What’s in short supply for just about everyone these days? A sense of control and influence. 

Things might seem like they’re increasingly out of our hands, impossible to understand let alone alter. But the truth is that you can have more influence — at least in your immediate circles — with just a few words.

I’ve been studying how influence works for 30 years, and even wrote a popular book about it: “Leading from the Middle: A Playbook for Managers to Influence Up, Down, and Across the Organization.” 

Here are six phrases that will give you more influence over people — both at work and in life. 

Everyone likes praise. But it becomes influential when you give a special brand of praise I call “informed encouragement.” That is, encouragement that’s backed up with specific reasons and rationale.

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For example, you could just say “Great job!” to your child. Or you can say, “Great job! You worked hard studying for that test, tackling material that didn’t come easily. You persevered and learned a lesson about overcoming obstacles.” 

The specificity gives the praise credibility and power. When the recipient understands what they did well, sees why it matters, and knows that you notice and appreciate it, they’ll be more motivated to do it again.

One of the easiest ways to have more influence is to truly listen. Think of how drawn you are to someone who’s really attentive, and how frustrated you feel when you know they’re not. 

As a listener, you have two goals:

1. Understand what’s being said.
2. Show the other person you’re interested, engaged, and invested in them and what they’re telling you.

You accomplish all of this by asking questions and prompting them at the right moments to “tell you more” (or asking, “What happened next?” or, “How did you feel about that?”).

As you listen, use acknowledging rather than discounting language. For example, instead of saying, “Oh, it’ll be okay,” try something like, “I hear you, sounds like you’re frustrated with your husband’s behavior right now.” 

By using validating, empathetic language, you’ll make people feel heard rather than dismissed. You’ll build the trust it takes to earn respect and influence.

The key here is the “er,” a subtle but powerful word change. I’ll explain. Influence is sometimes about appealing to people’s desired identity. For example:

• Don’t ask people to help, ask them to be a helper.
• Don’t ask them to lead, ask them to be a leader.
• Don’t ask them to listen, ask them to be a listener.

You’ll get a “yes” far more often. After all, who wouldn’t want to be thought of as a helper, leader, or listener? These are all identities we’d love to be associated with. 

This language swap also works to discourage undesirable actions. In one psychology study, participants were given the opportunity to claim money they weren’t entitled to. Some were instructed, “Please don’t cheat,” and others, “Please don’t be a cheater.”

Those who heard the latter — who were instructed with an appeal to their identity — showed no evidence of cheating because the experimenters had invoked “people’s desire to maintain a self-image as good and honest.”

The key here is “you have.” This is about helping people feel ownership of ideas, and motivating them to move forward. It’s a subtle form of influence, but it works. Think about it: Would you be more excited to work on someone else’s idea, or one you came up with? No contest. 

Let’s say a coworker shares an idea you were thinking about too, something you’d really like to implement. You know you’d need your peer’s help to make it happen. You could try to wrestle credit away from them and make them less inspired to help, or you can say, “That’s a good idea you have. Let’s run with it.”

Just like that, you’ve linked your agenda to their agenda. 

Notice I didn’t say, “Can I get your help?” Seeking advice is far more influential.

People often feel flattered that you value their opinion and expertise and because you’re asking for their advice, they’ll try to see things through your eyes. They’ll often become your supporters as a result, because now they’ve invested in you by sharing their wisdom. 

This is about supporting the people around you as you’d like to be supported, and understanding human nature to trigger good will and reciprocity. 

Offering to help someone with something that’s important to them — and, crucially, following through to make good on your offer — makes them more likely to want to help you with something that’s important to you down the line. 

Scott Mautz is a popular speaker, trainer, and LinkedIn Learning instructor. He’s a former senior executive of Procter & Gamble, where he ran several of the company’s largest multi-billion-dollar businesses. He is the author of ”The Mentally Strong Leader: Build the Habits to Productively Regulate Your Emotions, Thoughts, and Behaviors.” Follow him on LinkedIn.

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Anne-Worley Moelter used to be “terrified” of heights, so it’s pretty surprising that she grew up to become a leader in the rock-climbing world.

Moelter was in middle school when she went to a North Carolina summer camp and had her first go at the sport.

“I didn’t want to go, and my camp counselor really encouraged me,” Moelter, now 46, tells CNBC Make It. “As soon as I did, I fell in love with it.”

Moelter returned to climbing after graduating college; moving to Boulder, Colorado; and quitting an unsatisfying tech job. After she left the tech world, she got hired as an assistant manager at a climbing gym and jumpstarted her career in the field.

Today, Moelter is the CEO of Movement Gyms, a nationwide network of over 30 climbing gyms with fitness facilities and yoga studios.

It’s actually her second run at the chief executive role: Back In 2009, she and her husband, Mike, opened their own climbing gym in Boulder, and Moelter was CEO. The cofounders opened two more locations, in 2014 and 2018, before their success got the attention of a larger fitness network that wanted to acquire them.

The couple didn’t immediately jump on the offer. At the time, they were focused on opening their third gym, and “we just were not interested. It was not the right time,” Moelter says.

Conversations picked up again in 2019, and they finally reached a deal: The network bought the Moelters’ facilities and rebranded to become Movement Gyms. Moelter stepped down as CEO but became a member of the board of directors.

The biggest appeal of joining the network was to improve the experience for members, guests and staff, Moelter says. “When you have a network of gyms that is 30 versus three, inherently there are just more things you can do for people,” she says. Now, she could offer staff better benefits and opportunities to grow in the company, while members and guests would have access to more facilities across the U.S.

“I’d be lying if I didn’t say there were bumps along the way, because there always are when you have transitions of any type,” Moelter says.

One big challenge was recognizing her small business was such a large part of her identity, she says. Another: knowing what worked for your small organization won’t always work on a larger scale, and figuring out how to come up with new business expectations and operations.

“Being able to adopt skills quickly, to know how to ask questions, to understand what’s going to work best for economies of scale, that has been a fascinating learning curve that I’ve actually enjoyed very much,” Moelter says.

She continued her position on the board until 2024, when she was asked to return to her role as CEO.

Yet again, it wasn’t an immediate yes.

“There was a lot of soul-searching, to be quite frank,” Moelter says. She was already very active in her board seat and engaging with the business on a weekly basis.

“To step back into the CEO position is very different, and it is a lot,” she says.

“And yet,” she continues, “to me, having the opportunity to hopefully positively affect change and positively impact people’s lives, from our members and guests to our team members, if I can do that, then I feel like I will have done well in this life.”

It’s allowed her to exercise the best career advice she’s ever gotten from an advisor who said, “as a small business owner starting things from the ground up, you have to be really resolute in terms of why it is you’re doing what you’re doing,” Moelter says. “When you get knocked down for the ninth time, you have to know what it is that’s going to motivate you to get up for that 10th attempt.”

Moelter recognizes that her leadership in the industry, especially for such a long period of time, is “unusual.”

“I do believe that part of it is because we are so young,” Moelter says, referring to the rock climbing field in particular.

Some 70% of self-employed gym owners are men, compared with 29% who are women, according to 2022 data from Sport Alliance and the Women in Fitness Association.

“What is really encouraging is our leadership team at Movement is comprised of eight people, and five of those are women,” Moelter says. “Over the past decade or two, we have seen that gap has closed in terms of disparity in gender.”

Throughout the changes, Moelter says one thing has remained constant on her calendar: A weekly rock-climbing “power hour” that she’s had with her climbing partner, Angela, for over 20 years.

“We have moved through all of those stages of life together,” Moelter says, including both becoming moms and growing in their careers. Moelter has two kids: a 9-year-old son who’s on the climbing team affiliated with Movement Gyms and 13-year-old daughter who joins her family on the wall recreationally.

“We get in there, and we get on the ropes, and we climb, and we catch up. It’s awesome,” Moelter says of her weekly catchup with Angela. “It’s good for my soul and it’s good for my body, and I so enjoy the time with her. It’s a highlight of the week.”

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Most people make the same communication mistake at work, says Adam Grant: They don’t share an appropriate amount about their personal lives with their coworkers.

Workers tend to either reveal too much about themselves, which can damage their professional reputation — or they don’t share enough, which can lead to decreased trust, says Grant, a bestselling author and organizational psychologist at The Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania.

People who share too much tend to lack a sense of personal boundaries: They “love to blur the line between work and the rest of life,” says Grant, who also holds a “chief worklife expert” consultant title at careers website Glassdoor. “Their offices are decorated with pictures of their families. They take work calls from home at all hours. They invite their colleagues over for dinner and even sometimes go on vacation with them.”

But when you intertwine your work and personal lives, you’ll probably struggle to find moments to recharge, Grant says. And if you feel pressure to always be outgoing at work or say “yes” when you don’t want to, you can accidentally put yourself on a faster path toward burnout.

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The people who don’t talk enough about themselves want a “strict border between work and the rest of life,” says Grant. But if you don’t ever talk about anything related to your non-work life, you might struggle to build trusting relationships with your colleagues, which you typically need to grow your career.

Fifty-three percent of U.S. professionals say they avoid making connections at work because they want to keep their work and personal lives separate, according to a January 2025 Glassdoor poll of over 800 workers. This can lead to loneliness, something 58% of U.S. adults struggle with, according to a 2021 report from insurance and health care company The Cigna Group.

Sharing the exact right amount about your personal life at work requires some self-awareness and professional discretion, Grant says. His recommendation: Stick to relevant, work-related conversation topics and sprinkle in some light, personal levity when necessary.

“Think about the things you want to share that might actually overlap with what other people care about in your workplace,” says Grant. Take advantage of team-building and group work opportunities — where you can bond with co-workers over a common goal, or things otherwise happening within your company, he adds.

If you struggle to strike a healthy balance of sharing, you might want to skip your office’s more lax activities, Grant says. Work parties, happy hours and games of table tennis can bring you closer to your colleagues, but the environment can make it easier for you to accidentally overshare. 

″‘Deep fun’ is like, we’re going to bond around rolling up our sleeves to tackle a problem we care about, or a mission that matters to us,” says Grant, referencing a term coined by bestselling author Daniel Coyle. “That’s where a lot of trust and connection and camaraderie happens in the workplace.”

If you’re still on the fence about what to share — and what not to — with your boss and coworkers, ex-CVS Health CEO Karen Lynch has a simple piece of advice: Share whatever directly helps you solve a problem or connect with someone else. If it doesn’t meet either of those two criteria, don’t bring it up.

“There’s things that you can talk about that can make a difference,” Lynch told LinkedIn’s “This is Working” video series last year. “And there’s a fine line.”

Lynch said she followed her own advice at a town hall about mental health at insurance company Aetna, when she was that company’s president. She shared a personal story about her mother committing suicide when Lynch was 12 years old, hoping to convey the importance of taking mental health seriously, she said.

Afterward, an employee with a similar experience reached out to her and thanked her for speaking up, she said. Sharing the deeply personal subject helped Lynch forge a bond with at least one employee, potentially helping change the way her organization approached mental health, she added.

Other personal anecdotes and banter can cross the line, she warned.

“You’re not going to share, ’I got into a fight with my husband last night,” Lynch said.

Correction: This story has been updated to reflect that Karen Lynch is the former CEO of CVS Health.

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This past December, my husband, our three boys and I went for a whirlwind two-day trip to Finland. As soon as we arrived, our driver told us with enthusiasm: “Sunrise is at noon, and sunset is around 3:30 p.m.!”

I stared at him in disbelief. Finland is regularly ranked as the happiest country in the world. “How is everyone so happy when you get almost no daylight for months?” I wondered. “Why aren’t you all super depressed?” I proceeded to ask literally everyone we met there.

As a New Yorker who recently uprooted my family for a European life in sunny Lisbon, where I spend my days coaching entrepreneurs on how to tell better stories, nothing prepared me for this low daylight, high happiness paradox. 

Here are a few lessons I learned that weekend that have changed my views on work and life:

When our driver casually mentioned that “in winter, we need more rest anyway,” it challenged everything I knew about productivity as an entrepreneur coming from New York’s hustle culture. 

Despite the dark winter, Finland has a productive economy that is one of the world’s most innovative.

I realized shorter days can mean more focused meetings, more intentional projects and an acceptance that winter energy is different. You can’t do as much in the winter, and that’s OK.

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I’m living this right now with my AI storytelling tool side project. Instead of marathon content creation sessions I don’t have the bandwidth for, I carve out just one hour, three mornings a week to create a few high-impact pieces (posts, emails or videos).

The result? Better content. When you only have an hour, you don’t have time to procrastinate or overthink.

When we met Erika, our husky sledding guide who’d just returned from a 10-day, 1,200-kilometer race with her dogs, she told us she was booked solid for the rest of the season.

She has no content or SEO strategy and no real social media presence. But anyone who meets Erika ends up telling everyone they know about her. Her passion for her dogs and genuine stories are more effective than any contrived marketing strategy.

I’m seeing this in my own business, too. My AI tool started as a free bot with no plan other than to help my community tell good stories. It was a passion project. No marketing or growth strategy. But people who tried it became obsessed with it and told their friends, who wanted to pay for access to what we’d made. 

Now it’s a full-fledged product and thriving community that practically markets itself. It’s proof to me, along with Erika’s story, that in a world obsessed with metrics, followers and trends, real passion and authentic storytelling can cut through the noise.

“Self-care” isn’t a meaningless buzzword in Finland. Because they have little of it, the Finns don’t take daylight for granted — and they take preventative measures before it gets bad.

Everyone we met had some sort of intentional practice, like daily outdoor walks (yes, even in the dark in negative 10 degree weather) or sacred sauna rituals. 

It’s like they’ve known forever what the rest of us are just figuring out: Taking care of yourself should be woven into the fabric of everyday life.

I’ve restructured my own days after this wake-up call. Instead of diving into work right after school drop-off, I now head straight to the gym and keep my phone tucked away until 10 a.m.

Yes, I start work later. But showing up mentally clear beats showing up early.

“In Finland, we make sure everyone is okay,” our driver shared, explaining their comprehensive social systems and telling us about his dad’s cancer medication that runs about $12,000 a month, but costs him only about $30.

About a year and a half into European living, I’m realizing how much of an outlier the U.S. is — and how we’ve normalized a system where taking risks often means risking everything.

While I can’t singlehandedly change laws or healthcare systems, I can choose to build my own business differently. I’ve made it a point to create the supports I wish I’d had: flexible schedules for my fully remote team, a commitment to make health and mental health priority No. 1, and a spoken mantra of “no work is ever more important than your or your families’ well-being.”

I’ve seen firsthand how having a real safety net makes people brave enough to innovate.

When our Northern Lights tour was cancelled due to fog, our Airbnb hosts said they’d take us and a few other strangers to their family farm — which had amazing views of the phenomenon — despite the weather. They didn’t want us to miss this once-in-a-lifetime experience.

In work and life, we often get fixated on our original plans. But the Finns showed me that when things go wrong, unscripted moments can deliver the best results.

At the end of the trip, my kids all said their favorite experience was “the Northern Lights!” It reminded me that we always need to leave room to adapt in the moment. Because things might turn out even better than we’d hoped.

I learned this myself last year when my course creation plans hit a wall. That setback led me to pivot and build an AI storytelling tool instead. What looked like a failure at first became an unexpected breakthrough.

Patrice Poltzer is an award-winning former TODAY Show producer who developed My StoryPro — a platform that combines artificial intelligence with human-centered coaching to help entrepreneurs uncover and share their authentic stories. She now runs her business from Lisbon (with three young boys in tow). Find her on LinkedIn and Instagram.

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Kids who communicate well, handle emotions effectively and build healthy relationships aren’t just naturally skilled at social interactions. They’ve learned these skills from their parents or trusted adults.

I’ve worked with thousands of kids and families, often helping them navigate tough moments. People skills — like empathy, communication, boundary-setting and conflict resolution — are crucial during life’s biggest challenges. They also shape how kids handle everyday stress, friendships and family dynamics. 

Here are six things that parents who raise kids with strong people skills do on a regular basis:

Rather than shielding their kids and avoiding difficult topics like illness, death or big life changes, these parents build trusting relationships by approaching tough conversations with openness, honesty and compassion.

They use simple, clear language and invite questions, teaching children that it’s okay to talk about uncomfortable topics and to seek support. 

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Parents who create a home environment where kids feel safe expressing their thoughts and emotions raise children who have an easier time communicating and advocating for themselves. 

These parents are comfortable naming and showing their own emotions in front of their kids, including joy and playfulness in difficult times. 

When their children feel frustrated, sad or overwhelmed, they don’t dismiss those emotions or say things like, “Don’t cry,” “It’s not a big deal,” or “You’re okay.” Instead, they validate their child’s experience:

• “It’s okay to cry. I’m here with you.”
• “I see you’re feeling upset.”
• “Your feelings make sense.”

This teaches kids that all feelings are okay, helps them learn and practice coping strategies to regulate their emotions, and allows them to feel safe expressing themselves. 

When conflicts or challenges arise, these parents don’t force quick apologies. Instead, they guide their children to consider the other person’s feelings, asking questions like:

• “How do you think your friend feels about what just happened?”
• “Does your sibling seem okay right now?”
• “What do you think would help them feel better?”

This helps kids develop perspective-taking skills, gives them a better understanding of what’s within their control, and shows them how both their actions and external factors impact others — ultimately making their apologies more meaningful and their relationships stronger.

Rather than immediately stepping in to fix conflicts or ease discomfort, these parents empower their kids to navigate challenges themselves. Instead of dictating solutions, they ask:

• “What do you think we could try to make this better?”
• “Would you like some ideas, or do you want to try something first?”

They help their children recognize when they need to set a boundary, teaching them to express limits clearly and respectfully:

• “I don’t like that. Please stop.”
• “I need some space right now.”
• “I’m not comfortable with that.”

By combining problem-solving with boundary-setting, parents help their kids develop the confidence to advocate for themselves and work through social challenges. They also recognize that not every situation has a clear solution or a quick fix — and in those moments, they focus on providing support. 

Instead of pushing their kids into new interactions and hoping they’ll figure it out, these parents set kids up for success by preparing them ahead of time and giving them opportunities to practice.

They help their kids feel more confident by:

• Talking about what to expect before a new event, like a medical procedure or birthday party: “We’re going to the doctor for a check-up. They’ll measure how you’re growing, listen to your heart and lungs, and look inside your ears, nose, and mouth.”
• Role-playing tricky interactions, such as advocating for their needs. “Let’s practice what you might say if someone keeps asking why you can’t eat the cupcake.”
• Teaching them how to set boundaries in social situations: “If someone is pressuring you to do something that feels unsafe or unkind, what can you say?”

Play isn’t just about having fun. The parents I’ve seen raise socially and emotionally skilled kids aren’t afraid to be silly, but they also understand that play is a child’s natural way of processing emotions, working through challenges, and building relationships. They:

• Engage in play to help kids work through tricky situations or feelings: “Whoa! Lets get those mad feelings out in a safe way. Can you pretend to be a bear or imagine blowing out birthday candles!?”
• Prioritize unstructured play time for kids to feel connected and build their own creativity, cooperation and confidence: “You have my undivided attention right now. What would you like to play? I want you to be in charge of the game.” 
• Use playful moments to prepare for new experiences and teach boundaries, empathy and communication: “Teddy needs a check up! Can you play doctor with him?”

By valuing play, these parents establish connection and trust while helping their kids develop social and emotional skills that are critical for their growth and development — and will serve them for a lifetime. 

Kelsey Mora is Certified Child Life Specialist and Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor who provides custom support, guidance, and resources to parents, families, and communities impacted by medical conditions, trauma, grief, and everyday life stress. She is a private practice owner, mom of two, the creator and author of The Method Workbooks, and the Chief Clinical Officer of the nonprofit organization Pickles Group.

Want to earn some extra money on the side? Take CNBC’s new online course How to Start a Side Hustle to learn tips to get started and strategies for success from top side hustle experts. Pre-register now and use coupon code EARLYBIRD for an introductory discount of 30% off $97 (+taxes and fees) through April 1, 2025.