In my decade of advising Fortune 500 companies as a behavioral researcher, I’ve found that one of the most effective ways to stop a manipulator is one key phrase: “That’s interesting. Tell me more.”

Manipulative people thrive on emotional reactions, confusion and ambiguity. This simple phrase helps neutralize that and change the power balance in the conversation.

With “that’s interesting,” you’re acknowledging what’s been said without validating or challenging the claim. You’re simply signaling: “I heard you, and I’m not rattled.” This removes the emotional hook that many manipulators rely on.

With “tell me more” (or other variations: “What makes you say that?” “What led you to that conclusion?”), you are cutting away any confusion and ambiguity, in favor of curiosity. “Why” questions can feel accusatory and often trigger defensiveness. Stick with the more open-toned “what” statements in order to keep the exchange from escalating further. 

If you find yourself in situations where you are being gaslit, guilt-tripped or coerced, here is how to best use this simple but subtly powerful phrase.

Gaslighting is when someone makes you question your memory or perception of reality.

• They might say: “I never said that. You’re remembering it wrong.”
• You can reply: “That’s interesting. Tell me more about how you remember it.” Then you could follow up with, “That’s not how I remember it.” Or, if applicable, “Let’s ask someone else who was there.”

This works because you’re not having to defend your memory in the moment. You invite the other person to clarify and provide detail. 

Gaslighting loses power when it has to stand on specifics. When someone has to explain their version clearly, inconsistencies often surface, and the psychological pressure shifts off you and back onto the facts.

We’ve all been there. Someone uses obligation or emotion to pressure you to do something you don’t want to do. 

• They might say: “After everything I’ve done for you, this is how you repay me?”
• You can reply: “That’s interesting. What makes you say that?” Then follow up with, “I appreciate what you’ve done, and this is still my decision.” Or, “I can care about you but still choose differently.”

This works because the focus shifts from your supposed guilt to their reasoning. When you ask them to articulate their logic and explain themselves, the emotional pressure and leverage often weakens. 

Subtle coercion shows up when a manipulator ties cooperation to your loyalty or care.

• They might say: “If you really cared, you’d agree with me.”
• You can reply: “That’s interesting. What makes you think that?” Then follow up with, “Caring doesn’t always mean we have to agree on everything,” or, “I can care and still see it differently.”

This detaches your values from their request. You’re not arguing about whether you care, you’re asking how they arrived at that conclusion. That creates psychological space and that’s when manipulation loses traction. 

Manipulators rely on emotional reactions. The moment you slow the exchange down and get curious, their leverage weakens. Calm questions protect your clarity and your boundaries, and shift conversations towards facts instead of feelings. 

In difficult conversations, composure is often more powerful than confrontation.

Shadé Zahrai is an award-winning peak performance educator, behavioral researcher, leadership strategist, and author of “Big Trust: Rewire Self-Doubt, Find Your Confidence, and Fuel Success.” Recognized as one of LinkedIn’s Top 50 Most Impactful People, she supports leaders at some of the world’s biggest brands, including Microsoft, Deloitte, Procter & Gamble, and JPMorgan.

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When U.S. figure skaters Amber Glenn, Alysa Liu and Isabeau Levito take to the ice to compete at the Milano Cortina Winter Olympics, they all wear dresses designed by the same woman.

The designer’s name is Lisa McKinnon, and she’s outfitted all three women competing for Team USA in singles figure skating events, plus two American ice dancers and two South Korean skaters at these Olympics. Collectively, the seven athletes are set to compete in at least 13 costumes from Lisa McKinnon Designs, a Los Angeles-based studio that McKinnon launched in 2014.

McKinnon works between 40 and 60 hours per week, regardless of the season, she tells CNBC Make It. She and her five employees handmade nearly 700 costumes, for skaters across every discipline and level, in 2025, she estimates. The business charges $90 per hour, and its custom costumes for high-level skaters typically cost between $4,000 and $8,000 apiece, she says. (McKinnon declined to share the business’s total annual revenue.)

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Most clients, regardless of their desired final product, have to request costumes at least six months in advance, and McKinnon’s team often works on a costume up until the deadline, she says. The timeline is largely due to demand, and to budget time for costume emergencies or special requests.

One such special request: In December, Liu — the reigning world champion — asked McKinnon to design her a new dress for her Lady Gaga-themed program at the 2026 U.S. Figure Skating Championships in early January. McKinnon finished the dress in a hotel room in St. Louis on the day Liu competed in the costume, the designer says.

“I really care so much about every single project that I do. A little blood, sweat and tears are a totally common thing for me, [though] I don’t cry as much [these days]” says McKinnon, 47.

McKinnon, born and raised in Sweden, grew up a figure skater and made her first competition costume for herself at age 15. She didn’t have any crystals, which are commonly glued onto skating dresses, so she hand-sewed paillettes — sequins secured onto the fabric with tiny beads, she says.

She began making costumes for other skaters later that year, after a request from a member of the Swedish national team, she says. But mostly, she pursued her own skating career — eventually performing in professional shows like Disney On Ice for eight years, then working on them as a performance director for another eight years, she says.

McKinnon started spending her summers between shows in the U.S. starting in 2006, and after leaving the skating world, pursued jobs supervising costume departments in Las Vegas and then Los Angeles. In 2013, she was the costume supervisor at The Wallis Annenberg Center for the Performing Arts in Beverly Hills, California, when an old friend — who was a skating coach at a local rink — asked if she’d design a costume for a student, she says.

The dress was eye-catching enough for other local parents and athletes to start coming to McKinnon, she says. She quit her job in late 2014 to launch her business, she says, and has since built a reputation for making costumes that add storytelling to each individual skating routine’s theme.

Within a year, some of the country’s top stars living in or near Los Angeles, home to multiple high-level skating coaches, were competing in her costumes. One early Los Angeles-based client, Ashley Wagner, was already a multi-time U.S. national champion when she started working with McKinnon. Another, Karen Chen, later competed in multiple Olympic Games, winning a gold medal in the team event at the 2022 Winter Olympics.

McKinnon vividly remembers the first time she saw her designs on national television, she says: Wagner and Chen wore them on the podium after winning silver and gold at the 2017 U.S. National Figure Skating Championships.

“I drank a lot of champagne and I definitely shed some tears,” says McKinnon.

Her business is small, relative to its demand. To keep up, McKinnon arrives early in the morning to do paperwork and often stays late to tidy up, tossing scraps of fabric and reorganizing crystals, she says. Competitive skating and costume designing both require determination, resilience and ambition, she adds.

“I’m really competitive. I want to do the things I’m good at, and I want to be the best,” says McKinnon, adding: “Once you’ve skated, it’s always going to be a part of your life somehow. It sticks with you. It’s always been part of my life and I feel like it’s in my blood.”

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I’m not one to jump on the bandwagon of declaring anything and everything you might not like about your date a red flag. But some things are very clear, and your job is to pay attention and act accordingly.

I’ve been a dating coach for the past 15 years, and one question I get over and over is about red flags, especially on the first date. 

Now, some things are a matter of preference or taste. Think: Their pants are too short. Their hair is too long. Their sense of humor doesn’t match mine. Other things are personal dealbreakers. For example, if someone wants children and you don’t. 

While preferences and even dealbreakers are a matter of alignment rather than inherently good or bad, a red flag is a universal, character-based issue like dishonesty, lack of empathy, disrespect, manipulation, or anything that compromises your emotional or physical safety. 

These first date phrases are clear red flags:

Especially if unprompted, the minute your date — a virtual stranger — starts bashing an ex, it tells you one of several things. This person:

• Is not taking accountability
• Lacks the social awareness to know that it’s simply too soon to share this information
• Could speak negatively about anyone in their life one day, including you
• May not be over the last relationship — and certainly has some bitterness — to have it come up so soon and so negatively 

My recommendation is not to ask about past relationships on a first date. It’s too soon. I tell my clients to see how someone shows up in the present, and use that information to assess. In the early stages of dating, we’re collecting data points, and it’s much more important to be an observer than a detective. 

A client recently told me that she was on a date, and the man she was with said to her, verbatim, “I’ve never dated a woman who wasn’t brown before.” (She happened to be white. And Jewish.) He went on to say, “But I saw a Sarah Silverman special once and I thought she was attractive, so maybe I am into Jewish women.” (I couldn’t make this up if I tried.)

She’s not just a Jewish or white woman, she’s herself. And no one should ever be made to feel as if they have to represent an entire race, ethnicity, religion, or other group.  

Whether you classify this as a red flag is up to you. It’s actually quite honest, and maybe you’re also looking for something casual. 

But assuming you’re dating with a relationship in mind, it is imperative to listen and use this information in your decision-making process. 

Please take “right now” to mean “ever” or — harder to swallow but equally true — “with you.”

I got a DM from a woman the other day asking me what she should’ve done in this situation: When offering to split the bill, her date said, “If I’m getting a second date, I’ll pay.” 

I get that dating can be expensive, but this attitude is transactional, as if she owes him a second date. I told her, in no uncertain terms, that she should decline a second date. Since she had ultimately let him pay in the moment, I told her to block him after she declines to see him again because he’ll definitely be one of those guys who sends her a Venmo request. 

If it were me, I might have declared, “I should get my half because I don’t see us going out again.” But I realize not everyone is comfortable with that level of confrontation. 

Do these first date red flags warrant leaving a date early? No. But they do warrant declining a second date. 

And the way to do that, if asked, is to say: “Thanks so much for a nice time. Unfortunately, I didn’t feel the connection I’m looking for, but I wish you all the best.” 

You’ll never regret taking the high road. 

Erika Ettin is the founder of A Little Nudge, a consulting company that helps people navigate the world of online dating, from first click to first date. Erika studied economics at Cornell University and received her MBA from Georgetown. She started A Little Nudge in 2011 after a seven-year career as an economist. It has been featured in outlets including The New York Times, The Washington Post, NPR, CBS, and Ask Men.

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Dating is full of tiny money moments: choosing a restaurant, talking about travel, splitting a check, and deciding whether a gift is “too much.” 

You don’t need to ask someone how much they make, what their net worth is, or how much student loan debt they carry to learn how they approach money and what kind of financial partner they might be.

Talking about money with a potential partner is never just about money. It’s about values, habits, and expectations around how someone thinks a “team” should work.

On your first few dates with someone, can you imagine actually asking, “How much do you make?” Or, “What’s your net worth?” I wouldn’t be surprised if they excused themselves to the restroom and didn’t come back. 

The irony is, those questions aren’t even the best way to get at what you’re trying to learn. Someone can earn a lot and still feel financially unstable. Someone can earn less but have excellent systems, habits, and boundaries.

The goal is to understand how they think about money and what their values are. 

Start with these questions that invite real answers, stories, preferences, and patterns — and reveal their financial mindset more organically.

1. “Where did you grow up and what was it like?” It’s a basic getting-to-know-you question, but you’ll learn a lot about the environment they were raised in, their family norms, and the lifestyle they consider “normal,” without forcing them into specifics.
2. “Tell me about your family. What were they like when you were a kid?” People will tell you what shaped them if you give them an opening. Pay attention to themes like stability, ambition, generosity, privacy, education, status, faith, and community. These are the things that drive financial decisions.
3. “What was your first job?” This is an easy way into someone’s relationship with work, motivation, and independence. Did they feel proud, pressured, supported, or alone? Did they work well with other people? Those early experiences tend to show up in adulthood, including how someone thinks about earning and financial stability. A first job often reveals what money represents to them: freedom, security, responsibility, or survival. It can also hint at their default habits, like whether they saved their first paychecks, spent them immediately, or used them to help their family.
4. “Are you more of a planner or a wing-it person?” This is a window into how someone handles uncertainty, and money is full of uncertainty. Two people can be completely different here and still work, but it helps to know what you might be signing up for early on — before life gets busy and important financial decisions have to be made.
5. “What’s something you’ll happily spend on and something you refuse to overpay for?” Most people have “yes” categories and “no” categories that reflect their values. You can learn how they perceive things like convenience, health, quality, experiences, style, generosity, and savings. It’s also a great way to talk about spending without getting into budgets.
6. “What’s your ideal vacation?” Vacation preferences are just as much about money expectations as they are about travel. A “camping in national parks” person and a “boutique hotel and tasting menu” person can find common ground, but it’s helpful to learn early what someone assumes about cost and how they handle it when planning trips with other people. Do they openly talk about a budget before booking, or hope it all just works out?
7. “When you get stressed, what do you like to do?” You’re not fishing for a perfect answer. You’re learning how someone copes with stress, because stress changes how people spend, save, and communicate about money. Some people plan. Some distract. Some shut down. Some spend. The key is whether they recognize their patterns, because self-awareness is what allows us to better manage our behaviors.

When money stops being theoretical and starts showing up in decisions that affect both of you — moving in, splitting regular expenses, building a shared life — it’s time to have more direct and specific conversations.

Money doesn’t have to be a third wheel on your early dates with someone new. Start with questions that reveal how they think and live, and save the hard numbers for when you’re building something together. That’s how you avoid surprises and set the relationship up to last.

Douglas A. Boneparth is the president and founder of Bone Fide Wealth, a wealth management firm based in New York City that focuses on millennials, young professionals and entrepreneurs. He is a member of CNBC’s Financial Advisor Council. Boneparth and his wife, Heather, are the co-authors of ”Money Together: How to Find Fairness in Your Relationship and Become an Unstoppable Financial Team.” 

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Zen Stewart knows firsthand that career paths aren’t linear. Hers hasn’t been.

Today, the 34-year-old is an electrician in Raleigh, North Carolina — a construction wireman level four, to be exact. That would’ve surprised her younger self.

“I always liked fashion, design, architecture,” she tells CNBC Make It. “I never for once thought I’d be in the trades.”

After graduating high school, Stewart pursued several fields of study, including interior design, graphic design and business. None felt right.

“I knew in my core that something else was out there for me,” she says.

Stewart cycled through stints deejaying and working in retail, jewelry, sales and telehealth. She was laid off from that last job, scheduling routes for health workers, as new software replaced the need for human workers, she says.

“The idea of becoming an electrician didn’t even hit my mind until I started getting, like, laid off from jobs that I thought were good jobs,” says Stewart, who began researching what careers “aren’t going to be replaced by AI anytime soon.”

She landed on electrical work because “there were many ways to move up and many pathways that paid very well” and because it gave her the chance to work with her hands and still be creative.

Stewart was also drawn to the electrical trade over others because it’s physically more feasible for her as a woman, she says. “I figured I’d be able to handle that.”

When Stewart told her friends and family about wanting to become an electrician, “it was a shock,” she says. “It’s very different from the things I had been doing.”

“They were kind of used to me saying, ‘Oh, I want to be an interior designer. I want to be an architect. I want to be a DJ.’ So they were kind of like, ‘Oh, you know, well, here’s the new thing,’” she says.

Stewart’s mother nevertheless connected her with the electricians from a company who happened to be working on a job at her own workplace, a jewelry store, and the rest is history. “I literally went into their office that same day, filled out my application,” Stewart says. “That next week, I was working.”

In 2025, Stewart made roughly $43,000 from electrical work, in addition to some income from her social media. In the future, she hopes to multiply her income, be debt-free and own a home.

Stewart joined the International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers in August 2025, citing benefits like good health insurance, tuition assistance and ease of finding work. She pays roughly $57 monthly in union dues.

Stewart mostly works eight-hour days, sometimes 10, on Monday through Friday, with a rare weekend or night for overtime. She usually begins her days with a 4:30 or 5 a.m. wakeup.

“It was a huge culture shock because I wasn’t used to being up at the crack of dawn,” she says. But “after I got into the rhythm of things, I really enjoyed it.”

One of the biggest challenges is “trying to navigate this male-dominated field as a woman,” she says. “Yes, I feel safe and secure, but a lot of the times, because I’m a woman, I feel like I have to prove myself more.” While Stewart says her coworkers mean well, she sometimes feels she has to remind them, “It’s okay, I’ve got it. Like, I can do it myself.”

Stewart is currently preparing for her exam to become a union apprentice. After a multi-year apprenticeship, electricians can typically get their journeyman’s license, which allows them to work across residential, industrial and commercial settings without the supervision that apprentices are typically subject to.

She wants to learn “how to actually run my own crew” and “be in charge of a whole site.” With a union journeyman’s license, she hopes to travel and work in different states, which she says can be lucrative.

Stewart currently does commercial electric work but eventually wants to segue into industrial electric work, which typically pays better. Later on, she hopes to transition into more of a desk role in the industry, say, in project management.

“I do think about the physical toll of this work,” she says. “I know after a certain age, I’m not going to want to be out in the field.”

Stewart doesn’t believe AI will replace skilled trades workers for “a very long time,” if ever. But she does “see it starting to creep in a little bit,” she says, noting she’s seen bots that can map where a door should go or where a wall should begin. “I definitely believe that AI is going to hold a place in construction,” she says.

On social media, Stewart offers a look into her job.

“I figured if I could shine my light through my perspective of how it is in my day-to-day, that that could get other people interested in the trade,” she says. To those considering it, she adds, “Don’t let lack of experience stop you.

As for her job, she loves that “every day is different” and that she gets to “see things from start to finish,” from a pile of dirt to a completed building, she says. “Then being able to flick on the lights and seeing everything come to life, I think that is so satisfying.”

Stewart hopes to one day build a house from scratch. “I still have that creative spirit,” she says. “That still is very alive and well in my life.”

Want to improve your communication, confidence and success at work? Take CNBC’s new online course, Master Your Body Language To Boost Your Influence. Register now and use coupon code EARLYBIRD for an introductory discount of 20% off. Offer valid from Feb. 9 to Feb. 23, 2026. Terms apply.