If you’re thinking it’s tougher to be a kid these days, you’re right. Sky-high rates of depression, anxiety, and chronic school absenteeism tell us that all is not well. While Covid-19 didn’t help, these trends were in motion well before the pandemic.

After working with over 1,000 kids as a clinical child psychologist, I’ve found that these “signals” are best understood as distress responses. Kids communicate distress through their behavior, much like infants do when they’re hungry, tired, uncomfortable, or having trouble digesting food.

As I write in my new book, “The Kids Who Aren’t Okay,” a range of societal changes in the past few decades has made childhood today more difficult. This is not an exhaustive list, but several factors stand out:

• School shootings: There have been more than 400 since Columbine, creating a persistent backdrop of fear and anxiety for students, educators, and parents alike.
• High-stakes testing: For years, educators have warned that forcing every student to clear the same academic bar, while tying teacher evaluations and job security to those outcomes, ignores developmental differences among children. A more effective approach measures progress relative to each student’s starting point and meets kids where they are.
• Social media and smartphones: At best, they’re a distraction in school. At worst, excessive use can harm mental health. Today’s kids are exposed to the world’s darkest content at far younger ages than previous generations.
• A shortage of mental health providers: In many parts of the U.S., children can’t access care. Long waiting lists are common, and kids in crisis may remain stuck in emergency rooms for days, weeks, or even months.
• Political polarization: The most divided political climate since the Civil War doesn’t stop at adults. Kids absorb it, too.

In 1960, psychiatrist Thomas Szasz argued that mental illness is better understood as “problems in living.” While diagnoses can describe how a child is struggling, they often don’t explain why.

Viewing kids’ challenges as problems in living shifts the focus toward identifying what’s causing distress, and fixing it.

Some of the forces affecting kids today are macro issues beyond the control of individual parents and educators. But caregivers can still address the “micro” problems shaping a child’s daily life, including:

• Peer conflicts, bullying or social isolation
• Academic struggles or unresolved learning difficulties
• Family disagreements over screen time, sleep, hygiene, diet or substance use

Helping kids requires a different approach than the one many adults were raised with. Here are a few tips to consider:

1. Make it collaborative, not unilateral

Imposing solutions without input may feel efficient, but it rarely works. Kids are far more invested in solutions they help create. Collaboration also strengthens relationships and communication.

Notably, kids often say adults don’t listen to them, while adults say kids won’t talk to them. All those unilateral solutions take their toll.

2. Be proactive, not reactive

The best time to solve a problem with a kid is not when the problem comes up again. Problems are predictable, so they can be identified and solved proactively.

3. Don’t focus on distress responses (behaviors), but rather the problems that are causing those behaviors

Kids are simply far more likely to talk about problems they’re struggling with than their behaviors.

4. Consequences aren’t good solutions

Rewarding and punishing are motivational strategies, not problem-solving strategies. Consequences aren’t an effective, durable way to treat depression, anxiety, concerning behavior, suicidality, or chronic school absenteeism.

Caregivers are better off recognizing that kids generally want to do well. So what they need isn’t more motivation, but adults who listen, understand and partner with them to solve the problems getting in their way.

If power-and-control parenting worked for you, that’s fine. But your child is not you.

The kids who struggle the most have often experienced more punishment than many adults will encounter in a lifetime. After four decades of working with children and families, my experience is clear: Power and control approaches usually make things worse. If something isn’t working, don’t do more of the same. Do something different.

Ross W. Greene, PhD, is a clinical child psychologist and the author of ”The Kids Who Aren’t Okay: The Urgent Case for Reimagining Support, Belonging, and Hope in Schools.” He served on the faculty at Harvard Medical School for over 20 years, and is now adjunct Professor in the Department of Psychology at Virginia Tech, and in the Faculty of Science at The University of Technology Sydney in Australia.

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More than 100 years ago, IQ (intelligence quotient) established what it means to be intelligent. Then came along EQ, which broadened the meaning with emotional intelligence.

Both were helpful frameworks for the time and context which they emerged, but now our world in-flux demands something new: AQ (agility quotient), which I define as the ability to handle change, uncertainty, and the unknown. As an executive coach to founders and CEOs, I’ve found that AQ is no longer a nice-to-have. It’s a non-negotiable orientation toward life.

In my new book, “AQ: A New Kind of Intelligence for a World That’s Always Changing,” I break down the four AQ Archetypes. Identifying yours can help you understand the skills you have at your disposal for handling stress, solving problems, and tackling crises.

This is you if…

• You know what habits work for you and you stick with them.
• In your personal relationships, you value people who have known you for the longest time.
• You will take calculated risks if there is a solid plan in place.
• When faced with an unexpected challenge, you initially feel worried: How can I fix this situation?

Neurosurgeons are motivated by excellence: They hold every aspect of their life to the highest of standards, moving with diligence, conscientiousness, and hard-won expertise.

Strengths: The Neurosurgeon is steadfast and determined. Once they commit to something, they never give up until they’ve succeeded. Neurosurgeons are also a steady and stabilizing force for everyone in their lives, and a source of incredible expertise at work.

Challenges: The Neurosurgeon’s perfectionism can become a fear of failure. They see the world with more skepticism than optimism, and this leads to them saying no to change more than they say yes. They are slow in times of turmoil.

Antidote: The Neurosurgeon must learn to befriend discomfort. They grow by forcing action and decisions at a faster pace than what is typical for them, extending the boundaries of their comfort zone.

This is you if…

• You regularly try out new habits and try to improve what works for you.
• At work, you need lots of space and freedom in your schedule.
• You will take risks if it creates more autonomy for independence.
• When faced with an unexpected challenge, you initially feel annoyed: This wasn’t part of my plan!

Novelists are motivated by freedom: They are unafraid to deviate from the past; thus, they thrive in situations where they are allowed to change directions whenever they want. Freedom gives them the agency to write their own story.

Strengths: The future-­forward Novelist is at the leading edge of their field and up-­to-­date on the latest news. There’s always a bold goal, a big insight, or an exciting book to discuss. Their enthusiasm for proactive change is inspiring to those around them.

Challenges: The Novelist uses change as a way to avoid difficult situations. In hard times, they’d rather pivot than persevere to the finish. Also, when unwanted change rocks the Novelist’s world, they can become overwhelmed and lash out.

Antidote: The Novelist only grows once they learn how to let go of their plans and expectations. When change happens, they must work hard to fight their natural inclinations and embrace reality. Peace comes for the Novelist once they can see the silver lining in unwanted change.

This is you if…

• The wilder a situation gets, the calmer and more focused you become.
• You’re so skilled at in-the-moment responses that you can often neglect planful, future-oriented endeavors. You figure, Everything is always changing. Why waste time with plans that won’t stick?
• You’ll take risks when you have the capacity to deal with the outcome.
• When faced with an unexpected challenge, you initially feel calm: Life is always in flux anyway.

Firefighters are motivated by impact: The Firefighter is an expert at fixing what others believe to be unfixable. Doing work that really matters is a necessity, and they thrive on seeing the tangible results of their efforts.

Strengths: The Firefighter excels when most people would feel stressed out, anxious, or paralyzed. They have an upbeat attitude and a calm demeanor. They see possibility in impossible situations and aren’t deterred by setbacks and surprises. In fact, these shocks keep the Firefighter’s mind sharp and alert.

Challenges: All the time spent fighting fires leaves very little room to be intentional and strategic about the future. Because they do well in emergencies, the Firefighter can tolerate high levels of stress, and sometimes may create chaotic situations, because that’s where they feel comfortable.

Antidote: The Firefighter must push themself to become as adept with proactive change as they are with unwanted change, making the time on a quarterly or annual basis to draw up big­-picture plans.

This is you if…

• You believe that imagination is more important than knowledge.
• You believe that risks are essential to innovation and progress.
• You truly believe that you can do anything you put your mind to.
• When faced with an unexpected challenge, you initially feel accepting: This isn’t what I wanted, but I can make it work.

The Astronaut is motivated by passion: Astronauts follow their passion, whether personal or professional. Their vivid interests and curiosities inform every action and decision. Their intense enthusiasm drowns out any fear, so they hardly register big shifts that can unravel other people.

Strengths: The Astronaut is fast. They are quick to evolve and pivot, moving more swiftly than the other Archetypes. Another gift is authenticity. They are unapologetically themselves, with a unique approach to their life. This combination of speed and passion creates a bold and decisive personality

Challenges: The Astronaut can be so absorbed in their passion that they overlook the boring and tedious details needed to embark on their grand adventure. They may feel like they’re making great strides mentally, but that progress isn’t always reflected in the real world. The Astronaut’s goals may stall from poor follow­through or difficulty rallying others behind their vision.

Antidote: In order to make the most of their natural agility, the Astronaut must learn how to slow down to translate their bold aspirations into digestible and logical components. To find success, they must buckle down to complete the tasks and responsibilities that aren’t their passion but are still necessary.

Even if there were parts of your archetype’s description that didn’t feel 100% like you, don’t dwell on them. The purpose of this exercise is not to match your paradigm perfectly but to give you a thematic lens for self-observation.

These archetypes are intended to be maps, not photorealistic portraits, and like the best maps, they allow for many possible routes. The primary goal is to spend time appreciating you.

Liz Tran is an executive coach to CEOs and leaders and the founder of an AI coaching startup, Inner Genius. She is also the author of the new book ”AQ: A New Kind of Intelligence for a World That’s Always Changing.” Her work has been featured by The New Yorker, The New York Times, TODAY and Bloomberg.

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Growing up in Iowa, Steven and Ashley Evans knew all about the local fire station in Cedar Rapids because it was right by the high school they both attended.

“We always dreamed we’d live here one day. It went up for sale and we thought we’d come check it out,” Steven, 40, tells CNBC Make It. “When we tell people we live in an old firehouse, everyone around here knows exactly where it is and which one it is.”

The station was first built in 1960 and converted into a home by its previous owners in the 1980s. In 2016, when the Evans first saw it was for sale, listed for $125,000, it had been abandoned for years and was covered in black mold.

“We had no intentions of purchasing it because we didn’t have the finances at the time,” Ashley, 33, says.

In 2016, she was working as a dermatology nurse, and Steven had a job working with adults with special needs and owned six rental properties. They owned a house they paid $65,000 for, Ashley says, but “my parents actually had to cosign on the house because we just couldn’t afford it. … It was $550 a month, and we were just struggling.”

Still, they decided to take a look at the firehouse. Even when they had to sign waivers to enter because it was deemed a safety hazard due to the mold, they weren’t deterred.

“The thing that attracted me the most to the fire station would be the fact that it’s all concrete and steel. The bones were solid, the house was level; any other house would have fallen over easily by now,” Steven says.

Without letting Ashley know, Steven put in an offer of $90,000 and it was accepted. He came clean the next day — he says he wanted it to be a surprise to Ashley that he bought the fire station they used to always see by their high school.

The property was listed as a four-bedroom, two-bathroom house with 3,100 square feet of space, but it turned out to be almost double that size since the listing only included the finished square footage, not the unfinished square footage, Steven says.

In order to finance the purchase, Steven applied for a construction loan of $170,000 under his rental property business, according to documents reviewed by CNBC Make It. The couple says they did it that way because their original plan was to renovate the fire station and resell it.

Steven says that because of all the work the property needed, they didn’t think they would ever be able to live in it. When the couple closed on the property in June 2016, it lacked walls, electricity or even a working toilet.

With an estimated budget of $80,000, the Evans started on the renovation, with Steven doing most of the work himself to save money. They rented out the house their parents cosigned with them and moved into the fire station while they renovated. Ashley’s parents even moved in with them to help pay the renovation-related bills.

Here are some of the biggest expenses the couple encountered while renovating. All amounts are rounded.

• Paint: $1,100
• Drywall: $4,000
• Flooring: $5,000
• Kitchen addition: $10,000
• Roof: $22,000

“Whatever we could find on clearance, whatever people wanted to give us, that is how we would remodel it. Just trying to make it look the best we can on the cheapest budget,” Ashley says.

“If it didn’t match, we’d spray paint it to match,” Steven adds.

Although the couple had to essentially remodel everything, they kept some original details from the fire station, including the old hose tower, the garage doors and a historic plaque outside. They kept the massive skylight the previous owners had installed to cover a courtyard that was originally part of the fire station as well.

To pay homage to the station’s history, the couple also bought an old fire truck to put in their backyard for their kids to play with.

The couple made the space their own by adding a theater room and a playroom for their kids that looks like a soccer field with fake turf.

“We had friends who had an indoor soccer field [growing up]. I always thought it was the coolest thing ever. I remembered it even as an adult, so I decided to create one down here,” Steven says.

In 2019, Steven and Ashley refinanced their original loan into a mortgage to officially purchase the home in their names. They secured a 5.5-year balloon mortgage for $225,000 at a 4.89% interest rate, with an estimated monthly payment of $1,455, according to documents reviewed by CNBC Make It. When the term ended in 2024, the couple refinanced into a new mortgage; now their monthly payment is around $3,190 and their interest rate is 7.59%.

The couple also remodeled their kitchen recently, which they financed with a home equity line of credit.

Here the monthly expenses related to the house:

• Electricity: $17.49
• Internet: $186.85
• HELOC for kitchen renovation: $423.65
• Utilities: $475.99
• Gas: $426.93
• Solar panels: $553.98
• Mortgage: $3,190.05

Since the couple started sharing what life is like in the fire station on social media years ago, viewers always ask if they will ever leave or sell the property, they say. But the couple says even if they ever move, they will never sell the fire station.

Instead, in 2020, Steven and Ashley bought the house next door for $180,000, according to documents reviewed by CNBC Make It. Ashley’s parents have taken ownership of the property, she says.

Last year, Ashley and Steven also bought another house near the fire station for $175,000. They call it their “cozy cottage” and have it listed on Airbnb for $160 to $189 a night. It is fully booked through March.

“We talk about what it would be like to live in a house that was already finished all the time … But also, I can’t imagine living in a house that was completely new and that we didn’t put any blood, sweat and tears into,” Ashley says.

“It’s a dream home for our kids to grow up in. And just for us to be so proud that we can provide for our kids to grow up in this home, it means a lot,” she adds.

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In 2015, I packed up my life in Austin, Texas and moved to Madrid. I was 35 and it wasn’t my first attempt. I had spent more than a decade dreaming, trying, and failing to make Spain home.

Since then, I’ve built a life in Spain and created She Hit Refresh, where I’ve helped hundreds of other women move abroad. 

Along the way, I’ve experienced moments when my life in Europe felt like a movie. Like the time I stumbled upon a flamenco dancer in a hidden square, sipped wine at a Parisian café while the world passed by, or rode a Vespa past the Colosseum in Rome.

But these moments aren’t everyday life, and not everything about moving abroad is just as you imagine it to be. Here are the six myths I hear most often about relocating.

Many countries can feel more affordable than the U.S., but living abroad is probably not as cheap as you think. Costs are rising around the world, especially housing prices. House prices in the EU went up 57.9% between 2010 and the first quarter of 2025, while rents increased by 27.8%. 

My advice: Run the numbers based on today’s reality, not outdated blog posts. And remember, what feels affordable to you on a U.S. salary may still be unaffordable for locals. Don’t overpay. It only fuels the problem.

The real pressure comes from tourism, not the relatively small number of Americans moving abroad. And while anti-tourism sentiment exists in crowded cities, it’s not really about Americans, or even expats at all. The bigger issue is affordable housing — or, as I mentioned, the lack of it.

But smaller towns across Europe want new residents due to depopulation. If you’re serious about integrating, consider looking beyond hotspots like Lisbon, Barcelona, or Amsterdam. 

Regardless, in my own experience, when you learn the language, contribute, and connect, you’ll usually be welcomed with open arms.

Of course you’ll miss family and friends, but community abroad often forms faster than you’d expect.

Other Americans and English-speaking foreigners are eager to connect. Between meetups, language exchanges, and expat events, you’ll have no shortage of opportunities to meet people.

That said, deep friendships take time. I’m an extrovert, and it still took me around 2.5 years to feel like I had a strong community in Madrid. Many of my closest friendships came from hosting my own meetups.

For deeper integration, friendships with locals are key, though those are definitely harder to form. Many locals already have tight circles, and breaking in takes patience and persistence. Learning the language is essential, and it takes time. Most people are still beginners after a year.

Living abroad can absolutely improve your quality of life — whether it’s a slower pace, a relatively lower cost of living, or easier travel, there’s a lot to love. But it’s not a fairy tale.

You’ll still deal with bureaucracy, taxes, and logistics like finding an apartment, setting up bank accounts, and making appointments with doctors. And sometimes the grocery store will just be closed on a Sunday when you need it most.

The hardest challenges are often personal. I’ll never forget when I got the call that my father had passed away. It was in 2009, during one of my earlier stints in Spain, getting my master’s degree. I learned then that the highs and lows of life still happen abroad, and the lows are tougher when you’re far from home.

Your first move abroad doesn’t have to be your forever home. Think of it as a starting point, not a lifelong commitment. As someone once told me: It’s a move, not a marriage. 

When I moved to Madrid in 2015, I thought I’d never leave. But in 2020, I moved to Málaga, and now I’m considering heading back to Madrid again.

I’ve seen this with others, too. Cindy Sheahan, for example, moved to Porto, Portugal, but then decided Italy was a better fit and relocated there a year later.

Giving yourself permission to pivot can help you avoid getting stuck in research paralysis, trying to make the “perfect” choice before you even start. There are plenty of things you just won’t know until you’ve actually moved.

I was 35 when I moved and thought I was already too old. At the time, I only knew of students and retirees moving abroad, not people in the middle of their careers. But at 45, I can say without hesitation that it was the best decision I’ve ever made.

And once I got here, I met so many people my age and older who had done the same. People make the leap at every age — 30s, 40s, 50s, even 70s.

In fact, moving in your 30s or later has advantages, since people tend to arrive with more financial stability, better self-awareness, and the wisdom to navigate challenges with perspective.

Cepee Tabibian is the founder of She Hit Refresh, a community and resource platform that helps women aged 30+ move abroad. She’s the author of ”I’m Outta Here! An American’s Ultimate Visa Guide to Living in Europe″ and host of the She Hit Refresh podcast. As the daughter of Colombian and Iranian immigrants, Cepee grew up in Houston, Texas, before becoming an immigrant herself in Spain. For tips and real talk on how to move abroad, follow her @shehitrefresh

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We’ve all been there: Someone says something disrespectful to you at work, and you simply freeze up. During these moments, it can be hard to think of a good response right away. 

Minutes, hours, or days after the incident, you finally realize what you should have said, which can lead to even more frustration and regret. 

It doesn’t have to be this way. As a communication coach, here’s my best advice for how to prepare for and navigate moments like these.

In football, quarterbacks will train for something called “off-platform throws,” developing their skills to deliver the ball accurately from any angle. Speakers can do the same.

There’s an exercise I give my students to help them learn how to speak calmly with intention, especially when someone is hurtful or disrespectful to them.

These steps are meant to help you develop muscle memory of a tall, confident posture, to put you more at ease in unpredictable situations. 

1. Visualize your head as a helium balloon and your feet as the heavy roots of a towering tree. Then visualize the balloon rising higher and the roots growing deeper. 
2. Practice doing this five minutes a day. Then add speaking to the mix and take a page out of athletic training by using a ball.
3. Stand within throwing distance of a wall. Practice maintaining that tall posture, then throw and catch the ball as you bounce it off the wall
4. Let the unpredictability and variety of the ball speed and angle remind you to stay ready for everything. Continue to throw the ball and talk with intentional speed, pauses, and volume.

Next, practice what I call transparency phrases. They are easy to remember and can help you be mentally ready when you’re caught off guard — so you don’t feel compelled to respond instantly or say something you might regret. 

A few examples:

• “I need some time to digest what you just said.”
• “Your comment really took me off guard. I have to think about that.”
• “I’m surprised by that. I’m going to sit with that for a second.”

Choose any one of these that you feel most comfortable saying, then stress test it with that exercise from the first step.

Grab a ball and throw it against a wall. As you catch it, practice keeping your posture tall and confident while claiming the time you need to consider your reply

When someone is rude to you, it’s natural to take it personally and want to respond the same way. That’s not how you take control of the situation. Instead, after your transparency phrase, the next thing you say should bring the conversation back to the task at hand. 

Take some of the emotion out of your response by having some work-focused terms at the ready. The mnemonic device I like to use is “P” words, to help you get your power back — think ones like “procedure,” “protocol,” “paradigm,” “plan,” and “position.”

• “If we return to the plan we’ve developed…”
• “Just to remind us of the protocol that we’re working with…”
• “Let’s take a step back and look at the process that brought us here…”

The minute someone uses an inappropriate and personal slight against you to assert dominance, they have made a decision to bully their way to their desired outcome. 

But if you anchor the discussion back to one of those work-focused terms, you can reassert your territory, demonstrate your ability to contribute to the conversation, and gracefully expose their approach as inappropriate and ineffective. 

Done together, these three habits can help you navigate the inevitable moments of disrespect we all face, with your composure intact.

Michael Chad Hoeppner is a communication coach and the author of the bestselling book ”Don’t Say Um: How to Communicate Effectively to Live a Better Life.” He helps U.S. Presidential candidates, CEOs, Ivy League deans, and even high school students speak well when it matters. He is the founder and CEO of GK Training, a communications training company serving Fortune 100 companies, universities, and individuals around the world. 

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