Psychologist: If you say ‘yes’ to these 4 questions, your relationship is stronger than most
Low points are inevitable in any relationship; no two people can see eye to eye all the time. But when push comes to shove, how do you know if your relationship has the foundation to endure?
As a psychologist who studies relationships, I’ve come to learn that thriving relationships often share some key traits.
Here are four simple questions that can determine longevity of your connection. If your answers are all “yes,” you’re likely on solid ground.
1. If you weren’t a couple, would you still be close friends?
Every healthy relationship should be grounded upon a foundation of friendship. Imagine your partner as just a friend: Would you still want to spend time with them, laugh with them and turn to them for support?
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Couples who say “yes” to this understand that relationships require a lot more than just passion and commitment. Studies even show that if like your partner as a person, your bond will be much harder to break.
On the other hand, some couples stay together out of habit, fear of starting over or because they feel they’ve already invested too much in the relationship to let it go. This is what keeps people in unhappy relationships for years.
2. Do you like who you are when you’re around your partner?
Your life partner should bring out the best in you. Does having them in your life make you feel supported, loved and inspired to grow? Or do you feel stifled, diminished and drained?
Truly great relationships often reflect what’s called the “Michelangelo effect.” Just like the artist shaped raw stone into breathtaking sculptures, healthy partners will “sculpt” each other into better versions of themselves. They encourage your goals, cheer on your successes and remind you of your worth even on hard days.
Unhealthy relationships can have the opposite effect. If being around your partner makes you feel small, criticized or unsure of yourself, it’s worth reflecting on why. The way you feel when you’re around your partner is often one of the biggest clues about how healthy your relationship is.
3. If you knew that your partner will never change, would you still want to be with them?
No one is perfect, but ignoring flaws isn’t really what love is about. Rather, we all have to learn that those imperfections aren’t what define your partner, nor your relationship. Couples in healthy relationships don’t rely on fantasies of how the other person could change — they focus on loving each other as they are presently.
This doesn’t mean you should tolerate toxic behavior. But it does mean accepting the small fumbles and imperfections that make your partner human, like forgetting to pick up their socks once in a while or telling the same joke over and over.
If you can genuinely say you’d choose your partner if they stayed exactly as they are, warts and all, then you’ve likely built a relationship that can stand the test of time.
4. When you have good news, is your partner the first person you want to tell?
One of the clearest signs of a strong relationship is that your partner isn’t just there for the hard times — they’re also your go-to person for sharing your wins. When you get exciting news, do you instinctively reach for your phone to call them? Do you look forward to celebrating your successes together?
Psychologists call this “capitalization,” and research shows that couples who actively share and celebrate each other’s good news tend to have stronger, happier relationships. It builds a sense of partnership and camaraderie — one that reinforces that your joys are their joys, too.
Mark Travers, PhD, is a psychologist who specializes in relationships. He holds degrees from Cornell University and the University of Colorado Boulder. He is the lead psychologist at Awake Therapy, a telehealth company that provides online psychotherapy, counseling and coaching. He is also the curator of the popular mental health and wellness website, Therapytips.org.
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I have 5 income streams and make $1 million from Amazon: My No. 1 advice for starting a side hustle
The idea of working a traditional 9-to-5 in a corporate environment was never for me. I always wanted financial freedom and the flexibility to work on my own terms.
So, over the past two decades, while I was a student, a full-time employee, an academic researcher and a stay-at-home mom, I started a variety of side hustles.
Now I have multiple streams of passive income, which include selling card games on Amazon, creating online courses, speaking at companies about emotional intelligence, lecturing at universities and impact investing.
Whether selling goods or providing services, my No. 1 advice for anyone starting a side hustle is to develop a clear profitability plan. All too often, I see people diving into their passions without considering how and when they will turn a profit. This oversight can make or break your success.
Here are three things to keep in mind:
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1. Know your numbers
How much are you willing to invest, and potentially lose, before becoming profitable? Knowing this requires a realistic understanding of your initial net profit margin and ways to boost your profitability.
Your net profit — calculated by subtracting expenses from sales — is the lifeblood of your side hustle. Examples of expenses include materials, labor, equipment, packaging, shipping, advertising, traveling and business subscriptions.
Your profit margin represents the percentage of each sales dollar you keep as net profit. For example, if your product or service sells for $10 and your expenses amount to $8, then your net profit is $2, resulting in a profit margin of 20%. If you’ve invested $100 upfront, then you need to sell 50 units to break even.
To fund my first card game and boost early profitability, I launched a Kickstarter campaign with a $1,500 goal. This funding covered essential expenses like product manufacturing and jump-started my sales by getting products into the hands of early adopters.
I needed to sell 60 units to break even but ended up selling over 400 units. This higher sales volume allowed me to manufacture at a reduced cost per unit, which improved my profit margin by lowering my cost of goods sold (COGS).
2. Avoid common traps that can harm profitability
I found that there are three traps that can severely undermine the profitability of a side hustle:
1. Underpricing your services
When I was selling handmade goods on Etsy, I made the mistake of chasing sales over tracking profit. Hoping to establish credibility, I underpriced my products aggressively and went above and beyond in customer service.
But I soon realized how difficult it was to raise prices once you’ve set a low-cost precedent. Despite making thousands of sales on Etsy over the course of five years, I ended up having to close my shop due to slim profit margins.
2. Failing to accurately account for your time
That experience helped me grasp the difference between running a passion project versus a profitable business.
Recognizing the need for scalability and efficiency, especially when it came to the time I was putting into it, I pivoted to selling products on Amazon and utilized the automated Fulfillment by Amazon (FBA) service to handle logistics.
3. Overlooking opportunity costs
I’ve also stumbled upon similar dilemmas when pricing my speaking and consulting services. When I first started out, I lowered my fee in hopes of securing contracts from big names like Accenture and Google.
But when they came back the following year, I had to raise my fees significantly because my opportunity costs — the cost of what I could have been doing and earning with my time — outweighed what I was charging. I learned the importance of valuing my work from the start.
3. Begin with the end in mind, and put yourself first
Over the years, I’ve developed a more expansive definition of profitability. It isn’t just about money. Profitability is also about how this venture affects your quality of life. Your physical and mental well-being come first.
To see if your side hustle is truly profitable, ask yourself:
- How much money am I willing to invest in my side hustle?
- How much time am I prepared to dedicate to my side hustle?
- Is my goal to make my side hustle into my main hustle?
- At which point do I pivot if the reality is not matching my answers to these questions?
It’s been exhilarating to see my hard work pay off. But this process has also required me to have a very clear understanding of what I value the most, and to get comfortable with saying “no.” Without that foundation, none of my success would have been possible.
Dr. Jenny Woo is a Harvard-trained educator, EQ researcher, and founder/CEO of Mind Brain Emotion. She created a series of educational card games and mental health tools to help kids and adults develop human skills in the age of AI. Her award-winning card games, the 52 Essential Coping Skills, 52 Essential Relationship Skills, and 52 Essential Conversations are used in 50+ countries. Follow her on LinkedIn, YouTube, and Instagram.
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39-year-old was ashamed of his $86,000 debt—declaring bankruptcy allowed him to start over
One of Jay Swanson’s earliest money lessons was to “go ahead and go into debt,” he tells CNBC Make It.
When the 39-year-old content creator and entrepreneur behind two YouTube channels and Paris in My Pocket, a digital guide to the French capital, was a teenager in Pullman, Washington, his parents helped him take out a line of credit to work on his car.
Though he had jobs from a young age and built a strong work ethic early on, “my early education in money was basically work really hard and then throw it all away,” he says.
That $16,000 line of credit was just the beginning. Swanson went on to take out student loans for college and after, racked up a mountain of credit card debt through endeavors like publishing several fantasy novels and investing in a friend’s tech startup. By 2017, he had around $86,500 in debt and was struggling to keep up with the payments.
Swanson moved to Paris that year and was fortunate to have a place to live rent-free. Still, his monthly debt payments totaled around $2,100 a month while he earned just $2,300 a month as a tour guide.
“When I was here for the first summer, I was only really eating whatever I got tipped,” he says. “It was a very hungry summer.”
Swanson declared bankruptcy shortly after arriving in Paris. He qualified for a Chapter 7 “liquidation” bankruptcy, which allowed him to simply cease making payments on the debts, rather than get on a payment plan as would be the case with a Chapter 11 or Chapter 13 filing.
He doesn’t recommend everyone take that route, but “I’m really grateful that I declared bankruptcy when I did, because it completely changed my life.”
‘A tool in the toolbox’
Though Swanson is glad he declared bankruptcy in retrospect, it took some time to come to terms with the decision. He initially put it off and continued trying to grind harder to pay back his debts. He grew up with the idea that “a real man pays his debts,” he says.
“I worked really, really hard. And I completely thought that it was a hole that I could dig myself out of,” he says. “But when you look at the math, there was no way I was ever going to dig myself out of that hole short of winning the lottery.”
Swanson takes full responsibility for his financial missteps, but also wishes his family had set him up with better financial literacy so he could have avoided some of the mistakes that led him into so much debt.
While shame delayed his decision to declare bankruptcy, seeing it save his livelihood helped Swanson understand that the move is “a tool in the toolbox that a lot of people use.”
“I was able to stop paying basically every penny I earned every month to credit card companies and whoever else and start putting that towards my life and my business here in France,” Swanson says. (He still owes money on his student loans, which were unable to be discharged in bankruptcy.)
The ability to invest in his business helped Swanson grow the company’s annual revenue each year from 2020 through 2023.
Why bankruptcy isn’t right for everyone
Nearly eight years later, Swanson hardly feels a lasting impact from his bankruptcy. But that’s largely because he left the U.S. for Paris.
While the bankruptcy procedure freed him from his debt obligations, his credit score took a dip. Depending on the situation and your credit history, filing for a personal bankruptcy can wipe up to 200 points off your credit score, according to Experian, and the filing stays on your credit report for 10 years.
If you live in the U.S., that can have serious ramifications, from trouble qualifying for new loans or lines of credit to difficulty being approved for a lease on a home.
“If you can pay off your debts outside bankruptcy, you should,” bankruptcy attorney David Leibowitz, a past chairman of the consumer bankruptcy committee of the American Bankruptcy Institute, told CNBC in 2022. “However, if your wages are being garnished, your car has been seized and you’re being hounded by collection agencies, bankruptcy may be imperative.”
But because Swanson was living in France where U.S.-based credit scores are meaningless, he’s been able to build up his business — including taking out new loans responsibly when needed — and live well without the overwhelming burden of his old debts.
The mark on his credit report made it more expensive and cumbersome to do a debt consolidation under his American business, but he otherwise hasn’t felt the negative effects of the bankruptcy since he declared, he says.
“Sometimes you just realize you’re fighting a real uphill battle purely for pride’s sake, and you don’t have to,” Swanson says.
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Self-made millionaire: Most Americans waste too much money in these 6 categories
If there’s one thing I’ve learned on my journey from being $300,000 in debt to becoming a self-made millionaire, it’s this: I wasn’t broke because I didn’t make enough money at the time — I felt broke because I overspent on things that weren’t aligned with my health and wealth goals.
Yes, I spend money on things I like. I love a good K-pop concert and a well-deserved vacation. But I also know that swapping unnecessary spending in some areas frees up money for things that truly matter, like investing, financial security and experiences that bring real joy.
Here are six things I think Americans waste too much money on — that I used to overspend on, too! And here’s what I do now instead.
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1. Bulk grocery shopping (that ends up in the trash)
Buying in bulk can save you money, but only if you actually eat everything you buy. Let’s be real. How many times have you bought the mega pack of spinach only to throw half of it away a week later?
You’re not getting a deal if you toss half of what you paid for in the garbage.
I now buy produce weekly because I found myself not being able to finish the bag of avocados or kiwis, even though they were cheaper per item at the bulk price.
For other pantry items, I only buy what I’ll eat in the next month, and I’m mindful of expiration dates.
2. Decorative household items for every season
I understand the impulse to go to TJ Maxx and buy a different wreath and set of decorative pillows for every holiday. But instead of spending on decorations that will be outdated soon, try to invest in timeless, high-quality home essentials and switch things up with small, inexpensive accents like candles or flowers.
I rotate photo frames and mementos from concerts around different areas in my home to make it feel fresh, without it having to be seasonal. I have also gotten a ton of compliments about my rotating display of Broadway playbills.
3. Children’s toys
Most kids play with the box more than the toy itself. I’ve seen parents spend hundreds, sometimes thousands, on toys that their kids lose interest in within weeks.
Less is more. Rotate toys instead of buying new ones, and prioritize experiences over stuff.
If the kids must have toys, let your family members chip in. As the auntie without children of my own, I’m more than happy to buy my nieces and nephews a toy every now and then, so that their moms and dads can put that money toward other expenses.
4. Shoes that are bad for your feet
I’m guilty of having bought multiple pairs of shoes that look amazing but felt like medieval torture devices. I stopped buying shoes that don’t fit, don’t support my feet or that I’ll only wear once.
A few high-quality pairs of comfortable, well-made shoes will take you further, than a closet full of painful ones.
Shoes are a great item to apply the $1 rule: If a high-quality pair of shoes costs $100 and you can wear them 100 times, then I think it’s a worthy splurge — more so than a pair of discount shoes you’ll only wear a few times
I stopped buying shoes that don’t fit, don’t support my feet, or that I’ll only wear once.
5. High-end skincare products
The beauty industry convinces people they need a 12-step routine with $80 serums, when most of it is marketing hype.
I learned this the hard way when I got sucked into the K-beauty trend of buying all sorts of serums and masks, only to go back to my slightly less glamorous routine of pharmacy brand face wash and moisturizer.
Stick to simple, dermatologist-approved products that actually work. Your skin (and your wallet) will thank you.
6. Overpriced athleisure
My $15 warehouse leggings and free t-shirts are just as good as the $100 Lululemon ones. People love to justify expensive activewear by saying it motivates them to work out, but wearing a fancy outfit doesn’t do push-ups for you.
Ironically, I’ve found that I have better workouts when I wear less expensive clothing because they tend to breathe better, since they’re often looser and made of natural fiber than shiny material. When I wear the stuff I don’t care that much about, I am more focused on the exercise itself, than how I look.
Buy workout gear for function, not fashion. Focus on quality and comfort over brand names.
Save more money by reprioritizing
Ultimately, I’m not saying it makes sense to give up everything fun or live like a monk. But if you want to build wealth, start questioning if these short-term dopamine hits are really saving you money in the long run.
Every dollar you don’t waste is a dollar that you don’t have to work for, whether that’s growing your investments, paying off debt or funding a life that brings you a sense of peace.
Bernadette Joy is the author of ”CRUSH Your Money Goals″ and a personal finance expert and investor dedicated to helping you beat burnout and reach financial independence. You can find her on Instagram, YouTube and LinkedIn.
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Bill Gates: My ‘favorite’ author’s new book is a must-read—it shows how food can get more affordable
Bill Gates’ favorite author has a new book, and the billionaire says “it will teach you a lot” about food.
Specifically, how eliminating food waste and reducing global food insecurity could make food cheaper for everyone. Vaclav Smil’s “How to Feed the World,” which was published on Tuesday, “will transform the way you think about hunger, food, and what we eat (and don’t),” Gates wrote in an Instagram post on Wednesday.
Smil, a Czech-Canadian professor emeritus at the University of Manitoba, has written more than 40 books on a range of topics like technological innovation, energy, public policy and population growth. Gates is a “devoted reader” of the academic’s entire catalogue, reading “nearly all” of Smil’s published works, he wrote in a blog post published Tuesday.
“The truth is, I’d read just about any topic he found interesting and wanted to dissect,” Gates wrote in 2017, adding: “I wait for new Smil books the way some people wait for the next ‘Star Wars’ movie.”
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Ending world hunger is a central focus for the Gates Foundation, and Smil’s newest book turns “conventional wisdom on its head” by using data to reframe the problem, Gates noted in his recent blog post.
The world produces roughly 3,000 calories-worth of food per person per day, which is “more than enough to feed everyone,” Gates wrote. The problem is how food is distributed, with rampant inefficiencies in the supply chain resulting in massive amounts of food waste: Roughly one-third of food ends up unconsumed, according to the United Nations.
The inefficiencies also increase costs for producers and retailers, resulting in higher prices for shoppers around the world. Reducing food waste can take pressure off of the global food supply, making food more accessible and more affordable for everyone, according to Smil.
Other researchers agree. Roughly $600 billion worth of food is lost during or following its harvest annually, according to a 2022 report from consulting firm McKinsey. And food waste of all kinds leads to lost revenue for retailers and inflated consumer prices, found a 2024 Pacific Coast Collaborative report.
Smil’s book offers some potential solutions, including improvements to food storage, packing, supply chains and pricing models. One of Gates’ favorites, he wrote: CRISPR gene editing, which could theoretically develop more resilient crops that better withstand the effects of climate change.
“Like all of Vaclav’s best books, it challenges readers to think differently about a problem we thought we understood,” Gates wrote, adding: “We also need to ensure that food is more accessible and affordable, less wasted, and just as nutritious as it is abundant.”
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