Many people assume emotional security means never feeling jealous, arguing or questioning where they stand. But couples in emotionally secure relationships can navigate discomfort without losing trust in each other.

As a psychologist who studies couples — and as a husband — I’ve seen that emotionally secure partners consistently act in ways that reinforce safety, both individually and together, even when things feel tense or uncertain.

Here are five things they do regularly.

Secure couples argue, sometimes passionately. In fact, research shows that they’re quite skilled at it. The difference is that they don’t sweep problems under the rug or storm off indefinitely.

Instead, they face discomfort head-on, acknowledging hurt feelings, admitting faults and tolerating the awkwardness of disagreement.

Most importantly, they always adjust their behavior afterward. For a conflict to truly end, it must leave both partners feeling heard and respected.

Emotionally secure couples enjoy nights out separately, maintain friendships outside the relationship, and pursue personal goals without guilt. They know trust grows when closeness and autonomy coexist.

Constant proximity is not a measure of intimacy. Secure partners understand that individuality fuels attraction and energy, making time together richer and more rewarding.

In insecure relationships, partners often assume they know what the other is thinking: “You’re distant because you don’t care,” or, “You’re mad because I didn’t take your advice.” This can escalate misunderstandings.

Secure couples strive to resist this impulse: When one of them seems off, the other asks and then listens. They ask, they listen and they trust the answers.

When you trust your partner will tell you what you need to know, you don’t feel compelled to read between the lines.

Not every phase of a healthy relationship has to feel electric. Workweeks, errands, and responsibilities can make life feel repetitive. In insecure couples, this monotony can trigger panic or doubt about the “spark.”

Emotionally secure couples, on the other hand, know not to panic when things sometimes feel monotonous. They see steadiness as a sign of safety, not stagnation, and recognize that love isn’t meant to feel like a constant high.

Even secure people have moments of doubt, but they don’t bombard each other with constant “Do you love me?” check-ins, nor do they withdraw in protest when reassurance isn’t immediate. They rely on evidence from their actions.

Research shows that effort matters more than what we realize, which is why secure couples pay special attention to one another’s hard work. They notice consistent patterns in behavior and language

Although the effort feels evenly split most days, on others, it may tilt 60/40 or 70/30, depending on who’s carrying more stress. What remains steady is their commitment to putting in as much effort as they can. They trust that love is visible in behavior, so long as they keep choosing to see it.

Mark Travers, PhD, is a psychologist who specializes in relationships. He holds degrees from Cornell University and the University of Colorado Boulder. He is the lead psychologist at Awake Therapy, a telehealth company that provides online psychotherapy, counseling, and coaching. He is also the curator of the popular mental health and wellness website Therapytips.org.

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I used to constantly second-guess my decisions and worry about worst-case scenarios. It slowed down my work, drained my energy, and made it harder to enjoy life. 

I’ve been a neuroscientist for over 20 years and I’ve learned that you don’t need to optimize every minute of your day to make your brain stronger. 

Even the smallest shifts in your approach can lead to positive changes that help you focus, feel calmer and fight burnout.

Here’s how I keep my brain strong and healthy.

High achievers often see anxiety as a flaw. I see it as a smoke detector: signals from the limbic system, your brain’s emotional center, pointing to what matters.

Whether it’s an emergency or just some burnt toast, I wouldn’t want to get rid of the alarm. In the past, ignoring my anxiety only made it harder to tell when to act and when to stay calm.

Now when I feel anxious, I pause and ask what it’s telling me about why this moment matters. Once I can name it, I can address it, rather than stewing or freezing.

When you’re under pressure, the prefrontal cortex — your brain’s CEO — floods with dopamine and norepinephrine.

These chemicals sharpen focus and drive in the short-term, but they also deplete the neurotransmitters tied to joy and fulfillment, like serotonin, oxytocin and endorphins.

This isn’t a sustainable form of motivation. It will only burn you out and make you miserable. 

When I start to get down on myself, I do a simple shift. Rather than ruminating on the outcomes I don’t want, I focus on the outcomes I do want. This helps clear my mind, and makes me more excited to pursue the goal in front of me. 

I don’t track my REM sleep or heart rate with an Apple Watch or an Oura Ring. Wading through too much data about things I can’t directly control just makes me more stressed.

If I wake up tired, I remind myself that today might be tough, but it’s going to be ok. Then I stick to my routine instead of trying to make up for it with additional caffeine or sleeping in the next day.

What helps more is managing the habits that set my brain up for good sleep: morning sunlight, a consistent bedtime to support melatonin release, regular exercise, and a calming nighttime routine to lower cortisol.

Jumping back and forth between different tasks and projects can sometimes make you feel more productive, because you get a little boost of dopamine every time you focus on something new. But that productivity boost is an illusion. 

Task-switching actually taxes the prefrontal cortex, the part of your brain that helps you make decisions and solve problems. This strain can lead to mistakes and mental exhaustion. 

When I really need to buckle down and get stuff done, I break the task into small time blocks so I can focus fully on one thing at a time. 

Positive thinking is a very powerful tool. But it can sometimes make you feel worse.

So many high achievers fall into this trap. They try to force their way to a good outcome by avoiding any negative feelings, and end up getting in their own way. 

A more helpful approach is to acknowledge and label your emotions.

It might feel silly, but it eases the load on your amygdala, letting your brain release tension and refocus with intention instead of suppressing your feelings.

For a long time, I focused solely on my ambition to avoid feeling like a failure.

From a neuroscience perspective, this approach elevated my stress hormones. I’d get a quick boost of dopamine and motivation, but in the long-term, it led to me feeling burned out.

Now, whenever I start to spiral, I take a deep breath and remind myself that I’m doing my best. 

By recognizing my worth beyond my output, I can rewire my brain and unlock a greater sense of joy and fulfillment.

Alex Korb, Ph.D., is a neuroscientist, UCLA professor, and mindset coach. He is the author of ”The Upward Spiral.”

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In the blur of adult life, it’s surprisingly easy to lose touch with people.

When I was younger, I felt comfortable stopping by friends’ houses just to say hi and see what they were up to. No plan, no pressure, and also no reason. In fact, not knowing the outcome was part of the fun! 

But as life got busier, I realized there was often a small internal hesitation when I thought of reaching out to someone: I don’t want to interrupt… It’s been too long… I should have something important to say… So instead, I’d think of someone fondly, feel a brief tug of connection, and then move on with my day, letting the moment pass.

It didn’t feel right. And so, after some false starts, I landed on an approach that removes nearly all of that friction.

I regularly send this 10-word message: “You crossed my mind, and I wanted to say hi.”

A simple text, that’s it. No explanation. No request. No expectation. Just a small signal that says: You matter to me. (If you feel inspired, add an emoji or two, like I usually do!)

You can send this to pretty much anyone in your life, past or present, including friends, colleagues, mentors, or loved ones. It’s simple, unpolished, and almost disarmingly small. And better yet, it always lands.

This message works because it asks for nothing. There’s no obligation baked into it, no implied follow-up, no pressure to perform closeness or produce a meaningful response. It leaves the other person completely free to reply immediately, to reply later, or not to reply at all. In doing so, it creates a sense of emotional safety that many messages unintentionally lack.

In a world that feels increasingly transactional and rushed, being remembered is surprisingly powerful. 

We’re living through what some researchers have begun calling a “friendship recession,” a quiet but profound decline in how people experience and sustain connection. According to a 2025 Pew Research Center survey, 20% of 30- to 49-year-olds feel lonely or isolated all or most of the time, while 24% of 18- to 29-year-olds report feeling the same.  

Loneliness among workers is on the rise, with as many as 20% of employees reporting daily loneliness, according to Gallup’s State of the Global Workplace Report. The same goes for 22% of remote workers and 25% of those under 35. 

Against these backdrops, sending a simple message to someone who crosses your mind matters. There is meaning in simply being thought of and connected with.

I don’t remember the first time I sent this message intentionally, but I do remember noticing how much people appreciated it. 

Sometimes the responses are immediate, and sometimes they arrive hours or days later. Some are quiet (“Thanks for reaching out.”), and others are effusive (“It’s so great to hear from you!”). 

What surprises me isn’t just the warmth of the responses, but also how every so often the timing feels wildly serendipitous. More than once, someone told me they had just been thinking about me. Or they were having a particularly hard day. Or I’d been in one of their dreams recently. To me, this highlights how we’re all more connected than we realize, even when we’re not in touch.

Sometimes, the exchanges naturally end there. But more often than not, they turn into a text conversation, call, or in-person coffee or lunch that adds momentum and connection to my day.

Over the years, I’ve shared this habit with others, and I often hear the same concerns: Wouldn’t that feel awkward? What if they don’t respond? What if it seems random? 

What I’ve gotten comfortable with is that any discomfort is on my (the sender’s) side — and that it’s super brief. Once it’s sent, a message that asks for nothing rarely feels intrusive. And if someone doesn’t respond, it doesn’t negate the kindness of the gesture. The message still did its work.

So who crossed your mind? Send them a quick message. You don’t need any other reason.

Sara Sutton is the founder of Liveand.Love, a platform built around the idea that small actions can meaningfully shape how we experience our days and relationships. She previously founded FlexJobs, Remote.co, and JobDirect, and is widely recognized for her work advancing remote and flexible work. Her insights have been featured by the BBC, The Wall Street Journal, CNN, and Forbes.

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When Naseema McElroy was 25, she owned five rental properties. It was how she thought she was going to build her wealth.

By taking advantage of subprime lending practices that allowed borrowers with weak credit histories to easily obtain high-interest mortgages in the early 2000s, McElroy figured she would borrow as much as she could to purchase multiple properties and it would all work out in the end, she tells CNBC Make It.

Then about a year later, in 2008, the housing market crashed.

“I was really naive,” McElroy says. Suddenly, she owed lenders more than what her properties were worth. To avoid foreclosure, she says she was forced to sell two of the investments for less than what was left on their mortgages. Two other properties were foreclosed on, and eventually she says she had to declare bankruptcy.

Since then, the now 44-year-old labor and delivery nurse has grown her net worth to over $1 million, according to documents reviewed by CNBC Make It. She owns her primary home, but the majority of her wealth comes from investing in the stock market through broad-based index funds, documents show.

The biggest lesson she says she’s learned from the experience: “Real estate is one form of investing, but it’s not the only form.”

While there can be upsides to investing in real estate, it’s significantly riskier than investing in the stock market and can require a lot more work than many investors anticipate, says Alex Caswell, a certified financial planner and founder of Wealth Script Advisors in San Francisco, California.

On social media, “there’s been a popularization of the idea that real estate is somehow a silver bullet in terms of building wealth,” Caswell says. However, in reality, becoming a successful real estate investor requires extensive research and dedication, he says.

Before purchasing a property, Caswell says investors should consider a swath of variables, including how much it could appreciate, property taxes, maintenance costs, insurance expenses and the best way to finance the purchase.

All of these variables rely on assumptions, and adding all of your assumptions together can create “a lot more of an unpredictable investment experience,” Caswell says.

Additionally, becoming a landlord like McElroy may not be as easy as collecting a monthly check, Caswell says.

“I just remember how hard it was to be a landlord,” says McElroy, who was also working full time as a health-care administrator at the time.

On top of constant costs associated with maintaining her homes, she says collecting rent and dealing with tenants became a constant struggle.

McElroy says she never generated as much revenue from the venture as she expected, and looking back, McElroy says her failure to understand the true costs associated with real estate before taking on so much debt became the biggest money-related mistake she has ever made.

If you’re not looking to commit to becoming a full-time real estate investor, Caswell says you’re probably better off prioritizing financial security by investing in the stock market through retirement and traditional brokerage accounts.

If you want to “dabble” in purchasing property, only do so once you’ve saved enough to retire comfortably, he says.

“The risk and the level of dedication to succeed in a real estate venture is going to be so great that if you fail at it, it could really set you back financially,” Caswell says.

Want to lead with confidence and bring out the best in your team? Take CNBC’s new online course, How To Be A Standout Leader. Expert instructors share practical strategies to help you build trust, communicate clearly and motivate other people to do their best work. Sign up now and use coupon code EARLYBIRD for an introductory discount of 25% off the regular course price of $127 (plus tax). Offer valid March 16 through March 30, 2026. Terms apply.

In some ways, artificial intelligence chatbots seem ready-made to help answer basic questions about work like, “How do I ask my boss for a promotion?” or “What should I tell my colleague who’s slowing down our project?”

Those exact types of questions can probably be answered more accurately and helpfully by a close colleague — someone who knows you and your character well, and creates a “safe environment” for you to share your problems and perspectives — says Peter Stewart, a Richland, Washington-based business psychologist and managing partner at coaching firm Stewart Leadership. Always ask them first, he recommends.

“If you want to go and practice, ‘Hey, how does this sound? How does this come across?’ it can be [useful] there. But they’re not going to be the good decision-maker for you,” says Stewart, who specializes in leadership consulting and change management. “That’s where it really does continue to help to have the human to check with, to practice and to have that perspective on.”

AI can be helpful for analytical or research activities, Stewart says. It can be less effective for social, creative or emotional queries, he says, as chatbots lack real empathy and situational understanding.

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Many chatbots are designed to give you answers that you’ll like, not necessarily ones that are helpful, found a working paper from Harvard University researchers published in August. Large-language models can even “resort to manipulative or deceptive tactics to obtain positive feedback from users,” a variety of AI researchers similarly found in a February 2025 conference paper.

Tech companies are investing billions of dollars into developing and improving AI hardware and software, with many users already leaning on the technology as a productivity tool or conversation partner. In a health research survey of more than 20,000 U.S. adults published on Jan. 21, nearly 90% of the participants who said they used generative AI daily also reported using it for personal reasons like emotional support and advice.

But for workplace questions that involve real people, you probably won’t get your best answer from AI, says Stewart. If you have a best friend at work, or any other trustworthy colleague with whom you feel comfortable sharing, you can likely benefit more from asking them instead, he says.

“You’ve got a history with this person, and you know they’re coming with your best interest at heart,” says Stewart. “They can lay it straight … They even ask questions like, ‘What do you mean by that? Like, did you notice this was there? Was there something else that you wanted to share?’”

Consulting your work bestie does come with caveats. If the two of you only ever complain about your managers or colleagues, you might not get much useful feedback from the conversation, says Stewart. Plus, either of you could get promoted at any time — a possibility that can make it difficult to protect yourself from future power imbalances, therapist and career coach Brandon Smith told CNBC Make It in November 2023.

Try to be tactful whenever you discuss workplace issues with a colleague, Smith recommended. Instead of saying something like, “I hate having meetings with Ben,” for example, you could say, “It’s been hard to get my point across in my huddles with Ben. Should I communicate differently?”

Ultimately, the goal is to have people you trust in your corner, says Stewart. When you ask for their feedback, they will think, “It’s an honor. Wow. You value my judgment. Sure, happy to help you,” he says.

Want to lead with confidence and bring out the best in your team? Take CNBC’s new online course, How To Be A Standout Leader. Expert instructors share practical strategies to help you build trust, communicate clearly and motivate other people to do their best work. Sign up now and use coupon code EARLYBIRD for an introductory discount of 25% off the regular course price of $127 (plus tax). Offer valid March 16 through March 30, 2026. Terms apply.