INDEPENDENT 2026-03-05 08:10:37


Putin blames Kyiv for attacking gas tanker that exploded off Libya

Vladimir Putin has accused Ukraine of carrying out a “terrorist attack” on a Russian LNG tanker that exploded and sank in the Mediterranean Sea off Libya.

The attack on the tanker, which was carrying 61,000 tonnes of LNG and “completely sank” between Libya and Malta, was confirmed by Libyan authorities.

Putin said the attack “exacerbates the situation on global energy markets, including gas markets”. Ukrainian officials did not immediately respond to Moscow’s claims.

The Russian president’s statement came as Volodymyr Zelensky said the US-Israeli war on Iran had put a pause to trilateral peace talks to end the war in Ukraine.

“We continue to engage with the United States practically on a daily basis. For now, because of the situation with Iran, the necessary signals for a trilateral meeting haven’t come yet,” the Ukrainian president said in an evening address.

“As soon as the security situation and the broader political context allow us to resume the trilateral diplomatic work, it will be done. Ukraine is ready for it.”

9 minutes ago

Russian drone strikes foreign cargo ship near Ukraine Black Sea port

A Russian drone damaged a civilian Panama-flagged vessel that was transporting corn near the Ukrainian port of Chornomorsk in the Black Sea Odesa region, the Ukrainian Sea Ports Authority said late on Wednesday.

The vessel was hit while en route out of the port, the ports authority said on the Telegram messaging app, without specifying the extent of the damage to the ship.

The Ukrainian navy said one crew member had been hurt in the attack on the “BULL” vessel, which had left the port and was heading towards the Bosphorus Strait.

The captain refused assistance and evacuation of the injured person and continued on its designated route, the statement, posted on social media, added.

Ukraine ships about 90 per cent of its exports via the Odesa port hub.

Arpan Rai5 March 2026 08:00
24 minutes ago

Ukraine could lose US weapons as conflict with Iran escalates

Ukraine could face a critical shortage of US air defence missiles with the US focusing on its military assault on Iran, experts have said.

Iran has retaliated to the US killing of its supreme leader with a major offensive by firing hundreds of ballistic missiles and drones at Gulf nations.

The joint forces in the Gulf nations have intercepted these incoming projectiles with US’s Patriot missile interceptors. The anti-missile defence systems have proven critical for Ukraine as well to fight off Russian missiles targeting its energy and military infrastructure.

Serhii Kuzan, head of the Kyiv-based Ukrainian Security and Cooperation Center think tank, says that the roughly 600 PAC-3s produced yearly by Lockheed Martin are already insufficient to cover US needs and those of its allies in the Gulf, let alone Ukraine’s.

“It’s the very simple mathematics of war,” Kuzan told the Japan Times.

The stockpiling of Patriots by Gulf states meant they were unlikely to run out completely, said Fabian Hoffmann, a doctoral research fellow at Oslo Universtiy.

This is particularly the case at a time the intensity of Iranian missile bombardments appeared to be decreasing, but they might need to become more selective in their use as time goes on, he said.

Arpan Rai5 March 2026 07:45
39 minutes ago

Putin blames Ukraine for attacking gas tanker that exploded off Libya

A Russian-flagged tanker carrying liquefied natural gas exploded and erupted in flames before sinking in the Mediterranean Sea off Libya, authorities in the North African country said Wednesday. Russia claimed that an attack by Ukrainian sea drones was to blame.

The Libyan Maritime Authority reported “sudden explosions, followed by a massive fire” on the Arctic Metagaz on Tuesday, when it was about 240km (150 miles) off the city of Sirte.

The tanker, carrying 61,000 tonnes of LNG, “completely sank” between Libya and Malta, a statement said. All 30 crew members were rescued and put on another vessel heading to the Libyan city of Benghazi, it said.

Russia’s transport ministry said the vessel was hit by Ukrainian sea drones launched from the Libyan coast. Russian president Vladimir Putin on Wednesday evening called what happened to the tanker “a terrorist attack” that “exacerbates the situation on global energy markets, including gas markets”.

Ukrainian officials made no immediate comment on the accusation.

Previous Ukrainian attacks on Russian ships have reportedly come from the Libyan coast, though Kyiv officials haven’t publicly confirmed those reports.

Arpan Rai5 March 2026 07:30
54 minutes ago

Putin threatens to halt gas supplies to Europe amid Iran energy spike

Russia could halt gas supplies to Europe right now amid a spike ‌in energy prices triggered by the Iran crisis, Vladimir Putin warned on Wednesday.

The Russian president was linking the possible decision to the European Union wanting to ban purchases of Russian gas and liquefied natural gas.

Oil and gas prices have soared following the US-Israeli attack on Iran and Tehran’s strikes on Gulf Arab neighbours. The conflict has paralysed shipping through the Strait of Hormuz ​and forced the shutdown of Qatar’s LNG production and Saudi Arabia’s largest oil refinery.

Putin said oil prices were rising due to the “aggression against Iran” and due ​to Western restrictions on Russian oil, while European gas prices were rising because customers were willing to buy gas volumes at higher prices ⁠due to events in the Middle East and the closure of the Strait of Hormuz.

Asked by a Russian state television correspondent ​about European plans to completely ban Russian pipeline gas imports by late 2027 as well as new short-term Russian LNG contracts from ​late April 2026, Putin said it might be more beneficial for Russia to stop selling the gas right now.

“Now other markets are opening up. And perhaps it would be more profitable for us to stop supplying the European market right now. To move into those markets that are opening up and establish ourselves there,” Putin said, according to ​a transcript released by the Kremlin.

“This is not a decision, it is, in this case, what is called thinking out loud. I will definitely instruct ​the government to work on this issue together with our companies,” Putin said, linking the possible decision directly to Europe’s “misguided policies”.

Arpan Rai5 March 2026 07:15
1 hour ago

Zelensky speaks to leaders of Bahrain and Kuwait over Iran conflict

Ukrainian president Volodymyr Zelensky said he discussed the Middle East conflict on Wednesday with the king of Bahrain and the crown prince of Kuwait.

Zelensky said that his administration was in daily contact with the US and once the security situation around Iran permitted it, trilateral talks with Moscow and Washington on a settlement of the war with Moscow would resume.

In his nightly video address, Zelensky said talks about Iran included leaders of Jordan, Qatar and the United Arab Emirates.

Ukraine’s partners, including the US, had sought Kyiv’s help in defending against Iranian drones, like those used by Russia in the four-year-old war with Ukraine.

“Partners are turning to us, to Ukraine, asking for help in defending against shaheds. There have also been requests from the American side,” he said.

Arpan Rai5 March 2026 07:00
1 hour ago

Watch: Zelensky says US ‘asking for help’ in Middle East war

Arpan Rai5 March 2026 06:59
1 hour ago

US starved Ukraine’s F-16 jets missiles for weeks ahead of Putin’s winter offensive – report

Ukraine’s F-16 fighter jets didn’t have enough missiles to shoot down Russian drones and missiles for more than three weeks after supplies from Kyiv’s partners dried up just as Moscow was preparing a massive winter air campaign, three sources told Reuters.

The acute shortage from late November to mid-December, which has not been previously reported, lays bare the vulnerability of Ukraine’s air defences which ​rely heavily on Western allies for missiles and defence systems to repel frequent Russian strikes.

The three sources, all with direct knowledge of the situation, said Ukraine only had a handful of US-made AIM-9 “Sidewinder” air-to-air missiles for its entire squadron of F-16s when supplies stopped.

Despite Ukraine’s vocal lobbying, concrete examples of how shortages affect its defence capabilities are normally kept secret. In this case, one of the sources told Reuters that Ukraine had nothing to put on its jets for almost a month.

All three sources asked not ​to be named to describe sensitive battlefield vulnerabilities caused by interruptions to weapons flows.

Hundreds of thousands of Ukrainians have survived the worst of a bitter winter without heating, electricity and running water as a result of an intensifying Russian onslaught on the energy system that Ukraine has been unable to ​completely repel.

Arpan Rai5 March 2026 06:39
1 hour ago

Ukrainian drones damage civilian sites in Russia’s southern Saratov region

Ukrainian drones damaged civilian sites in southern ⁠Russia’s Saratov region and injured three people, regional ⁠governor ​Roman ⁠Busgarin said early ⁠on Thursday.

Busgarin gave ​no ⁠further details, ‌but said emergency crews were ‌at the site ‌of the attack.

Civil ⁠aviation authority Rosaviatsia said Saratov airport was one of several in central and southern Russia closed to flights late on Wednesday and in the early hours of Thursday.

Arpan Rai5 March 2026 06:25
1 hour ago

Watch: Trump using his missiles on Iran leaves Ukraine short, Zelensky warns

Arpan Rai5 March 2026 06:10
2 hours ago

Zelensky says support plan for Middle East allies hit by Iran strikes being worked on

Volodymyr Zelensky said he has ordered Ukraine’s government to develop options to support Gulf countries facing Iranian drone and missile attacks.

“Our military has the necessary capabilities,” Zelensky said. “Ukrainian experts will work on site, and teams are already negotiating this. We are ready to help protect lives, protect civilians,” he said.

Zelensky added that he spoke with leaders of the United Arab Emirates, Qatar, Jordan, and Bahrain, and is preparing talks with Kuwait’s leadership.

“All of them face a serious threat, and they speak about it openly: Iranian attack drones. The same ‘Shaheds’ that strike our cities and villages, our Ukrainian infrastructure,” he said.

“I have tasked our teams to present ways to support these countries and provide assistance in a manner that does not compromise our own defense here in Ukraine,” Zelensky added.

Arpan Rai5 March 2026 05:54

Streeting accuses Reform of ‘return to age-old racism’ over by-election comments

Wes Streeting has accused Reform UK of a “return to age-old racism that I thought we had consigned to the 1970s and 1980s” and an attempt to delegitimise Muslim voters in the wake of the Gorton and Denton by-election.

The health secretary hit out at Reform candidate Matt Goodwin after the politician was criticised for claiming that UK-born people from black, Asian or other immigrant backgrounds were not always British.

Mr Streeting also accused Mr Goodwin of “saying that if you don’t look like me, even if you were born here, you can’t really be British” after the Reform candidate said, “it takes more than a piece of paper to make somebody ‘British’”.

Claiming this marked a “return to age-old racism that I thought we had consigned to the 1970s and 1980s”, he continued: “That is just about the most un-British thing I can think of … All of us have a responsibility to stand against that kind of hatred and discrimination.”

Meanwhile, appearing to distance himself from claims made by both Sir Keir Starmer and Nigel Farage that the contest was fought on “sectarian” lines, the health secretary emphasised the importance of defending the “rights, the voice, the space of Muslims in our country to participate in our democracy on equal terms, with equal votes, and equal voices”.

Mr Streeting made the intervention at the Big Iftar in parliament hosted by the all-party parliamentary group on British Muslims, amid growing speculation that he is preparing a leadership bid to challenge Sir Keir.

It comes after concerns were raised about people forcing family members to vote in a certain way in the recent Gorton and Denton by-election, with Nigel Farage claiming the contest was a victory for “sectarian voting and cheating” after Green Party candidate Hannah Spencer won the seat.

He also claimed that Reform’s candidate Matt Goodwin would have won if only British citizens had voted, saying his party would limit voting in national elections to British passport holders and remove the right from those with Commonwealth citizenship who qualify as UK residents.

Meanwhile, in the wake of the election – which saw Labour slump to third place behind the Greens and Reform in a seat which they previously won with more than half the votes – the prime minister wrote to Labour MPs and accused the Greens of embracing a “divisive, sectarian” form of politics.

Branding the Green Party’s policies “extreme”, the prime minister claimed they had shown they were “not the harmless environmentalists they pretend to be”.

But in his address at the Big Iftar in parliament, Mr Streeting took a different tone.

“We’ve seen in recent days – as Muslims have upheld British values, gone to the ballot box, cast their votes, taking part in democracy – attempts to delegitimise them, to suggest that their votes and their voices count less than others”, he said.

“When Nigel Farage said Reform won the Gorton and Denton by-election among British-born voters, what he was saying was that he won the by-election amongst people who look like him.

“We know that one of the reasons the Greens won in Gorton and Denton was because lots of people in the Muslim community turned out to vote for them. One of the reasons I almost lost in Ilford North at the last election was because lots of Muslim people in my own constituency turned out to vote, and not to vote for me.”

Mr Streeting, who won in his Ilford North constituency in 2024 with a majority of just 528 votes, continued: “Perhaps it’s even more important that I and other people who look like me, defend the rights, the voice, the space of Muslims in our country to participate in our democracy on equal terms, with equal votes, and equal voices.

“They have just as much right as everyone else to choose who represents people in this country.”

Finishing his address, Mr Streeting joked: “So let me end by winding up all the right people, by saying that this gay bible-bashing Christian wishes all Muslims here and across our country Ramadan Mubarak.”

Sir Keir also addressed the event, telling the crowd that Ramadan strengthens “the bonds of community and decency that unite us all”, as well as characterising the UK as “a community of communities where Muslims are at the forefront of Britain’s story”.

The row over sectarian voting in the election came after election observer group Democracy Volunteers claimed to have witnessed high levels of “family voting”– where two voters either confer, collude or direct each other on voting – at the Gorton and Denton by-election.

They said they saw the illegal practice in 68 per cent of 22 polling stations monitored.

There has been mounting speculation in recent months over a possible leadership bid by the health secretary, in the face of devastating approval ratings and questions over the direction of the government.

While Mr Streeting has dismissed briefings about his supposed leadership ambitions as “incredibly stupid”, there has been growing speculation over plans to challenge Sir Keir Starmer as the prime minister faces increasing doubts over his ability to lead the party.

Reform UK has been contacted for comment.

India may be heavy favourites but England are the most awkward team left in the T20 World Cup

Of the four teams left, it is fair to say England are not favourites to win this T20 World Cup. Their semi-final opponents India are the hosts and reigning champions; South Africa are the tournament’s outstanding team so far with a paper-perfect T20 team; and even New Zealand – who lost to England in the super 8s – have a certain matchplay nous at the business end of these things.

Whereas England have mostly fumbled their way here. They struggled past Nepal and it wasn’t entirely smooth against Scotland or Italy either. Their opening partnership, between Phil Salt and Jos Buttler, averages 12 runs and lasts nine balls.

And yet, as the Indian camp prepares to face England, the image that comes to mind is of puzzled looks, furrowed brows and pens poised intently over blank notepads. How do you prepare for a team’s in-form batter at No 7? How do you lay traps for a captain whose wagon wheel covers every corner of the ground? How do you bowl at an opener whose hands appear to have detached from his body? In short, how do you beat this England?

Only one team has managed it so far, when West Indies clubbed 196 runs in the group stage and England failed to chase it down. Otherwise, they have always found a way to win, occasionally by the brilliance of Harry Brook or Tom Banton, usually via the finishing prowess of Will Jacks, the unlikely hero who has scooped four player-of-the-match awards, pickpocketing games opponents thought they’d zipped up. England might not be the best team left in the competition, but they are surely the most awkward to play against.

In many ways their journey in this tournament speaks to the nature of T20 cricket, a beguiling game that can slip away in a matter of minutes. New Zealand began the 18th over of their innings on 135-5, in control; England reached the same point lagging behind on 117-6. New Zealand petered out, England exploded.

That kind of smash-and-grab victory might not be so easy to come by against India in Mumbai’s Wankhede Stadium, their spiritual home. Players who have faced India there talk about the entire frame of the stadium shaking before the match has begun, and the noise only gets louder when India get on top of their opponents. England’s job will be to drain the energy in the air.

It may require two or three batting performances, and this would be a timely moment for Buttler to find form. Five successive single-figure scores tell the story of a great player looking lost at the crease, desperate to sync his disconnected technique. He will retain his place whatever the weather, of course, and it was telling that a defensive Brook memorised Buttler’s career stats (“150 matches averaging 35 at a strike rate of 150”) before his post-match interview against New Zealand, like a politician rehearsing a line of inquiry they know is coming.

Brook has put a turbulent winter behind him, both with his batting – his century against Pakistan was mesmeric – and his captaincy, showing a newfound maturity in the way he articulates his answers and explains some of England’s tactical decisions. Brendon McCullum’s move to bump Brook up from No 5 to No 3 has given England’s captain scope to have a telling impact on every game.

They face a formidable task toppling India, whose batting lineup is full of power and whose bowling attack is led by Jasprit Bumrah. England will sense that they can attack elsewhere, but they will also need an edge in the field and running between the wickets to reach the final.

Because this is another truth of T20 cricket, which is so often a game of fine margins. India’s fielding has been mixed at its best, dreadful at its worst, most notably against the West Indies when they handled the ball with all the care of a live explosive. England have proved more proficient in the field and quick between the wickets. Look after the ones and twos and the boundaries tend to take care of themselves.

And so a close match should not be one for England to fear. India have a home crowd to push them through to the final. But this England team seem to have figured out how to win when it gets tight, when they need a match-winning knock. England must handle the intimidating atmosphere of the Wankhede, the brilliance of Suryakumar Yadav, the mastery of the great Bumrah. India must stop, erm, Will Jacks.

It has been a strange tournament. England are in the semi-finals, and the odd part is that we’re still not sure if they’re any good.

Christina Applegate says initial Anchorman offer was ‘offensive’

Christina Applegate said she initially declined her role in Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy because the offer was so low.

The 2004 comedy and its 2013 sequel, both directed by Adam McKay, starred Will Ferrell, Steve Carell and Paul Rudd as a team of news anchors who welcome an upstart reporter (Applegate) into the male-dominated world of 1970s broadcast news.

Appearing virtually on Wednesday’s episode of The View, the Emmy-winning actor, 54, said: “When they came in with the initial offer, it was, you know, a little… offensive.

“And I said I can’t. I know my worth, and I can’t do that,” Applegate shared. In her harrowing new memoir, You with the Sad Eyes, the Dead to Me star revealed that Ferrell and McKay gave up some of their salaries to ensure she was paid what she was worth.

“They wanted me bad enough, and they said, ‘Well, we’re gonna chip in’,” Applegate told The View hosts. “And thank god they did because it was one of the best experiences of my entire life. It was such a lesson.”

Remembering her time on the 2004 comedy, she said: “I had never done improv before, and learning from that group of dudes — that is the masterclass that people paid for.

“Steve Carell taught it, and Adam McKay developed an entire new way of doing it with his group. So to get in there and have that happen was just absolutely magical, and it’s been invaluable to me and my career.”

By the time Applegate starred in Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy, she had already had her breakout role in the seminal sitcom Married with Children, followed by major roles in the two-season sitcom Jesse and the 2002 romcom The Sweetest Thing.

She later returned for the 2013 Anchorman sequel, Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues.

When co-host Sara Haines praised her performance as “natural”, Applegate responded: “Oh, you think I was natural? I was so scared every day of my life when Adam McKay would be like, ‘Now just do whatever you feel like doing’. I’m like, ‘I want to say what you wrote. That would be nice. I don’t want to make stuff up’.”

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Applegate, who announced she was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 2021, is currently on a press tour for her debut memoir, out now.

You with the Sad Eyes, which The Independent’s Adam White hailed as a “remarkable, authentic achievement”, details the actor’s history of abuse, violence and self-loathing.

South East Water fined £22m for repeated supply failures

Ofwat has said it plans to fine South East Water £22 million over water supply failures between 2020 and 2023 impacting more than 286,000 people.

The water regulator said it was consulting over the fine after homes in Kent and Sussex were hit by multiple supply interruptions over the years.

South East Water “lacked ownership” for fixing the root cause of supply failures and did not maintain important infrastructure, the watchdog said.

It said its investigations found that the water company “failed to maintain supply-system resilience” to minimise incidents occurring and failed to plan to make sure it had sufficient headroom to deal with periods of high demand.

Chris Walters, interim chief executive of Ofwat, said: “South East Water’s significant failings caused major disruption and had a huge impact on thousands of its customers.

“Not only did the company fail in its duty to provide a water supply to meet the demands of its customers, but it also fell short when it came to providing support for customers who lost their supply.

“They must do better.”

This is a breaking news story, more to follow…

Why Gran Hotel Taoro is Tenerife’s must-book luxury stay for 2026

Tenerife’s iconic Gran Hotel Taoro holds a special place in Spanish history. As the first luxury hotel in Spain, opening its doors in 1890, it was a glamorous haven for high society, welcoming everyone from King Alfonso XIII and the Duke of Kent to author Agatha Christie.

Now, after a complete renovation, the landmark hotel has been reborn as an elegant 21st-century destination that’s ready to welcome you for the ultimate five-star break.

The hotel’s carefully preserved neo-classical architecture exudes old-world elegance, while colonial-inspired interiors in earthy tones and modern five-star comforts promise a stay that feels both timeless and contemporary.

Set on a lush hilltop in northern Tenerife and overlooking the historic town of Puerto de la Cruz, the hotel’s 199 rooms and suites make the most of its enviable location, featuring breathtaking panoramic views of Mount Teide – the highest point in Spain – the Atlantic Ocean, and the palm-dotted greenery of its terraces and surrounding botanical parks.

A feast for the senses

Prepare to embark on an unforgettable culinary journey throughout your stay, with exceptional restaurants celebrating local and international flavours.

At fusion restaurant OKA, helmed by Michelin-starred chef Ricardo Sanz, Japanese fine dining is given a mouthwatering Mediterranean twist.

Two-Michelin-starred chef Erlantz Gorostiza is the mastermind behind two more restaurants: Spanish gourmet bistro Amalur, with a menu inspired by the four elements; and fine dining restaurant Lava, whose exclusive setting includes a Chef’s Counter for six guests.

Breakfast at Atlantico Buffet is the perfect way to start the day as you savour delicious dishes alongside terrace views. For leisurely poolside lunches, La Carola is the place to be, serving Mediterranean flavours and crisp Canarian wines with a generous side of Tenerife sunshine.

The perfect stay

Secure your holiday to Gran Hotel Taoro with British Airways Holidays and enjoy a great-value holiday with quality and peace of mind. You’ll benefit from ATOL protection from the moment you book, a 24-hour helpline and a generous checked baggage allowance. Book your holiday with a low deposit and spread the cost with flexible payments* – so all that’s left to focus on is enjoying your holiday in style.

If you upgrade to Club Europe, you’ll enjoy a host of additional benefits including lounge access,** increased checked baggage allowance, and priority check-in and boarding. Members of The British Airways Club benefit from collecting Avios, earning tier points and using Avios towards the cost of holiday packages.

Pinnacle of luxury

Spend your days at the Gran Hotel Taoro relaxing by three heated pools, set amidst beautifully landscaped gardens and providing a postcard-perfect setting for some downtime.

If you want to up the relaxation factor further, head to the serene sanctuary of the Sandara Wellness Center, which offers a range of exclusive treatments in partnership with luxury French brand Anne Semonin.

Guests who want to explore the history, culture and natural wonders of the local area – including Puerto de la Cruz, the oldest tourist destination in the Canaries – can take advantage of the hotel’s new X-Plora programme, offering a range of tailor-made experiences both within and beyond the hotel grounds through the dedicated concierge team.

More than a luxury retreat, Gran Hotel Taoro is a grand hotel reborn: a destination where heritage, culture and five-star service come together in one of Tenerife’s most treasured and authentic settings. Book with British Airways Holidays to experience this Spanish icon’s remarkable return in 2026.

British Airways Holidays packages include a generous checked baggage allowance for each customer and come with full ATOL protection for complete peace of mind. Secure your Tenerife holiday to Gran Hotel Taoro with a low deposit and enjoy flexible payments until you fly*.

*Based on two sharing. Full balance due four weeks before departure. Subject to availability. T&Cs apply. **Subject to availability

Book with British Airways Holidays

• Secure your holiday with a low deposit and spread the cost with flexible payments.*

• All holiday packages include a generous checked baggage allowance.

• ATOL protection from the moment you book your holiday package giving you financial reassurance.

• Quality car hire with no hidden fees, 24-hour support and roadside assistance.

• Upgrade to Club Europe (Business Class) for a host of additional benefits including lounge access,** increased checked baggage allowance, delicious food and drink options and dedicated check-in and priority boarding.

• Members of The British Airways Club benefit from collecting Avios, earning tier points and using Avios towards the cost of holiday packages.

Help! The person I’m dating hasn’t messaged me in six hours

Dear Vix,

I’m sitting here looking at a phone that hasn’t pinged or buzzed in six hours and feeling depressed, and I finally have to admit it: I am starving on a diet of “hey stranger” texts and “maybe next week” promises from the man I’ve been “dating” (though it doesn’t feel like it!). It’s the same loop every time. I meet someone, the chemistry is electric – and for a few weeks, I’m the centre of their universe. Then, the inevitable shift happens.

The daily paragraphs turn into one-word check-ins. The weekend plans turn into, “let’s play it by ear.” I spend my evenings deciphering emojis like they’re ancient hieroglyphics, trying to find proof that he still cares. I’m tired of being “low maintenance” while my anxiety is through the roof. I’m 37 – and a grown woman with a career and a mortgage, yet I’m letting men half as put-together as I am treat my time like a limited-time offer they aren’t sure they want to buy.

I’m so fed up with waiting for a “good morning” text to decide if I’m going to have a good day. I’m so tired of talking about my needs and having them ignored. But no matter how much I know that “if it isn’t a clear yes, it’s a no” – and no matter how much the people who love me tell me I deserve someone who is as excited to be with me as I am to be with them – I keep falling into the same trap and getting breadcrumbed. It’s making me feel bitter and jaded and sad, and I just can’t see how I’m ever going to find true love. In my worst moments, it makes me feel like I’m the problem – not these men. How do I stop this cycle from constantly repeating itself?

The Whole Loaf

Dear Whole Loaf,

Why, of course you are the whole loaf – you are a tender, appetising, tantalising, mouthwatering, perfect and exquisite example of everything bread should be! It’s the days-old dry and dusty breadcrumbs that are the problem here, and the stuffy, stale kitchen they come from.

Which is all to say: I don’t believe there is anything “wrong” with you at all. I don’t believe you are the problem. But I do think there is a problem with the kind of love you are willing – and prepared – to receive.

Because it’s not enough, it really isn’t. I know that it’s tongue-in-cheek to hook your letter around the fact that he hasn’t messaged you in six hours (in itself, not that big a deal as people have busy lives!) – but when taken as part of a bigger picture of neglect and lack of effort, it’s a massive deal. Huge. And I can hear how much it is affecting you.

The scant, bland texts and half-baked plans and huge gaps in communication you’re describing are not even worth half a relationship – particularly when we are in our thirties, forties and fifties. These kind of comms are woefully inadequate and inconsistent; they are lacklustre and lukewarm and devoid of feeling or commitment… and the only question you really need to ask yourself when you’re agonising over whether he’ll “come good in the end” (as we all do, when in situationships with flaky people like this – it’s the hope that kills you!) is this: do you feel good now?

Do you feel lifted, held, lit up? Do you feel giddy and fulfilled? Do you feel seen? And I don’t just mean on the rare and sporadic dates, when it’s probably exciting and sexy and (intentionally) brief: I mean in the in-between times. The quiet times. The times when you aren’t out being busy and living your wonderful wild life, but are at home thinking about the man you are supposed to be romantically involved with. The times that you’re not seeing him, not hearing from him; the times you are acutely aware that your phone hasn’t “pinged” in six hours. At those times, can you place your hand on your heart and say that being attached to this man – with all of his inconsistencies, broken promises, lack of enthusiasm and crap communication – is making you feel happy?

Thought not. The issue with people who “breadcrumb” is that it’s all a facade: they often start out acting like they want all the things you want – that spark of chemistry, great communication, solid commitment (and the most crucial aspect of all when it comes to dating: time). But, inevitably, the veil falls away after a few short weeks and the truth comes out: because it’s all words and bluster. There’s no weight to it. They don’t really mean it – the “why” doesn’t matter (but believe me, it’s got nothing to do with you).

You say you would really like to break this cycle, so here’s what I’d like you to do now: I’d like you to flip the way you frame those horrible feelings of rejection from a “you” problem to a “them” problem. You are enough – more than enough – but they are not (not ready, not capable, not emotionally intelligent, or simply not enough for you). So, embark on a love affair with yourself, first. As fully and as desperately as possible. And if you really believe you’re worth only a few stale crumbs from some average man, then I’d like you to consider going for some gentle therapy sessions to work on building up your self-worth and self-esteem.

There are also some other practical ways you can stop this cycle, if it keeps on happening to you, but it relies on spotting the red flags before you’re emotionally invested – and then (crucially) acting on them, rather than ignoring them or seeing them as an enticing challenge!

They’re easy to spot: the hallmark of a breadcrumber is that their words and actions don’t align. They’ll say they like you and want a relationship with you, but then they’ll drop off the face of the earth for days. You’ll raise a problem and they’ll acknowledge it, but won’t make any effort to change their behaviour. And their communication is always inconsistent – in fact, intentionally so. It’s a process called “intermittent reinforcement” (also known as being “hot and cold”) and is a tried-and-tested way of keeping you anxious and craving their attention (eg, you have a great third date, but then they go radio silent for three days). It’s a toxic pattern of control in a relationship used by emotionally immature people.

But rather than letting these kinds of breadcrumbers push your boundaries until they work out exactly what they can get away with, you need to reaffirm your own standards – and be prepared to uphold them. If you think of yourself as someone strong and fiery and independent, then allowing some idiot to treat you like a lazy or second-choice option is doing you a dramatic disservice. So don’t let them. I’d be tempted to operate a three-strikes-and-you’re-out rule, to keep your boundaries firm and your dignity and self-respect intact. Unfortunately, in your case, it sounds like he’s had enough strikes already, and he should be well out of the door by now. So, why are you still here?

Are you hoping his love will mean more or have higher value because it’s difficult to obtain? Is that what “love” is or should be? Does love have greater worth if someone makes you work for it like you’re squeezing blood from a stone? Should love really be something you have to entrap and assail, to wrench from someone who’s clearly reluctant to give it? Should it be something you have to approach like an assault course, to be winched and bamboozled and threatened?

Because when I write that, it doesn’t feel very healthy, I’ll be honest – or very romantic. And it certainly isn’t something to moon over. In my opinion now, in my mid-forties, love is all the more meaningful when someone gives it freely and voluntarily. It’s all the more special because someone wants to give it to you, because they can’t not. Where I stand now, I want all the love: douse me in it, water me with it! Love shouldn’t be a game or a trick or double-bluffed. I want to be loved like I love my kids: openly, liberally, affectionally, hilariously, giddily and profusely.

So, by all means have a frank conversation with this guy about what you need to change, but be wary of platitudes, particularly if you’ve been here before. When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

Going forward, you might meet someone new and be worried about this happening again, so try to keep in mind a checklist of behaviours and the way they make you feel inside. The biggest way to tell you’re being breadcrumbed? Check in with yourself. If you’re feeling anxious and obsessive and are constantly checking your phone or over-analysing their last text – or if you feel like you’re always on eggshells – that’s your gut recognising the lack of safety before your head does.

Green flags in dating go like this: you should be feeling calm and excited after seeing them; you should be hearing from them regularly and consistently, they should be making plans with you and asking you on dates, they text when they say they will – and you’re not left playing guessing games or having to “decode” their texts with your friends. Emotional consistency is the ultimate antidote to anxiety. And you deserve it.

Do you have a problem you would like to raise anonymously with Dear Vix? Issues with love, relationships, family and work? Email dearvix@independent.co.uk

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