Small talk often gets a bad rap. It can feel awkward, superficial and pointless at times — if you’re doing it wrong.

But it’s one of the most powerful tools in your arsenal to build relationships, exude a strong presence and even lift your mood. 

The problem with most small talk is that it’s happening on autopilot, which means that people are asking questions they can already predict the answers to, such as: 

• “How are you?” 
• “How’s the weather?”  
• “How was your weekend?”

When you ask autopilot questions, you can almost guarantee you’ll get autopilot responses: 

• “I’m good, thanks. How about you?”
• “It’s so cold!”
• “My weekend was good, thanks. How about yours?”

Want the antidote to autopilot small talk? Use conversational threading.

Conversational threading is a technique that leads to more meaningful interactions by creating or pulling on “threads” — or compelling little tidbits that encourage more flowing and interesting conversation. 

It can help you have better conversations in your personal and professional life, whether you’re in a job interview, at a networking event, in a team meeting, at a party, or in line at a coffee shop.

Here’s how to use it: 

Offer a few threads people can pull on

Let’s say you’re asked the autopilot question “How was your weekend?” Instead of giving a rote answer, you might say: “My weekend was great! I went hiking and celebrated my niece’s birthday.” You’ve now offered two threads: They can ask about your hike or your niece. 

Here are a few more examples to help you improve your replies to common small talk prompts:

Question: “What brings you to [place/event]?“
Autopilot answer: “I’m here for work.“
Better answer: “I’m here hoping to learn more about [X topic] to help my team achieve [Y goal]. I’m excited to meet others looking to do similar things. How about yourself?”

Question: “How are you?“
Autopilot answer: “I’m good. Busy as usual, you know how it is!“
Better answer: “I’m good! Work has been keeping me on my toes, but I just started a new project that I’m really excited about. How about you?”

Question: “How’s it going?” 
Autopilot answer: “Things are good on my end.“
Better answer: “I’ve been focused on wrapping up [X project], and I’m excited to share it at the all-hands next week. I’d love to hear your thoughts after!”

Pull on other people’s threads

Active listening is key if you want to identify threads to pull on. For example, if you ask someone where they’re from and they respond with “San Francisco,” our natural inclination is to then share where we are from, and then the conversation might fall flat. 

Instead, pull on that thread of information you’ve been given and ask a follow up question like, “What’s your favorite part about living there?” 

You can also share your own experiences with San Francisco to keep the conversation going. When you share more about yourself, it can often prompt the other person to be more open to sharing as well.

If you’re stuck on how to continue a conversation because the other person isn’t giving you any threads to pull on, make an observation about something you see. This works particularly well in situations like video calls, where you can comment on or ask about something in that person’s background, like a piece of art or photo (or the virtual background they’ve selected). 

Ask better questions to prompt threads

You can encourage more engaging conversation by tweaking your small talk questions to better facilitate conversational threading. For example: 

Common question: “How are you?“
Better question: “What are you excited to be working on?”

Common question: “How was your weekend?
Better question: “What was the highlight of your weekend?”

Common question: “What brought you to this event?“
Better question: “What’s been your favorite takeaway so far?”

Having a few go-to questions in your back pocket can be especially helpful if you’re still practicing this technique.

Tweaking your small talk questions and responses to use more positive language — words like “excited,” “highlight” and “favorite” — primes you and the other person to think about your conversation more positively. 

Try using positive words as you provide and pull on threads next time you talk to someone. I’m excited for you to have deeper, more interesting conversations from here on out.

Lorraine K. Lee is an award-winning top virtual keynote speaker, CEO of RISE Learning Solutions, and author of “Unforgettable Presence: Get Seen, Gain Influencer, and Catapult Your Career.” She teaches popular courses with LinkedIn Learning and Stanford Continuing Studies. Her clients include Zoom, Cisco, LinkedIn, ASICS, McKinsey & Company, and many others.

Want to be a successful, confident communicator? Take CNBC’s online course Become an Effective Communicator: Master Public Speaking. We’ll teach you how to speak clearly and confidently, calm your nerves, what to say and not say, and body language techniques to make a great first impression. Get started today. 

Bill Gates credits much of his success to how his parents raised him.

His father, William Gates Sr., “very much believed in” a parenting philosophy called “Love and Logic,” which involves setting clear boundaries for children and calmly enforcing them with empathy, Gates tells CNBC Make It.

“It was clear [to me] the world was a place that he had under control,” Gates says. His father always made an effort to remain “calm and always predictable,” even when his children were struggling or acting out, he adds.

“He was never panicked,” says Gates. “He never had to show emotion or use emotion against me, even when I was being incredibly obstreperous.”

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Gates was a frustrating child to raise, he says. He particularly butted heads with his mother, refusing to leave his bedroom — where he’d spend hours immersed in books, snarkily shouting at his mom if she tried to draw him out, he wrote in his new memoir “Source Code,” which published last week.

His parents worried about his early struggles in school, where he was often distracted and uninterested in taking assignments seriously, he added. Gates caused them “so much turmoil” that they took him to a therapist, he wrote.

“I’m at war with my parents,” Gates recalled telling the therapist.

Rather than overreacting by raising his voice or inflicting harsh punishments, Gates’ father “would always use reason and thoughtfulness and calmness,” Gates says.

Gates Sr. believed in “having clear rules, enforcing them in a clear, predictable way, with the minimum amount of emotion,” Gates says, which is the essence of the “Love and Logic” philosophy first popularized in the 1970s by creators Foster Cline, a child psychiatrist, and Jim Fay, an educator.

For Gates Sr., that often meant coming home from his job as an attorney and calmly de-escalating whatever conflict had arisen between Gates and his mother, Mary. ”‘In our house, as you know, we don’t do things like that. I think it’s fair that you go upstairs now and apologize,’ he might say,” Gates recounted, “with an emotional distance that showed he was serious, and that I better listen.”

The only notable exception: Once, Gates was such a “smart aleck” at a childhood dinner that his dad threw a glass of water in his face, an “extreme” reaction so out of character that it gave the younger Gates a “shock,” he wrote.

Over time, his father’s calming influence helped Gates better control his emotional outbursts, he wrote.

Gates’ parents had different parenting styles, and both deserve credit for his success as an adult, he says. While Mary Gates tended to get more “worked up” than her husband when Bill misbehaved or underperformed at school, her passion helped shape her son’s motivation to succeed, he says.

“It’s something about my relationship with my mom that I really wanted to succeed so much that there wouldn’t even be a question [of her being] disappointed,” says Gates.

He also credits his parents for being open-minded while dealing with a difficult child. They gave him the freedom to explore his interests and curiosity, including spending hours in his room reading or going on week-long hikes with his friends, he says. They always encouraged his curiosity, treated his interests with respect and praised him for asking thoughtful questions, Gates wrote.

“It’s a pretty amazing way that [they] took whatever my natural predilection was and really pushed it forward,” he says.

Gates later adopted his dad’s philosophy when he and then-wife Melinda had three children of their own, he says. He cited “Parenting With Love and Logic,” a book by Cline and Fay, as one of his 10 favorite books of all time in a 2016 New York Times article.

“It has been an invaluable guide for both of us, especially when it comes to de-escalating those inevitable conflicts between parents and kids,” wrote Gates.

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Plus, sign up for CNBC Make It’s newsletter to get tips and tricks for success at work, with money and in life.

Most couples think they know each other well, but real intimacy is a lot more than just being able to name your partner’s favorite food or TV shows.

As a psychologist, I’ve found that people in the happiest, most successful relationships see in their partner what others can’t or would normally overlook.

If you can answer these five questions below about your partner, your relationship is built on a highly coveted level of understanding and connection. (And if you don’t know the answers? It’s the perfect excuse to start asking.)

We all have those moments that stick with us for life — something a high school teacher said in passing, a compliment from a stranger or a minor rejection that still stings years later.

These events might seem insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but they can radically alter the way we see ourselves, and they rarely come up in casual conversation.

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If you know about one of these small core memories in your partner’s life, it means you’ve had the kind of deep conversations that reveal the invisible threads of their personhood.

When life gets hectic, everyone has their own way of mentally checking out. Some fantasize about quitting their job and moving to a remote island. Others scroll real estate listings for cities they’ll never move to, or envision alternate versions of their life.

This is so much more than just a quirky habit; it’s a window into how your partner copes with stress. If you know the answer, it means you understand their inner workings, and that’s a rare kind of closeness.

We all have social scenarios that make us feel uneasy. Maybe your partner dreads small talk at parties, or they hate ordering at a restaurant in a group setting.

Knowing what makes your partner uncomfortable means you can be a source of support in situations where they might otherwise just grin and bear it. This is a sign that you’re truly attuned to their subtle mood changes — something that the untrained eye wouldn’t notice.

Whether we like it or not, we inherit certain habits from our upbringing — some good, some bad. For example, maybe your partner has a hard time accepting compliments because they never got any growing up.

If you know what habit your partner struggles with, it means you’ve had the vulnerable conversations about the family dynamics that shaped them into who they are today. These are the kinds of details most people don’t get the chance to learn, or simply don’t care to.

Everyone has accomplishments that they’re secretly proud of, but refrain from announcing to the world.

Maybe your partner once helped a stranger in a way that changed their life, or they pushed through a health, family or finance-related struggle that no one knows about. 

If you know about any of their unsung victories, it means your partner feels safe enough to share their most humble, meaningful moments with you. That kind of trust is invaluable in a relationship.

Mark Travers, PhD, is a psychologist who specializes in relationships. He holds degrees from Cornell University and the University of Colorado Boulder. He is the lead psychologist at Awake Therapy, a telehealth company that provides online psychotherapy, counseling and coaching. He is also the curator of the popular mental health and wellness website, Therapytips.org.

Want to up your AI skills and be more productive? Take CNBC’s new online course How to Use AI to Be More Successful at Work. Expert instructors will teach you how to get started, practical uses, tips for effective prompt-writing, and mistakes to avoid.

As a physical therapist and fitness trainer, my clients are always asking me what they can do to keep their bodies young and healthy.

As we age, we naturally lose strength, range of motion and flexibility, which can cause stiffness, discomfort and an increased risk of injury. So mobility is crucial for long-term pain relief and overall longevity.

So if you ask any fitness expert what stretch is the best for longevity, they’ll tell you about the “World’s Greatest Stretch.” This full body movement can improve mobility, work a variety of muscle groups and keep your body in excellent condition as you age.

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1. Start in a high plank position. Keep your hands directly beneath your shoulders, and your body in a straight line from head to heels.
2. Step your right foot forward. Place it outside your right hand, forming a deep lunge. Make sure your front knee stays aligned over your ankle.
3. Reach your right arm upward. Rotate your torso to the right, extending your arm toward the ceiling. Follow your hand with your eyes to enhance spinal mobility.
4. Return your hand to the ground. Bring your right arm back down and place it on the inside of your front foot.
5. Straighten your front leg. Shift your weight back slightly to stretch your hamstring. Hold for 10 seconds, then return to the lunge.
6. Switch sides. Step your right foot back to the plank position and repeat on the left side.

Not only does this stretch feel amazing, but it is also science-backed. According to studies, dynamic stretching is more effective than static stretching at increasing flexibility and getting your muscles ready for exercise.

For the best results, aim to perform this stretch for five to 10 repetitions on each side, holding each position for a few seconds. Try to reach a little bit deeper into the lunge as you rotate to improve your mobility over time.

As you do this stretch on a daily basis, you’ll start to notice:

• Improved hip flexibility: Tight hips are a common issue that can lead to increased tension in the lower back.
• Strengthened stabilizing muscles: By holding the stretch position, you’re actually performing a core exercise by stabilizing at your hips and trunk.
• Boosted circulation: Dynamic movements stimulate blood flow to the muscles, which helps with recovery and reduces inflammation.
• Enhanced joint health: Moving joints through their full range of motion promotes synovial fluid production, which lubricates and protects cartilage.

Keep in mind that, while this stretch is excellent for most people, it’s not for everyone. If you have a physical condition or health concerns, consult with your doctor first.

Andy Fata-Chan is a physical therapist and the founder of Moment Physical Therapy and Performance, which specializes in helping patients with chronic debilitating pain get back to high performance. His experience ranges from youth athletes to Olympic and professional-level athletes.

Want to up your AI skills and be more productive? Take CNBC’s new online course How to Use AI to Be More Successful at Work. Expert instructors will teach you how to get started, practical uses, tips for effective prompt-writing, and mistakes to avoid.

More than one-third of Americans earn money outside of their day job with a side hustle, according to a 2024 Bankrate survey.

If you’ve ever considered starting your own but don’t know where to begin, Smarter by CNBC Make It’s new online course How to Start a Side Hustle can help.

It features three side hustle experts, who offer practical tips and strategies to create a new revenue stream while balancing your day job.

The course is open for pre-registration on February 18, and you’ll be able to access it starting on February 25. You’ll get 90 minutes of instructional video lessons that you can watch at any time, and a companion workbook with additional exercises and resources.

This course can help you:

1. Identify the best type of side hustle for your skills and schedule 
2. Understand the three main paths to success 
3. Master time management tips
4. Learn how to find and keep customers 
5. Develop a plan to launch your side hustle 

What you get with our course:

• 90 minutes of instructional video content broken into digestible lessons
• A downloadable workbook with exercises you can complete
• Instant access to watch and read all the materials at your own pace

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• Kathy Kristof, creator of SideHusl.com, a website that reviews and rates hundreds of side hustle platforms.
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• Nick Loper, founder of SideHustleNation.com and host of “The Side Hustle Show” podcast, where he’s interviewed hundreds of creative entrepreneurs.

Whether you’re looking to dip your toe into entrepreneurship, monetize a hobby or just earn some extra money, exploring a side hustle could help you meet your goals.

Sign up now for How to Start a Side Hustle and use the coupon code EARLYBIRD for an introductory discount of 30% off the regular course price of $97 (plus tax). Offer valid February 18, 2025, through April 1, 2025. Terms apply.