Parents are constantly searching for ways to get their kids to listen. But a lot of us focus too much on trying to get them to obey in the moment, rather than building genuine long-term cooperation.

I’ve studied over 200 parent-child relationships, and I’m a mother myself. I’ve learned that kids listen best when they feel connected. A big part of that is emotional safety: knowing they are respected and have the freedom to express their feelings.

Here are six magic phrases that calm a child’s nervous system and make cooperation feel natural, which is the real secret to getting them to listen.

The moment kids feel doubted (“Did you really mean to do that?”), their defenses go up. They shift from connection into self-protection.

Belief defuses shame and creates safety. When a child feels safe, they can actually hear you.

Example:

Child: “I didn’t spill the juice on purpose!”

Parent: “I believe you. Let’s clean it up together.”

You’re addressing the behavior without getting into an argument.

The situation often turns into a standoff when there’s a parent just barking orders. But when kids help solve the problem, they’re more likely to stick to the solution.

Example:

Child refuses to clean up toys.

Parent: “I see you don’t want to clean everything now. Let’s figure this out together. What’s the first step?”

You’re still holding the boundary while preventing power struggles.

When kids are overwhelmed, they’re in survival mode and logic doesn’t land. Their nervous system is in fight-or-flight, and they need help regulating their emotions. This phrase validates their feelings and assures them they’re not alone, which helps them reset.

Example:

Preschooler has a meltdown when their tower of blocks fall. Instead of “Stop crying, you’re overreacting,” say: “You can feel this. I’m right here.”

You’re letting the wave of emotions pass until they’re ready to re-engage.

Before a child will listen to you, they need to feel heard. This simple shift of giving attention before demanding it dissolves resistance. When kids feel understood, they stop trying to push back.

Example:

Child: “I’m never playing with my brother again!”

Parent: “I’m listening. Tell me what’s going on.”

Now you’re uncovering the deeper hurt behind the anger, and that’s the part you can address to help repair both the relationship and the behavior.

Many meltdowns escalate because kids feel misunderstood or in conflict with the very person they need most. This phrase instantly shifts you from adversary to ally, lowering defenses and opening the door to problem-solving.

Example:

Child: “This homework is stupid! I’m not doing it.”

Parent: “I hear you. I’m on your side. Let’s find a way to make this easier.”

Knowing you’re there to help changes the tone entirely. They’ll be far more likely to meet you halfway.

Mistakes can trigger shame. But when kids hear this phrase, they learn that love isn’t conditional on performance or perfection.

Example:

Your child breaks a classmate’s project and calls you in tears.

Instead of lecturing, you say: “I’ve got you, no matter what. We’ll make it right together.”

That’s the difference between fear-based compliance and real accountability.  

I always tell parents that if their default is yelling or threatening, then no “magic phrase” will undo the deeper pattern. But when you regularly protect your child’s dignity, make them feel safe, and follow through on boundaries, listening becomes the natural outcome.

Reem Raouda is a leading voice in conscious parenting and the creator of FOUNDATIONS, a step-by-step guide that helps parents heal and become emotionally safe. She is widely recognized for her expertise in children’s emotional safety and for redefining what it means to raise emotionally healthy kids. Connect with her on Instagram.

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Before Domynique Johnson got married in 2024, she came home from work, opened her laptop and spent two hours scouring the internet for white dresses every night. She repeated the routine for two months, just to finalize her wardrobe for her two-day bachelorette party, she says.

Shopping for her other wedding events, including her bridal shower, wedding ceremony in Hawaii and reception in Bali, took similar amounts of dedication. She wanted to have a different look for every single photographed event, she says.

The 32-year-old real estate consultant from Upper Marlboro, Maryland, spent nearly $18,000 on 15 unique white outfits during her time as a bride, according to documents reviewed by CNBC Make It. 

“I felt an immense amount of pressure on what I needed to wear … This is my wedding, the moment I’ve been dreaming about,” Johnson says.  

For many brides, tying the knot is no longer a single-day, or single outfit, affair. It can be an entire multi-event season that spans months, sometimes years. Fueled by social media and the growing extravagance of weddings, brides with disposable income are hosting more events than ever — and buying more outfits as a result, experts and brides tell CNBC Make It.

Brides buy an average of 12 looks for wedding-related events, says David’s Bridal CEO Kelly Cook, up from eight outfits in 2021. Some brides wear little white dresses for their bridal showers and bachelorette parties, or even to go wedding dress shopping in.

The growing number of pre-wedding events, and the trend of buying a new outfit for each one, isn’t necessarily new, says bridal stylist Julie Sabatino, who has worked with high net worth clients since 2001. The concept of hosting multiple pre-wedding events has long been advertised on TV and in pop culture — but recently, the concept has become more of a norm thanks to social media.

Brides are now bombarded with wedding event-related content on Instagram and TikTok, giving them the inspiration to plan more elaborate celebrations with outfits and accessories that match the occasion, Cook says.

Even smaller events like engagements now require planners and vendors so the couple can be Instagram-ready, Brian A.M. Green, an Atlanta-based upscale event planner, told CNBC Make It in November 2024.

David’s Bridal is just one of the many companies to meet the increasing demand, launching a “Little White Dresses” page on its website in 2021, Cook says. The company also sells little white bikinis, little white sunglasses and little white tote bags. Other retailers offering similar items include Revolve and Anthropologie.

California-based bride Chiara Walsh spent nearly $4,000 on 16 bridal looks before her ceremony in June, including a $19 white powered wig off Amazon for a “Founding Fathers” theme night on her bachelorette. Wedding planning itself became an event: She bought a $168 blue Faherty dress to go shopping for her ceremony gown, she says.

“It was exciting, but I did feel like I needed something new for every single thing. If I already had a picture in it, I didn’t really want to wear it again,” says Walsh, 34.

Philadelphia-based bride Hailey McLaughlin, who got married in May, estimates she spent $800 buying outfits for her four-day bachelorette trip in Park City, Utah.

“For the bachelorette, I felt like I needed to be the best-dressed person in the room,” McLaughlin, 29, says. “Because of the location I picked, I had to get ski pants and coats and accessories and scarves.”

Weddings, generally, have gotten more lavish in just the last five years. The average U.S. wedding now costs $35,000, up from $19,000 in 2020, according to wedding-planning website The Knot. Some brides say they have to wear new, and sometimes more expensive outfits, to meet the expectations of their families and social media followers, and to match the extravagance of their weddings.

Johnson says her family and friends expected her to be “over the top,” and felt inclined to deliver. Walsh, who had been in several of her friends’ weddings before planning her own, says, “It more felt like, ‘Finally, it’s my turn to be a bride.’”

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An increase in destination weddings and bigger guest lists ups the ante, too. Even local weddings, which often include welcome parties and goodbye brunches, are now “treated as destination weddings because people come in from all over the place,” Sabatino says.

Walsh tied the knot just 20 miles south of her home in Ontario, California, but with family and friends flying in from all over the country, she says the celebration turned into a four-day event filled with dinners, brunches and a trip to Disneyland.

“It’s fun to [wear] something brand new that your friends haven’t seen, or your family hasn’t seen,” she says.

The need to wear something new doesn’t always come from the bride. If Abi Garapati had the wedding of her dreams, the New York-based business strategy and operations manager would have eloped in Japan, she says. Instead, her parents and in-laws started planning — and paying for — her wedding before she was even engaged, she says.

Garapati, 29, says she ultimately wore 11 outfits to cover both Indian traditions and her Western preferences, including a $350 Reformation dress and $700 Picchika lehenga.

“Typically, in Indian weddings, the parents will pay for the whole thing, and they’ll save up their entire lives for this big, elaborate [celebration],” says Garapati, who tied the knot last year. “I did have to have outfits, but either my mother-in-law or my mom would just get it for me.”

To reduce the number of little white dresses taking up closet space, some brides are opting to go with non-white looks they can re-wear in the future, and others are dying their dresses different colors after their wedding events, Cook says.

Johnson says she tried to look for dresses she could see herself wearing for other events in the future. But despite shopping with intention, she says it can be hard to re-wear white when most of the nice events she attends are other weddings.

″[Most of the outfits] are, unfortunately, in my closet,” says Johnson. “I’ve been trying to figure out when I’m going to wear them again. Maybe for our anniversary.”  

Sourcing secondhand looks is also increasingly popular, says Sabatino, who opened a New York-based storefront called The Jul Box in July to sell custom re-made vintage gowns. Many brides just want to feel like their looks to feel both unique and personal, no matter the trends, she says.

“They don’t want to look like every other bride on Instagram,” Sabatino says. “I think that opens the doors to possibilities that you can have in your closet for a long time.”

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In Spike Lee’s highly anticipated film “Highest 2 Lowest,” Denzel Washington plays hip-hop mogul David King, who resides in an apartment befitting the character’s status.

According to the Robb Report, the opening scene of Lee’s film begins with Washington appearing on the balcony of a penthouse that is on sale for $17.5 million. It was initially listed for $19.5 million earlier this year.

The five-bedroom, four-and-a-half-bathroom apartment is 4,928 square feet and occupies the entire 32nd floor of the Olympia Dumbo building in Brooklyn, New York City. The apartment offers stunning views of the Big Apple and even features a private 552-square-foot terrace.

The apartment also has a laundry room with a washer and dryer, and three of the bedrooms have en-suite bathrooms. The penthouse is also accessible via key elevator access only, which is ideal for someone looking to maintain their anonymity, Carl A. Ekroth, associate broker on The Jessica Peters Team at Douglas Elliman, tells CNBC Make It.

“Olympia Dumbo is the highest residential building in historic Dumbo, but what I always like to say is that even though it’s 33 stories tall, we only have 76 apartments in the building, so it feels a lot more boutique than our height would suggest,” he adds.

“It’s such a unique vantage point. This view is definitely unmatched, it’s almost like a piece of art. I haven’t seen many other penthouses like that, so it’s just a special, serene place to be.”

The building offers residents access to a range of amenities spread across three levels. The amenities include a game lounge, bowling alley, spin studio, private locker rooms and playroom, an outdoor pool, hot tub, BBQ areas, and a full-size tennis court overlooking the Brooklyn Bridge. Residents can rent out any of the amenities for up to four hours for their private functions as well.

Additional services include a 24-hour doorman, bicycle storage, and private residential storage available for purchase.

“I see the penthouse buyer being an A-Lister or captain of industry who still wants to keep their privacy and anonymity, but more than anything else, they want to be in the middle of it all because people love Dumbo for that,” Ekroth says.

The penthouse apartment is currently delisted online, but Ekroth says it is still being shown and will be officially back on the market at the $17.5 million price in September.

The Olympia DUMBO is represented by Jessica Peters and Carl A. Ekroth of The Jessica Peters Team at Douglas Elliman, Fredrik Eklund and John Gomes of The Eklund | Gomes Team at Douglas Elliman, and Karen Heyman and Casey Heyman of The Heyman Team at Sotheby’s International Realty. Sales and marketing are supported by Douglas Elliman Development Marketing.

If you don’t have $17.5 million to spare, you can still get a good look inside the apartment in Lee’s film, which is in theaters now and streaming on Apple TV+ starting September 5.

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Every parent hopes their child will grow up and still want a close relationship with them. But close bonds don’t happen by accident — they are built through small, everyday interactions that make a child feel safe, seen and valued.

As a conscious parenting researcher and coach, I’ve studied over 200 families. I’ve found that the way you respond to your children from the day they’re born determines how strong your relationship with them is when they’re adults.

If you want your kids to always trust, respect and want to be around you, no matter how old they are, start doing these seven things early on.

Children need to feel safe and comfortable sharing their feelings. But when they hear “you’re fine” or “it’s not a big deal,” they start believing that their feelings aren’t important and eventually stop sharing them.

Instead of dismissing emotions, acknowledge them. To help them feel heard, say things like: “That sounds frustrating” or “I see you’re upset.” Emotional safety isn’t about fixing problems — it’s about making sure they feel understood.

Parenting based on fear, punishment or constant correction creates distance. Kids will then learn to hide parts of themselves to avoid disappointing you.

Parents who remain close with their children don’t demand obedience. Instead, they prioritize building trust. Simple moments — laughing together, listening without judgment, showing empathy — help children feel safe.

When kids feel emotionally secure, they continue seeking your support well into adulthood.

When parents make all the decisions, kids start to think: My actions don’t matter anyway, so why have an opinion on anything?

DON’T MISS: The ultimate guide to becoming a master communicator

Instead of deciding everything for them, ask “What do you think?” or “What feels right to you?” Let them make small, age-appropriate choices, like picking their clothes, hobbies or what to eat.

Parents expect respect from their kids, but they don’t always model it themselves.

Apologizing teaches kids that respect goes both ways. Saying, “I overreacted earlier, and I’m sorry” shows them that relationships aren’t about power, but mutual understanding.

Children raised in homes where accountability is the norm don’t fear making mistakes. Instead of hiding their struggles, they trust they can come to you without shame.

A strong relationship isn’t built in one big conversation — it’s created through small, consistent moments.

What shapes your bond isn’t just the time you spend together, but how often your child feels prioritized. Sharing a meal, reading at bedtime or simply checking in about their day strengthens the bond.

Kids who feel valued in small ways will naturally stay close to you later in life.

If a child feels constantly compared or judged, they start shrinking themselves to fit in. Over time, they learn to hide their real thoughts, interests and struggles.

Helping kids accept themselves starts with how you respond to them. Instead of pointing out flaws, celebrate their uniqueness. Encouraging their interests, even when they don’t align with your expectations, lets them know that you love them exactly as they are.

When kids grow up feeling accepted, they won’t have to choose between being themselves and staying close to you.

There will be moments when you and your child don’t see eye to eye. If you always push to be “right” at the cost of connection, they will learn your approval is conditional. They may comply in childhood, but will distance themselves in adulthood.

Instead of proving a point, focus on understanding. If your child disagrees with you, resist the urge to shut them down. Respond with curiosity: “Tell me more about why you feel that way.”

When kids know they can express themselves and still be loved and respected, they grow into adults who trust the relationship rather than fear it.

Reem Raouda is a leading voice in conscious parenting, a certified coach and the creator of BOUND — the groundbreaking parent-child connection journal designed to nurture emotional intelligence, self-worth and lifelong trust. She is widely recognized for her work in children’s emotional safety and strengthening the parent-child bond. Follow her on Instagram.

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Emotional intelligence is the secret sauce to getting ahead, both at work and in life. Even if it doesn’t come naturally, having explicit conversations about feelings can help us understand each other. In fact, most of us are taught that the very first step we should take during a conflict is to tell people how they made us feel.

But as a social psychologist who’s spent years leveraging science to help people solve interpersonal conflicts, I know that emotional intelligence isn’t just about being good at expressing and reading emotions, it’s also about knowing when to talk about them. 

And sometimes the smartest thing we can do is to stop diving right in to tell someone how they made us feel. Here’s why.

We tend to skip the step where we talk about whether the event even happened. It feels silly and obvious. Of course Tom shut you down during that meeting, which made you feel disrespected. And Kate obviously singled you out by not inviting you to that party, which made you feel ostracized. 

But assuming a shared understanding of these events might be a bigger leap than you think it is. Maybe Tom noticed the group was still at an impasse with three minutes to go. If he didn’t interject, everyone would disperse with no decision made. And Kate left a lot of people out of her invite list, not just you.

In romantic relationships, it’s common for partners to disagree on whether something did or didn’t happen, and the degree of misalignment predicts outcomes like well-being and daily stress.

What to do

You might want an apology from Tom. But the best opening move in cases like these is to talk about the specific behavior, not how you feel about it. 

Try: “Here’s what my recall of events is. But what’s yours?” Make it clear you aren’t assuming that you have an accurate recall of what happened, and neither should the other person.

Focus on specifics. Include details that the other person might not be aware of. Perhaps Tom, who “shut you down,” was told by the boss before the meeting that if he didn’t get the team to decide, he would be replaced.  

It’s natural for us to assume we know why someone did something. During conflicts, those assumptions roll off the tongue. 

The problem is, those “because” statements often aren’t very specific, include character assassinations, or are just plain wrong.

They’re tied to how we feel about the other person: If we trust them, we go with positive explanations for bad behaviors. If we don’t trust them but we still like or love them, we choose negative explanations, but constrain them to the situation so they aren’t too damning. If we don’t trust or like them, we jump to the worst conclusions. 

What to do

Talk about why it happened. Try: “I made some assumptions about why you did what you did, but I’d love to hear your side.” Or: “I know I assumed you interrupted me because you don’t respect me. Can you help clarify why you did it?” 

Admitting you made an assumption goes a long way. So does being curious and making room for another explanation. It can be all sorts of things: 

• A preceding event like in the example above.
• A misperception of would be an effective strategy, like telling a joke meant to ease the tension in the room that felt offensive to you.
• A deeply held personal value you weren’t aware of, like, “I never would allow someone to talk in the last three minutes of a meeting; that’s sacred vote time” 

Resist the temptation to “prove” to your partner that the logic behind their “why” is flawed. That means avoiding “yeah but” statements, like, “Yeah but last week we were running out of time and you didn’t interrupt Mark.” You’re trying to resolve a conflict — not win it. 

Chances are, by the time you’ve gone through those first two steps, you have context, and you no longer feel the same emotions you wanted to lead with. 

What to do

Circle back to feelings later in the conversation. Try: “Now that we understand each other a bit more, how are you feeling about this?” 

By going through this process, you’ll make your relationships stronger. That’s what happens when we open up to people about what’s really going on in our heads — and get curious about what’s going on in theirs.

Tessa West is a social psychologist and professor at New York University. She has spent years leveraging science to help people solve interpersonal conflicts in the workplace. She’s the author of ”Jerks at Work: Toxic Coworkers and What to Do About Them″ and ”Job Therapy: Finding Work That Works for You.” She is an instructor in CNBC’s online course How to Change Careers and Be Happier at Work.

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