning journalist, and author of “I Have Something to Say: Mastering the Art of Public Speaking in an Age of Disconnection.” He has contributed to The New Yorker, The New York Times Magazine, This American Life, and many others. Visit his website here.

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Building a healthy romantic relationship takes time and intention. Over time, meaningful experiences, personal disclosures and authentic conversations create closeness and intimacy.

To genuinely know someone, you must understand what matters to them — their likes and dislikes, passions, limits — and respecting those traits even when they differ from your own.

In fact, many strong couples come to appreciate differences, recognizing that a person’s history, quirks and tendencies are what make them unique. Here are eight phrases couples who are truly close use when talking about each other, and they should be relationship goals for all of us.

Your partner’s mistakes aren’t yours to carry, and their successes aren’t yours to claim. They are their own person living alongside you, not an extension of you.

Similar phrases:

• “She’s always been like that.”
• “I know that’s one of his favorite things to do.”

When you really understand your partner, you’re not likely to be taken aback by what they say or do. If friends are shocked by a comment or action they make, you might just smile and shrug. 

Similar phrases: 

• “Oh yeah, that’s my mate alright!”
• “That’s totally her style.”

Everyone has their own quirks, odd habits or routine preferences, from how they drink coffee to how they fold their towels. These are little things that no one else probably knows about them. But if you really know your partner, you notice those details and often find affection in them.

Similar phrases:

• “They sneeze like a train!”
• “His hiccups are kind of adorable.”

Deep knowledge builds trust. When you know your partner, you trust them to act authentically and responsibly, whether you’re together or apart.

Similar phrases:

• “She can be a little intense, but I trust her to make good choices.”
• “I know they’ll be respectful.” 

Intimacy means understanding your partner’s fundamental ideas, beliefs and principles. Even when you disagree, you can acknowledge what truly matters to them without dismissing or demeaning it.

Similar phrases:

• “I know this is really important to them.”
• “He’s very passionate about politics.”

Knowing someone deeply means understanding their fears, vulnerabilities and emotional triggers. When those struggles surface, you respond with empathy rather than judgment or defensiveness.

Similar phrases:

• “I know this is painful for them.”
• “I see her struggle and want to support her through it.”

Knowing your partner means accepting that you can’t — and shouldn’t — try to change who they are, even if it’s something you really dislike about them. True growth only happens if they choose it.

Similar phrases:

• “They’ll change only if they want to.”
• “I accept that we see this differently, even if I don’t like it.” 

Even in long-term relationships, there’s always more to learn. When couples truly know each other, discovering something new feels like an opportunity to grow, not a threat.

Similar phrases:

• “I never realized they felt that way.”
• “Even though we’ve been married for years, I’m still learning new things about him.”

Here are a few ways to start:

• Ask open-ended questions with genuine curiosity.
• Practice seeing situations from their perspective.
• Speak with respect during difficult conversations.
• Use physical touch, like hugging or holding hands, to bond.
• Show presence by putting down your phone, making eye contact and prioritizing time together.

The answer to real intimacy is simple: You have to understand and choose each other, every day.

Dr. Cortney S. Warren, PhD, is a board-certified psychologist and author of the new book “Letting Go of Your Ex.” She specializes in romantic relationships, addictive behavior, and honesty. She received her clinical training at Harvard Medical School after earning her doctorate in clinical psychology from Texas A&M University. Follow her on Instagram @DrCortneyWarren or Twitter @DrCortneyWarren.

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This story is part of CNBC Make It’s Millennial Money series, which examines how people earn, spend and save their money.

On paper, Naseema McElroy had all the markers of financial success. In 2015, she was making more than $200,000 as a labor and delivery nurse, owned a Lexus SUV and had just bought a brand-new house in the San Francisco Bay Area.

But McElroy was in debt. In addition to her nearly $580,000 mortgage, she owed about $185,000 in student loans, $70,000 on a condo she had previously purchased and $22,000 on a 403(b) retirement account loan she had used to purchase her new home, according to documents reviewed by CNBC Make It.

Between living costs, debt repayment and everyday bills, “it definitely felt like I was living paycheck to paycheck,” the now-44-year-old single mom of three says. She even needed to borrow around $3,500 from her sister just to install blinds in her new house.

“I was just like, ‘I make way too much money to be in this precarious financial situation,’” McElroy says.

That April, she set out on a mission to tackle her debt and “get a grip” on her finances, she says. From 2015 to 2017, McElroy paid off nearly $1 million in debt she had accumulated over the years through a combination of making extra payments on balances, budgeting and selling her home, McElroy’s records show.

The experience forced her to view her money intentionally, and McElroy says she now keeps a tight budget, saves “aggressively” and works three jobs in hopes of creating a lifestyle with more flexibility.

“My relationship with money shifted drastically,” she says. “It just became so freeing.”

In 2025, McElroy brought in just over $251,000 between working two jobs as an overnight labor and delivery nurse and her personal finance business, which began as an Instagram account and blog to document her debt payoff journey.

While McElroy says she was meeting her minimum debt payments in 2015, she just “didn’t feel good” about her money. She had no savings, and with a one-year-old daughter at the time, she says figuring out her finances suddenly felt more urgent.

“I was a single mom, and I was like, ‘If something were to happen to me, what is going to happen to her?’” she says. “I wasn’t tracking my expenses … I just had no clue where my money was going.”

Using a strategy called the debt snowball, McElroy says she started making extra payments on her debts, starting with the smallest and working up to the largest. Simultaneously, she continued to meet the minimum payments on the rest of her debts and budgeted her money diligently, so every piece of her income was accounted for.

In 2015, McElroy paid off $208,669 in debt and got married, during which she took on some of her husband’s debt. In 2016, she paid off another $77,977 in debt.

Because of her high income, she says she didn’t really need to make any significant lifestyle changes. She still treated herself and her family to trips to Disneyland and Great Wolf Lodge, but these choices became more intentional, she says.

“I was able to use my budget to provide a lifestyle of freedom versus a lifestyle of deprivation,” McElroy says. “I was giving my money jobs, and my money was working so much harder for me.”

In May 2017, McElroy filed for divorce, leaving her with a $15,000 divorce settlement she needed to pay to her ex-husband. She also owed the IRS $29,000 to cover a larger-than-expected tax bill due to the separation.

But by November 2017, after selling her house, she says she was able to pay off the remainder of her debt, including the mortgage and her student loans — leaving her debt-free.

Here are the debts McElroy paid off from April 2015 to November 2017:

• Primary home mortgage: $576,106
• Federal student loans: $186,659
• Condo mortgage: $70,356
• Car payments: $51,708
• IRS debt: $29,377
• 403(b) loan: $21,678
• Divorce settlement: $15,000
• Debt collections: $3,113
• Braces: $1,537

However, “paying off that debt was kind of anti-climactic,” McElroy says. “It was kind of like a transition point for me” to start saving money.

McElroy says she started putting money that would have been used for debt payments into tax-advantaged retirement accounts, including her employer-sponsored 403(b) and 457(b) deferred compensation plans, which are accounts similar to 401(k) plans that are typically available to nonprofit and government employees.

Additionally, she says she funds a traditional individual retirement account and converts contributions into a post-tax Roth IRA, using a strategy for high earners called the “backdoor Roth IRA.”

Since she’s able to hit the maximum contribution limits on her own accounts, she saves additional money for her kids through education-specific 529 savings accounts and custodial brokerage accounts for each child. McElroy also contributes to Roth IRAs for each of her kids because they earn income when they appear on her social media.

“I am investing in my kids heavily,” McElroy says. “I teach them that investing always comes first before spending, so they understand that their priority is saving for the future.”

In addition to her nursing jobs and financial wellness brand, McElroy earns extra income from leasing out her Honda minivan on Turo for about $50 a day and renting a room in her home out to staff nurses for about $1,000 to $1,200 per month. In December, she brought in $625 from Turo and $120 from the room she rents out.

Here’s a look at how McElroy spent her money in December 2025.

• Business expenses: $6,627 on various software, payroll and personal education
• Debt repayment: $5,315 toward a 403(b) loan, personal loan and home equity line of credit
• Mortgage and utilities: $4,128 including her mortgage, water, phone bill, electricity and internet payments
• Savings and investments: $3,844 toward her personal retirement accounts, a flexible spending account and custodial brokerage accounts
• Discretionary: $2,451 including gifts, home maintenance, medical bills, clothes, vacation expenses and entertainment
• Insurance: $1,553 on car, life, disability, umbrella, a home warranty, pet and health insurance
• Child care: $1,440    
• Transportation: $1,426 on two car payments, car maintenance and fuel
• Food: $1,298 
• Subscriptions and memberships: $955 including a credit annual card fee, gym membership, streaming services and technology subscriptions

Despite having a better handle on her finances, McElroy says she sticks to a strict budget to make sure she’s never overspending and still saving diligently.

She chooses to live in a less expensive area about an hour away from work to keep her $3,500 monthly mortgage payment under 30% of her income, and she works a part-time nursing job to cover the cost of child care for her three children, who are 2, 7 and 11 years old.

In 2025, her personal finance brand, Financially Intentional, brought in $46,000, but was not profitable. She says she’s currently investing heavily in software, product development and personal business education in hopes of using the company to normalize and amplify conversations around money.

“Traditionally, finance has been this very male, stale and pale kind of place where a lot of people feel excluded,” McElroy says. “For me, my business has just been so impactful on so many different levels, it’s almost a no brainer to be able to put money into it.”

McElroy believes her business will not only become profitable, but she says she could make as much if not more than her nursing income next year, thanks to the investments she’s made.

However, she doesn’t foresee herself leaving her nursing career behind anytime soon because of how fulfilling the job can be, she says. Rather, she says she hopes the added income will allow her the flexibility to work less and spend more time with her daughters.

“The goal is not to just retire from work and live on a beach,” McElroy says. “It’s really about getting to do the things that I want to do and having the opportunity to spend time on the things that are important to me.” 

What’s your budget breakdown? Share your story with us for a chance to be featured in a future installment.

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The minute you step into an interview or new role, everyone around you will start asking themselves three questions: 

1. Can you do the job well? 
2. Are you excited to be here?
3. Do you get along with us? 

Your job is to convince your interviewer, manager, and coworkers that the answer to all three questions is a resounding “Yes!” 

As a Harvard career advisor who’s worked with thousands of early career professionals, I know that when you demonstrate all three Cs — competence, commitment, compatibility — you’ll unlock opportunities and accelerate your career. Fail to master them and you’ll find yourself getting looked over for projects, promotions, and full-time job offers. 

In my experience, highly successful people:

Competence means you can do your job fully, accurately, and promptly without needing to be micromanaged — and without making others look bad. This means not undershooting to the point of looking clueless and not overshooting to the point of looking overbearing. Try: 

• Taking ownership: Don’t stop at “What do I do next? Help!” Share your thought process, your proposal, or your point of view.
• Minimizing errors: Don’t just submit your first draft. Double-check your work for typos, miscalculations, and formatting inconsistencies first.
• Managing expectations: Don’t say “yes” and then forget what you promised. Do what you said you’d do. And if you can’t, deliver bad news early.

True competence can be difficult to measure. Managers often rely on proxies like how much progress it looks like you are making on a project, how confidently you speak in meetings, and how well you promote yourself. Your actual competence matters, but your perceived competence can be just as important, especially if your daily output is hard to quantify.

Ask yourself: Compared to others around me, especially those near or at my level, am I being complete, thorough, and responsive?

Commitment means you are fully present and eager to help your team achieve its goals, but not so eager that you put others on the defensive. This means not undershooting to the point of looking apathetic and not overshooting to the point of looking threatening. Try:

• Being present: Ahead of meetings, brainstorm questions you might be asked and show up with a point of view (or at least a notebook to take notes).
• Replying promptly: Don’t wait until you’re done with your work to let others know. Reply at least as quickly as others around you (or let people know if you need more time).
• Showing curiosity: Don’t say “nope!” when someone asks if you have any questions. Share what you already know — and then ask a question that can’t be easily answered with an online search. 

Perception and reality don’t always align. Little actions like showing up late, looking away on video chat, not volunteering for tasks, not speaking up enough, or not replying to emails as quickly as your coworkers do can be enough to cast doubt on how committed you are. 

Ask yourself: Compared to others around me, especially those near or at my level, am I being proactive and present?

Compatibility means you make others comfortable and eager to be around you — without coming across as inauthentic or trying too hard. This means not undershooting to the point of looking passive and not overshooting to the point of looking like a poser. Try:

• Building relationships: Don’t just do your work. Introduce yourself and show an interest in people.
• Showing deference: Don’t just say anything to anyone at any time. Uncover the unspoken hierarchy of your new team and approach those higher up with an extra dose of seriousness.
• Uncovering norms: Don’t assume the working style of your last job will work for this one. Show an interest in adapting to how the team operates.

What’s challenging about compatibility is that it depends on whom you’re with and what norms and unconscious biases they have. People like people who are similar to themselves, so they tend to hire, hang around, and promote those who look like, talk like, and have the same backgrounds and interests as they do.

Ask yourself: Am I adopting the behaviors I see that feel authentic to me?

For some, competence is expected; for others, incompetence is expected. For some, commitment is assumed; for others, it’s questioned. For some, compatibility is effortless; for others, it’s tiresome.

If you’re joining a team where people are different from you — in terms of race, ethnicity, socioeconomic background, gender, sex, sexual orientation, dis/ability, religion, age, degree of introversion or extroversion, or other characteristics — then your identity can influence how others judge your three Cs.

Women, for example, often walk a tightrope of needing to be both likable and competent. Black people tend to be more closely monitored at work than white people are. And people with easy-to-pronounce names tend to be evaluated more positively than people with difficult-to-pronounce names. 

Is this fair? No. Do we need a better system? Yes. Might we have a better system by the time you start your job? If only.

Until that better world arrives, knowing the three C’s can help you diagnose what’s happening around you and arm you with the tools to become the professional you have the potential to be.

Gorick Ng is the Wall Street Journal bestselling author of ”The Unspoken Rules: Secrets to Starting Your Career Off Right″ and the How to Say It® flashcards for professional communication. He’s a first-gen professional turned Harvard career advisor turned keynote speaker across the Fortune 500.

Join Make It’s book club discussion! Request to join our LinkedIn group, drop your questions for the author in the comments of this post, and come chat with us and Gorick Ng on Wednesday, January 28, at 10 a.m. ET.

Excerpt adapted from ”The Unspoken Rules: Secrets to Starting Your Career Off Right.” by Gorick Ng (and ”The 3 C’s: The Unspoken Rules of Career Success″). Copyright © 2021. Reprinted with permission. All rights reserved.