Melody Wilding has met a lot of frustrated employees. Whether they can’t figure out what their boss wants, feel overlooked for plum projects and promotions, or are overwhelmed by office politics, she writes in her book, “their problems often boil down to one thing: They don’t know how to manage up.”

That phrase might conjure outdated ideas of keeping your head down and kissing up to your boss and senior leaders. But in “Managing Up: How to Get What You Need from the People in Charge,” Wilding defines managing up as “strategically navigating relationships with those who have more positional power than you, namely your boss.”

Wilding, a CNBC Make It contributor, draws on her experience as a therapist, human behavior professor, and executive coach who’s worked with thousands of professionals — including at Google, Amazon, and other Fortune 500 companies — as well as dozens of interviews and a survey of 12,000 people. The result is a book full of practical strategies, scripts, and relatable anecdotes.

Her goal is to “show you exactly how to apply the principles of emotional intelligence, influence, persuasion, negotiation and more to give yourself a competitive edge at work.” You might need these to deal with a control freak or toxic jerk, set boundaries in an always-on company culture, navigate office gossip, give your boss sensitive feedback, figure out whether to take another offer, or face other common workplace situations. 

CNBC Make It selected “Managing Up” as our September book club pick because, as Wilding puts it, “you deserve better than just ‘getting by’ at work.” You deserve “to feel confident, valued and strong when interacting with those above you.” 

If you haven’t picked up Wilding’s book yet, or could use a refresher before you join us for Wednesday’s discussion in our private LinkedIn group, here are some key takeaways.

Wilding structures her book around them. They’re typically ongoing rather than one-offs, ranging from formal to casual and foundational to advanced.

1. The alignment conversation “is all about figuring out how your work fits into the bigger picture and making sure you and your boss agree on what success looks like,” Wilding writes. You’ll figure out what your manager’s needs and priorities are and how to focus on meaningful and “promotable” work.
2. The styles conversation is about learning to “decode your boss’ communication styles and work habits” and gaining the self-awareness and confidence to assert your own needs “in a way that commands respect and still keeps higher-ups on your side.” 
3. The ownership conversation is about moving past a more junior mindset of simply doing what you’re told and stepping up with new ideas. Wilding wants you to “learn to solve the right problems, get your manager and others on board, and take thoughtful action in a way that minimizes resistance.”
4. The boundaries conversation is about gauging when and how to say no while maintaining a reputation as a team player. 
5. The feedback conversation is about sharing constructive criticism with your boss and up the chain of command in a way that gets your voice heard and your input taken seriously. Wilding also covers handling offensive remarks and navigating retaliation. 
6. The networking conversation is about looking beyond your boss to other decision-makers and influential people, building social capital, and helping you get what you want and need, without feeling icky or awkward. 
7. The visibility conversation is about making sure your accomplishments — the right ones — get seen and rewarded. Wilding shares storytelling tips to help you attract the opportunities you want, along with scripts to use when someone takes credit for your work, for example, or your comments are ignored. 
8. The advancement conversation is about positioning yourself to take on bigger projects, more responsibilities, or a new role. You’ll need to think about aligning with the company’s needs, getting your boss on board, and navigating objections. 
9. The money conversation, which may or may not come up in tandem with the advancement conversation, is about pushing past stigma and fears to negotiate effectively for a higher starting salary, a raise, or other valuable perks.
10. The quitting conversation is about transitioning out of a job on good terms to “keep your reputation and relationships glowing,” Wilding writes. Because “how you leave is how you’ll be remembered.”

Your interactions with your boss won’t sound exactly like your friend’s interactions with their boss. All of these conversations can and should be adapted based on styles, personalities, goals, circumstances, and context. 

Wilding weaves in suggestions throughout to help you tailor scripts and strategies. For example, she helps you determine whether your boss is a Commander, Cheerleader, Caretaker, or Controller — and shares tips for approaching each one in different scenarios. 

Early in the book, Wilding prompts readers to lay out their one-year vision. “Before you can align with others, you have to know what you want,” she writes. “Imagine yourself 365 days from now having the best possible workday. What are you doing? Who are you interacting with? What makes this day stand out and feel fulfilling and energized?”

She encourages people to use their one-year vision as a roadmap for many of the conversations throughout the book — and to revisit and revise it as they grow.

These conversations might be daunting. They are even for the smart, talented high performers Wilding often coaches. “Start small if you need to,” she writes. “Stay the course and the conversations will get a bit easier, a bit more natural.”

At the end of the day, “the goal of this book isn’t simply to change how you deal with your boss or people in power, but to change how you see yourself,” Wilding writes. “Instead of being at the mercy of others’ decisions or moods, you now have what you need to take the reins.”

Ready to dive in? Start reading, request to join our LinkedIn group, and come chat with us and Wilding on Wednesday, October 1, at 10 a.m. ET, at our next CNBC Make It Book Club discussion. 

Any questions for the author? Drop them in the comments of this LinkedIn post (you’ll need to join our private group first, which you can do here). Or email them to us in advance at askmakeit@cnbc.com, using the subject line “Question for Melody Wilding.”

Hoping to get ahead? Our October pick is “The 5 Types of Wealth: A Transformative Guide to Design Your Dream Life” by Sahil Bloom.

Have suggestions for future picks? Send them to us at askmakeit@cnbc.com, using the subject line “Make It book club suggestion.”

Want to be your own boss? Sign up for Smarter by CNBC Make It’s new online course, How To Start A Business: For First-Time Founders. Find step-by-step guidance for launching your first business, from testing your idea to growing your revenue. Sign up today with coupon code EARLYBIRD for an introductory discount of 30% off the regular course price of $127 (plus tax). Offer valid September 16 through September 30, 2025.

When Amol Kohli started working at a Philadelphia-area Friendly’s as a waiter in 2003, he was a restless sophomore in high school hoping to make some pocket change.

Kohli made about $5 an hour at the diner-style restaurant chain, doing any job his manager needed, he tells CNBC Make It. On any given day, he was a cook, a dishwasher, a table busser, an ice cream scooper, you name it.

More than two decades later, Kohli added another Friendly’s job title to his resume: Owner. On July 22, Kohli’s investment group Legacy Brands announced its acquisition of the entire Friendly’s chain — which has locations in most states on the U.S. eastern coast — plus its parent company Brix Holdings and six other restaurant brands, for an undisclosed amount.

The deal marked a culmination of sorts for Kohli, 37, who has now spent most of his life working at Friendly’s in some capacity. Even while attending Drexel University — where he double majored in finance and marketing — Kohli spent his summers working five to six days per week at Friendly’s, learning more about the ins and outs of the business as time went on, he says.

“I started supporting a couple franchisees and just started learning what happens after the money makes its way into the register,” says Kohli. “Learning about insurance, payroll, food costs and all these other things. I did that all through college.”

Kohli graduated with honors in 2011, according to his LinkedIn profile, and chose to take a Friendly’s regional manager position instead of pursuing a career in finance, he says. A few years later, he applied to take over a closing franchise location. Licensing, contracting, and equipment for the store cost around “a quarter of a million dollars,” including credit, money from Kohli’s savings and funds he got from friends and business partners, he says.

“That’s how my franchising career started. And from there, it just never stopped,” says Kohli, who eventually franchised 31 Friendly’s locations before buying the brand outright.

Kohli’s path to owning his one-time employer started with plummeting sales at Friendly’s during the Covid-19 pandemic. The company filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection in November 2020, and announced plans to be acquired by Dallas-based franchising company Brix Holdings for just under $2 million. The deal was finalized in 2021.

In May, Kohli founded his own investment group, Legacy Brands International, with a sole purpose: Acquire Brix Holdings. He funded his investment group “through a mix of both capital (equity) and debt financing,” a spokesperson says.

The creation of Legacy Brands International was the result of “a combination of a lot of stars aligning, the right people supporting, faith, and a lot of goodwill that all got cashed in at one time,” says Kohli. And his long track record with the company made him “the ideal candidate for ownership,” Brix founder John Antioco said in a statement when the deal was announced.

Kohli is now a franchisor who owns, but doesn’t operate, the other 60-plus Friendly’s restaurant locations in the U.S., a company spokesperson says. As a result of the deal, Kohli’s company also now owns Clean Juice, Orange Leaf, Red Mango, Smoothie Factory + Kitchen, Souper Salad, and Humble Donut Co. The entire portfolio includes more than 250 restaurant locations.

The ascent from entry-level Friendly’s employee to chairman of Brix’s board of directors is “unbelievable,” says Kohli. Yet he faces a challenge reviving a brand with dwindling locations, he adds — just over 100 today, down from more than 800 in the mid-1990s.

More broadly, chain eateries have reported declining sales amid inflation and a shaky economic environment that’s caused many consumers to rethink how often they want to spend money at a sit-down restaurant.

Kohli aims to modernize the brands he oversees, leaning on technology like a recently revamped Friendly’s mobile app, Kohli told Nation’s Restaurant News in August. He also hopes to attract new franchisees, using his own career trajectory can prove to be a selling point, he now says.

Specifically, he wants people to see restaurant and food service roles as opportunities to establish a long-term career and start building wealth, not just dead-end jobs or gigs you ditch after graduation, he says. His particular path is rare, but not completely unique: Former IHOP CEO Julia Stewart was a waitress at IHOP as a teenager before eventually leading the brand from 2002 to 2017.

“Some of the people that are on my executive team now were dishwashers and cooks,” Kohli says. “This is one of the few [industries] in the entire world that you can literally start from that level and work your way up to a CEO or executive.”

Last chance to save: Want to be your own boss? Final days to get 30% off Smarter by CNBC Make It’s new online course, How To Start A Business: For First-Time Founders. Find step-by-step guidance for launching your first business, from testing your idea to growing your revenue. Use coupon code EARLYBIRD for an introductory discount from September 16 through September 30, 2025.

Plus, sign up for CNBC Make It’s newsletter to get tips and tricks for success at work, with money and in life, and request to join our exclusive community on LinkedIn to connect with experts and peers.

Agreeable kids may seem convenient. They’re more likely to let their parents tie their shoes, apply sunscreen or eat their vegetables without fuss.

But if kids only comply with rules to make their parents happy, they’re more likely to become anxious, burnt out adults, child psychologist Becky Kennedy said at the Fast Company Innovation Festival 2025 on September 18.

“We love our people-pleasers when they’re young … because they’ve gotten very good at noticing if we’re happy with them and changing their behavior accordingly,” said Kennedy, host of the parenting podcast “Good Inside” and a Columbia University-trained psychologist. “Long term, if we want to know what leads to a lot of adult anxiety and emptiness, it’s those literal qualities.”

Helping your people-pleasing kid at an early age can help them be more successful in the future, Kennedy said. To help kids find their own identities, they need to be reminded and encouraged to explore their own wants and needs, so they can learn who they are outside of satisfying other people’s expectations, she added.

“We train kids, especially little girls, to disappoint themselves over and over in the name of making other people happy,” Kennedy said. “We shouldn’t be surprised when they get older that they don’t get into the best relationships and don’t feel great about themselves.”

Putting other people’s needs before your own can come with long-term consequences, some experts say — and being a people-pleaser as an adult is often associated with avoiding conflict, suppressing emotions and relying on external validation to gain self-esteem. Those traits can prevent you from forming close relationships, developing self-esteem and even getting ahead at work.

You can help your child break their people-pleasing habits with these three strategies, Kennedy said in an Instagram reel posted in April 2023:

1. Let your child know you still love them when you’re mad. Try saying something like: “Yes, I am upset, sweetie, and even when I’m upset, I still love you,” Kennedy advised.

2. Identify and encourage when your child does something separately from you. If you notice them doing something differently from you, point it out: “You see me eating yogurt for breakfast most days, and you still know that you don’t like yogurt. You prefer bagels. I love that you’re a kid who knows who they really are,” said Kennedy.

3. Nudge your kids to make decisions for themselves, even when other people are upset. You can balance teaching your child habits, like sharing with others, with developing their own self-esteem. If they’re playing with a toy truck, and their brother wants it, you can remind them: “You can keep it a little longer before you give it to him. It’s not your job to make him happy,” Kennedy said.

Kids often learn best by example, Kennedy wrote in the post’s Instagram caption. If you put other people’s needs ahead of your own, struggle to stand up for yourself or have poor self-talk, your child is likely to pick up similar habits, she said.

Wanting to make others happy isn’t wrong, of course — it just can’t come before satisfying your own needs, experts typically say. People-pleasers can help prevent their own burnout by setting boundaries, self-help author Hailey Magee told the Harvard Business Review’s “HBR IdeaCast” podcast in July 2024.

If a co-worker or a member of the Parent Teacher Association asks you if you have time to help, for example, take a moment to take inventory of your own tasks, responsibilities and energy levels before you volunteer to assist them, recommended Magee.

“It does actually benefit your workplace for you to be able to show up rested, balanced, and not feeling this subtle lurking resentment toward your workplace and your colleagues,” she said.

Last chance to save: Want to be your own boss? Final days to get 30% off Smarter by CNBC Make It’s new online course, How To Start A Business: For First-Time Founders. Find step-by-step guidance for launching your first business, from testing your idea to growing your revenue. Use coupon code EARLYBIRD for an introductory discount from September 16 through September 30, 2025.

Plus, sign up for CNBC Make It’s newsletter to get tips and tricks for success at work, with money and in life, and request to join our exclusive community on LinkedIn to connect with experts and peers.

Dan Porter, founder and CEO of digital sports media company Overtime, can quickly point out a candidate who isn’t the right fit for his company.

He uses his go-to interview question, one that you’ve likely heard before: “Do you have any questions for me?” The interviewee’s answer paints a picture about what kind of employee they’d be, Porter told LinkedIn’s “This Is Working” podcast on Sept. 18.

“Bad employees, or bad interviewers, ask me about a dental plan or how I started Overtime when there’s, like,100 podcasts,” he said. “And good people are like, ‘Oh, I’m glad you asked that.’ And they have like 20 questions.”

Make no mistake, the interview process is typically the time to ask about benefits, says Suzy Welch, a career expert, NYU Stern School of Business professor and three-time New York Times best-selling author. “After all, people work for the love of it, for meaning, for growth — but also to pay the bills,” she says. “To ignore this reality, especially in 2025, is ridiculous.”

“But I agree, these are not matters to discuss with the CEO, and frankly, not matters to raise until you have an offer in hand. … Frankly, they may not even know about the dental benefits in any detail, and if you ask, they could very possibly think, ‘Well, I know why this person wants to work here,’” Welch adds. “With the CEO, use your time to talk about the markets, competitors and any ideas you have about the many ways you will make the company better, smarter and stronger.”

Candidates can also ask about the company culture and how employees at the organization collaborate, says Welch. Just be sure to ask specific, particular questions, not those with “fluffy, jargon-addled terms.”

Something like “How do the managers here support work-life balance?” for example, sounds good on the surface, but doesn’t really get down to what day-to-day life at the organization looks like and can prompt a broad answer. Using Welch’s advice, a question like, “What kind of person should not work at this company?” is much more pointed, eliminates buzzwords and prompts less rehearsed answers.

“Use your time wisely in the interview,” says Welch. “You’re not wrong to care about benefits, just do it with the right people at the right time.”

As for what green-flag qualities Porter looks for when hiring someone, he values character and intelligence over a lengthy resume, he says.

“I prioritize personality and intelligence, but not academic intelligence, intelligence to think about the world,” said Porter, 59, using his experience running social game company, OMGPOP — which was acquired by Zynga for $180 million in 2012 — as an example. “When I ran a gaming company, I used to only ask one question: What’s your favorite game and why?”

When a person could give a detailed answer about what makes that specific game better than all the others, “I knew they would be great to work at a game company,” he added.

Want to be your own boss? Sign up for Smarter by CNBC Make It’s new online course, How To Start A Business: For First-Time Founders. Find step-by-step guidance for launching your first business, from testing your idea to growing your revenue. Sign up today with coupon code EARLYBIRD for an introductory discount of 30% off the regular course price of $127 (plus tax). Offer valid September 16 through September 30, 2025.

Plus, sign up for CNBC Make It’s newsletter to get tips and tricks for success at work, with money and in life, and request to join our exclusive community on LinkedIn to connect with experts and peers.

As a former world champion debater, Kate Mason, PhD, knows that the way you communicate can matter just as much as your message.

Mason, who lives in Sydney, Australia, spent a decade working in communications at companies like Google and YouTube before becoming an executive coach and founding her own strategic communications firm, Hedgehog + Fox, in 2017.

Through her work as a communications coach, Mason noticed a pattern she calls “imposing syndrome”: many professionals, particularly women, are overly self-conscious about ruffling feathers or “being a bother” at work, she says, which often causes them to stay quiet and minimize their accomplishments.

These self-deprecating habits have “an insidious effect on their work and their standing,” she says.

“It leads to underestimating themselves and their work by extension,” she continues.

Mason’s goal in highlighting these communication patterns isn’t to point out “all the ways we’re doing it wrong,” she says. Instead, she hopes to provide resources for leaders, especially women, who are interested in changing their communication patterns.

“It’s more like a kind acknowledgment: this is a thing, and if that’s not serving you, maybe you want to experiment a little bit,” Mason says.

She shares her top insights in her first book, “Powerfully Likeable: A Woman’s Guide to Effective Communication,” which debuted earlier this month.

Here are three phrases Mason recommends all professionals avoid in the workplace, along with stronger alternatives.

‘It’ll just take a second’

People who use this phrase are often acting on a “very kind, emotionally aware impulse” to demonstrate respect for others’ time, Mason says.

In reality, prefacing your conversation with “It’ll just take a second” can have the opposite effect, according to Mason.

Firstly, “you’ve set an expectation to the other person that this will be very quick,” she says, but “literally nothing takes one second.”

Providing an unrealistic time estimate can annoy or disappoint the person you’re speaking to, Mason says.

“That person, a couple minutes in, is already a bit irritated because they’re like, ‘Wait, this was only going to be a second.’”

Moreover, the phrase also sets the expectation that whatever you have to say is minor or unimportant, Mason says, which can undercut your actual message.

A better way to articulate your request is, “I’m going to put in an hour for us next week. I really want to talk through A, B and C. Let me know if that time works for you,” Mason says.

With that rephrase, “suddenly, I look like I’m coming to you with something substantive and meaty and worthy of us spending that time together,” she says.

“It just does the idea — and yourself — a lot more justice to reframe it that way,” she continues.

‘No worries if not’

This phrase is commonly used to ‘soften’ a direct request, Mason says, but it’s usually not factually true.

“There often is a pressing concern,” she says. “It’s very rare that we make an ask and genuinely think, ‘Oh well, if they get back to me, we’ll see.’”

Saying “No worries if not” communicates that your request is a low priority, Mason says: “It does a bit of a disservice to the ask.”

For her part, when Mason hears this phrase, she mentally places that task lower on her to-do list, she says.

“If you’re communicating with an exec or someone who’s busy and you’re telling them ‘no worries if not,’ and there is a worry, then we can get ourselves into a bit of an unnecessarily sticky situation,” she says.

Instead, Mason suggests specifying the purpose and time frame of your request. For example, “I would appreciate if you could send me your edits by this afternoon, because the final draft is due tomorrow.”

As Mason cites in her book, a psychological study from the 1970s found that people were more likely to comply with a request if they were given a reason behind it.

With that context, people are “usually happy to help,” she says.

‘I’m not an expert, but…’

This phrase will instantly make you seem less credible, Mason says.

According to Mason, prefacing your point with “I’m not an expert” reduces your authority and telegraphs uncertainty: “It immediately deescalates your status.”

People often minimize their accomplishments when they’re feeling self-conscious, Mason says, especially if they view themselves as the ‘odd one out’ in a group.

Whether you’re the youngest in the room, or the newest to the company, “whatever that imbalance may be, we’re hyper-aware of it,” she says.

Being conscious of your place in the professional hierarchy isn’t necessarily a bad thing, Mason says, but instead of downplaying your value, she recommends embracing the unique qualities you bring to the table.

“You weren’t hired because you have the same expertise as that vice president or C-level exec,” she says. “You were hired because you have your expertise.”

Leaning into your strengths can be “really empowering,” Mason says.

“Once you start realizing like, this is the thing I was hired for, and that is the value I can bring, and that’s what they want from me, it just lets you put down a lot of that hierarchical, status-oriented anxiety.”

Want to be your own boss? Sign up for Smarter by CNBC Make It’s new online course, How To Start A Business: For First-Time Founders. Find step-by-step guidance for launching your first business, from testing your idea to growing your revenue. Sign up today with coupon code EARLYBIRD for an introductory discount of 30% off the regular course price of $127 (plus tax). Offer valid September 16 through September 30, 2025.

Plus, sign up for CNBC Make It’s newsletter to get tips and tricks for success at work, with money and in life, and request to join our exclusive community on LinkedIn to connect with experts and peers.